Should We Live Together Before Marriage?

Many couples live together before getting married. Some do so because they want to test their compatibility and hope to increase their chances of having a successful marriage. Is living together before marriage a good idea?

In this article

• What does the Bible say?

• Will living together prepare you for marriage?

• Will living together benefit you financially?

• Will living together help you avoid marrying the wrong person?

• Is there a better option?

What does the Bible say?

• The Bible condemns sex outside of marriage. For example, it says: “Abstain from sexual immorality.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3; 1 Corinthians 6:18) That includes sex between a cohabiting couple, even if they intend to get married later.a The Bible’s standards help protect a couple from out-of-wedlock pregnancies and other negative consequences that can come from living together before marriage.

• The marriage arrangement comes from God. When he instituted it, he said: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) Marital commitment provides the best foundation for a loving and stable family.

Will living together prepare you for marriage?

Some say yes. They feel that a couple gain valuable experience as they share household chores and observe each other’s personal habits. However, a vital ingredient for a successful marriage is commitment.

How can a couple learn to stick to each other during good times or bad? Not by entering into a preliminary “trial period” during which both partners view the relationship as disposable and either partner can walk away. Instead, relationships thrive when both partners are strongly committed to each other and work together to overcome problems.

The bottom line: Instead of practicing for marriage, couples who choose to live together unmarried may actually be practicing for separation.

Bible principle: “Whatever a person is sowing, this he will also reap.”—Galatians 6:7.

Will living together benefit you financially?

Some say yes. A Pew Research Center survey found that in the United States, about four in ten adults who began living together did so for financial reasons. However, after living together for some time, a number of respondents still cited financial problems as a major reason why they were not ready to get married.

Living together before marriage can have other consequences, especially for women. For example, after a relationship ends, women are more often the ones who take on the responsibility of raising the children.

The bottom line: The negative consequences of living together before marriage can far exceed any supposed benefits.

Bible principle: “I, Jehovah, am your God, the One teaching you to benefit yourself.”—Isaiah 48:17.

Will living together help you avoid marrying the wrong person?

Some say yes. However, “people who cohabit before marriage often do not realize that living together makes it harder to break up,” states the book Fighting for Your Marriage. Why? Some cohabiting couples may discover that they have serious incompatibilities. But because of such obligations as a shared pet, a shared lease, or an unexpected pregnancy, they develop what researchers call “the inertia of cohabitation.”b In other words, “some people who would otherwise break up before marriage end up marrying because it just became easier to keep going,” continues Fighting for Your Marriage.

The bottom line: Rather than help you make a good decision, living together could actually make it harder to end a bad relationship.

Bible principle: “The shrewd one sees the danger and conceals himself, but the inexperienced keep right on going and suffer the consequences.”—Proverbs 22:3.

Is there a better option?

You can avoid the risks that come with living together before marriage and increase your chances of having a successful marriage. How? By sticking to the Bible’s standard for marriage. Take enough time to get to know the person you are considering as a marriage mate before you start living together as husband and wife. Partners are best selected on the basis of such things as shared values and beliefs, which are much more important than sexual attraction.

The Bible contains advice that can help you to lay the groundwork for a happy and stable marriage.c For example, the Bible contains principles that can help you to . . .

• avoid being unfaithful

• become the kind of person who would make a good marriage mate

• deal with red flags while dating

To learn more about these topics, see the “Marriage and Family” section of jw.org.

Bible principle: “All scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching.”—2 Timothy 3:16.