Getting God’s Viewpoint on Marriage
AS TOLD TO “AWAKE!” CORRESPONDENT IN SURINAM
AS I look back, I can see that it all started so innocently. I was only nineteen years old and I met this young man who appealed to me very much. We went on dates together. We had lots of innocent fun. But soon the innocence of the situation had gone. I was pregnant.
I should mention that in my country it is not at all unusual for a man and woman to live together consensually, that is, without benefit of marriage ties. Many such couples even have the idea that just as soon as they legalize their consensual relationship trouble will start, since both partners then know that they are bound together by law. So they prefer to go on living without benefit of marriage.
What is more, the various church denominations, though not approving it outright, really condone it. So, many Catholic and Protestant church members are living together as though husband and wife in this consensual relationship. Although not considered eligible to partake of church Communion, they are otherwise reckoned to be in good standing with the church.
While carrying my child, I stayed at the home of my parents as is the custom, and my man friend continued to come there to see me. However, while carrying his second child, some shocking news came. Mother showed me a newspaper announcement telling of his promise of marriage to another woman! To my astonishment I read that the marriage would take place the following week. I felt that there must be some mistake, so when he next appeared I told him what I had read, hoping inwardly that he would deny it. But he calmly admitted that he had inserted the announcement, though maintaining that he would not actually marry the other woman. Gullibly I accepted his protestations that he cared only for me. Within the week’s time, to my bitter disappointment, he had married the other woman!
My parents undertook to provide for me and my children, if I would leave this man and have nothing more to do with him. This I agreed to, but two days after his marriage he was again at my door begging me to return to him. He claimed that he had married the other woman simply because of pressure from her parents when she became pregnant. Though I knew it was no way to live, his pleadings and promises broke me down and I left my parents for the home he rented for me.
I had now become what is known in Surinam as a buitenvrouw or “outside woman.” It is a situation that is quite common here. Men even argue that it is Scriptural, since Abraham and other patriarchs had concubines. They will declare that monogamy is the natural course for a woman, but not for a man. At this time in my life I was completely in the dark as to God’s viewpoint on marriage.
For five years he continued showing affection for me as we lived under these conditions. But suddenly his attitude changed. He became unbearable in his ways. Often, for no reason at all, he would beat me; and once, while I was pregnant with his fourth child, he pushed me down a flight of stairs. I can recall often praying to God to help me out of this frightening and deplorable condition.
Repeatedly I threatened to leave him, and three times I mustered sufficient strength and courage to do so. But each time I weakened and returned, for it seems I was terribly afraid that something horrible would happen to me and my children if I did not return. We constantly quarreled over the same problem—our course in life. I kept insisting that this was no way to live and bring up children. This would lead to more beatings and temporary separations.
Help at the Right Time
Then one day a lady came to my home. She turned out to be one of Jehovah’s witnesses. I consented to her coming and conducting a weekly Bible study with me. However, at the same time my acquaintances prevailed on me to apply to a spiritist for help with my problems. The spiritist gave me a powderlike substance to be secretly added to my “husband’s” food and drink. That was supposed to clear up all the difficulties and restore my partner’s affection for me. But it brought no improvement. In fact, the situation steadily worsened.
After one of the weekly Bible studies I began to confide in my Witness friend about my circumstances, without mentioning my resort to spiritism. She kindly but firmly encouraged me to continue studying the Bible, and she held forth the hope that the seemingly insurmountable problems would vanish in due time. I ended by frankly confessing the truth about my marital situation. It was after this discussion that we came to a passage in the little Bible study aid, Living in Hope of a Righteous New World, that changed my whole pattern of thinking.
Here is the quotation from that booklet that arrested my attention: “The Christian would never, therefore, resort to demonism or witchcraft for protection or for healing purposes. The dedicated Christian is commanded by God to put faith in Him.” At the same time the Bible text at Ephesians 6:14-18 was referred to. There was also an accompanying illustration showing a Christian woman with a child strapped to her back, putting out her hand in rejection of the help of a witch doctor with his paraphernalia.
Later we also discussed an important section of the same publication dealing with “Honorable Conduct in Marriage.” During the discussion I learned that men today could not draw upon Abraham and other patriarchs as examples in the matter of having relations with more than one woman. With the coming of Christ the polygamy practiced by the Hebrews was to be tolerated no longer. Christian men were to be ‘husbands of one wife’ and ‘each woman was to have her own husband.’ (1 Tim. 3:2, 12; 1 Cor. 7:2) What a revelation this was!
And here is the paragraph in the booklet that really challenged me: “If your family life, because of custom or for some other reason, falls short of these Bible requirements, then certainly your hearing this fine counsel from the Bible presents you with a challenge. Will you make the needed change? If you do, you can be assured of a rich blessing from Jehovah, the Originator of marriage, and the One who will grant eternal life in a new world to all obedient families of mankind.”
Making the Right Decision
So I had to make up my mind. I must bring my life into harmony with God’s view on marriage. (Heb. 13:4) I must leave this man who is legally married to someone else. But how could I find the courage? I was terrified of him. He had threatened to kill me if I ever left him again. He even threatened harm to the Witness lady who studied the Bible with me.
The kind Witness lady kept strengthening me with the assurance that Jehovah promises help to those who seek to apply his righteous principles in their lives. (Ps. 34:7) She urged me to pray to Jehovah for his help. I appreciated her counsel and did as she said, but still the situation looked dark. Then one day I suddenly remembered that I still had some of that powder that had been given me by the spiritist. Right away I got rid of it.
Now things began to change. I had made up my mind. At our very next study I told the Witness lady: “I know I must leave this man in order to bring my life into harmony with what God expects. I am determined to do this. Would you help me find a small house for myself and six children?” She assured me she would do all she could to help.
Soon a house became available. While I was in the midst of packing our clothing my consensual partner came home. He could not believe that I was actually leaving him. When he saw how strong I was in my decision he started making many promises about a better life together. I remained firm in my resolve. It could only have been because Jehovah was helping me. He insisted that he be allowed to see the house I had rented, for he did not believe I really had one.
That very evening he came to my newly acquired home and pleaded with me to come back. Upon my refusal, he started beating me. I refused to be intimidated this time. Jehovah surely infused strength into me. And because of the disturbance caused by the beating the landlord forcibly put my ex-partner off the property and forbade him to come on the land again. Meantime I kept praying to Jehovah so that I might be helped to hold fast to my decision. He has never failed me.
Happy Results
What a relief it was to be at last living in harmony with Jehovah’s requirements! How happy and grateful my children were that I had made this decision! Their lives had been badly affected by the constant quarrels and beatings. Now they were filled with an inner contentment and happiness that was easily discernible to me as a mother.
There were problems, of course. Now I had to earn the living for my family. Happily, I was able to arrange for work between the hours of eight in the morning and two in the afternoon. This meant that I could be with my children when they came home from school. We attended Bible meetings of Jehovah’s witnesses as a group and so were really united as a family in our worship of Jehovah.
From time to time I would meet my former “husband” as I traveled to work or went shopping. When he began to talk to me I would silently pray to Jehovah for strength, and I always tried to give him a witness concerning God’s views on marriage or other Bible principles for living.
As I now look back on that day when I first began to learn about God’s view on marriage, I realize that it brought me face to face with the greatest challenge in my life so far. I still recall what a hard decision that was—one involving such drastic changes. But today I must confess that the present happiness enjoyed by myself and my children far outweighs the difficulties through which we have come.
Jehovah has been a source of strength, and through him only could I have gained the fortitude needed to make the right decision and firmly remain with it. I am so grateful that Jehovah has provided his servants in these “last days” to help people like myself to change their life pattern and conform to his right view on marriage!