Family Communication​—Why the Breakdown?

BACK in the days of Sir Stamford Raffles, the founder of the British port of Singapore, it was not unusual for him to wait a whole year for an answer to one of his dispatches to London. But that was the 19th century. Today such wonders as communications satellites allow instantaneous communication to virtually any spot on earth.

It is ironic, however, that while man can so easily communicate with someone on another continent, he is often a failure when it comes to communicating with members of his own family. Skyrocketing divorce rates bear grim testimony to this fact. Little wonder, then, that in one study of “happy” and “unhappy” couples, the researchers drew this conclusion: “The prime need in many troubled marriages is for better ways of communicating between the partners.” But how many families really commune​—that is, talk intimately “with great mental or spiritual depth,” as one dictionary defines the word? Often there is little or no meeting of minds, still less of hearts. Why, though, has this breakdown come about?

The Communication Breakdown: Its Causes

Many are the factors that have worked against the quality of family life. Prior to industrialization, “work” was more or less a family operation, but now this has changed. In most parts of the world, a man must spend long hours working away from home to make a living. A sagging world economy has forced many women to do likewise. Children are thus often entrusted to paid caretakers or left to fend for themselves. Schools have taken over the entire job of educating children​—a job that in times past was primarily the responsibility of parents. Technology​—the same tool that has so improved communications—​has at times worked to debilitate family life.

Before the days of radios, TVs, stereos, videotape recorders, and video games, family members often spent time talking with one another. But the present glut of such gadgets has all but killed the art of conversation in some families. The report of the National Institute of Mental Health (U.S.A.) entitled Television and Behavior states: “Family gatherings by the fireplace or at the dinner table now seem to have given way to gatherings in front of the television set.” Particularly disturbing was the finding that in the United States, “families spend about half their waking hours at home watching television.” And the tragic fact is that, in many families, when the TV is switched on, the family switches off; conversation sinks to a low level.

The result? Family life becomes shallow. Fellowship ebbs and family members inevitably drift apart. But for a family to be united, bound by the ties of understanding and love, there has to be communion of minds and hearts. Family members that enjoy such communication can upbuild one another to withstand the strains of a tense, troubled society. How, though, can a family cultivate such closeness? Advice abounds from many sources. But the best source of advice is the oldest book in existence​—the Bible! Let us take a look at how some of its principles can be effectively applied.