Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Find Happiness as an Only Child?

“I HATE it. I hate it,” cried 16-year-old Sue Ann. But Al, two years younger, said: “I love being an only child.”

Both, of course, had their reasons. But could it be that Sue Ann was overemphasizing the disadvantages, whereas Al was mainly seeing the advantages? How do you​—especially if you are an only child—​view the matter? Do you feel like Sue Ann or like Al? Or maybe a little bit like both?

Try to Understand Why

A one-child family is by no means the world standard. But the birthrate in some countries, particularly in North America and Europe, has dropped so low that being an only child will be the lot of millions of children now being born. And in China, which since 1979 has carried on a drastic program of birth control, there are an estimated 35 million families with just one child. While some children may find this situation difficult to accept, Elke, a young woman who grew up as an only child, says that knowing why helped her. “I understood my parents’ reasons,” she explains, “and I think this is important if an only child is to be happy and satisfied.”

The reasons may be social, health related, or of some other personal nature. Or it could simply be a matter of economics. Did you know, for example, that in Great Britain or the United States the cost of rearing a child to adulthood can run well beyond $100,000? Multiply this by two, three, or four, and you may understand why some parents say ‘one is enough.’

Whatever the reason, an only child need not be unduly upset about his future. A study published in 1954 by educators Cutts and Moseley revealed that an only child apparently does not turn out too differently from others. And more recently, Dr. Alice Loomer, writing in Parents’ Magazine, said that although being an only child will affect him, “what matters more than the single fact of ‘onliness’ is how all the conditions of a youngster’s life combine to make him the unique person he is.”

Obviously you cannot change your situation, so the secret for happiness lies in enjoying the advantages of being an only child, while playing down its disadvantages. Even better, try to benefit from those disadvantages. How?

Turn Negatives Into Positives

LACK OF COMPANIONSHIP: Association with brothers and sisters teaches you that every individual is different and that one must learn to respect the thinking of others. It can also help you at school, making it easier to relate to other children. But if homegrown association is lacking, then be willing to look for it elsewhere. Otherwise you will be lonely. You could tend to be withdrawn and perhaps end up being a loner. This must be avoided, for as a wise king of old warned: “One isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing; against all practical wisdom he will break forth.”​—Proverbs 18:1.

Actually, then, you can pick your own “brothers” and “sisters,” subject to parental approval, of course. Al sees in this a real advantage, saying: “I look at all my friends who have such bratty brothers and sisters and they all hate each other and fight all the time. What a hassle.” Of course, this is not the situation in all families, but it probably is the case often enough to make a valid point.

Because of having less in-house association, you will have more time for study, meditation, or the development of certain skills. Many an only child has overcome feelings of loneliness or lack of companionship by becoming an avid reader. Thus it is perhaps not without reason that the only child is often viewed as the precocious child, the one more likely to develop a larger vocabulary, the one who will excel academically.

TOO MUCH ATTENTION: “As an only child I had the total attention of my parents,” says Thomas, and he considers it an advantage. Of course, excessive parental attention can be a disadvantage, spoiling a child, making him self-centered. Or it can become oppressive. But on the positive side, if you feel your parents have too little time for you​—as many children do—​think how much worse it would be if you had to share them with several brothers and sisters. In fact, your parents’ undivided attention can help you to mature more quickly, to feel at ease around adults, and to be able to converse with grown-ups on their level.

SOCIAL CONNECTIONS: One reason for Sue Ann’s lament at being an only child is this: “When you’re alone, you got no connections. . . . It’s tough to get dates. You have to go out with your girlfriend’s best friend’s boyfriend, or whatever. . . . Brothers is what I wish I had. Older brothers.” However, you are wise to wait until you are old enough to marry before dating. And if friendship is what you want, remember that social connections can also be made through friends. On the other hand, a lack of social contacts with members of the opposite sex during the impressionable teenage years is not necessarily a bad thing. In today’s pleasure-mad, oversexed world, it can even be a protection.

Think of Others

As an only child, you may agree with Jay, who said: “It’s nice ’cause I don’t have to share clothes, the car or anything.” It may be nice, but in the long run it will make for greater happiness if you learn to share, even when you do not have to. True, you have no brothers and sisters with whom to share, but you probably have cousins or other relatives. For sure, you have friends. And what is wrong with sharing with your parents?

Peter appreciates the time his parents spent teaching him to work with his hands: “I made many gifts, all sorts of things, anything I could think of,” he says, “and this taught me that you can make others happy and thereby make yourself the happiest of all.” Yes, the axiom “there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving” has yet to be disproved.​—Acts 20:35.

Develop an eye for the needs of others. Can you offer someone an encouraging word? Can you assist someone in material need? Can you run errands for shut-ins or the elderly? If you are one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, can you share Bible knowledge with others or help fellow Christians to attend meetings or to engage in Christian preaching?

Follow Positive Examples

The Bible mentions a young person who “was absolutely the only child.” Do you know who this was? Turn to Judges chapter 11, verses 29 to 40, and read about Jephthah’s daughter.

Jephthah’s daughter was apparently not a lonely child, since the Bible says she had “girl companions.” And obviously, she was not a spoiled or self-centered child. When called upon to conform to the requirements of her father’s vow, she was willing to put God’s interests ahead of natural desires like marriage and motherhood. Many young people today are following her lead.

Take Thorsten, for example, now serving as a full-time minister in a European branch office of the Watch Tower Society. He says: “Had I had brothers and sisters, I probably would not have encountered certain problems. On the other hand, I might never have experienced the many happy hours I was able to spend with my books, and perhaps I would not have developed the deep appreciation for the truth, for the brotherhood, and for the ministry that I now have. I still like to be alone at times. But I am not lonely because I have learned to keep myself busy. I am no longer an only child​—at least not entirely so.”

You, too, like Jephthah’s daughter and like Thorsten, can find happiness as an only child.

[Picture on page 24]

I often miss not having a sister; yet I do have certain advantages