Young People Ask . . .

Why Do I Feel So Worthless?

“I WAS only eight when Mom divorced Dad,” recalls a girl we’ll call Ann. “I can remember cuddling up to Dad and looking to him for strength. Then, when I was 15, Dad divorced my stepmother. It was shattering. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Was I perhaps the cause? I began to feel worthless.”

Such feelings plague many young ones. And it does not always take a major heartbreak, such as a parental divorce, to precipitate them. Feelings of worthlessness may be triggered by something as comparatively trivial as a low mark on a school test. Why do such feelings develop? Is there any way to shake them off?

Unfair Comparisons

One big reason so many youths feel worthless is the influence of the world we live in. In many societies youths are urged to excel in everything they do​—in schoolwork, sports, hobbies. Success is often determined by who performs the best, who looks the best, who possesses the best. A South African educator said: “There is a terrible stigma attached to not getting a good matric [passing grade for final school year] and not getting a job that is considered elite.” Psychologist Dr. David Elkind similarly stated: “Teenagers today are not valued for their decency or their personality, but for their competitive advantage or what grades they get.” This competitive spirit robs many youths of self-worth.

The Bible urges us to do our best at whatever our “hand finds to do” but “not in comparison with the other person.” (Ecclesiastes 9:10; Galatians 6:4) Why not? For one thing, all of us have different abilities and cannot excel at everything. (Matthew 25:14, 15) Indeed, all of us are handicapped in one way or another because of imperfection. (Romans 3:23) Success in life thus requires learning to cope with failures and disappointments.

Besides, the desire to surpass others works against the very qualities that can bring you lasting feelings of self-worth, such as cooperativeness, considerateness, cheerfulness, peacefulness, and patience. The Bible wisely counsels: “Let us not become egotistical, stirring up competition with one another, envying one another.”​—Galatians 5:22, 23, 26.

So as long as you are doing your best at school or in Christian activities, be content with your achievements. If you are seriously lacking in some respect, by all means ask for help. That would be a sign that you are developing another truly valuable quality, namely, humility. (Proverbs 18:12) If your progress is slow, don’t be discouraged. Measure your success according to your past results​—not according to someone else’s.

More Than Just the Blues?

Imagine suffering a bad case of the blues that persists week after week without relief​—for no apparent reason. “It’s critical,” states the magazine ’Teen, “that you not suffer in silence.” Pour out your feelings to someone who really cares, like one of your parents. As the Bible puts it: “Two are better than one, . . . for if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up. But how will it be with just the one who falls when there is not another to raise him up?” (Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10) In many cases, a sympathetic listener can help you get your thinking straightened out.a

Consider Ann, who was mentioned at the outset. Her friends helped her realize that her feelings of worthlessness were based on faulty reasoning, not reality. How could she, a mere child, have been responsible for her parents’ marital failure? Realizing this, the feelings of worthlessness began to subside.

What if such feelings persist, despite efforts to readjust your thinking? “It’s also a great idea,” adds ’Teen, “to visit a physician for a checkup to rule out any physical ailments that may be at the root of your depression.” Why? Because lingering feelings of worthlessness may point to a medical disorder: major depression.

In many cases of major depression, chemical malfunctions in the brain appear to be involved. For example, sometimes the brain’s key neurons, or brain cells, fail to receive or transmit messages properly. Fortunately, treatments are available that appear to regulate neuron activity and help victims of depression cope. A visit to a physician may therefore be in order when there is reason to suspect that more than just the blues is ailing you.

When Your Conscience Troubles You

Another factor that can cause feelings of worthlessness is the working of one’s conscience. (Romans 2:14, 15) Respond to it properly, and your conscience can help you turn from a destructive path. Ignore it, and it can prove a source of torment.

Once King David’s conscience troubled him so deeply that he wrote: “There is no peace in my bones on account of my sin. For my own errors have passed over my head; like a heavy load they are too heavy for me. . . . All day long I have walked about sad. . . . I have grown numb and become crushed to an extreme degree.” (Psalm 38:3-8) David most likely wrote these words after he had taken another man’s wife. He gained relief only when he openly confessed his grave sin in the hearing of God’s prophet Nathan. With what result? “My sin I finally confessed to you, and my error I did not cover . . . And you yourself pardoned the error of my sins.”​—Psalm 32:5; compare James 5:16.

Many youths have likewise been burdened with guilt because of committing sins​—some minor, some grave. But like David, they can gain relief by openly confessing their sins and seeking help from true Christians. Consider Stephanus, whose father deserted his mother before he was born. “The fact that he did not want me and denied me his fathership hurt badly. As I grew up, it made me feel worthless.” Stephanus fell into the gross sin of homosexuality. (Genesis 13:13; 1 Corinthians 6:9) Says Stephanus: “Besides all the other disadvantages I already had, I had now added to the list loss of self-respect and a good conscience. I felt even more worthless.”

Conscience-stricken, Stephanus sought help from true Christians. Most important, he confessed his sins to God and with God’s help was able to overcome his weaknesses. “I learned that by accepting the ransom sacrifice of Jesus and putting faith in its value, I can be worth something to Jehovah,” he says. (Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:9–2:2) For the past four years, young Stephanus has been serving as a full-time minister, helping others understand God’s merciful provisions.

Having a Sense of Self-Worth

Undoubtedly, Stephanus’ satisfying career as a Christian minister has helped him keep his newfound feeling of self-worth. As Dr. Edna Irwin acknowledges in her book Growing Pains​—A Study of Teenage Distress: “The teenager who knows the career he would like to follow has a goal at which to aim . . . Should it be attainable, it contributes immensely to the teenager’s security and self-esteem.” Thousands of youths, like Stephanus, have found that the work of sharing the Bible’s message with others is just such an ‘attainable career,’ one that rewards them with a feeling of “security and self-esteem.”

Such a career may be years away for some youths, however. So in the meantime, do not let feelings of worthlessness weigh you down. Remember: You do not have to cope on your own. Feel free to confide in others, especially your parents. You also have the support of fellow Christians, who are urged to “speak consolingly to the depressed souls.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14) Most of all, you have the comfort of knowing that you are loved and cherished by Jehovah God. Why, as Jesus said, God has even ‘numbered the hairs of your head’! (Luke 12:7) Knowing the great value God places on those who love him, you need never feel worthless.

[Footnotes]

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Do you let this world’s competitive spirit contribute to feelings of worthlessness?