Young People Ask . . .
How Can I Make Him Leave Me Alone?
David is the most popular boy in school. And suddenly, to the envy of every girl in school, he has become interested in you! Several times he has asked you to go out with him, and each time you’ve refused. But David tells you that no other girl has ever made him feel this way and that he won’t take no for an answer. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you know what he likely has on his mind. Why can’t he just leave you alone?
YOUNG women everywhere (and frequently today young men) are being beset by schoolmates and workmates who give them unwanted romantic attention. Often the overtures amount to a clear-cut invitation to engage in sexual immorality. How would you react if it happened to you?
Says an article in Psychology Today: “If a man introduces sexuality, by innuendo or physical gesture, you must immediately respond. If you do not, your silence encourages him to continue.” So you must do something—but what?
Why It’s Hard to Say No
A young woman named Sherron admits rather bluntly: “Usually it is not difficult to say no when a boy is ugly.” The problem is, all of us like attention. And when it’s coming from someone we admire or find attractive, it’s not easy to turn it down. But ask yourself: ‘Does this person share my goals, my spiritual outlook, my morals?’ (2 Corinthians 6:14) If not, responding to his overtures may very well put you on the road to disaster.
Nevertheless, you may also face intense peer pressure to go against your religious standards. Young Dana reports: “The girls on the job pressure me to go out dancing with them; they ask why I am not dating anyone.” If you are still in school, schoolmates may similarly urge you to go out with some of the boys there. This kind of pressure can easily weaken your resolve. What can you do to strengthen it?
Establish Boundaries
The old maxim goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Maria agrees. She says: “I let it be known that I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.” When boys know that you have high moral standards, they may be less likely to bother you.
Proper grooming also plays a vital role in discouraging unwanted attention. One New York executive learned this when she began having problems with men at her workplace. She notes: “Though I was serious about my job, I didn’t look it. So I put my hair up in a bun, and I started wearing cotton shirts and owl glasses and tailored clothes to work. I look serious, like I’m here to work, not flirt.” Of course, such an appearance may not be necessary for your situation, but it does illustrate the need to be sure that your dress and grooming give the proper impression.—1 Timothy 2:9.
Your choice of friends is another important factor. The Bible says: “He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the [morally] stupid ones will fare badly.” (Proverbs 13:20) So do not associate with—or even listen to—people who tell off-color jokes or boast of sexual escapades. If you do, others may get the wrong idea about you. Young Erica says that when the talk gets out of hand, she tells them, “That’s my cue to leave,” and they get the point.
Becoming “a Wall”
At times, though, even establishing that you are a Christian is not enough to discourage some boys. (“What difference does it make that you’re a Christian?” reasoned one determined young man. “You’re still a woman, and I’m still a man.”) How do you handle such situations? Well, consider the Bible’s example of the Shulammite maiden. She was wooed by one of the richest, wisest, and most powerful men who ever walked the earth—King Solomon. However, she was already in love with a humble shepherd from her hometown. So how could she get Solomon to leave her alone?
To begin with, she had a proper estimation of herself. She said: “A mere saffron of the coastal plain I am.” (Song of Solomon 2:1) Having a similarly humble disposition is critical because the number one tool that seducers use is flattery. The Shulammite was too modest to fall for it. And when the “daughters of Jerusalem” used peer pressure to try to coerce her to accept Solomon, she put them under oath ‘not to awaken or arouse love in her until it felt inclined.’ (Song of Solomon 3:5) Letting your associates know where you stand may likewise neutralize some of their pressure.
Most important of all, the Shulammite girl was determined to resist every attempt the king made to sway her. “I am a wall,” she proudly declared. (Song of Solomon 8:10) You must show yourself to be just as resolute when it comes to improper advances. Like the Shulammite, you must learn to be good at saying no. If doing so is hard for you, practice saying no in less serious situations. Get used to standing up for what you believe. Then when the serious situations come, you will be better prepared to handle them.
Block That Pass!
Let’s now consider some common enticements boys use and how you should view them:
‘Everybody’s doing it.’ Don’t believe it! A survey by the organization Planned Parenthood revealed that 53 percent of 17-year-old girls in the United States have engaged in immoral sex. However, that still leaves 47 percent who have not—including you! Besides, Christians do not ‘follow the crowd’ when Bible principles are being violated.—Exodus 23:2.
‘You’re being immature.’ Hardly! Mature people are defined in the Bible as “those who through use have their perceptive powers trained to distinguish both right and wrong.”—Hebrews 5:14.
‘You owe it to me.’ You don’t owe sex to anyone—whether it be a schoolmate, a boss, a friend, or anyone else! And no one has the right to demand it.
‘Oh, live for the moment. We might die tomorrow!’ As Christians, we look forward to everlasting life. We cannot allow one moment of illicit sexual pleasure to destroy an eternity of happiness.—1 Corinthians 15:32-34.
Such devious approaches require straightforward—at times blunt—responses. And when someone is persistent, you may need to give more thought to how you will answer the person more effectively. (Proverbs 15:28) Whatever you say, show that you are serious about rejecting his advances; do not act amused or embarrassed.
Author Joyce Jillson further suggests: “If you really want to cool matters off permanently, get into a discussion of religion.” Many Christian youths have found this to be true. Says one girl: “Whenever someone tries to make a pass at me, I pull out The Watchtower.” Yes, one of the best defenses is to make your beliefs clear. Let the person know why you are rejecting his advances. You are not so much rejecting him as a person as you are rejecting the course of action he wants to take. Such a line of reasoning is especially helpful if the person is someone you must face daily. If he shows some interest in the Bible’s message, a male member of the Christian congregation can follow through on it.
Unfortunately, there are some who cannot be reasoned with. All you can do is state your position clearly, unsmilingly—and walk away. If the harassment continues or the situation is too difficult for you to handle, talk matters over with your parents. They may have some suggestions—or may decide to intervene. In some cases, you may even have to flee a situation!—Compare Genesis 39:12.
Now, you may well suffer verbal abuse or teasing as a result of your stand, but do not be discouraged. Like the Shulammite, you will enjoy the peace of mind that comes from doing what is right. (Song of Solomon 8:10) Besides, not all boys will react abusively. King Solomon, though spurned by the maiden, did not think badly of her. In fact, he wrote one of the most beautiful love songs ever composed, extolling her! Similarly, most boys will come to respect your courageous stand. And if they don’t? Just continue being as resolute as the Shulammite. Be “a wall” and not an easily opened “door.” (Song of Solomon 8:9) Remember: Your everlasting welfare and self-respect are at stake!
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How can you handle boys who won’t take no for an answer?