Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Get Her to Leave Me Alone?

JOSEPH was a popular young man. Industrious, dependable, and good-looking, he was well liked by everyone he worked with. The problem was, the boss’s wife also took a liking to him. Her flirtatious glances became more and more daring; her playful talk became bolder and bolder.

Joseph tried to ignore her advances, but one day at work, he found himself alone with her. She had carefully planned it; no one else would be around for hours. Before Joseph realized what was happening, she was literally throwing herself at him, begging him to have sexual relations with her!​—Genesis 39:7-12.

This true-life experience took place over 3,500 years ago. But similar episodes are taking place every day in school and on the job. For while the media have had much to say about the harassment of women​—and rightly so—​an oft-ignored problem is the sexual harassment of young men.a With modern society’s emphasis on sex and the equality of women, with its degenerating morals and social standards, it should come as no surprise that many young men report that they have been the target of romantic aggression by females.

Some young men seem to welcome this turn of events; they are flattered by the female attention. However, Christian youths hold to the Bible’s standards of sexual morals. They do not want to be bothered by brazen females with immoral designs. The question is, How can they avoid such harassment?

Why Me?

The Bible says: “The beauty of young men is their power.” (Proverbs 20:29) The splendor of youth, coupled with a young man’s moral cleanness and Christian manners, can be enormously attractive to a woman. Some may even view the ruining of a young Christian’s chastity as an intriguing challenge.

Then there is the influence of modern society. Reams of books and articles are written to help girls grab the attention of males. Teen magazines typically urge girls to flirt shamelessly. Seventeen magazine proclaimed: “Flirting is a great way to let somebody know you find him . . . attractive. . . . It can lead to friendship or romance.” Media-created stereotypes and pervasive amoral attitudes also work to tear down the moral fiber of young men. Writer Kathy McCoy notes: “Society in general and parents and peers in particular are generally more tolerant of sexual activity in boys. Some experts believe that guys get unspoken encouragement . . . to be sexually active.”

Nevertheless, God’s Word exhorts youths to remain chaste. “This is what God wills, the sanctifying of you, that you abstain from fornication.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3) You cannot allow the influences of this world to mislead you! What should you do, then, if someone of the opposite sex comes on to you romantically?

Why It’s Hard to Resist

Whereas men have often physically overpowered women who put up resistance to romantic advances, rarely can women overpower men that way. Why, then, is it so hard for a young man to resist an aggressive girl?

One reason is that ‘the heart is treacherous.’ (Jeremiah 17:9) As young Wayne admitted: “You almost crave that type of attention. It gives you a warm glow to know that someone is interested. It is kind of flattering.” Of course, it is only natural to enjoy female attention. But be careful! Your treacherous heart may cause these natural desires to overcome your better judgment. (James 1:14, 15) Before you know it, you may be led ‘like a bull to the slaughter’!​—Proverbs 7:22.

The Proverbs thus warn young men to guard “against the smoothness of the tongue of the [immoral] woman. Do not desire her prettiness in your heart, and may she not take you with her lustrous eyes.” (Proverbs 6:24, 25) The key, then, is having control of your own heart and desires. (1 Thessalonians 4:4-6) Only if you are fully convinced that sexual immorality offers nothing more than “the ways to Sheol,” or death, can you put up a convincing and effective defense.​—Proverbs 7:27.b

Dealing With the Pressure

“Girls are persistent; they keep coming back,” lamented one young man. “They give you a lot of compliments and use a lot of flattery.” Flattery has long been a weapon of the aggressive woman. Are you overly susceptible to it? (Proverbs 26:28) “Wisdom is with the modest ones,” notes Proverbs 11:2, and if you have a sober estimate of yourself, you will be less vulnerable to empty flattery.

But what do you say when a girl compliments you on your hair, physique, or smile? Perhaps no ulterior motive is involved. And not wanting to appear snobbish, some youths simply thank the girl for her compliment​—and rapidly change the subject. Beware, though, of giving the impression that you enjoy flirtatious talk.

At times stern measures are needed. Some meet the matter head-on as quickly as possible. In this way they avoid prolonging an already uncomfortable situation. “I am not interested in having a girlfriend right now” is young Daniel’s straightforward reply.

It has often been said that the best defense is a good offense. One researcher gives this advice: “To cool matters off permanently, get into a discussion of religion.” Indeed, if you are known as one who regularly discusses his religious convictions, you will be less likely to be a target in the first place. And if someone dares approach you anyway, a straightforward statement of your religious beliefs may stop her in her tracks.

Unfortunately, Christian youths sometimes fail to use this excellent defense. Says young Tim: “A lot of us simply didn’t want to say, ‘Look! I’m a Christian, and I do not want to do this.’ We wanted to fit in.” Again, only if you are truly convinced that Jehovah’s way is best will you have the boldness and courage needed to escape moral calamity.

Escaping the Trap!

What if, in spite of your best efforts, the aggression continues? Well, consider again the example of the young man discussed at the outset​—Joseph. Genesis 39:6 tells us that he “grew to be beautiful in form and beautiful in appearance” and caught the eye of the wife of his owner, Potiphar. She did everything in her power to entice him. And the Bible gives no indication that she was ugly or that she in any way repelled Joseph. Yet, he resisted her advances. How was he able to do so?

First of all, Joseph was firm in his convictions. “How could I commit this great badness and actually sin against God?” he said. Although there was no specific written law against premarital sex at that time, his conscience told him that what Potiphar’s wife wanted to do was wrong. Still, she persisted. In desperation she grabbed hold of his garment and implored him: “Lie down with me!” Joseph didn’t waste time trying to lighten up the situation with a joke, nor did he lecture her on morals. Immediately “he left his garment in her hand and took to flight.”​—Genesis 39:9-12.

Joseph was able to move quickly because he didn’t have to decide what to do. His decision had already been made. He preferred to suffer the consequences of her wrath rather than displease Jehovah. And the consequences were painful; Joseph was thrown into jail! But Jehovah blessed his efforts to remain chaste. Eventually he became a leading member of Pharaoh’s court and was reunited with his long-lost family.

Your efforts to remain “blameless and innocent . . . in among a crooked and twisted generation” will likewise be blessed by Jehovah. (Philippians 2:15) Regardless of how things may appear at first, the right course will always result in a blessing. But you must be as determined to remain chaste as Joseph was. You must be persistent and consistent in your efforts, letting your ‘No mean No.’ (Matthew 5:37) You must be ready and willing to share your Bible-based convictions. If you do so, even the most brazen of girls will get the message​—and probably leave you alone!

[Footnotes]

[Picture on page 19]

How do you react to immoral romantic overtures?