Beware of Self-Pity

KING AHAB was feeling very sorry for himself. He lay down on his couch, turned his face to the wall and refused to eat. Why? Sickness or some tragic news? No. His only problem was that one of his subjects, Naboth, had refused to sell him a plot of land adjacent to the palace. Why was the king so anxious to obtain this plot? Was it for some important project? No. He wanted it for a vegetable garden. The owner’s refusal to part with the plot sent the king into a plethora of self-pity. Ahab went to bed and sulked.​—1 Ki. 21:1-4.

The incident, which made the monarch appear petty and even ridiculous, took a grim turn. King Ahab’s wife, the notorious Queen Jezebel, refused to take Naboth’s “No” for an answer. She arranged to have Naboth falsely accused of blasphemy. The local court of elders and nobles at Samaria cooperated with the scheme, and Naboth was stoned to death. This paved the way for weak King Ahab to take possession of the plot in order to grow vegetables.​—1 Ki. 21:5-16.

As illustrated in the case of Ahab, the person who yields to self-pity is pursuing an undesirable course. Because self-pity is an excessive, unbalanced concern with oneself, it can be very hurtful. Self-pity can make a person morose and petty, as it did King Ahab. It draws a person’s attention inward to such an extent that loving concern for others dwindles or even disappears. One who gives in to self-pity may come to look at serious matters in a distorted way and, therefore, may manifest poor judgment. Self-pity may also weaken a person spiritually and, worse, lead him to compromise under pressure, sacrificing his clean standing before God. So we have good reason to beware of self-pity.

What can cause feelings of self-pity? It may be sickness, infirmity, financial loss or a tragedy, such as the death of a beloved relative or a close friend. As in the case of Ahab, self-pity could be prompted by disappointment. A general sense of failure, even imagined failure, also causes many people to pity themselves. For example, a person might attempt something new but afterward feel that he did very poorly. A feeling of frustration and self-pity may overtake him, especially if others give him no encouragement or show no appreciation for his efforts. He may even react like Ahab, withdrawing from associating with others. When this happens to a Christian, it is spiritually damaging to him. For him to keep alive spiritually, he needs his Christian brothers.

To resist feelings of self-pity, a person must have the right view of his problems and trials. We should look on unpleasant experiences as opportunities to improve in the display of fine qualities under test. For instance, if things always went smoothly for us, how could we tell whether we actually had patience, endurance or self-control? On the other hand, trialsome circumstances soon make it clear to us wherein we are lacking. This puts us in a better position to make improvement. It may be that a person needs to devote more time to a serious study of God’s Word and to put forth greater effort to apply the knowledge taken in. Possibly, he should associate more with persons who are exemplary in displaying fine Christian qualities. Yes, when a person considers the trials he undergoes as discipline or training from Jehovah, he will doubtless be more concerned about striving to make improvement in his personality and, therefore, less likely to yield to feelings of self-pity.

Such an attitude toward trials is in harmony with the inspired counsel: “Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you meet with various trials, knowing as you do that this tested quality of your faith works out endurance. But let endurance have its work complete, that you may be complete and sound in all respects, not lacking in anything.”​—Jas. 1:2-4.

It may also help us to keep in mind the examples of others who have endured faithfully and how Jehovah God rewarded them. A case in point is Job. He lost all his possessions and his children. His wife and companions turned against him, and he himself was stricken with a loathsome disease. Nevertheless, Job endured faithfully and later was richly rewarded by Jehovah. The Bible record reports that Jehovah “blessed the end of Job afterward more than his beginning.” (Job 42:12) Drawing attention to this, the Christian disciple James wrote: “Look! We pronounce happy those who have endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome Jehovah gave, that Jehovah is very tender in affection and merciful.”​—Jas. 5:11.

Granted, tribulations and difficulties are never pleasant. But we should not lose sight of the fact that they do come to an end. And, if we endure faithfully, not allowing ourselves to become swallowed up by feelings of self-pity, we will not lose our reward. The Bible assures Christians: “God is not unrighteous so as to forget your work and the love you showed for his name.” (Heb. 6:10) The experiences of many faithful servants of Jehovah, including Job, amply testify to that fact.

Something else that can aid us to conquer self-pity is a sincere effort to be more concerned about others than ourselves. This is in harmony with the Bible’s admonition: “Let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other person.” (1 Cor. 10:24) The person who actively gives of his time, energies and assets in promoting the happiness and welfare of fellow humans will himself be happy. “There is more happiness in giving,” says the Bible, “than there is in receiving.”​—Acts 20:35.

Individually, we can also be of assistance to those who readily succumb to self-pity. A basic human need is to be loved. Therefore, we can help those who are prone to pity themselves. How? By making them aware of the fact that they are needed, loved and appreciated. This can also be done by showing them how they are definitely contributing to the happiness of others. Moreover, expressions of genuine appreciation and encouragement can do much to lift their spirits, while at the same time pointing out the dangers of self-pity in a frank and friendly way.

In view of the problems that self-pity can cause, we certainly have good reason to resist this undesirable emotion. Those who fight it will find that this will make their life happier, and they will be more contented.