HOW DO YOU SHOW GRIEF?

Giving way to grief has the effect of releasing emotional tensions, but emotions cannot be allowed uncontrolled expression without producing emotional imbalance. So it is wise to control expressions of grief.

God’s servants of the past expressed sorrow when loved ones died. (Gen. 23:2; Deut. 34:8; John 11:33) Yet they were forbidden to engage in acts suggesting belief that the dead survived in a spirit world. Jehovah’s people were not to corrupt their religion by copying the nations in actions reflecting a wrong attitude toward the dead.​—Lev. 19:28; Deut. 14:1; 18:10-12.

Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus and foretold that his followers would fast out of grief after his own death. (John 11:35, 38; Mark 2:20) But he also said that they should fast so as to be noticed only by God and not by men. Their expression should be from the heart, not for outward show. (Matt. 6:16-18; compare Joel 2:12, 13.) Jesus told his disciples that they were no part of the world. And, of course, he did not desire that they seek the approval of the world by acting contrary to truth.​—John 15:19.

All of this discourages Christians from copying the custom of wearing black garb as an external sign of mourning. However, at a time of grief due to a death, godly persons likely would wear dignified clothing in public, as it would not then be in good taste to dress in a casual way.​—Eccl. 3:1, 4.

Would this also rule out the practice of wake keeping? As followed by various religions, often this custom is accompanied by mournful singing and weeping throughout the night. It creates a gloomy and depressing atmosphere for the bereaved family. Wake keeping apparently originated in the fear of the dead, and the practice was designed to appease the deceased and ward off malevolent spirits. But since the Bible shows that the dead are “conscious of nothing at all,” such a practice is based on a falsehood and so cannot be reconciled with true Christianity.​—Eccl. 9:5, 10.

However, it would be proper to visit a bereaved family. This can be done even if the body of the deceased has not yet been removed from the home, although a Christian would not participate in a traditional wake based on unscriptural views and practices. Naturally, sitting around in an atmosphere of gloom would not provide comfort or lessen grief. Nor would it be thoughtful to place on bereaved persons the financial burden of furnishing a great quantity of food for visitors. It would be considerate to avoid a prolonged visit, unless you are a member of the family or a close friend. But it would be uplifting to offer assistance and to “speak consolingly to the depressed souls.” (1 Thess. 5:14) Perhaps you could help with some housekeeping or shopping or could contribute meals that need to be provided.

How, though, do you express your grief if you are the bereaved? Christians do not give in to excessive mourning and do not fear the dead. Nor do they think that the deceased need help from the living. Rather, Christians have a hope that the dead will be restored to life, for the apostle Paul stated: “We do not want you to be ignorant concerning those who are sleeping in death; that you may not sorrow just as the rest also do who have no hope.” (1 Thess. 4:13) Hence, Christian sorrow is tempered and balanced by hope.​—John 11:24; Acts 24:15.

If you have lost a loved one in death, this hope of a resurrection will help you to overcome feelings of loss and grief. It will aid you to make the best of your present circumstances and will strengthen you to help others. For example, you can tell other bereaved persons about your hope in a resurrection and thus help them to cope with their grief.​—John 5:28, 29.

HAVE you ever felt the keen loss that attends the death of a loved one? Many bereaved individuals feel overwhelmed by the finality of death and the resulting sense of helplessness.