Guest’s Behavior

Naturally it depends largely upon how the guest conducts himself as to whether his visit is a joy or a burden. If the guest uses a little discernment and is tactful, his visit can be upbuilding. The words, “Make yourself at home,” are a very generous expression. However, what may be accepted as the normal thing in one family may not be allowed in another. In some families, for example, it may be taken for granted that when one is hungry he can go to the cupboard or refrigerator and get what he wants. Another housewife may not like having a guest in her kitchen. Perhaps she has an exact plan, and purchases everything according to the menu to be prepared for the next day. Then when something is missing it may ruin her planning.

If a guest takes books from a shelf, he should return them to the same place on the shelf. Later, when the host is looking for a certain book, he may get quite upset with his family if the books are out of order.

Another point is adjusting to the family’s schedule. Do you, as a guest, let the family know what your plans are during your stay? They told you to “feel at home,” and probably gave you the key to the house, but it would be wise to let them know when you expect to be coming and going. In case you have to come in late some evening, be sure to tell them beforehand, otherwise they will be worried if you do not show up at the time they expect you. If your host lives in a thin-walled apartment house, then you should be especially considerate, not causing unnecessary noise late in the evenings, as by typing.

Loving consideration of all members of the family, including the children, makes for a happy visit long to be remembered. A missionary wrote about her childhood: “Special traveling representatives of the Watch Tower Society used to come and visit our little group. They were busy people, and, I feel sure, often quite tired. But, nevertheless, they always took time to speak to me. It made me feel as if I were a part of what was going on.”

Some housewives appreciate the guests making their own beds, whereas another may prefer having the beds air out until she gets around to cleaning the room later on. If you take a dustcloth to tidy up a bit, your hostess may get the idea the room is not clean enough to suit you. All of these are small matters that a person can find out if discernment is shown. Why not just ask: “Shall I make the beds now or would you rather that I make them up later, after they air a bit?” Or say: “Please let me help you with the dishes.” In that way you can soon find out whether she really wants you to help.

Your being overly modest does not make it easy for the host. He wants you to feel at home, and so, if he offers you something, feel free to accept it instead of always saying, “No, that is not necessary.” What did the three men say to whom Abraham offered a meal? “All right. You may do just as you have spoken.” However, if something is offered that may not be good for you, then have the courage to be honest and tactfully refuse it. In the tropics you may have to refuse a well-meaning offer of refreshing water, even when the friendly host takes a drink! It probably will not hurt your host, because he has grown up with it, but there may be problems with amoebas for you.

When you are invited to dinner you can avoid an embarrassing situation if you do not sit down at once. Instead, wait until your host shows you where he wants you to sit. Jesus gave this good counsel, as recorded at Luke 14:8, 9: “When you are invited by someone to a marriage feast, do not lie down in the most prominent place. Perhaps someone more distinguished than you may at the time have been invited by him, and he that invited you and him will come and say to you, ‘Let this man have the place.’ And then you will start off with shame to occupy the lowest place.”

You, no doubt, very much appreciate kind and gracious hospitality. You can show your appreciation for it not only by words of thanks but by tactful consideration and by endeavoring to make the conversation delightful, encouraging, informative. Too often conversation is all “small talk” or inconsequential.