On the heels of anger often comes another feeling​—guilt.

“He Wouldn’t Have Died if Only I Had . . .”

Some feel guilty because of anger​—that is, they may condemn themselves because they feel angry. Others blame themselves for their loved one’s dying. “He wouldn’t have died,” they convince themselves, “if only I had made him go to the doctor sooner” or “made him see another doctor” or “made him take better care of his health.”

For others the guilt goes beyond that, especially if their loved one died suddenly, unexpectedly. They start recalling the times they got angry at or argued with the departed one. Or they may feel that they really were not all that they should have been to the deceased. They are tormented by thoughts such as, ‘I should have​—or shouldn’t have—​done this or that.’

Mike, a young man in his early 20’s, recalls: “I never had a good relationship with my father. It was only in recent years that I really even started talking to him. Now [since his father died] there are so many things I feel I should have done or said.” Of course, the fact that now there’s no way to make it up may only add to the frustration and guilt.

Sometimes a bereaved parent comes to have a special sense of guilt. There may be thoughts such as, ‘Could I have loved him more?’ ‘Did I tell him I loved him often enough?’ and ‘I would have held him more.’ Or, as Geneal expressed it: “I wish I could have spent more time with Jimmy.”

It’s natural for parents to feel responsible for their child. But at times bereaved parents will blame themselves, feeling that they failed to do something that could have prevented the death. For example, the Bible describes the patriarch Jacob’s reaction when he was led to believe that his young son Joseph had been killed by a wild animal. Jacob himself had sent Joseph out to check on the welfare of his brothers. So perhaps he was plagued with guilt feelings such as, ‘Why did I send Joseph out alone? Why did I send him out into an area abounding with wild beasts?’ Thus, Jacob’s “sons and all his daughters kept rising up to comfort him, but he kept refusing to take comfort.”​—Genesis 37:33-35.