Theocratic Conduct Within the Family Circle

“You wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as it is becoming in the Lord. You husbands, keep on loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry with them. You children, be obedient to your parents in everything, for this is well-pleasing in the Lord. You fathers, do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted.”—Col. 3:18-21, NW.

1. What is Jehovah’s arrangement for ruling the family circle, and how did Adam fall short?

JEHOVAH God is the Originator of the family circle. He made the earth, made man to inhabit it, saw it was not good for the man to be alone, created the woman as his helpmate, empowered them to reproduce their kind and gave a procreation mandate that they should multiply and fill the earth. It was Jehovah’s will for Adam to be a family man, to have a wife and children and to keep the family circle unbroken by strife and conflict. To preserve unity and harmony among the family members the man was given headship, but as a family head Adam proved to be a dismal failure. Eve ignored his authority, and he did not undo her deception. She led the way into sin and Adam followed. Though he blamed his wife for his trespass, the burden of guilt lay heavily upon his own shoulders. He did not measure up as family head. His wife was not submissive. His first son became a murderer. He allowed his family circle to be broken by rebellion, by sin, by recriminations, by death.

2. How do persons today fall short in this regard?

² To this day family circles are still being shattered, in the same ways and for the same reasons. Both men and women have drifted far from Jehovah’s prescribed conduct for family rule, both husbands and wives have fallen far short of their responsibilities and obligations. Husbands abuse their headship, wives rebel against it, and children ignore it to run riot in unprecedented delinquency. Though marriage counselors increase, family troubles and delinquencies and divorces increase much faster. Rejecting Jehovah’s theocratic counsel, families sow by human wisdom and reap of its folly. The world feels wise in its own conceit, but do not its fruits scream out the foolishness of its wisdom? The only remedy is to bring theocratic conduct within the family circle.

3. What lofty patterns are there for marriage and oneness?

³ To see in proper perspective the duties and obligations existing between family members, consider some lofty patterns. First, Jehovah God uses the symbol of marriage to show the close relationship between himself and his universal organization, speaking of himself as the Husband of his womanlike organization. Again, the figure of marriage is used to illustrate the close bond between Christ and his church, he being spoken of as the Bridegroom and the church as his bride, with the marriage being consummated in heaven. (Isa. 54:5; 2 Cor. 11:2; Rev. 19:7) You will recall that in Eden the man and the woman were spoken of as being “one flesh,” and the same is said about human marriage partners today. Similarly, there is a oneness existing between Jehovah and the chief one of the universal organization, Christ Jesus. Also, Christ and his bride, the church, are referred to as being one. However, the Bible clearly shows that Jehovah and Christ are not one in any mysterious pagan trinity. Nor are Christ and the church class literally made into one; any more so than do man and wife, two persons, literally become one. In none of these cases is it a literal organic oneness, but in all of them it is oneness in aim, purpose, goal, desire and direction of effort.—Matt. 19:4-6; John 14:10; 17:21-23.

4. Why is a family head necessary, and who is it?

⁴ Where two or more are united in a common endeavor there must be organization, some sort of headship to give intelligent direction to the energies of the united ones. In human affairs two heads may be better than one when it comes to assembling ideas or considering possible courses of action, but when it comes to a final decision one head must be empowered to decide for both. A headless union would lack proper directive force, whereas a freakish two-headed one would engender strife and an eventual split-up. Let all face this fact: everyone has a head over him except Jehovah, who is Head over all. We read at 1 Corinthians 11:3 (NW): “I want you to know that the head of every man is the Christ; in turn, the head of a woman is the man; in turn, the head of the Christ is God.” This arrangement was not made by any creature, but is the law of the Creator of the universe. Conformity to it is obedience to Jehovah; rejection of it is rebellion against him. Theocratic women and children will acknowledge the man as the head of the house.

EXACTING DUTIES UPON HUSBANDS

5, 6. What examples show the exacting duties of husbands?

⁵ In some countries where there is a strong tendency for many women to try to share or take over family headship, loud objections rise against the divine requirement of man’s headship and woman’s subjection. It is viewed as discriminatory against women, as oppressive and too difficult a load for them to bear up under. However, careful reflection will reveal that it is the husband that has the weightier load to bear, the heavier responsibility to measure up to. He must strive to copy the flawless example of Jehovah God, the Head and Husband of the universal organization. Jehovah not only created all things but thereafter established laws and rules of action for their guidance and provides the necessities for their continuance. Even in his own ways and acts Jehovah consistently follows righteous principles and conducts his headship with an unparalleled display of justice, wisdom, patience, mercy, compassion and, above all, love. Encouragingly for us on earth, “he knows our frame; he remembers that we are but dust.”—Ps. 103:14, AT.

⁶ Not only in Jehovah’s excelling headship over his universal organization, but also in Christ’s rule over the church class does the human husband have a lofty example to aim toward. Did not Jesus expend himself working in the interests of the body members, teaching and preaching, providing the spiritual sustenance that is so much more vital than literal bread? Were not his patience and long-suffering exemplary, his dealings with his earthly disciples merciful, his allowances for their fleshly frailties compassionate? Did he not endure torturous persecution and pain in maintaining integrity toward Jehovah, thereby becoming a safe model for his followers? And finally did he not go the limit and lay down his life for his bride and wife, the church class? Surely Christ’s headship over his church wonderfully demonstrates thoughtful provision, gentle concern, wise understanding, continual forgiveness, protective care and a love that found its climax in the laying down of his own life—and greater love than that no man can have!—John 15:13.

7. What many obligations attach to proper headship?

⁷ Let human husbands look to these divine patterns and heavenly examples of headship, setting their sights on them and aiming toward such perfect theocratic conduct for their own family circles. The husband must provide food, clothing and shelter for his wife. But his obligations go far beyond fulfilling these basic physical needs. Man does that much for his livestock. He must provide for her mental happiness and consider her spiritual well-being, showing a love for her as great as that he bears for himself. Husbands should not be oblivious to the emotional make-up and vicissitudes of their wives, but should “continue dwelling in like manner with them according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one.” (1 Pet. 3:7, NW) He must give proper direction to their united efforts by making wise decisions, shoulder the responsibilities for these decisions and cope with any consequences that may follow in their wake. Husbands must endeavor to follow consistently right principles, to exercise patience and long-suffering, to practice mercy and forgiveness, to show consideration and understanding, and, above all, to keep alive and active a love patterned after that shown by Jehovah toward his universal organization and that shown by Christ toward his Christian church organization. To measure up to such high requirements is certainly more difficult than being submissive under such upright headship, is it not? What reasonable woman could object to submission to such headship?

PATTERNS FOR WIFELY SUBJECTION

8. What should marriage partners remember?

⁸ Do we hear some of our feminine readers make the rejoinder that they would gladly subject themselves to such headship, but what man is there that administers it? True enough, no man perfectly measures up to these lofty standards. But before wives use this as grounds for refusing to be submissive, let them reflect as to whether they flawlessly fulfill the role Jehovah assigns to them. Just as Jehovah remembers, so marriage partners should remember that humans are made of dust and weaknesses must be mercifully taken into account. Before heaping bitter blame upon the other, each marriage partner should weigh Jesus’ words: “Stop judging, that you may not be judged; for with what judgment you are judging, you will be judged, and with the measure that you are measuring out they will measure out to you. Why, then, do you look at the straw in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the rafter in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother: ‘Allow me to extract the straw from your eye’; when, look! a rafter is in your own eye? Hypocrite! first extract the rafter from your own eye, and then you will see clearly how to extract the straw from your brother’s eye.”—Matt. 7:1-5, NW.

9, 10. What example in subjection do wives have, and whom will they not copy?

⁹ The principal one of Jehovah’s universal organization does not find it galling to be in subjection to the great Husband and Head of that organization. Christ Jesus delights to do Jehovah’s will, and at one time declared that to do God’s work was as vital food for his sustenance. (Ps. 40:8; Heb. 10:7; John 4:34) Because of his attachment and devotion to Jehovah he endured persecution and death, proving his integrity to God and contributing heavily to the vindication of His Word and name. It was a marvelous display of Jesus’ complete subjection to Jehovah’s headship, and through it all Jesus found great joy in this submissiveness. It was not at any time a drudgery to him. And never did he seek to seize that headship from Jehovah or try to share it as an equal to Jehovah: “Keep this mental attitude in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although he was existing in God’s form, gave no consideration to a seizure, namely, that he should be equal to God. No, but he emptied himself and took a slave’s form and came to be in the likeness of men. More than that, when he found himself in fashion as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient as far as death, yes, death on a torture stake.”—Phil. 2:5-8, NW.

¹⁰ Christian wives should keep this mental attitude of Christ, and not the attitude of many worldly wives that clamor for equality with and often dominancy over their husbands. Wives who are truly Christian will not even untheocratically consider seizing a part or all of the family headship that is divinely assigned to their husbands. They will submit to the marriage arrangement, realizing that it has been so ordained, not by any man, but by Jehovah himself. To rebel against the arrangement is to rebel, not against any man, but against Jehovah himself. Remember that it was the covering cherub in Eden that was headstrong and felt cramped and oppressed by Jehovah’s headship and thereupon rebelled and became infamous as Satan the Devil. Wives who are not submissive to their husbands are copying Satan, not Christ.

11. What additional example is there for wives, and whose course will they shun?

¹¹ Again, wives can find an example in the submission of the church class to its Head, Christ Jesus. Members of Christ’s bride set aside their own will to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, to co-operate with him in the work he is doing. They take on the obligation to preach in harmony with his will, and this brings upon them a certain amount of persecution and tribulation in the flesh. But the joys of serving under the loving headship of Christ far outweigh the fleshly tribulations. Submission to such an upright headship is not difficult or degrading, though heady and haughty ones down through the centuries have thought so, and in these last days such ones have made themselves into an “evil slave” class by their bolt from under Christ’s headship. It is the “faithful and discreet slave” class that finds real joy by submissiveness to Christ. And when that “evil slave” breaks away from Christ’s headship, does he gain a liberty and freedom that spells great happiness? No, for he lands outside Jehovah’s arrangement to company with hypocrites, and “there is where his weeping and the gnashing of his teeth will be.” (Matt. 24:45-51, NW) Christian wives who are not submissive to their husbands are copying the “evil slave,” not the “faithful and discreet slave,” and their bolt from Jehovah’s arrangement to grasp a false freedom will bring them, not true happiness and contentment, but emotional frustrations and spiritual guiltiness.

PRACTICAL COUNSEL FOR HUSBAND AND WIFE

12. What proves false the modern contention that Bible counsel is impractical?

¹² Jesus said: “Every good tree produces fine fruit, but every rotten tree produces bad fruit; a good tree cannot bear bad fruit, neither can a rotten tree produce fine fruit.” The same applies to counsel. Following good counsel will produce fine results, whereas rotten counsel leads to a bad end. The present impulse of many is to dismiss Bible counsel as impractical and turn to modern authorities for marital advice, but the deluge of divorce and delinquency is the impractical result that proves the modern counsel to be highly impractical. In contrast, when the Bible was held in high esteem and its advice followed divorces were fewer and delinquency was reduced. So those who hurl the charge that the Bible counsel is impractical have it thrown back in their own face by the facts!—Matt. 7:17, 18, NW.

13. What should be the relationship between husband and wife?

¹³ The Bible sets forth the relationship that is to obtain between husband and wife: “Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it. In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh, but he feeds and cherishes it, as the Christ also does the congregation, because we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh.’ Nevertheless, also, let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.”—Eph. 5:22, 25, 28-31, 33, NW.

14. What must the husband do to deserve his wife’s deep respect?

¹⁴ A husband must measure up as head if he would have the deep respect of his wife. Insisting on his prerogatives as head while failing to measure up will make him seem like a pompous figurehead. Exercising headship involves more than just taking the lead and having the final say; it requires sound knowledge and good understanding and a self-control that is calm, patient and reasonable when faced with difficult situations. It is hard for a Christian wife to respect a husband who is careless or negligent of family responsibilities or ministerial privileges, who eats to the point of gluttony or imbibes too freely of alcoholic drinks, who is thoughtless or coarse or obscene in his speech, or who shows little consideration for her or attention to her while being overly sociable with other women. If the husband is shallow he can hardly expect his wife’s respect to be deep. She may submit because of moral, physical, economic or theocratic reasons, but it will be much easier for her and much more gratifying to the husband if she does it because of the love and deep respect she has for him due to his worthy course of action.

15. What results when the wife refuses to be submissive?

¹⁵ On the other hand, it is extremely difficult for a man truly to love and cherish and protect a woman who is not submissive, for by her independence she proclaims that she does not need him. She steals from him, robbing him of the position that is rightfully his. How can he love such a woman as his own flesh, when she is not one with him but is divided against him, competing with him instead of co-operating with him? Why should he extend himself to provide bountifully for an unappreciative competitor? He may lose all incentive and initiative and let her have her way to keep down quarreling, but in gaining the household she will lose his love. And both would lose Jehovah’s approval, the woman for usurping the man’s position and the man for letting her do it. If a husband lets his wife take over she will lose her deep respect for him and he will lose his self-respect, and this loss will cause his love for her to give way to resentment. After all the modern prattle about equality dies down, the fact still stands that only in homes where the husband is a proper head do contentment and deep joy exist. If the woman runs the home she will ruin it, both in man’s sight and in God’s sight.

16. Rather than being merely a cook and cleaning woman, the wife has what duties that make her role varied and joyful?

¹⁶ Does this mean she is to have no say in family affairs? No, for that is not the Bible’s position. The woman is “to manage a household.” As long as she does it properly the husband should be pleased to let her use her own initiative in this respect. Many wives handle considerable of the finances for the family, budgeting the funds, spending wisely for the good of all, and saving for future needs. Managing a household would also include decorating the home, making purchases to beautify it and to equip it for efficient operation. The household includes those making up the members of the family, and the efficient wife exercises a great force for good on all members, seeing to it that they are well fed and adequately clothed, as well as having a clean and pleasing house to live in. She is much more than a cook or cleaning woman, for in her managerial position she must be a good businesswoman looking out for the interests of her husband and children. Finally, she has far-reaching influence on the development of the children, being with them so much more during the early, formative years. She can help them in the right direction, teaching them good habits and principles and, above all, Jehovah’s truths. To shape a young life, to get it off to a good start, is one of the heaviest of responsibilities and greatest of joys. Just as it is hard for a husband to measure up to the requirements of headship, so it is not easy for a wife to meet the challenge to manage the household. When she does her job well she is a praise to her family in the community, and the man who has her is blessed by Jehovah.—1 Tim. 5:14, NW; Prov. 18:22; 19:14; 31:10-31.

17. When must the man make the decisions, and how should the woman respond?

¹⁷ Both husband and wife have their sphere of duties and responsibilities, and each should let the other bear the assigned load. This does not mean that one cannot discuss the projects of the other, for the family welfare hinges on both the husband’s and the wife’s duties. There should be co-operation and a blending of effort, a pulling together as in a team, a sharing of the burdens. Both should be willing to compromise, to give in at times. However, when it is not possible to reach agreement on a family matter and a definite decision must be made and a course of action decided upon, the man must make it. This is only fair. He is the one that must take the responsibility for what follows, whether good or bad. If the decision is wrong he is the one that will have to cope with the consequences, make up the financial loss or whatever may be involved. When the husband makes a decision the wife does not concur in, she should not pout or nurse a grudge and hold back, hoping for failure so she can taunt, “I told you so!” No, but she should be theocratic, which means she would co-operate to make the project succeed for the family’s good.

PARENTS AND CHILDREN

18. What counsel governs the parent-child relationship?

¹⁸ Jehovah does not overlook children in the family circle. They come under parental control, yet they are not to be abused or irritated. God’s Word gives this two-way injunction: “Children, be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord, for this is righteous: ‘Honor your father and mother’; which is the first command with a promise: ‘That it may go well with you and you may endure a long time on the earth.’ And you, fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and authoritative advice of Jehovah.” Children of dedicated parents, if you want to live long on the earth, forever in the new world, you must give heed to the “discipline and authoritative advice of Jehovah” your parents offer. Parents, give this discipline and advice in a firm and loving way, not in a manner that irritates or exasperates.—Eph. 6:1-4, NW.

19. How will youths view adults, and adults their children?

¹⁹ Years ago youth entertained respect for age, but in these last days of critical times and widespread delinquency youth in general seem to have replaced respect with contempt, looking down on older persons as old fogies trailing far behind the times. But theocratic youths will remember that there is a wisdom and a maturity of judgment that come only with age, with years of study and experience. They will not be like the delinquents of Elisha’s day who taunted and mocked that prophet of God as an old “baldhead” and who came to grief as a consequence. Instead, they remember: “With aged men is wisdom, and in length of days understanding.” (Job 12:12; 2 Ki. 2:23, 24, AS) On the other hand, parents will not view their children as a burden, as something to be relieved of at every opportunity. They will not think they should be seen and never heard. They need to be allowed to develop as talkers, instructed to speak the praises of Jehovah God. Jehovah has a place for them in his service, has arranged for his organization to recognize them in congregational affairs such as the ministry school, and has commanded parents to be constantly alert to teach them Bible truth. Parents will look after their own children at home, at the meetings and in Kingdom service, though others may assist at times. Adults will deal with youngsters in the same understanding way that Jehovah does with his earthly children, and youths should show the same dutiful obedience to dedicated adults that approved men accord the heavenly Father.

20. What general counsel is offered?

²⁰ Family members should always show respect for one another, not humiliating others but allowing them a measure of dignity. When necessary to correct, do it in the way you would appreciate being corrected. Would you want to be bluntly rebuked publicly, before your friends? Do not do it to your marriage partner. Would you like to be badgered over every trivial trespass? Do not thus irritate your children. As parents, when you correct your children do you always corroborate each other or issue contradictory correction? Make allowances for individual temperaments, changing moods, upset mental states. When an emotional storm seems to be brewing, remember patience and self-control. The time to stop quarrels is before they start. It is easier. Instead of knowing when to stop, know enough not to start. The husband should be man enough to overlook minor irritations, and the wife should never let complaints reach the deplorable stage of nagging. A wife that nags is more of a hindrance than a helpmate, and the Bible likens her persistent patter of cranky words to dripping rain: “A wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.” “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a contentious woman are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in his right hand.” Be reasonable, logical, consistent, easily placated, quick to forgive and ready to commend when things are well done.—Prov. 19:13; 27:15, 16, RS.

21, 22. What guides are better than rules, and which one in particular?

²¹ In short, show love and mercy, do not take yourself too seriously, have a sense of humor, and you not only can keep molehills from becoming mountains but can reduce mountains to molehills. Many rules could be given, but to give enough rules to cover all cases would be to compile a voluminous talmud. That is not our purpose. It is not necessary. It would fail. Rather than needing talmudlike rules to follow, we need to inculcate principles to guide. In the matter of family unity, primarily one principle, that of love: Loving others as you love yourself; being as kind and considerate of others as you are of yourself; overlooking their weaknesses as readily as you do your own. Our many faults and sins make it hard for others, just as theirs make it hard for us, but the Bible says: “Love covers a multitude of sins.” Love does not keep count of the injuries, of the sins and shortcomings, but covers them over, though they be multitudinous. Do you have such a love for others to cover their sins as you do for yourself to hide your own? Does such a love prevail in your family?—1 Pet. 4:8, NW.

²² See if your love matches this description: “Love is long-suffering and obliging. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” Nor will any marriage based on that kind of love fail! Of course, both partners being imperfect both will fall short in many ways, but there is no breach this kind of love cannot bridge!—1 Cor. 13:4-8, NW.

23. What shows love’s power for uniting?

²³ Above all, a common love for Jehovah will unite families. It is now uniting hundreds of thousands of persons from many nations, races, colors, languages, social differences and cultural backgrounds. Its amazing power to do this dumfounds this old world, whose history of political intrigues and gory wars shouts its miserable failure. Is it not much easier to unite a family, with so few members and so few minor differences? Certainly, and so if love for Jehovah unites thousands upon thousands from many nations and races it would not be hard for this common love for the Creator to preserve unbroken the family circle. It is doing this for tens of thousands of families in many lands, welding family groups together by their discussing God’s Word, studying it together, attending congregational meetings as a group, and worshiping together in field service. Devotion to Jehovah cements them in a firm unity and harmony. Theocratic conduct within the family circle keeps that circle unbroken, which conduct is outlined for all, as follows:

24, 25. How are we counseled by Colossians 3:13-21, 23, 24?

²⁴ “Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Even as Jehovah freely forgave you, so do you also. But, besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union. Also let the peace of the Christ control in your hearts, for you were, in fact, called to it in one body. And show yourselves thankful. Let the word of the Christ reside in you richly in all wisdom. Keep on teaching and admonishing one another with psalms, praises to God, spiritual songs with graciousness, singing in your hearts to Jehovah. And whatever it is that you do in word or in work, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, thanking God the Father through him. You wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as it is becoming in the Lord. You husbands, keep on loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry with them. You children, be obedient to your parents in everything, for this is well-pleasing in the Lord. You fathers, do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted. Whatever you are doing, work at it whole-souled as to Jehovah, and not to men, for you know that it is from Jehovah you will receive the due reward of the inheritance. You are slaves to the Master Christ.”—Col. 3:13-21, 23, 24, NW.

²⁵ So apply this practical counsel for forgiveness, peace, love, spirituality, subjection, obedience and forbearance in the family circle. And if it becomes difficult at times—and it will—work at it whole-souled as something done for Jehovah. If it is done as to him you will receive a reward from him, if not from appreciative family members.

Theocratic Tact in Divided Households

“Do you imagine I came to give peace on the earth? No, indeed, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on there will be five in one house divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Indeed, a man’s enemies will be persons of his own household.”—Luke 12:51-53; Matt. 10:36, NW.

1. When is theocratic conduct in the family circle more difficult?

WHEN all members of the family are dedicated to Jehovah theocratic conduct is possible. The family recognizes the man’s headship and parental authority, and both are exercised in love. The family studies together, attends meetings together, serves in the field together, and shares household duties. But what if not all family members are witnesses of Jehovah accepting his principles?

2. If the wife is not in the truth and the husband is, what is his responsibility toward her, and what counsel by Jesus can he apply?

² What if the husband is one of Jehovah’s witnesses but the wife is not? It does not alter the husband’s responsibility as head of the house. He must provide food, clothing and shelter. More than that, he still has the husbandly role to love his wife, be a companion to her, see that she has some recreation, and when it is opportune he will try to help her see the truth. When Jesus sent out his apostles to preach he told them not to try to force the message on any household, but to leave off speaking when the truth was rejected. Moreover, they were to be “cautious as serpents and yet innocent as doves.” (Matt. 10:16, NW) This counsel also applies in the home. The truth is to be forced on no one. When it is timely present it tactfully. It is not a club with which to belabor your mate. It is not something to be driven in by sheer force and persistent pounding. Rather than using such bludgeoning methods, follow up tactfully sowing of truth by the wordless preaching by example, letting your Christian conduct speak in recommendation of the truth.

3-5. What is written at 1 Peter 3:1-5, and what is its application?

³ This wordless preaching by example is specifically recommended to wives whose husbands are not in the truth: “In like manner, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect. And do not let your adornment be that of the external braiding of the hair and of the putting on of gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garments, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God. For so, too, formerly the holy women who were hoping in God used to adorn themselves, subjecting themselves to their own husbands.”—1 Pet. 3:1-5, NW.

⁴ Even if the husband is not in the truth, is “not obedient to the word,” the wife devoted to Jehovah must still be subject to her husband. When the above scripture speaks of winning over the unbelieving husband without a word, and of the wife not braiding her hair or putting on ornaments or wearing outer garments, it does not mean that she will never speak the truth, that she will never comb or fix her hair attractively, that she will never use jewelry, and certainly it does not mean she will never wear outer garments. Rather, by this forceful expression it is showing where chief emphasis belongs, that the most important ornamentation is a quiet and mild spirit, a chaste course of conduct, a deep respect for her husband. More important than the outward appearance of her person is “the secret person of the heart,” what she is inside, inwardly, in the heart. What kind of person dwells there, what motives are there, what disposition or spirit is there? This secret person of the heart manifests itself by her conduct, and if it is good it will clothe her with chaste deeds and respectful bearing. (Rom. 7:22; 2 Cor. 4:16; 1 Tim. 2:9, 10, NW) Holy women of ancient times so adorned themselves, but they also used jewelry and fine garments, and on occasion Jehovah referred to his people under the symbol of a woman and he himself adorned such woman with rich apparel and costly jewelry. (Gen. 24:22, 53; Ex. 3:22; 35:22; Esther 5:1; Isa. 61:10; Ezek. 16:10-14) So we should not try to confine the meaning of this text in a strait jacket of literalness, but recognize that it is showing forcefully where primary emphasis belongs.

⁵ So the wife devoted to Jehovah will show the good effect of the truth upon her by her Christian conduct, and that may win over the unbelieving husband without any words, or have more effect than words. Sometimes husbands are lost because of words, too many words. She will, of course, explain the truth as she has opportunity and show why she attends meetings and goes out in the service, but never pressing matters too hard or becoming tactless. She will be specially careful to perform her wifely duties, keep the home clean, prepare good meals, look after her children and devote some time to her husband as a companion. She will fit her witnessing work into her schedule when it least conflicts with her wifely obligations.

6. If your marriage partner is not in the truth, is it grounds for separation? or when could you separate, with what limitations?

⁶ Your marriage mate’s not being in the truth is not grounds for separation: “If any brother has an unbelieving wife, and yet she is agreeable to dwelling with him, let him not leave her; and a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and yet he is agreeable to dwelling with her, let her not leave her husband.” Your unbelieving mate may eventually accept the truth because of observing your good conduct or hearing your tactful testimony: “Wife, how do you know but that you will save your husband? Or, husband, how do you know but that you will save your wife?” But if the unbelieving one wishes to separate, the believer need not try to prevent it, but may “let him depart.” Sometimes the unbeliever makes conditions intolerable, yet remains with the believer. It may become so difficult that the believer decides to separate, being unable to continue. The husband may use extreme physical violence on his wife or may fail to provide material support, or the wife may oppose the husband’s theocratic service or otherwise put in jeopardy his spiritual welfare, endangering his prospects of eternal life. If the believer decides this is the case with his marriage he may separate, but since adultery or death is the only way a marriage is canceled in Jehovah’s sight the believer is not free to remarry, even if a legal divorce is obtained: “If she should actually depart, let her remain single or else make up again with her husband; and a husband should not leave his wife,” without being under similar restrictions.—1 Cor. 7:12, 13, 16, 15, 11; Matt. 19:9; Mark 10:11, 12; Rom. 7:2, 3, NW.

7. What will parents do whose children are not in the truth?

⁷ Frequently the division in a household is between parents and children. If the parents are dedicated servants of Jehovah but their children are not, the parents will endeavor to teach their children, using patience and tact. They must present the truth in a way that their children can grasp it, and also bring their children to the congregational meetings with them. Though in many modern families it has been reversed, parents are still obligated to have their children in subjection and under control, and if a family head cannot do this he is considered unfit to be a special servant in the Christian congregation. Just as servants in the congregation perform their duties lovingly and tactfully, so the parents must exercise their parental authority with a firmness that is tempered by love and tact. If only one parent is in the truth, then that one must instruct the children to the extent possible, and thereby hope to save the children.—1 Tim. 3:4, 5; 1 Cor. 7:14.

8. What course will children take when their parents are not in the truth?

⁸ The situation is more delicate when the children accept the truth but the parents do not. The children are still under the control of their parents and must submit to it, as Jesus did. Yet at the same time they must keep Jehovah’s service in mind, as Jesus did when he was a child. Children will certainly try to explain the truth to their parents and show the obligation they feel to study and serve, and, even more important, they will try to show by their improved conduct and co-operation the change for the better that the truth has made in them. Maybe they can thereby win over their parents. It has happened before. Perhaps their parents will allow the children to bring adult witnesses mature in the truth to the home to present a more thorough witness concerning the New World hope.—Luke 2:48, 49, 51.

9. The heeding of what counsel is especially important in divided households?

⁹ It is especially important to keep a tactful tongue in our head when living in a divided household. Divine counsel is, “Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt, so as to know how you ought to give an answer to each one.” If this applies to outsiders, it certainly does to those inside the family circle. “Return evil for evil to no one,” including evil speech. To answer back in an angry rebuttal may not be to the personal interest of an unbelieving member of the family, but the one loving Jehovah will be “doing nothing out of contentiousness or out of egotism, but with lowliness of mind considering that the others are superior to you, keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just your own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of the others.” Refuse to become provoked or loud, and realize it is better to take abuse than to give it: “Let the sun not set with you in a provoked state. Let a rotten saying not proceed out of your mouth, but whatever saying is good for building up as the need may be, that it may impart what is favorable to the hearers. Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you along with all injuriousness.”—Col. 4:6; Rom. 12:17; Phil. 2:3, 4; Eph. 4:26, 29, 31, NW.

10. Where must compromise and concession end, and why not feel unduly depressed if all our efforts to win over family members fail?

¹⁰ The believers in a divided household should make many concessions to preserve peace and perhaps win over the unbelievers, but there is a point where compromise must end, and that is when integrity to Jehovah is put in jeopardy. Study, meeting attendance and service may be curtailed, but they must never cease. We may yield on many points, but to yield integrity is to yield everything, including life itself. When it comes to a showdown, even with family members, “we must obey God as ruler rather than men.” The showdown will constitute a sore trial. Peter wrote: “Beloved ones, do not be puzzled at the burning among you which is happening to you for a trial, as though a strange thing were befalling you.” Surely it is a fiery trial when we must endure the abuse of loved ones, when our foes are within our very family circles; but we should not think it strange. Did not Jesus himself warn: “Do you imagine that I came to give peace on the earth? No, indeed, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on there will be five in one house divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Indeed, a man’s enemies will be persons of his own household.” So if all our efforts to win over unbelievers in our household fail we should not let ourselves be depressed or downhearted about it. It is in fulfillment of Jesus’ words. And just as the Bible says a leopard cannot change its spots, we need not expect to change a goat into a sheep nor should a sheep act like a goat; keep being a sheep.—Acts 5:29; 1 Pet. 4:12; Luke 12:51-53; Matt. 10:36, NW.

EXEMPLARY INTEGRITY ON THE HOME FRONT

11. How did one young girl meet family opposition, with what outcome?

¹¹ Listen to just a couple of the thousands of cases of one’s enemies being in one’s household. A young girl sixteen years old was called on at her home; then there were some back-calls on her, finally a Bible study with her. Family opposition increased, and finally the father and mother put it up to her either to give up her new religion or to leave home. She refused to drop the truth, and they drove her from the house without giving her even time to get her clothes. When she went to live with other witnesses the father and mother became even more enraged, went to the juvenile court judge and charged her with criminal delinquency. At her trial her parents testified against her, charged her and the organization with many false accusations. The odds looked in favor of the parents, but Jehovah gave the victory and freed the girl from the custody of her parents. Today she is married to a witness and is raising children to be witnesses also. But that is not all. The cruel and inhuman procedure taken by the parents swept her brother to her side as one of Jehovah’s witnesses. He was driven from home and put in an orphanage. When he became old enough to gain his freedom he left, took up witnessing, became a full-time worker and now is serving full time at Brooklyn Bethel.

12, 13. What test confronted a young man, how did he meet it, and what finally resulted?

¹² Consider the trial of faith of a young man when he was just learning the truth. His entire family opposed him. As he read the literature and talked the truth, his father, mother, brother and sister all said he was going crazy. He finally had to quit talking the truth to them to avoid continual battles. After he attended his first meeting at the local Kingdom Hall his father made one last desperate effort to break the man’s association with the truth. There was a family discussion over the demand that he give up the truth, this hated and despised new religion. He stood alone against the family, and in the presence of his father and mother refused to quit reading the truth and associating with Jehovah’s witnesses. When he said this his father, who was a state police officer, whipped out his .45 automatic pistol, pushed it between the eyes of the young man, and yelled, “You either give up this blank-blank religion or I’ll blow your brains out!” Putting his trust in Jehovah, the son said, “No, I’m not quitting and if you’ve got the nerve to pull the trigger go ahead and pull it!” The father lacked the nerve, slammed the gun back in its holster, and ran cursing from the room.

¹³ The young man was later baptized, became a publisher, then a servant in the local congregation, and is now at Bethel. But the tests were not over. When he entered full-time service his wife quit him and sued for divorce because he chose to serve Jehovah with all his heart, mind, soul and strength. Job of ancient times is not the only one that had a wife tell him to curse God and die, and he is not the only one to refuse and say he would keep his integrity till he died! (Job 2:9; 27:5) In the meantime the mother was impressed by her son’s course, and when the father divorced her and left her without support she took her stand for Jehovah, went into the pioneer work and died faithful in the service. The son is still serving at Bethel.

14, 15. In what spectacular maintenance of integrity do we glory? yet what other fight for the faith must we never forget?

¹⁴ We often hear of the trials of faithful witnesses behind the iron curtain, in labor camps, in concentration camps, suffering cold and hunger and torture, facing firing squads. We shudder at their trials, marvel at their integrity, rejoice in their stanch stand and unflinching zeal through it all. We glory in the striking contribution they make to Jehovah’s vindication and pray for their continued courage in the face of mounting tortures and deaths inflicted on them. Let us remember also others behind the iron curtain or under dictatorial governments who, besides the risk of suffering such things, are being sorely tried in other ways. What of those whose home is a divided front with a constant clash of wills, with a war of nerves and a battle of attrition ceaselessly raging, and in danger of being exposed or betrayed to the government? Is such life easy? Is it not a sore trial to love a mate, yet see that mate going against you, opposing Jehovah, heading for destruction? Maybe children turn against parents, bringing on untold heartache. Most excruciating is the pain from wounds inflicted by loved ones.

¹⁵ It is not easy to endure physical torture, likewise with mental anguish; it is trialsome to face a firing squad once, likewise with a barrage of abuse daily, year in and year out, and be continually nagged and ridiculed in your own home, left out of the family circle and its affairs because you serve Jehovah. In many cases one can walk out of this more easily than out of a prison or concentration camp. However, let us not forget the cold war that chills the family circle where some are in the truth and some not, where a constant 24-hours-a-day fight for the faith unfolds on the home front So let us not forget the patient outworking of such lives over the years. While perhaps not so spectacular, yet these trials and persecutions can be very trying. The sharpest daggers that can be plunged into the heart of man are those propelled by loved ones of his own household, but even they are not able to turn Jehovah’s dedicated servants from faithful service!

16. What comfort is there for those who have lost families because of their stand for the truth?

¹⁶ Are there any now reading these lines that have lost their families because of the truth, as in the two cases above mentioned? Are you like them? Do you think you have lost a family? If so, just look and see your new brothers and sisters of the New World society united with you in Jehovah’s service, and as you look realize that you are experiencing the fulfillment of Jesus’ promise: “No one has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for my sake and for the sake of the good news who will not get a hundredfold now in this period of time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and fields, with persecutions, and in the coming system of things everlasting life.” (Mark 10:29, 30, NW) And it is not just the dozen or hundred brothers and sisters around you now in your local congregation that you have gained. No, but there are hundreds of thousands of them all over the earth, ready to receive you with open arms, open doors, and, above all, with open hearts. And this great theocratic family circle will not be broken by nagging, by fussing, by fighting, by rebellion or by godlessness, for it is a family united under Jehovah God and his King Christ Jesus, and every member in it is intent upon maintaining unending theocratic conduct within this joyous family circle! May Jehovah help us to do so always!

Priest Rebukes Parishioner

One of Jehovah’s witnesses who works in a factory in France was being continually ridiculed by his foreman because of being a witness of Jehovah. One day the parish priest visited the factory. The foreman lost no time in calling the priest over and saying mockingly, “You have before you a witness of Jehovah, a heathen.” However, the priest replied, “You are mistaken, Monsieur. Jehovah’s witnesses are not heathen. They are Christians like us, and Jehovah is God’s name. You should not make fun of Jehovah’s witnesses, for they have strong faith.” The foreman was stupefied, and promptly walked out. The priest turned to the young witness and whispered, “When I preach, the workers don’t believe me. They say I do it to make money. But you can speak to them. You are a worker like them, and they will listen to you.” Incidentally, from that day on, the foreman has never ridiculed the witness.

“Go, Preach” or “Sit, Listen”?

Today’s so-called Christianity is too often a “go and-sit” affair, rather than a “get-out-and-do” matter. Is yours a religion of sitters or of workers? Is your religion strengthening enough that you will take your own time to get up and go out regularly to tell your neighbors why it is important? The Bible says a great deal about strength and zeal and faith. Jesus said in Matthew 10:7: “Go, preach”; today’s churchgoers have changed it to: “Sit, listen.” Which do you do?

Questions From Readers

● Isaiah 54:1 says: “More are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife.” Who is the married wife here mentioned?—M. F., United States.

“Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith Jehovah.” The account continues with a call for the desolate woman to enlarge her tent and prepare for increase because the shame of her youth and her widowhood is to be forgotten: “For thy Maker is thy husband; Jehovah of hosts is his name.” In wrath Jehovah had hidden his face from her for a moment and for a small moment he had forsaken her, but now with great mercy and loving-kindness he takes to himself this desolate one who was like a widow and blesses her with numerous offspring, making her more blessed in this respect than the married wife.—Isa. 54:1-8, AS.

Paul spoke of these two symbolic women and likened them to Sarah and Hagar: “It is written that Abraham acquired two sons, one by the servant girl and one by the free woman; but the one by the servant girl was actually born in the manner of flesh, the other by the free woman through a promise. These things stand as a symbolic drama; for these women mean two covenants, the one from mount Sinai, which brings forth children for slavery, and which is Hagar. Now this Hagar means Sinai, a mountain in Arabia, and she corresponds with the Jerusalem today, for she is in slavery with her children. But the Jerusalem above is free, and she is our mother. For it is written: ‘Be glad, you barren woman who does not bear children; break out and cry aloud, you woman