You Can Cope With Life​—Why Do Some Choose Suicide?

ARE you finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the problems surrounding you? When you read the accompanying article “So Glad to Be Alive!” you will see how one woman learned to cope and found a reason to live. You, too, can cope. However, the facts show that a growing number of people feel unable to cope with life.

In the United States there are some 25,000 suicides recorded each year. It is estimated that several hundred thousand more fail in their attempts. There is also estimated to be an accumulated total of several million persons who have tried to take their lives.

Some countries have even higher suicide rates than the United States. Worldwide the suicide rate has reached alarming proportions. Both the wealthy and the poor are involved​—and the numbers keep increasing.

Why are so many people deciding that they can’t cope with life?

Why?

“The three H’s: haplessness, helplessness, and hopelessness,” answers Dr. Calvin J. Frederick, chief of emergency mental health and disaster assistance at the National Institute of Mental Health. Thus to the suicidal person one thing after another seems to go wrong. He feels unable to cope with the present and sees nothing good happening in the future to change things. But what causes a person to sink to such depths of despair? The reasons are varied.

Extreme poverty drives some to the point of desperation. For many people poverty means a question of survival​—a struggle to obtain enough food to feed them and their family. And some, feeling unable to cope with watching their family suffer from want, choose the alternative​—suicide.

Many others find it difficult to cope with a chronic, painful illness. Faced with a future of living every day in pain, some plan to end their lives and thus end the misery. In fact, to help such persons, recently a book was published that is described as “the world’s first guide on how to commit suicide effectively.”

Pointing to another factor is the comment by a spokeswoman for the Samaritans, an organization in England that specializes in helping suicidal persons. She said: “It seems that depression is increasing and one factor in this may be unemployment.” (Italics added.) To illustrate: Young people leaving school and unable to get a job share with older persons, who have been made redundant, a common feeling of rejection. Frustration can soon lead to acute depression. Social welfare or unemployment payments do not solve that problem. And, what about the man who loses the job that for a number of years has enabled him to provide well for his family? Now he searches the want ads every day. He goes on one job interview after another, but he can’t get a job. Meanwhile, the family still needs to eat. The bills are piling up. Clearly, not an easy situation to cope with either, is it?

Loneliness is something with which many others feel unable to cope. Perhaps one loses a mate in death after many years of happy marriage. To some the thought of life without their mate is unbearable.

Some researchers feel that suicide among the elderly is a reaction to a series of losses: their mate dies; their children have moved away from home; they retire or are forced to retire; they must live on a fixed income while prices keep rising; their memory begins to fail; their health slowly deteriorates; self-respect is lost as they find themselves becoming more dependent on others. Thus suicide can be viewed as a way to avoid burdening others or as an alternative to spending the rest of their days in a nursing home.

Young Suicides​—Why?

The most striking increase in suicides and suicide attempts is among youths. In the United States some sources estimate that 57 children and teenagers attempt suicide every hour. Canada has had a fourfold increase in young suicides since the 1950’s. Similar trends are reported from France, the Federal Republic of Germany, Japan and Sweden. Why do so many young people feel unable to cope with life?

Hopelessness about the future is pointed to as one of the leading reasons. Dr. Diane Syer, as director of the Crisis Intervention Unit at Toronto’s East General Hospital, said that young people who attempt suicide sense “that their world isn’t going to get any better and so what’s the use of going on.”

At schools and universities the seemingly never-ending pressure to “make the grade” drives many others to the breaking point. In the Federal Republic of Germany and Japan this fear of failure largely accounts for the high suicide rates among youths. In some cases it is the parents who apply the pressure, expecting their children not just to learn but to excel. Many push their children to pursue a particular career without giving any thought to their abilities and preferences. Dr. Richard Seiden, of the University of California, said: “Some parents need their children to achieve to make up for their feelings of inadequacy.”

Many researchers believe that insecurity in family life is another major cause. As more and more families are torn apart by divorce, many young people blame themselves for their parents’ breakup. Adding to the insecurity is permissiveness. Young people are left to make their own decisions about sex, drugs, alcohol​—decisions they are not prepared to make. They see this permissiveness as a lack of parental concern. As a result, some decide that their parents would be better off without them.

“Another factor is the devaluation of life,” says Dr. Herbert Hendin, associate clinical professor of psychiatry at New York city’s Columbia University. (Italics added.) What contributes to this “devaluation of life”? “By the time a child is 15, he or she has witnessed 14,000 murders or violent deaths on television,” says Dr. Seiden. Added to this are the popular songs that feature suicide as their subject: “Think I’m Gonna Kill Myself”; “I’m Mortuary Bound”; “Suicide.”

So often family members and friends of the victim are heard to say: “If only I had known . . .” Is it possible to know if a loved one is feeling unable to cope with life? What help can be given?

Help​—From Whom? From Where?

It is important to realize that how we treat those around us​—our family and friends—​can have a significant effect on whether they find life worth living. As one 16-year-old girl who had thought of suicide wrote: “Maybe if parents and kids were kinder to each other, if teachers were more understanding, if we didn’t feel so much competition with one another, if our minds weren’t so open to sex and closed to true relationships, we would all be better off.” But when a person feels that life is not worth living, where can he get help?

Help for young people should logically come from their parents. Older people who are feeling unable to cope also need to be able to turn to someone they know will care, someone who will offer sound, practical counsel. What should you look for so as to know if a loved one is thinking about giving up on life?

Authorities list a variety of warning signals: suicidal threats; isolation from others; abrupt changes in behavior, such as an outgoing person’s becoming withdrawn; giving away “prized possessions”; severe depression. Even loss of sleep, loss of appetite and decline in attention to schoolwork, where such changes are sudden, prolonged and uncharacteristic of the person, should not be ignored. But what can you do to help?

“Just being a friend, sitting down and letting the [person] talk it out” can help, says suicidologist Dr. Mark Solomon. Be sympathetic. Don’t say, “Oh, come on, your problems can’t be that serious.” Be willing to listen. Offer alternatives; help him to see that things can change. Don’t be afraid to speak frankly. This may help him to open up and talk about his problems.

Many, unable to find a hearing ear among loved ones, turn for help to suicide-prevention and crisis-intervention centers. A number of these are equipped with 24-hour telephone hot lines. At one such facility in the United States, the Los Angeles center, about 18,000 calls a year are answered. In England, the Samaritans (a nationwide organization) logged a peak of some 1,500,000 calls in 1979, a year when 4,192 committed suicide.

Such facilities not only try to save the life at the other end of the telephone line but may also provide referral information to help the person to cope with ongoing problems. These referrals may include mental health and medical services, perhaps even assistance in obtaining child care and employment.

When considering suicide, some turn to yet another source for help, as shown by the following experience:

A few months back, a young man telephoned the Watch Tower Society in London, England. He explained that he and his wife had a friend who was on the verge of suicide and asked for somebody to call at his home as quickly as possible.

Upon arrival, a representative from the local congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses met a young woman who was in a deep depression following an abortion. With the aid of the Bible, the Witness was able to speak about God’s mercy and helped her to build an understanding of Christian principles as a way of life. She was grateful for the help and encouragement to start afresh, which she did.

But why did her friends decide to call Jehovah’s Witnesses? Simply because they believed that their friend would be visited by somebody who cared and who would use the Bible to speak consolingly.​—1 Thess. 5:14.

You Can Cope!

Are you weighed down and depressed by one or more of the problems mentioned earlier? Have you ever felt unable to cope, that there’s no use in going on? True, you may have reason for a measure of sorrow. But do not despair​—you can cope! How?

Try to think positively. Most problems have a solution. If you don’t know what it could be in your case, why not try to confide in someone you know and whose advice you respect? An older, sympathetic friend may well have faced, and overcome, a similar difficulty. A solution can be simple. Sometimes what is needed is a change in attitude.

For example, is unemployment the cause of your depression? Have you been trying, without success, to get another job? Well, what kind of job are you looking for? One that offers the same position and salary as the job you lost? Perhaps it would be wiser to ‘swallow your pride’ and settle for a job that pays a little less, or, if necessary, much less. After all, something is better than nothing!

Is loneliness your problem? Then don’t isolate yourself. Fight against self-pity. One of the best things to combat loneliness is doing a kindness for someone else. ‘But I need help,’ you say. ‘How can I give help?’ Jesus Christ said: “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving.” (Acts 20:35) Why not try it? You’ll find that giving to others will lift your spirits. True, it will not remove your problem but can help you to cope with it.

But perhaps you feel that your problem​—chronic illness or death of a loved one—​is unsolvable. Nevertheless, there is a source of help available that can aid you in coping with even seemingly unsolvable problems. In fact, this source of help assures us that in the near future all problems will be completely solved. What is that source? A person whose knowledge and ability to help is far greater than that of any human. Yes, God himself.

It’s true that a lot of people scoff at such an idea. But you have to admit that there are a lot of people with problems, too. And their failure to turn to God does not make them better equipped to cope with their problems, does it?

In the Bible, at 2 Timothy 3:16, 17, we read: “All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial for teaching, for reproving, for setting things straight, for disciplining in righteousness, that the man of God may be fully competent.”

Yes, the Bible is God’s guide for man. Studying it and applying it in your life can help you to cope with all sorts of problems​—unemployment, poverty, loneliness, even problems apparently having no solution such as persistent ill health and death of a loved one. It gives God’s servants the assurance that, in times of stress and anxiety, they will have his loving care. And those who in faith look to Jehovah God for help that is in harmony with his will do get loving aid that truly satisfies their need.​—1 Pet. 5:7; 1 John 5:14.

But more than that, the Bible explains that present world problems are proof that we are living in the “last days.” (2 Tim. 3:1) Soon God will usher in a new order of things, one that will completely solve all the problems of those who love him. With reference to present world conditions, Jesus said: “But as these things start to occur, raise yourselves erect and lift your heads up, because your deliverance is getting near.”​—Luke 21:28; 2 Pet. 3:13.

That knowledge inspires hope. And that hope gives us reason to live, no matter what our problems may be. Why not find out more about it? Jehovah’s Witnesses will gladly assist you.

Yes, with the help of God’s Word, the Bible, you can cope with life!

[Blurb on page 7]

In the United States some sources estimate that 57 children and teenagers attempt suicide every hour

[Box on page 9]

WHAT YOU CAN DO

□ Try to think positively

□ Confide in someone

□ Sometimes a change in attitude is needed

□ Don’t isolate yourself

□ Fight against self-pity

[Pictures on page 5]

POVERTY

ILLNESS

UNEMPLOYMENT

[Pictures on page 6]

LONELINESS

HOPELESSNESS

FEAR OF FAILURE

[Pictures on page 7]

“By the time a child is 15, he or she has witnessed 14,000 murders or violent deaths on television”

INSECURITY IN FAMILY LIFE

DEVALUATION OF LIFE

[Pictures on page 8]

PARENTS

A FRIEND

SUICIDE PREVENTION CENTER

THE BIBLE

So Glad to Be Alive!

YES, three times I tried to commit suicide. But​—Oh! Now I am so glad to be alive!

I came from a broken home. My parents were never happy together, as far back as I can remember. When they finally were divorced, I was sent to a boarding school. Then during the holidays my sister and I were sent to different relatives, because my father, a merchant seaman, was unable to care for us. We both grew up feeling that we were not wanted.

In my teens I left the Roman Catholic Church, as I felt its teachings were contradictory. I could never believe in hellfire torment, nor that my destiny was to be in heaven. To me, death was just a period of peacefulness. And as for any meaning that life might have now, I seemed to exist for no purpose.

Marriage did not solve my problems. Things began to get on top of me. Occasionally I would go out to visit friends, but so often they would say, “Oh, I’m just on my way out!” or, “Can you do me a favour and do this for me?” I found myself running around after them and they were not giving me the attention I felt I needed.

I sat and read books most of the day. I stopped cooking and baking. I stopped talking to people or doing anything apart from the bare necessities. People around me just ignored me, or I thought they did. It was all so strange. I felt miserable, lonely, and desperately in need of somebody with whom I could talk. But there was nobody. I had shut everybody out of my life! All of this led to my first attempt to take my life.

Why Suicide?

When a person plans to commit suicide (and so many do plan it very carefully), the people around him fall into three categories. First, there are those he loves very much, but he feels that he has failed them somehow. He thinks that these loved ones will be much better off without him. In the second category are those whom he wants to strike out against. He feels that he has been so badly hurt by these that the best way to hurt them is by killing himself​—then they will surely suffer pangs of conscience. In the third group there are the people who he believes do not care about him at all, and will not care even if something happens to him. Looking back, all three played a part in my thinking.

The time came when I could no longer cope with all the things going on around me. I loved my children dearly, but I became genuinely convinced that they would have a better life without me since I was so incapable. Then, when I had a quarrel with my husband, I reasoned that my death would surely be a blow against him. Finally, I had nobody around me who cared and to whom I could talk about my problems.

I planned my death carefully. I turned on the gas and lay down to die. Strangely, at that very moment my husband telephoned to apologize for our quarrel. Getting no answer, he came home from work in the nick of time. Alerted by the smell of gas, he smashed the door down and saved my life.

When I came round, I was very upset and very angry. My acute frustration soon led me to my second attempt. Again, I had had a dispute with my husband, but, rather than facing my problems, I was only capable of running away from them. If only I had known how to cope​—but I did not.

I put on my heaviest coat and walked for miles, down to the river Thames. I reasoned that, as I was unable to swim, the heavy coat would soon drag me under the water. How right I was! But, quite by chance, a police boat was in the vicinity of the bridge from which I had jumped. Within five or six minutes I was dragged aboard. The police told me that if they had been any later, I would have been pulled under by the sheer weight of my wet clothing.

I injured myself in the jump and spent many months in a hospital. As a result, my children were put in protective care. The authorities tried to rehabilitate me with religion, psychology and psychiatry. But they never got very far.

After my discharge, I was taking pills to wake me up, others to relax me, more to put me to sleep​—up to 20 different pills a day! My children, I could see, were greatly disturbed. Bringing them home just once every week, as I was permitted to do, was doing them much harm. So once again I decided to free them, by ending my life.

Late one night, I went to a very lonely spot, the most desolate place I could think of, and swallowed my supply of pills​—all of them. I really should not be alive today to tell the tale. But in the early morning a man living nearby was awakened by his dog and decided to take it for a walk. He found me lying in the grass. I was rushed to a hospital and my stomach was pumped out.

When I woke up, I burst into tears. I was so upset, so miserable. I felt as if I were in a very dark room. My loneliness was so intense. There was no one to whom I could turn. My life had been saved, but for what? I so wanted to die.

My Lifeline​—Prayer

My husband kindly set up a new home for me and the children, and I resigned myself to taking care of them until they were old enough to care for themselves. Then I would see what I would do with my life. I still had a defeatist attitude.

One day my husband had a conversation with one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. When, at my husband’s invitation, the Witness returned, I spoke to him. I had always had a respect for the Bible and was absolutely amazed at this man’s knowledge of it. For every question I asked him, he gave me answer​—a beautiful Bible answer!

As you can imagine, I was in a very depressed state at that time. Although instinctively I knew that there was a Supreme Being, I had never known how to get in contact with him. Yet this man could pray​—and he taught me how to pray! I remember asking: “Why pray in the name of Jesus? Why pray to God? Why not to Jesus Christ? or to Mary?” From the Scriptures came the satisfying answers. It was as if somebody had just opened a door to me, and how gratefully I entered through it!​—Matt. 6:9; John 16:23, 24.

Within a matter of weeks, I started praying in a way I had never prayed before. I found that I did not have to attempt to stand on my own. I did not have to do everything by myself. (Phil. 4:6, 7) At that time I had been smoking 60 or 70 cigarettes a day. But within a matter of three or four weeks I quit the habit. I no longer needed that crutch.

I soon found great joy and contentment from sharing with my neighbours the comfort that the “good news” had brought me. Added strength came to me from my association at the meetings at the local Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Within six months, in May 1975, I dedicated my life to Jehovah God.

All this thought of suicide started more than 10 years ago. I still get depressed now and then, when things get on top of me, as I suppose everyone does. But now I have a ‘strength beyond what is normal.’ (2 Cor. 4:7, 8) I have Jehovah’s help. No matter how miserable I may get, He always comes knocking at my door​—not literally, of course, but in one way or another He comes as if to say: ‘You are not on your own!’

My lifeline of prayer is always open. I am truly grateful. I have my life, a loving family and a purpose in living. For what more can anyone ask?​—Contributed by an “Awake!” reader in England.