Men and the Middle Years

“ONE day, while shaving,” recalled one man, “I saw . . . how gray my hair was getting . . . I noticed how puffy I was under the eyes, and then I saw how lined my forehead was​—and then I saw my whole face, and it was a terrible shock.”

Awareness of age does not always strike like lightning. But sooner or later a man notices how winded he feels after climbing a flight of stairs, or how tired he is after a day’s work. Now he tensely listens when the man on TV talks about the prevalence of middle-age heart attacks. He may even find himself scanning the obituary page. Too, his male pride can ache when he imagines he is no longer attractive to the opposite sex. Some men notice a decline in their sexual powers.

Doctors, however, say that a man usually will not lose his reproductive powers until well into old age. Of course, if there is a medical problem, proper treatment can be sought.

Nevertheless, researchers Masters and Johnson report that after age 50 “the incidence of sexual inadequacy in the human male takes a sharp upturn.” And likely a number of physical and emotional factors are responsible. The fear of failure, for example, appears to be a very prominent factor. As one writer explains: “A single sexual failure can be devastating. The . . . man may then withdraw from sex with his spouse to avoid being further humiliated.”

Symptoms of Crisis

Understandably, men can feel threatened by middle age. A man can find himself embroiled in an intense inward struggle to retain his youth and identity. But his crisis can reveal itself in a number of ways. Some men suffer an “attack of vanity.” As a clothing salesman once observed, middle-aged men often “come in [a store] wearing conservative cuts, dark gray and blue, and . . . walk out with vents, plaids, gold buttons, [and] hot pink shirts.”

There are other “crisis” indicators: drastic changes in life-style, a person’s becoming depressed, withdrawn, indecisive, apathetic. Some men even get ill.

But what is really at the heart of this sometimes erratic behavior? Is it not a failure to “sow” sound values, to cultivate a realistic view of life? On the other hand, a man whose thinking is guided by Bible principles need not suffer this despair. How so?

For one thing, he knows and accepts the fact that life is painfully short, that aging is an inevitability. (See Psalm 90:10.) His self-worth is not measured by his appeal to the opposite sex. Rather, his “boast” is in his relationship with God. (1 Corinthians 1:31) So he doesn’t have to be unduly perturbed over gray hairs, or even the beginnings of a paunch. He knows the folly of ‘thinking more of himself than it is necessary to think.’ (Romans 12:3) The Bible’s counsel to be “modest” helps him to view his limitations realistically. (Micah 6:8) It even prods him to be selective in his dress and grooming. True, modesty does not rule out dressing tastefully, even stylishly. But he is not impelled to follow the clothing fads of Western youths and adorn his chest with neck chains or to stuff himself into tight jeans. His dress reflects the dignity of his age.

“I’m Trapped”

Mid-life is also a time when a man may reassess his life. For example, he may give a lot of thought to his secular job​—its pressures, its monotony, its insecurity. He may even feel like the 52-year-old salesman who said: “I’m trapped in a job I’ve held for twenty years, and I’m getting nowhere.” And the bitter disappointment of being passed over for promotion by men nearly half his age and with far less experience can make a man loathe the thought of going to work.

Of course, one whose life centers around a job may despair when his expectations collide with reality. Difficult working conditions are hard for anyone. But a man who is guided by Bible principles does not feel that life has lost its meaning if he does not make it to the top in his field. He knows that rivalry for position is “vanity and a striving after the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 4:4) He has watched others around him ruin their health and undermine their family life by pushing for prominence. But he is grateful to have a job that provides what he needs and he finds satisfaction in doing it well. His secular work is not the center of his life but simply a means to provide for his family and to care for his needs while pursuing spiritual interests. Armed with this viewpoint, he can “see good for all his hard work . . . for the number of the days of his life that the true God has given him, for that is his portion.”​—Ecclesiastes 5:18; 1 Timothy 5:8.

[Pictures on page 7]

Some seek satisfaction through youthful clothing fads . . .

. . . but true satisfaction comes from work well done