Uniting the Divided Household

“Wife, how do you know but that you will save your husband? Or, husband, how do you know but that you will save your wife?”​—1 Cor. 7:16.

1. What did Jesus Christ foretell with regard to households, and why?

DIVIDED households​—how could such a thing come about? By one or more members of a household learning God’s truth, the truth concerning God’s purposes, as revealed in the Holy Bible. Yes, this is what Jesus Christ foretold at Luke 12:51-53: “Do you imagine I came to give peace on the earth? No, indeed, I tell you, but rather division. For from now on there will be five in one house divided, three against two and two against three. They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.” Not all persons in a family, Jesus shows, will readily recognize or appreciate the truth that comes from God.

2, 3. Since Jesus is no marriage wrecker, what is the wise way to handle a divided household?

² Since God’s truth is not popular with this world, many persons oppose it and especially resent it when members of their own household take a stand for God and his kingdom. Divided households, as Jesus’ prophecy indicates, were certain to occur. But does this mean that the situation in a divided household is hopeless? that nothing can be done to help the situation? No! Improvement is possible. Jesus is no marriage wrecker, so one’s learning God’s truth does not mean breaking up the marriage. The wise and optimistic way to handle a divided household is set out by the apostle Paul at 1 Corinthians 7:12-16:

³ “If any brother has an unbelieving wife, and yet she is agreeable to dwelling with him, let him not leave her; and a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and yet he is agreeable to dwelling with her, let her not leave her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in relation to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in relation to the brother; otherwise, your children would really be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbelieving one proceeds to depart, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not in servitude under such circumstances, but God has called you to peace. For, wife, how do you know but that you will save your husband? Or, husband, how do you know but that you will save your wife?”

4. In what sense can a believing wife “save” her unbelieving husband?

⁴ Can the believing wife, then, “save” her unbelieving husband by staying with him? Yes, this might be possible. If she does in time “save” her husband, it is, of course, salvation in a relative sense, since salvation is from Jehovah. (Rev. 7:10) But a wife can in a relative measure save her husband, just as a person can use a company’s facilities for lifesaving to save a drowning man. The company may have a boat with rescue equipment. And when the rescuers see a person floundering in the sea, they throw out equipment to save him. The one hauling the person in from the raging sea is the one most active in the salvation, yet the company, too, must be considered, since it provided the facilities for lifesaving. Jehovah makes the arrangements for salvation, but he uses individuals to have a part in this lifesaving work.

5, 6. What, then, is the proper attitude for a believer with an unbelieving mate?

⁵ So the believing wife can “save” her unbelieving husband. She can help him to salvation. How encouraging that is! To do this, the apostle Paul says, let the wife stay with her unbelieving husband. A Christian wife preaches the Kingdom good news to outsiders, so why not try to help members of her own household, especially that one with whom she is one flesh? Thus Christian women with unbelieving husbands should never lose hope that their divided household can be united!

⁶ Consider, for example, the mother of three children in Spain. She was cruelly opposed when she learned the Bible truth. Her husband even applied in a Catholic court for separation, charging that his wife was poisoning the children’s minds. The court awarded custody of two children to the father. All seemed lost. But she appealed to God. Later, by chance, the husband happened to meet an old friend. How surprised he was to learn that his friend was now one of Jehovah’s witnesses! After a two-hour discussion, a Bible study was started with the husband. He changed, and now his family is “more united than ever before.” So Christian wives need never lose hope.

7. What factors may account for a husband’s remaining an unbeliever, and so what should Christian ministers do?

⁷ Also it is well to remember that it is not always a case of the unbeliever outrightly hating God’s truth. Why, it may be that he simply was not introduced to Bible truth at the same time, and so he resents his mate’s being ahead of him. Also perhaps no effort was made to hold a Bible study with the entire family. As a result the unbelieving member may not understand what Jehovah’s witnesses really teach and what they are really like. Or could it be that the husband does not want to be taught religion by his wife? There is need for Christian ministers to analyze a situation in which the husband remains an unbeliever. What is the root of the problem?

8. How do unbelievers differ as to degree, and how can progress be made in helping any unbeliever?

⁸ Remember, unbelievers differ as to degree. Some bitterly persecute the believer. Some constantly nag the believer, trying to break down integrity. Some subtly discourage the believer. Others show indifference toward true worship. Other unbelieving mates are favorable to God’s truth but do little to make spiritual progress. Gradual progress can be made in helping the unbeliever in any of these categories. Showing the proper Christian qualities results in breaking down opposition or in stirring up interest. If the unbeliever is favorable, the believer, with the aid of the Christian congregation, should work toward the goal of uniting the family by means of a home Bible study. If the unbeliever is opposed, the believer needs to endure even under abuse and persecution.

KEEPING INTEGRITY​—THE FIRST GOAL

9. (a) What is the Christian’s foremost goal in a divided household? Why? (b) If the unbeliever presses the matter to a showdown, then what?

⁹ This brings us to the first goal in a divided household. What is that? The believer needs to keep integrity to God and to obey the one through whom God speaks today​—his beloved Son, Jesus Christ. To yield integrity is to yield life itself. (Heb. 1:1, 2; 2:3; Matt. 10:32-35) When discussing divided households, Jesus said: “Indeed, a man’s enemies will be persons of his own household,” and then Jesus explained: “He that has greater affection for father or mother than for me is not worthy of me; and he that has greater affection for son or daughter than for me is not worthy of me.” (Matt. 10:36, 37) If it must come to a showdown, then what? The believer must “obey God as ruler rather than men.” (Acts 5:29) True, it may be a long war of nerves, but keep the goal of integrity foremost. The believer should refuse to become provoked or loud, when the going gets difficult. Realize that it is better to take abuse than to give it. (Eph. 4:26, 29, 31) And all who are members of the Christian congregation can help these persons who are fighting the battle of integrity on the home front. Encourage them to endure, to keep integrity to Almighty God.

10, 11. Why is keeping integrity to God vital in helping the unbeliever?

¹⁰ Always remember this: The integrity of the believer is a must to enable the unbeliever to see the importance of loving God’s truth. Consider what might happen if a wife fails to keep integrity by agreeing not to go to meetings of the Christian congregation. May not the husband feel that these meetings could not be so important after all or she would never give them up? May he not feel that her interest in the Bible is merely a passing fancy and nothing of any consequence? If so, how can the believer expect the unbeliever to take an interest in God’s Word?

¹¹ On the other hand, if the wife keeps on going to meetings of the Christian congregation, explaining to her unbelieving husband why they are so important to her, he might in time be impressed. May not the unbeliever eventually accept an invitation to attend one of these meetings and thus see for himself their beneficial nature? So the believing mate must always remember that keeping integrity works for the benefit not only of the believer, but also of the unbeliever.

HELPING THE UNBELIEVING MATE​—THE SECOND GOAL

12. (a) If the second goal in a divided household is to be realized, what should the believer try to do? (b) If staying with an unbelieving mate results in domestic persecution, how should this be viewed?

¹² The believer’s keeping integrity is a must if the second goal is ever to be realized​—and that is to help the unbelieving mate to learn God’s truth. To do this the believing mate tries to stay with the unbelieving mate. By living together, the unbeliever is in constant touch with true worship, and this is most beneficial for the unbelieving mate and for the children. Timothy’s mother, a Jewess, evidently remained with her unbelieving Greek husband, all the while imparting Scriptural instruction to her son Timothy. (Acts 16:1; 2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14, 15) This home religious education of Timothy prevailed over any pagan influence of his Greek father. So when the apostle Paul came to town the first time, Timothy joined his Jewish mother and his grandmother in becoming a Christian. (1 Tim. 1:1, 2; 2 Tim. 1:1, 2) Continuing to live with an unbelieving mate may subject the believing one to some form of domestic persecution. But, rather than separate, the believer can accept this as suffering for Christ’s sake and can strive to show the unbelieving mate good Christian endurance. “If, when you are doing good and you suffer, you endure it, this is a thing agreeable with God.”​—1 Pet. 2:20.

13. Why should the believer never give up hope that the unbelieving mate will respond to the Bible’s message?

¹³ If your marriage mate is opposed to God’s truth, tactfully try to help the unbeliever. Gradually endeavor to reduce the opposition. If the unbeliever is not opposed, but simply is indifferent, try to stir up interest gradually. Never give up in your determination to help the unbelieving mate to learn God’s truth. As trouble and violence increase throughout the earth, some unbelievers may be jarred into examining the Bible’s explanation of present-day events. Also circumstances change. One husband who was unfavorable to the message of Jehovah’s witnesses had an auto accident and narrowly escaped death. The next day he asked his wife to call a Witness, and a home Bible study was started with him. There is always hope that a divided household can be united. But to unite such a household, it is absolutely vital that the believing mate live up to the twofold goal: Keep integrity and try to help the unbeliever to learn God’s truth. Always work toward the goal of a united household, praying God’s blessing upon your loving efforts.

THE CHRISTIAN HUSBAND IN A DIVIDED HOME

14. Why is one’s being a Christian husband in a divided house a more favorable situation, and what is the husband’s responsibility?

¹⁴ Not always, of course, does a divided household have an unbelieving husband; the unbeliever may be the wife. If so, what is the Christian husband’s responsibility? A dedicated, baptized worshiper of Jehovah God should give his unbelieving wife no occasion for wanting to depart from him. Because of the bettering effect of her husband’s belief upon him, she should see all the more reason for being agreeable to dwelling with him the same as before he became a Christian witness of Jehovah. One’s being a Christian husband in a divided home is a more favorable situation than a wife’s having an unbelieving husband. This is because here the believer is the head of his household. Though head of the house, the Christian husband still needs to use tact and kindness when speaking about God’s truth to his unbelieving mate. Properly the believing husband will kindly invite his wife to accompany him to meetings of the Christian congregation; but, if she refuses to respond to the invitation, he will not become angry with her, nor will he allow any wifely opposition to cause him to neglect associating with God’s people.​—Heb. 10:24, 25.

15-18. What are three possibilities to consider when the wife remains an unbeliever?

¹⁵ Why, then, does a wife sometimes appear opposed to God’s truth? Although there are many reasons, there are three that the believer does well to consider:

¹⁶ (1) Is it possible that he seems to be forcing Bible truth on her? If so, remember that it is vital to present the truth tactfully at the right time to unbelieving loved ones. A fine thing along this line would be for mature Christian women to call upon the unbelieving wife to try to kindle her interest and endeavor to start a home Bible study with her.

¹⁷ (2) Is the believer insisting on his personal desires that are not related to God’s requirements and that seem to slight her interests? How good it would be for him to put aside a few desires to spend some time doing what she wants!

¹⁸ (3) It may be that the unbelieving wife is mainly opposed to her husband’s being away from home so much, rather than the Bible truth itself. So he must realize that she needs companionship and recreation provided by him. True, he cannot compromise Christian duties just to please her, but he may have to adjust his schedule to be with her more. His applying these principles may cause her to look into the faith that produced such loving consideration from him.

19. Like the apostle Paul, what principle should the believing husband follow when trying to save another?

¹⁹ To help win his unbelieving wife to God’s truth, the believing husband does well to pay heed to the principle followed by the apostle Paul toward those he was trying to save. Said the apostle: “To the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain Jews . . . To the weak I became weak, that I might gain the weak. I have become all things to people of all sorts, that I might by all means save some.” (1 Cor. 9:20, 22) The apostle Paul sympathetically considered the problems of the Jews. He respected their convictions, though he knew them to be wrong. He did not mock, despise or act intolerantly toward the Jews he was endeavoring to save. Likewise Christian husbands do well not to mock, be intolerant or ridicule their unbelieving wives. If they do, they will drive their wives farther away. Instead, show empathy and love. Ask yourself: “How would I like to be dealt with if I were in the same situation?” Love endures all things.​—1 Cor. 13:4-8.

20. When there are children in a divided household, what is the Christian father’s responsibility?

²⁰ What if there are children in such a divided household? The apostle Paul indicates what the Christian father’s duty is: “You, fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Eph. 6:4) Note that the Christian father has the obligation from Jehovah as the head of the house to insist on rearing his children as true Christians. So as not to fail as the spiritual provider of his family, it thus becomes mandatory for him to lead the children in attendance at meetings of the Christian congregation, in the public sharing of the good news of God’s kingdom and in having a home Bible study with them. This is the wise course and may have the same gratifying results that came to a Witness in Panama who started a home Bible study with his children. Imagine his joy when his opposed wife began to listen and take part in the study and eventually came to accept God’s truth!

21. Why is balance with regard to Christian privileges and responsibilities important?

²¹ Taking the lead with the children also requires balance. It would not be wise for him and the children to leave his wife home alone all day, as she would quite naturally resent it. How fine it would be for him considerately to arrange his schedule perhaps to engage in the field ministry on Saturdays and attend the meetings on Sundays, thereby providing part of these days for the whole family to be together. This loving course will likely unite his children with him in the Bible’s truth and may bring the blessing of the wife’s accepting it.

22, 23. When a wife abusively opposes her husband’s love and zeal for God, what should be his course of conduct?

²² Suppose, now, that the situation is that the wife really is opposed to true Christianity. What if she openly expresses herself as being against it and even speaks against her husband because of his love and zeal for God? Then the husband must endure under abuse and keep integrity. David’s wife Michal spoke very belittlingly of his worship of Jehovah, even to the point of despising her husband in her heart. David did not let her displeasure dampen his zeal and enthusiasm and love for God, did he? Not at all! Nor did faithful Job weaken in integrity when his wife and others of his companions spoke against him. What fine examples for believing husbands with unbelieving mates!​—2 Sam. 6:14-23; Job 2:9, 10; 16:19-21; 42:10, 11.

²³ How should the husband react to his wife’s unkind words? Romans 12:21 very clearly answers: “Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.” So it is evident that his answers must be mild, not in anger, which only makes matters worse. Women respond to kindness and love, not to a hard pressing of matters. Love and long-suffering wear down opposition and may cause the opposer to respect one’s faithful stand. This is the good advice given at Colossians 3:19: “You husbands, keep on loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry with them.” The point is this: Be a better husband​—more considerate, kind and understanding. The apostle Peter encourages the Christian husband to have the proper view of his wife, saying: “You husbands, continue dwelling in like manner with them according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one.”​—1 Pet. 3:7.

24, 25. How can a believing husband show his unbelieving wife Christian consideration?

²⁴ So win her to God’s truth as you won her to yourself when courting her. Do not be dictatorial and harsh as so many worldly husbands are. In many ways you can show her Christian consideration. Get her thoughts before making final decisions. Show concern for her. Give as much time as possible to the one with whom you chose to share your life. Often reassure her of your continuing love.

²⁵ Remember, it is easy to lose your temper and speak in anger. But such talk betrays a lack of self-control, a lack of one of the fruits of God’s spirit. (Gal. 5:22, 23) It takes a real man, a real Christian man, to practice the fine conduct and tactful speaking of the truth that the Bible outlines. So why lose self-control and be unhappy when you can bring forth the Christian fruitage of God’s spirit that brings true peace and happiness to you?

26. What can often be done to help opposing wives, as illustrated by the success of a circuit servant in Malawi?

²⁶ Even though a wife may seem to oppose Bible truth, it has been found time and time again that when she is approached tactfully, often a Bible study can be started. In Malawi a circuit supervisor of Jehovah’s witnesses started home Bible studies with five opposing wives by calling on their husbands and tactfully asking the wives to join in. Shortly thereafter, the wives said that they really appreciated the Bible study that was started in their homes and that it was sufficient for them to see that this was the truth. They even expressed their desire to share in the Kingdom ministry.

27, 28. (a) What has been of great help in uniting divided households, as illustrated by an experience in the Philippine Islands? (b) So what is the Christian course in a divided household?

²⁷ Thus friendly visits by mature Christians have often been of great help in uniting divided households. In the Philippine Islands, for example, the wife of one Witness was so opposed that she would dampen his clothing on days that she knew he might go out in the field ministry, and she burned his Bible and Bible literature. However, a mature Witness made friendly calls on the family and was gradually able to overcome the prejudice of the wife. Finally a Bible study was started with the entire family. The study progressed well for several months, and the wife reached the point of dedicating her life to God. Imagine the joy of the husband as he himself baptized his wife in a nearby river! When they came out of the water they embraced each other with tears in their eyes, thanking Jehovah that their long-divided family was at last united in true worship through the help of a loving Christian brother.

²⁸ Never become discouraged, then, or give up in your fine efforts to unite your household in true worship. Apply the good counsel of God’s Word to your family and be assured that Jehovah’s blessing will be upon your household.​—Gal. 6:9.

The Christian Wife and Children in a Divided Household

“You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives.”​—1 Pet. 3:1.

1-3. Why is spiritual rescue work now urgent? How can neglect be a factor in a divided household?

WHEN the lives of people are endangered, such as in fires, floods, and so forth, rescue work is urgent. At times, however, on account of thoughtlessness or carelessness lives are lost. In this there is a lesson for Jehovah’s witnesses. How so? Because they realize that this system of things and all who are a part of it will be destroyed in the not-so-distant future. But before that happens they must continue to aid people to come out of this doomed system and to enter the “narrow gate” that leads to everlasting life in God’s new system of things.​—Matt. 7:13, 14.

² Certainly Jehovah’s witnesses do not want to neglect anyone or make it more difficult for others to learn God’s truth because of thoughtless words or actions on their part. This would also be true in a divided household. There are times when husbands are not actually opposed, but have been neglected. For example, one wife in talking to her husband about the meetings of the Christian congregation was told, “But you’ve never invited me.” So a tactful invitation to the congregation’s meeting is not to be neglected at the opportune time.

³ Wives and children in families where the husband and father is not a believer would surely want to do everything they can to aid him to take his stand for Jehovah and His kingdom. However, in presenting the Bible truth to the unbelieving family head there are certain things that believing wives and children can do and certain things they should avoid.

“ALWAYS WITH GRACIOUSNESS”

4. In view of Colossians 4:6, what will Christian wives avoid when trying to help their unbelieving husbands to see God’s truth?

⁴ In helping others in this manner, it is important to try to place ourselves in the position of the other person. By doing so, we can see how unwise it would be to bring up Bible truth continually. Personally we would not enjoy repeatedly hearing a subject discussed that did not interest us. Even if we had some interest in it, too many words could easily turn us against the whole thing. Hence, in presenting the truth from the Bible to an unbelieving husband, how inappropriate it would be for a wife to try to force the truth on him, to call him stubborn or to make uncomplimentary remarks about his not seeing the truth. Doing so would not be in harmony with the apostle Paul’s counsel at Colossians 4:6: “Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt, so as to know how you ought to give an answer to each one.”

5, 6. (a) What does it mean to speak God’s message “always with graciousness,” and why is this so important? (b) So how will a Christian wife not react when her husband shows no interest in Bible truth?

⁵ Here the apostle Paul is telling Christians that it is not only what you say that matters, but equally as vital is how you say it! The apostle is talking about how you speak Bible truth to others. We need to remember that there is an art of presenting information. The Christian message can lose its force if the way we say it is not “always with graciousness.” This does not require flattery, but it means speaking God’s truth in a way that is profitable to one and upbuilding. And “always” means not only when the Christian minister is preaching from house to house but also at home! So, when opportunities arise to present a knowledge of God’s truth to an unbelieving husband, the believing wife would want to make the best of them, doing so “always with graciousness.” She does this by being tactful and kind.

⁶ When a wife presents Bible truth kindly to her husband and there is no response, then what? Should she act terribly disappointed? Should she then become angry? No! Instead of showing open disappointment or becoming angry with her husband, the Christian wife does well to close the matter when it is appropriate. She does not press matters too far, nor does she become overanxious.

7. When an unbeliever treats his believing wife abusively, is she ever justified in using the truth to threaten him? Explain.

⁷ Showing respect toward her husbandly head, the Christian wife would not use God’s truth to threaten him. (Eph. 5:33) Even if he rejects the truth, does not want to hear about it, or even treats his wife abusively, reviling her, she would not be justified in using the truth to threaten him. When her gracious words are rejected or she is treated abusively, the Christian wife does well to remember Jesus’ example. Concerning this, the apostle Peter wrote: “In fact, to this course you were called, because even Christ suffered for you, leaving you a model for you to follow his steps closely. He committed no sin, nor was deception found in his mouth. When he was being reviled, he did not go reviling in return. When he was suffering, he did not go threatening, but kept on committing himself to the one who judges righteously.” (1 Pet. 2:21-23) That is the wise course for Christian wives.

THE “QUIET AND MILD SPIRIT”

8. In what powerful way can a Christian wife witness to her unbelieving husband, as stated by the apostle Peter?

⁸ There is another way in which a wife can witness to her husband, regardless of how opposed he might be to Bible truth. That is by her fine conduct. The apostle Peter stresses the value of this fine conduct. He writes: “In like manner, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect. And do not let your adornment be that of the external braiding of the hair and of the putting on of gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garments, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God.”​—1 Pet. 3:1-4.

9. What quality should distinguish one’s Christian conduct, as illustrated by Jesus and as recommended by Peter? Why?

⁹ The apostle Peter emphasizes the value of fine conduct and the “quiet and mild spirit.” From the context we learn that the apostle is discussing the Lord Jesus Christ and how mildness distinguished him. When he was undergoing injustices, he refused to make vehement protest. He went like a lamb to the slaughter, knowing it was God’s will for him. There was no loud, strong protest, no departing from mildness. And so Peter, talking to married women, stresses that mildness has great value in the eyes of God. He contrasts mildness with the outward adornment by which some women largely try to capture the attention and affection of their husbands, that is, by the garments of outward apparel. But unlike cloth garments that get old and wear out, the apostle Peter calls mildness something that is “incorruptible.” It is incorruptible apparel.

10. (a) Why does mildness betoken, not weakness, but strength? (b) Why must the strong-willed wife be especially careful to show mildness?

¹⁰ Though not pretentious, mildness works; it brings good results. “An answer, when mild, turns away rage.” And “a mild tongue itself can break a bone.” (Prov. 15:1; 25:15) Mildness thus betokens not weakness but strength. One must develop spiritual inward strength in order to show mildness and quietness. Thus if a Christian woman is married to an unbelieving husband, she is not to rise up in indignation and anger and engage in an altercation or argument with her husband. A strong-willed wife may actually hinder her mate in learning God’s truth. But mildness, when coupled with quietness, is effective, for it is God’s way.

11, 12. Illustrate that mildness and fine Christian conduct can win unbelievers to God’s truth.

¹¹ Many are the examples of how the “quiet and mild spirit” has helped unbelieving husbands. In one case a wife began to study the Bible with Jehovah’s witnesses. After a few weeks she began to change her personality. Previously she had a violent temper and used profane language. Her husband had threatened to leave home because of the cursing and the way she was treating the children. After this wife had studied the Bible for some weeks with Jehovah’s witnesses, her husband came to the Witness conducting the study and asked what was causing his wife to change so much. She was now beginning to control her spirit, to use better language and to treat her children much better. Upon learning that it was Bible truth, the husband also began to study the Bible with Jehovah’s witnesses, and soon made progress to the extent that now he wanted to share the good news with his friends and neighbors. Here was a home in which the husband was ready to leave, but the change in his wife’s conduct due to studying the Bible united what was rapidly becoming a divided home.

¹² Illustrating that an unbelieving husband can be won to God’s truth by the fine conduct of his wife is an experience in Hungary. An unbelieving husband treated his Christian wife cruelly, often beating her until she was unconscious. But she kept integrity to God, and always dealt with her husband patiently and with love, and this over a period of years. On one occasion she told her husband kindly but firmly: “Here I am and you can kill me, but even so I shall trust in Jehovah!” This man had a friendship with a local priest, who had full confidence in the husband because he was fighting against Jehovah’s witnesses, not even sparing his own wife. One day the priest told this man that he should not even take a Bible into his hand. Shocked, the husband asked, “Well, is it a sin to read the Bible?” The priest replied that it was not but if he did, he might one day nourish beliefs the same as his wife. The man then admitted how loving and patient his wife was despite his hard dealings with her. He told the priest that if Bible reading produces such results, it seemed worth while to read God’s Word. He began attending meetings of the Christian congregation with his wife and took up preaching the very truth he had formerly opposed.

13. (a) So because of his wife’s fine conduct, what may an unbelieving husband eventually realize? (b) Why is the Christian wife never the loser for applying Peter’s inspired counsel?

¹³ When an unbelieving husband observes the fine conduct of his believing wife, he may come to appreciate that she has something that he does not have. And he may want to be like her. However, even if the unbeliever does not accept God’s truth, the wife certainly is not the loser for having applied the inspired counsel given by the apostle Peter. Mildness, we need to remember, is also of “great value in the eyes of God.” Hence the believing wife can rest assured of Jehovah’s tender care.

14, 15. (a) What incentives does a believing wife have for being submissive to her unbelieving husband? (b) Is her submissiveness absolute?

¹⁴ As the apostle Peter indicates, the “quiet and mild spirit” displayed by the Christian wife will cause her to be submissive to her husband. This is Jehovah’s will for Christian wives, just as much as it is his will for them to have a part in preaching the Kingdom good news. (Titus 2:4, 5) And a wife with an unbelieving mate has the added incentive to be submissive in compliance with the divine will so that in this way she might help a loved one to learn God’s truth.​—Eph. 5:21, 22.

¹⁵ A wife’s submissiveness, of course, is not absolute but relative. If her husband tries to cause her to violate God’s law, she follows the example of the apostles, who said: “We must obey God as ruler rather than men.”​—Acts 5:29.

16. In striving to be a model Christian wife, what will the believer do? And what may be the result?

¹⁶ At all times, though, the believing wife should strive to be a model Christian wife, carrying out all wifely duties to the best of her ability. Never should she give her husband reason to complain that she is neglecting to care for the home and children properly. At no time will she view herself as the one who should make the family decisions because of her knowing Bible truth. So, she will respect her husband, and her good example will help him to appreciate the value of Bible truth. Her chaste conduct with deep respect may open his eyes to see what a fine wife he has and lead him to accept God’s truth. What a blessing that would prove to be for him and for her!​—Eph. 5:33.

GOOD PLANNING

17, 18. Explain why good planning is also important in helping the unbelieving husband.

¹⁷ Besides speaking with graciousness and showing the “quiet and mild spirit,” what else may a Christian wife do to help her husband see God’s truth? Good planning is important so that she will be well balanced in her activities, not neglecting her children nor her husband nor her Christian privileges.

¹⁸ Good planning will help the Christian wife to refrain from doing anything that might contribute to her husband’s building up resentment for God’s truth. To illustrate, the unbelieving husband may wish to be with his wife for the weekend. However, because his wife shares in the field ministry and goes to the meetings of the Christian congregation, he may begin to feel that his wife’s religion is taking her away from him. While he may not object to her being gone for a few hours to a meeting, he may very much dislike his wife’s being away for prolonged periods. In this case good planning on the part of the wife is necessary. She might arrange to share in the ministry on the weekdays when her husband is away. Perhaps this will require curtailing her Christian ministerial activity to some extent, but still not forsaking the Christian obligation to share the good news and to assemble regularly with fellow believers.

INDIRECT HELP

19. How might a Christian wife help her husband spiritually in an indirect manner?

¹⁹ There are also other ways in which Christian wives can help their unbelieving husbands, but in a somewhat indirect manner. For example, a Christian wife might ask her husband for suggestions in preparing a talk for the Theocratic Ministry School. This was recommended to a believing wife in Bolivia. Her husband had threatened her with violence if she ever were to participate in the door-to-door preaching work. However, she enlisted her husband’s aid in preparing talks for the Theocratic Ministry School. In time, this man’s attitude improved. He eventually became the Bible study servant in the Christian congregation!

20, 21. (a) What else can a Christian wife do to help her unbelieving husband? (b) What publications of the Society have especially helped unbelieving husbands?

²⁰ Another thing a wife can do to interest her husband indirectly in God’s Word is to leave some Bible literature in an appropriate place in the home. It may be an article on some subject in which her husband has a particular interest. At some time when the wife is busy or away, her husband may be in search of good reading matter and may richly benefit from the material that the wife has made available. Of course, should a husband resent having Bible literature out in the open, then it would be best to keep such publications in a private place.

²¹ Certain publications of the Watch Tower Society have been particularly effective in helping unbelievers, even those who seem opposed, to appreciate the reasonableness of Bible truth. Some opposed mates, although accepting little or nothing else, have accepted and enjoyed reading the Watch Tower Society’s book Did Man Get Here by Evolution or by Creation? Speaking of this publication, one circuit supervisor of Jehovah’s witnesses observed: “Quite a number of men in this circuit, mostly husbands of believing women in the congregations, have come to appreciate the clear, logical arguments presented in this publication. This has helped some to be more tolerant of their wives’ Christian activities.” The book Is the Bible Really the Word of God? is another fine publication for helping unbelieving husbands.

FRIENDLY CALLS ON THE UNBELIEVER

22-24. (a) How can the wrong impressions of an unbelieving husband often be corrected? (b) What opportunities are there for mature Christians to get acquainted with an unbelieving husband?

²² Often it is possible for mature Christians to make friendly calls on the unbelieving husband. He may have a wrong impression of Jehovah’s people and this can eventually be corrected. The purpose of such calls is to get to know him, to befriend him. It will be helpful to find out what his interests are, because people enjoy talking about what they really like. So it would be good for the believing wife to enlist the aid of a mature Christian brother, perhaps one who has some interest along the line of the unbeliever’s likes, such as fishing, farming, a knowledge of sports, and so forth. A few friendly visits will often break down prejudice and enable the minister to correct any false impressions.

²³ Some mature Christians have found it helpful to invite the unbelieving husband and his Christian wife to come to dinner, with a view to getting acquainted and to breaking down prejudice that may exist. Some have found that when an unbelieving husband has a business, by patronizing that business they have been able to get better acquainted with him.

²⁴ Should the unbeliever become sick or be confined to a hospital, friendly visits by dedicated Christians may encourage him in many ways. Consider this example of an unbelieving husband in Luxembourg. He became very ill and had to go to the hospital. During this time he was afraid of dying, and he began to read Bible literature. Not one of his fellow employees visited him in the hospital, but Jehovah’s witnesses did. This made such an impression upon him that he started to attend the congregation meetings after his recovery. In this way he learned God’s truth, and he became a dedicated, baptized Christian.

STARTING A HOME BIBLE STUDY

25. (a) What should be the objective in making friendly calls on the unbelieving husband? (b) If the wife is advanced in Bible truth, what course may be advisable?

²⁵ In making friendly calls on the unbelieving husband, Christians want to work toward the objective of starting a Bible study with him. Frequently, husbands do not like to have wives teach them religion, but prefer to be taught by other men. If the believing wife is not too far advanced in Bible knowledge, it may be possible for a Witness to invite the unbelieving husband to study along with his wife. However, when the wife is advanced in Bible truth, the husband’s pride is a factor that may have to be taken into consideration. Should a Witness succeed in starting a study with the man, it may be advisable for the wife to leave the room during the study. The husband may then relax more and speak more freely.

26, 27. (a) Who can be of great help to believing wives with unbelieving husbands, and what did one overseer say in this regard? (b) If an unbelieving husband is reluctant to participate in a Bible study, how may he be helped to sit in on it?

²⁶ Servants in the Christian congregation will especially want to be of help to believing wives with unbelieving husbands, to help to unite the divided household. One overseer who put forth special efforts in this regard was greatly blessed. Over a period of about two years he had Bible studies with eight husbands, three of whom are making good progress. “I find,” he reports, “that these unbelieving husbands will respond when called on by men, especially by the overseer.”

²⁷ If an unbelieving husband is reluctant to join the Bible study, it may still be possible to help him to sit in on it, not with the idea that he would have an active part in the study, but merely to be there to check the things being taught his wife to see whether they are true. This opportunity for him to hear the kind of information that his wife is receiving may favorably influence him in a very short time. A wife who tactfully asks her husband to sit in on the Bible study to make certain that what she is being taught is all truth from the Bible may find her husband responding to the authority and logic of God’s Word.

FINE CONDUCT OF THE CHILDREN

28. In order for children to help their unbelieving fathers to learn God’s truth, how must they be trained?

²⁸ Frequently, there is another avenue by which the unbelieving husband can be assisted, and that is through his children. The mother can in many cases tactfully arrange to have the children go with her to the meetings of the Christian congregation and share in the field ministry. Should the husband object, the wife may accede to her husband’s wishes. Nevertheless, at home the mother can teach the children Bible principles as to how they should conduct themselves. Children so trained can do much to encourage an unbelieving parent to look into the Bible.

29, 30. (a) Why is respect for the unbelieving parent important? (b) When an unbeliever observes the fine conduct of his children, what may result?

²⁹ When believing children show obedience and respect to their unbelieving parent, they are doing the will of God. Showing respect toward the unbeliever is very important. If the unbeliever saw his children studying the Bible with their mother and yet noted that they were becoming hostile toward him, would this cause him to view the Bible favorably? The answer is obvious. How important it is therefore for children to heed the Bible’s counsel: “Be obedient to your parents in everything,” that is, everything not contrary to God’s will. (Col. 3:20) Believing children should respond eagerly and willingly to requests to do something, whether it be to wash or dry dishes, set the table, mow the lawn or do something else.

³⁰ When the unbeliever observes the fine spirit of his children, which is so unlike that of great numbers of disrespectful youths of the world, it may move him to investigate their faith. When he sees that they do not steal, tell lies or get into trouble, he may see the contrast between his children and worldly ones, causing him to think or say, “My children don’t do that.” This may be just the thing to aid the unbeliever in opening his eyes to see that Bible truth is worth investigating. What a blessing this would be for God-fearing children!

31. Summarize some of the things that can be done to help unite a divided household.

³¹ Really, much can be done to work toward uniting a divided household. Keep the two goals (maintaining integrity and being alert to help the unbeliever) foremost in mind. Speak about God’s truth “always with graciousness,” remembering that mildness breaks down opposition. Fine conduct works in a powerful way, enabling the Christian wife in many cases to win her husband to God’s truth “without a word.” Good planning will aid the believer to be well-balanced in all activities. Use the various means of indirect aid. Arrange for friendly calls on the unbeliever, with the goal of starting a Bible study to unite the family. Do not give up hope. Be encouraged by God’s Word and what it records at 1 Corinthians 7:16 and; 1 Peter 3:1. Do your best under the circumstances, and be assured of the blessing of “the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort.”​—2 Cor. 1:3.