Date Rape”

The above expression may seem strange to many, yet it is appropriate. One authority estimates that “35 percent of rapes” occur in the dating situation; another, that “the vast majority” do. Thus the description “date rape.”

In a survey of 1,070 rapes, sociologist Pauline Bart of the University of Illinois reports that 59 percent were by men the victims knew. Pointing to the problem, the Toronto Star observed: “In many cases where a woman is sexually assaulted, it’s by someone she knows, she liked and trusted prior to the assault. In about half the cases, she found his initial sexual advance acceptable.”

Why, then, the rape?

Basically, it is because the woman dates a man who doesn’t respect the Bible’s moral standards. Dating has become a sort of “game” with many, rather than a means of seeking a suitable marriage mate. In such a dating situation, some men “misread” women. “They think if a woman has a drink with them that it’s OK to have intercourse with them,” explains psychiatrist Gene G. Abel. An invitation to her apartment, or by her accepting one to his, may mean to the man that the woman is willing to have sexual relations, even though when it actually comes to following through she says, “No!” and tries to get away.

Resisting in Dating Situations

Many girls are raped while on a date. Typically, the couple engage in kissing, perhaps even petting. Then the man, sexually aroused, wants more. But the girl doesn’t want to go any farther. The man presses the issue, and the girl, intimidated and confused, submits. As a 17-year-old explained:

“I was sedate, demure, humble, submissive​—and a virgin. . . . On our last date he pushed me in the back of his car and held me. I just gave up.”

Why are girls often so easily raped? Their first mistake is to date men who fail to hold to the Bible’s moral standards. And their second is to allow themselves to be maneuvered into a compromising situation. They may not want to seem concerned or to look foolish by taking a strong position against the man’s early advances. But in a rape-prevention manual for women, the authors urge: “You have to be blunt, make a stand, perhaps even look foolish. You will undoubtedly lose a suitor, which in this case would be no loss.”

Going on, these authors say: “Once you start to play along with the situation, you’re trapped. The point is not to start, to stay clear of the entire matter.” Yes, girls need to understand fully the effect of getting started with preliminary sex play, such as kissing. Frederic Straska, who has spent years investigating rape, said of a victim who had engaged in kissing:

“The next mistake [Gayle] made was to assume that ‘kissing isn’t that important, is it?’ Kissing is a very potent sexual activity all by itself. The upper lip is one of the most sensuous areas of the body. Either a man or a woman could be as enticed sexually by passionate kissing as by fondling direct sexual areas of the body. . . .

“From Mike’s standpoint, Gayle was leading him on, teasing him. She may not have meant to. She probably didn’t. But that’s what he perceived. That’s what most men would have perceived in a similar situation. By allowing as much as she did, by putting up no convincing stop signals, Gayle led Mike to what, for him, was the point of no return.”

Parents can do much to protect their daughters. They should get to know well the young men with whom their daughters keep company. Do these youths respect God’s moral requirements? Do they apply them in their lives? If so, there should not be a problem. But if a young man has been able to disguise his true motivations, the girl needs to take a bold stand, letting him know that by no means will she submit to him.

There are many things a girl can do to resist. When the improper intentions of her date became apparent, one girl did what others have also found effective. She turned her head away from him, stuck her finger down her throat, turned back and vomited on him. Immediately his passion was quenched; he was sympathetic, concerned about her health, and took her home.