Beware—You Can Win and Yet Lose!
SELF-CONTRADICTORY though it may seem to be, it is indeed possible to win and yet lose. Secular history as well as the Bible bears this out, and we do well to learn from the principle involved.
Have you ever heard of the Pyrrhic victory? It got its name from a Greek king, Pyrrhus of Epirus. He lived in the third century before our Common Era and was a second cousin of Alexander the Great. Among the many battles he fought was the one at Asculum, which he won. But the victory was at such a cost of lives that he said, “Another such victory and I shall be ruined.” Since then the term “Pyrrhic victory” has been applied to any victory that has been gained at too great a cost.
Among the many relationships in life where this principle may apply are those wherein love is involved and where we might well win a point but only by hurting a loved one. Illustrating this point is an incident mentioned by John Greenleaf Whittier, the American poet of a previous century. In his poem “In School-Days” he tells of a young girl saying to a youth, “‘I’m sorry that I spelt the word: I hate to go above you, Because,’—the brown eyes lower fell,—‘Because, you see, I love you!’” She had won the victory in the spelling contest but regretted it, because her winning had brought hurt to the one she loved.
We may win out by trying hard, or by arguing loud and long, or because of harping on a matter, but then what have we gained? A victory at the cost of hurt feelings, at the loss of a measure of affection or goodwill.
True, we might have had the better of the argument, we might have been contending for what we felt were our rights. But how about the other individual? Do we have empathy? If the yielding or granting of our point is done with too great reluctance it may well result in a wounding of pride, and a cooling of friendship. And it may even be that the one losing will be watching for an occasion to settle scores. So, is the victory worth it? It can be likened to the experience of a man at an auction who is so determined to own a certain object or piece of property that he will bid much more for it than it is worth, only to regret it afterward. He wins and yet loses.
There is also this danger in the relationship of an overseer, boss, foreman or manager with his subordinates. He may insist on having a certain job done his way, even though it may not be the best way, simply because it is his way. Because of his position he may force through his way of doing things, gaining the victory, but at what cost? Not only does the business suffer because the particular job is being done in a less efficient manner, but it may well be that the employee’s spirit of loyalty and interest in his work is injured to the point that he takes the attitude, “So what? Why should I worry about the business?”
As in all other principles that relate to daily living and human conduct, the Bible gives wise counsel on this subject. And its counsel is good for us now and in the future. Thus Jesus Christ, the Son of God, once warned: “Will a man gain anything if he wins the whole world but loses his life? Of course not!”—Matt. 16:26, Today’s English Version.
How true and how fitting that warning! The tendency of selfish, fallen human nature has ever been to be absorbed with power, material riches or fame, at the cost of one’s own spiritual needs. With what result? Many not only have sacrificed valued friendships and the interests of their own families in their quest for riches, power or fame, but also have lost their health. More than that, because of their showing that their love is for the world and its ways, they have incurred God’s displeasure and so have lost out on the hope of everlasting life. They won what they were contending for but, oh, at what a cost!
The disciple James, the half brother of Jesus, forcefully makes this point, saying: “Adulteresses, do you not know that the friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever, therefore, wants to be a friend of the world is constituting himself an enemy of God.” And what does it mean to be an enemy of God? It means to lose out on the hope of everything, including everlasting life.—Jas. 4:4.
This principle that you can win and yet lose is implicit in the counsel the inspired apostle Paul gives to Christians: “Have the same love, being joined together in soul, holding the one thought in mind, doing nothing out of contentiousness or out of egotism, but with lowliness of mind considering that the others are superior to you, keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just your own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of the others.” (Phil. 2:2-4) In other words, do not be too concerned with winning your point or pressing your advantage too strongly. Love your neighbor as you do yourself.
If we have that kind of love, we will rejoice in our neighbor’s gaining what we would have liked for ourselves. Letting him gain it may even result in strengthening ties of friendship, which, in time, may prove to be richly rewarding in more ways than one.
This same principle can also be applied to teaching. A Christian minister may be trying to teach one who is strongly defending a false doctrine. The minister might try to overwhelm his Bible student not only by quoting many scriptures but also by making disparaging remarks that cause the erring one to look foolish. But in the end, all the minister’s efforts may prove to have been in vain. How so? In that his methods and manner drove the student farther away from the truth instead of convincing him. It may have been wiser to have presented only part of the argument, and that in a kind, gentle and modest manner, waiting until some other time to complete the discussion.
It is good and pleasant to win, but not so pleasant to lose. So be careful not to try too hard to win, especially if another’s interests or feelings are involved. A Pyrrhic victory simply is not worth it, for the winner is also a loser.