4. (a) Why are most weddings public affairs? (b) What did Jesus say about marrying in our time?

⁴ In most lands a couple may marry in a private ceremony that fulfills legal requirements. If a couple chose such a ceremony, others should not criticize them or think that they must be ashamed of something. It could simply be their preference and might even have very real advantages, for example, economically in getting equipped for a fuller share in Jehovah’s service. (Luke 12:29-31) Yet, most weddings are more public, with many friends and relatives present. Thus the couple’s changed status becomes widely recognized in the community. If there is a religious ceremony or Bible talk, a spiritual element is introduced. And others can share the joy of the couple.

In the Biblical period no special legal or religious ceremony was needed. The groom would go to the home of his betrothed and publicly escort her to his home. This was done with rejoicing on the part of the couple, their close relatives and onlookers who showed excited interest in the happy event.

12. (a) How do Jehovah’s Witnesses feel about civil marriages? (b) What is advisable if there is a civil and a religious ceremony?

¹² Jehovah’s Witnesses appreciate that a wedding should conform to local law, thus ‘rendering to Caesar what belongs to Caesar.’ (Mark 12:17; Romans 13:1, 7) The law may require that a couple have a blood test, obtain a license and take vows before an authorized marrying agent. In some lands, only civil officials, such as a mayor or a judge, may perform marriages. Yet, members of Christendom’s churches often feel that they really are not married until they have a church wedding. True Christians recognize that a civil marriage is valid, but some still prefer (or local sentiment may recommend) that the civil service be followed by a Scriptural talk. When that is to be done, it is best that this feature come soon after the civil marriage.b

13. If a Christian elder is to officiate, what likely will occur before the wedding?

¹³ Some lands authorize ministers of Jehovah’s Witnesses to solemnize marriages. Usually these are performed by congregation elders, men with experience, insight, maturity and knowledge of God’s Word.

14. What sort of wedding talks are appropriate?

¹⁴ Whether preceded by a civil ceremony or not, a wedding talk by a minister of Jehovah’s Witnesses can help to emphasize that from its start a marriage should have a spiritual aspect. Such talks are not of great length, as if containing all that the Bible says on marriage, nor should they be heavily weighted with humor or excessive praise of the couple. The balanced, happy and Scriptural content of these talks can benefit those getting married, as well as all others present.c​—2 Timothy 3:16.

At weddings of Jehovah’s Witnesses the vows will conform to the requirements of local law. Where permitted, these vows that honor God, the Source of marriage, are used:

“I ​——​ take you ​——​ to be my wedded wife, to love and to cherish in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian husbands, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God’s marital arrangement.”

“I ​——​ take you ​——​ to be my wedded husband, to love and to cherish and deeply respect, in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian wives, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God’s marital arrangement.”

These vows should not be altered or replaced to suit some whim of the couple.d