Wedding-Day Preparations

The wedding is an important family event and most families want it to make a favorable impression on relatives and friends. So weddings are becoming more and more expensive. An average couple will spend more than six million yen ($30,000). The wedding ceremony itself costs only about 18,000 yen ($90), with the average reception cost being 13,000 yen ($65) per person, and generally 70 to 80 guests are invited. It is not considered rude, however, to ask the guests to pay for themselves. After the dinner-reception, each guest carries home a large furoshiki (cloth carryall) of wedding gifts from the bride and groom.

Most couples rent their wedding attire from a company that deals exclusively in this. Custom has the bride wear a ceremonial long-sleeved kimono, adorned with cranes, tortoises and other symbols of good fortune and longevity. A large brocaded sash is tied in a butterfly knot to symbolize happiness. She wears a headdress known as tsuno kakushi, or horn concealer, which, when removed, is said to banish all future jealousy she might have for her husband.

Traditionally, grooms wear a formal black kimono with a divided skirt and short coat decorated with a family crest. Modern grooms may prefer a morning coat and striped trousers. The guests generally arrive in formal kimono dress.

At the Ceremony

Most weddings are performed by a Shinto priest. Only close family and the go-between and his wife attend this ceremony. The other guests will be met later at the reception. The Shinto priest first waves a large sprig of the sasaki tree as a purification rite. Next, he reads the norito (a Shinto prayer), reporting to the gods that he is going to unite these two in wedlock.

The main part of the ceremony involves the san-san-kudo, or vow-pledging cups. There are three nuptial cups of varying sizes and a pot containing consecrated sake (rice wine) taken from the altar. The miko (shrine maiden) hands the smallest cup to the groom first and pours three dashes of sake into it. The groom drinks the sake in three sips and hands the cup back to the miko. She now passes the cup to the bride, once again pouring into the cup a small amount of sake, which the bride drinks in three sips. The same formality is repeated with the other cups. The Japanese word san-san (three-three) can also mean birth after birth, which would make the san-san-kudo something of a fertility charm.

Lastly, the groom reads a written pledge (although in some cases the go-between will read it) and they offer sprigs of the sacred sasaki. Those present will receive a cup of sake and drink a toast, signifying the uniting of these two families by a marriage tie. Thus the 20-minute Shinto wedding ceremony comes to a close.

Buddhist weddings are similar, although less frequently held. There are also church wedding ceremonies in Japan.

Weddings Among Jehovah’s Witnesses

Compared to the above-mentioned ceremonies Jehovah’s Witnesses’ weddings are unique. The audience is filled with family and friends. A close friend of the bride and groom gives a heartwarming talk from the Bible. Usually he explains the origin of the marriage arrangement. Both are reminded that a key to a successful marriage is 100-percent cooperation, with earnest effort on the part of both husband and wife. No rituals are performed but the young couple and their guests get practical guidance from the Bible. (An example is Ephesians 5:22-33.)

In Japan, religious services performed on the wedding day are not recognized by the State. A person is not considered legally married until he has the Certificate of Acceptance of Notification of Marriage from the ward or city office. However, most couples do want to have a religious ceremony of some type. While other religious organizations charge for their marriage services, among Jehovah’s Witnesses the presiding minister and others connected with the wedding arrangement offer their services without charge.

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Traditional Japanese wedding attire

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“Horn concealer” headdress