Two-Income Couples​—A Long History

RICHARD is not embarrassed to don an apron. Moving through the kitchen, he clears the table, sweeps the floor, washes the dishes​—a picture of domestic competence. “It’s my turn to clean up,” he explains. “Carol’s catching a couple of hours of sleep because later tonight she has to go to work.”a

Richard and Carol share a life-style that in many places has become the rule rather than the exception: A two-income marriage. In the United States the number of wives in the labor force has virtually tripled since 1950. And according to recent estimates, more than three fifths of married couples in the United States have two incomes. Countries such as France, Australia, Canada, Belgium, Sweden, and Japan have followed a similar pattern.

Of course, readers in many so-called developing nations may wonder what all the excitement is about. For there, women have traditionally had a large share in earning income. (See page 4.) Nevertheless, the rise of the two-income family is somewhat of a phenomenon in the West. Why is this so?

“Economic Liabilities”

That men should be the sole breadwinners is not only peculiarly Western but quite modern. The book The Individual, Marriage, and the Family says that throughout most of human history “women have been full equals of men in providing for the economic needs of the family.”

The Bible illustrates how women in ancient times made their economic contribution. In Proverbs 31, the “capable wife” is described. Not only did she care for household duties but she also earned income. Purchasing property, farming, and manufacturing and selling clothing were some of her money-making skills. (Proverbs 31:16, 24) At Acts 18:2, 3 the Bible tells of a couple named Aquila and Priscilla who worked at the same trade together. Bible commentator Adam Clarke observes: “Women, even of the highest ranks, among the Greeks, Romans, and Israelites, worked with their hands at every kind of occupation necessary for the support of the family.”

For centuries men and women worked as economic partners. Work, however, centered around the home. Then came the industrial revolution, and men sought factory jobs in the big cities. This change from cottage industries and farming, though, put men in “jobs away from home​—jobs whose demands did not include participation by wives or offspring.” What was the result? Women, say some, became “economic liabilities.”​—Scientific American.

Industrialization nevertheless brought a measure of prosperity. And as the Western nations pulled out of a depression and a second world war, a middle-class (or even higher) standard of living became the eagerly sought goal of many families. And for a while high salaries, low prices, and easy credit allowed some men to provide their families with homes, cars​—and even some of the astonishing array of new products and gadgets that were now dangled before them.

The middle-class dream, however, proved for many to be a subtle trap as inflation began its deadly spiral. As early as the 1960’s, says writer Marvin Harris, “parents were finding it increasingly harder to achieve or hold on to middle-class status.” To illustrate: In 1965 the average sale price of a new one-family home in the United States was $20,000. By the second quarter of 1984, the price had ballooned to about $100,000! The cost of food and clothing similarly went out of control. Wives thus began streaming to the job market in record numbers.

‘We Needed More Money’

Richard and Carol (mentioned at the outset) own a comfortable yet, by U.S. standards, modest home. But like many other couples they found themselves caught in the grip of inflation. Says Carol: “We simply needed more money if we were to pay our bills. I realized that Richard couldn’t make much more than he was already making. So I really had no choice but to get a full-time job.” No, the philosophy of the Women’s Liberation Movement has not been the main force propelling women into the job market. Asked why they both work, most couples will reply: ‘Because we need the money!’ (See page 5.)

Some women resent being uprooted from the home. “Working outside the home is killing me by inches,” lamented one woman. Yet there are many who welcome their jobs. “I love to work,” says another woman who manages a furniture showroom. “I just am not a housewife.” Skyrocketing divorce rates and the specter of widowhood have also had a share in luring women to jobs. “I would be very frightened not to work,” says one woman. “I lost my first husband when I was twenty-two . . . Now I always have in the back of my mind the thought that if Stephen died or ran off with some young thing I would be in a terrible predicament if I didn’t have a job.”

Still, for most couples, it is a desire to stay afloat financially that has made them two-income families. What, then, are some of the challenges they face, and how can they successfully meet them?

[Footnotes]

[Box on page 4]

Working Women in Developing Countries

“Women in Southeast Asia boil palm sugar. West African women brew beer. Women in parts of Mexico and elsewhere make pottery. Women in most countries weave cloth and make clothes. Women in most cultures sell their surplus food in local markets. Profits from these activities generally belong to the women themselves.”​—Irene Tinker in the book Women and World Development.

Take, for example, the Akan people of southern and central Ghana. Writes Rae André: “Women plant, men harvest; women trade in the market, men trade over longer distances. Traditionally, husbands and wives have had separate savings and investments and have been entitled to any profits made from their own labor or trade.”

The old way of life, though, is quickly changing as nations gear up for industrialization. The reason? Industrialists introduce not only Western technology but also Western culture. Typically, developers will teach new farming techniques to the men​—even when farming is the domain of women. Factory jobs are likewise made almost exclusively available to men. What have been the effects of all of this?

Consider Indonesia. There the job of rice hulling was traditionally done by women. However, in the early 1970’s, small Japanese-built rice hullers were introduced, depriving women of their livelihood.

In the Guatemalan town of San Pedro, wives worked as weavers, while husbands were farmers and traders. Women there took what Dr. T. Bachrach Ehlers calls “fierce pride” in being economically productive. Suddenly, new weaving machines were introduced. But only men were extended the credit needed to purchase them. Women therefore lost control of the weaving industry and now work for the low wages paid by factory bosses.

In Kenya some women are left behind “on the family plot of land to scratch out a living for themselves and their children” as their husbands pursue salaried employment in the cities. When they eventually rejoin their husbands to live in high-rise apartments, they find, according to a Kenyan official, “nothing more than a place for people to commit suicide.” Why? “Kenyans,” he explains, “like to be on the ground; they like to have a piece of soil to call their own.”

In India women have traditionally had “low ritual status.” Thus the better-paying jobs are often viewed as inappropriate for a woman. (Even Gandhi, who spoke of the equality of women, once said that “equality of the sexes does not mean equality of occupations.”) Nevertheless, observes the book Women in Contemporary India, middle-class working women have now had “the opportunity to develop a taste for material goods.” Cultural and religious taboos may therefore give way to another earmark of Westernization​—materialism.

Ironically, women in the Third World find themselves working harder than ever, but without the economic independence​—or security—​they once enjoyed.

[Box on page 5]

Why Both Work

United States: In one survey of 41,000 women, 82 percent of the women who held jobs said they did so because they needed money to cover their current expenses.

France: There, “more women work outside the home than in any other Western European country.” Some 84 percent do so “solely out of economic necessity.”

Canada: A study done by the University of Toronto revealed that “husbands of women who work full-time typically earn less than do other men. The median income among the men in families where the women work full-time was $18,240, compared to . . . $22,273 where the husbands are the sole breadwinners.”

India: Sociologist Zarina Bhatty says: “Women work because they have to, and not because they find in it the means for greater freedom, economic independence or self-expression.”

[Picture on page 5]

The industrial revolution took men away from the farms and gave them jobs in factories. Some felt that women became “economic liabilities”

Two-Income Couples​—The Challenges They Face

“I FEEL the man should do the work, and he should bring home the money,” asserts one man. “And when he’s over working, he should sit down and rest for the rest of the day.” Yet, in spite of obviously strong sentiments, his wife works.

Many men are similarly caught in an emotional tug-of-war: economic need versus entrenched ideas about manhood. Observes sociologist Lillian Rubin: “In a society where people in all classes are trapped in frenetic striving to acquire goods, where a man’s sense of worth and his definition of his manhood rest heavily on his ability to provide those goods, it is difficult for him to acknowledge that the family really does need his wife’s income to live as they both would like.” Some men therefore become quite depressed, or hypercritical, grumbling that their wives have become too independent or that their home just isn’t as clean as it used to be.

And when a woman earns more than her husband or obtains a high-status job, what can result? Claimed Psychology Today: “For some underachieving husbands whose wives are overachievers, premature death from heart disease is 11 times more frequent than normal.” The Journal of Marriage and the Family further reported that where wives have ‘higher occupational attainment,’ “such marriages were more likely to end in divorce.”a

Wives, though, must at times fight their own battle with resentment. Though well knowing their husband’s economic plight, they may still wonder, ‘Why should I have to work? Shouldn’t he take care of me?’ Also, she may be plagued by what psychologist Dr. Martin Cohen calls the biggest source of stress among working women​—“guilt over not doing enough—​of not being as good a wife and mother as their mother was.”

Consequently, accepting the economic realities that force both husband and wife to become wage earners may be their first challenge. But, for sure, it will not be their last.

“Yours,” “Mine”​—Whose?

Over a third of 86,000 women polled identified it as the biggest problem in their marriage: money! Said an article in the Ladies’ Home Journal: “The subject of money . . . turns otherwise sane men and women into raving lunatics.” Said one husband: “Our worst problem was money. Just the sheer lack of it, the total overwhelming lack of it.” True, a second income might ease this pressure, but often it also creates new problems.

Explains Ed, a young husband: “When we first got married, Ronda was making about the same amount of money that I was. And when she started making more money than I was, subconsciously I had this she’s-better-than-I-am feeling.” The second salary also seems to tip the “balance of power” more in favor of the wife. She may understandably feel she is now entitled to more of a say as to how the money should be spent.

Men, though, are reluctant to share this control. “He would make me tell him, every day, how much money I needed for that day,” recalls one wife. “And I really hated that.” A husband who is inept with money or who, worse yet, squanders their funds, heightens this resentment. Complained one Tanzanian woman: “The money is spent on drinking, not on us or on the children. We share the work, or do more of it, but he takes all the money telling us it is his​—that he earned it.”

Coming up with an arrangement that satisfies both partners, though, is not always easy. Ed and Ronda, for example, agreed to put both their salaries into one bank account. “But when it came to spending,” recalls Ed, “her eyes were ‘bigger’ than mine. The more money she made, the more she spent.” And some wives would retort that it is their husbands who have the ‘big’ eyes.

Empty Refrigerators and Dirty Socks

“Role sharing.” It sounded great in theory. It was thought that when wives worked, husbands would naturally do their share of the housework.b Perhaps women could at long last enjoy the luxury of relaxing after a day’s work! But, alas, “role sharing” has thus far often proved to be mere theory!

Oh, men say they’re willing to help. In one survey, 53 percent of the men polled voiced no objection to pushing a vacuum cleaner. But how many actually did so? Twenty-seven percent. Their inaction spoke louder than their words.

Researchers in Canada similarly found that “in the families in which women have full-time employment, women still devote approximately three times as much time to housework and child care” as do their husbands. (Italics ours.) Nor is the picture much different in Europe or in the developing nations. Working wives are thus burdened with what amounts to two full-time jobs. No wonder, then, that the authors of Mothers Who Work say: “The most critical issue in working mothers’ lives is time.”

Mornings and evenings can be frenzied interludes for the working wife: waking and dressing the children, fixing breakfast, rushing the children off to school, heading for work​—only to return to hungry children and a hungry husband who may have deposited himself in his favorite chair. Researchers call it “role strain.” She calls it sheer exhaustion. Says one woman: “My life is like a delicate well-built house of cards. One thing goes wrong and it all collapses.” And the larger a family is, the more strain the working wife is likely to feel.

‘Something’s got to give!’ a working woman may feel like shouting. And often what gives is the quality of her housework. Recalls one wife: “It got to a point in our house where there was never enough food in the refrigerator or no one could find any clean socks. My husband was getting angry with me, but I finally threw up my hands, sat down, and cried.”

Even the marriage itself can give. Said another working wife: “My husband and I both find that our relationship suffers not because of lack of love or desire, but simply because after the demands of work and the children have been met, there is often little energy left for each other.” So what is the answer? What is the key to success for working couples?

[Footnotes]

[Blurb on page 8]

Working wives are burdened with two full-time jobs

[Picture on page 7]

It is difficult for some men to cope with the fact that their wives earn as much as they do or more

Working Couples​—The Key to Success

NO DOUBT about it​—when couples earn two incomes it can produce stress and strain. Couples are therefore wise to count the cost​—financially, emotionally, and spiritually—​when both mates work. (See Luke 14:28.) Nevertheless, when circumstances require that a family have two breadwinners, the problems that ensue are not insurmountable. Many couples are successfully overcoming them. The key to their success? Often it is to follow Bible principles.

The Bible’s advice never goes out of style. It can even help you cope better with today’s economic crunch. Long ago the Bible explained that “in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5) Realizing this can prevent a man from feeling he is a failure when he has trouble making ends meet.

And if a family really needs two incomes, the Bible does not condemn the wife’s working. Indeed, it shows that woman was created to be “a helper” to man. (Genesis 2:18) So when a wife helps by way of earning needed income, a husband need not feel threatened by this. To the contrary, he should be moved to praise her for her efforts, as did the husband of the “capable wife.” (Proverbs 31:10, 28) What, though, about some of the specific problems working couples face, such as handling the money?

Money Problems

‘It’s not fair,’ grumbled one husband. ‘My money is the family’s money. Her money is her money.’ Does this sound familiar? Writer Susan Washburn notes: “Conflicts over monetary matters are often vehicles for expressing other tensions in relationships.”

For example, many couples spend hours debating what money is “yours,” “mine,” or “ours.” The problem here, though, is not a faulty budget but a selfish view of marriage. God declared that couples are to act as “one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) When this principle is obeyed, will it really matter which funds are “yours” and which are “mine”? Indeed, Paul indicated that loving husbands and wives would only be “anxious” insofar as gaining one another’s approval!​—1 Corinthians 7:33, 34.

Another problem in marriage that may manifest itself in the form of a “money fight” is a lack of communication. One wife complained: “We were operating independently of each other. We just never talked about what we were spending until the bills came. Then we wouldn’t talk, we’d fight.” Consider again, though, the Bible’s “one flesh” principle. Would this not also include communication? (Genesis 2:24) The Bible further tells us that “love . . . does not look for its own interests.”​—1 Corinthians 13:4, 5.

When married couples follow these principles, often any number of financial arrangements can work effectively. After sitting down and talking matters out, some couples decide that each mate should have a certain amount of money and be responsible for certain bills. Or they might try this couple’s method: “We put our money together, and the wife does the actual bookkeeping and paying of bills.” The success of any such schemes, though, will hinge not so much on their design as on the quality of a couple’s marriage.

Nevertheless, the book Working Couples warns of another potential hazard: “The problem, for many working couples, is that they start to think rich. Especially when the second income is new to them, it looks like a panacea for all their financial problems.” Two-income couples must therefore keep clearly in mind why both of them are working. Should it not be to provide for the family? (1 Timothy 5:8) The Bible cautions Christians against “the love of money” and encourages them to keep material expectations modest. (1 Timothy 6:7-10) Excessive spending is less likely to be a bone of contention when couples are not afflicted by material ostentation and “the desire of the eyes.”​—1 John 2:16.

Who’s Washing the Dishes?

“Who notices a clean living room?” ask psychologists Marjorie and Morton Shaevitz. “Nobody. Who notices a messy living room? Everybody!” Yes, housework is indispensable, unavoidable​—and, at times, unappreciated. Who is going to do it can therefore be a touchy question.

Usually the wife ends up doing the lion’s share of the housework. What, though, if she begins to resent this?a She might approach her husband and tactfully say, as did one woman, “Look, we have a little problem here.” Often men simply don’t know what is involved in running a household. Perhaps together they could outline what must be done, and what it would be nice to do. Perhaps some tasks are unnecessary or can be done less often. They can work out who does what, perhaps according to personal preferences or abilities.

But should a man do ‘women’s work’? According to the Bible, Abraham regarded it as no threat to his manhood to help his wife serve a meal to three important visitors. (See Genesis 18:6-8.) Husbands today are often similarly moved to help when they realize that there is a need. Says one husband: “I pitch in and help with the housework. I admit that at times I don’t really want to. But since we both work, I think it would be unfair of me to do otherwise.”​—Compare Ephesians 5:28.

A problem may arise, though, if the wife expects perfection from her mate, forgetting he is but a novice at domestic chores. (“George! Don’t you even know enough to clean the sink when you’re finished with the dishes?”) Perhaps some patient assistance would be more productive.

Too, there is the matter of letting Christian “reasonableness” prevail. (Philippians 4:5) It simply may not be practical or possible to keep the home as spotlessly clean as it may have been before. “When I was home all day,” recalls Betty, a working wife, “it seemed as if all I did was clean.” But with her entry into the working world, standards of cleanliness had to be adjusted. “We still keep our home clean,” she said, “but it’s a bit more ‘lived in’ now.”

Real Security

These are but a few of the challenges two-income couples face.b Yet success is possible when couples follow the guidance of the Scriptures.

However, pressures will continue to be brought to bear. Then having secure jobs and adequate income may seem more important than ever. But, warns one Christian couple: “You can build up a false security in your job. You can figure, ‘Well, I’m working and my wife has a job and we can make things work.’ But that’s just a false security, because at any time your job can disappear. What you need to do is remember that Jehovah God is there to support you.”

Wise advice from a working couple who obviously have found the key to success: reliance on the God who promises he will never abandon those who trust in him.​—Hebrews 13:5, 6.

[Footnotes]

[Box/​Picture on page 10]

Should Children Help With the Housework?

Yes, according to Gloria Mayer in her book 2001 Hints for Working Mothers. “Make sure you have small, uncomplicated jobs for small children,” she suggests. “Even a child of four can do something to help. Usually they not only are delighted to do their part but feel left out if everyone has a job except for them.” And what are some specific tasks youngsters can be asked to do? Miss Mayer lists at least three: (1) “Simple laundry tasks related to their own clothes​—sorting, putting away, etc.” (2) “Cleaning own rooms” (3) “Bed making, especially their own.”

[Picture on page 11]

Says one husband: “I pitch in and help with the housework”