If you had lived then, and everywhere you turned you saw moral filth, how difficult it might have been to keep clean! Yes, for a young man or a young woman to have remained virtuous would indeed have required moral strength and adherence to principle. Yet, in the midst of all of this, and as by a miracle, some did display such virtue.

A MORAL MIRACLE

After listing the type of immoral persons that filled the ancient city of Corinth​—fornicators, adulterers, homosexuals and the like—​the apostle Paul, in his letter to the Christian congregation located there, wrote: “That is what some of you were. But you have been washed clean.” (1 Cor. 6:9-11) The teachings of genuine Christianity had imparted moral strength so that its adherents could change and stay free of sexual immorality.

“Perhaps the most marked originality of the Christian doctrine was the stress it laid on chastity,” concluded William Sanger in his book The History of Prostitution, which discusses ancient morals at length. He adds: “From the first, the Christian communities make a just boast of the purity of their morals.” What brought about such a reputation? With help from God they were able to imitate a better “image” than that of the sex-maddened gods.

THE BETTER “IMAGE”

“Clothe yourselves with the new personality,” advised the apostle Paul, “which through accurate knowledge is being made new according to the image of the One who created it.” (Col. 3:10) Through information from the inspired Scriptures and from the teachings and example of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, Christians were able to come to an “accurate knowledge” of the qualities of the true God, Jehovah. His “image” stood in stark contrast to that of the Roman gods.

True Christians saw their Creator as their heavenly Father who loved and cared for them. (1 Pet. 5:6, 7) They learned how he always acted with justice, righteousness and mercy. He was pure and holy. (Deut. 32:4; 1 Pet. 1:15, 16) They were moved by his qualities, and strove to follow the inspired counsel: “Become imitators of God, as beloved children.” (Eph. 5:1) They saw God as revealed through Christ as an ever-present friend. They could love him. The spirit of genuine love filled their hearts and motivated them to Christian works.

God helped these early Christians by means of his holy spirit, which gave them “power beyond what is normal.” Also, at their religious meetings they were reminded of the need to keep chaste. By sticking close to their associates within the Christian brotherhood they managed to be faithful. (2 Cor. 4:7; Heb. 10:24-26) “We who formerly delighted in fornication, now strive for purity,” stated second-century professed Christian Justin Martyr. Still, such striving for moral purity was not easy.

A DAILY STRUGGLE

We should not forget that the early Christians lived in a depraved world. Some who became Christians were of “the household of Caesar.” (Phil. 4:22) At the time, Nero was the Caesar, and his shocking moral outrages are well known. He arranged the lewdest of entertainment. He even “married” a young man “with all the forms of regular wedlock.”a Yet those of his “household” who were Christians (perhaps government officials or servants) remained chaste despite the environment.

The Christians in Rome were objects of much peer pressure and ridicule. For instance, Seneca reflects the common view when he writes: “Whoever has no love affairs is despised.” “Chastity is simply a proof of ugliness.” Others reportedly would complain: ‘What a woman she was! How sensual, how gay! What a youth he was! How loose, how lustful! Now they have become Christians​—what a pity!’

But those early disciples were not to be pitied. They could hold their heads up with self-respect. They had clear consciences. As “children of light” they spread their pure message far and wide without any embarrassment. (Eph. 5:8) Would you not have counted it a privilege to have been identified as one of these moral “rocks” in that sea of mud? Their truly satisfying way of life contrasted sharply with that of the people of the nations ‘who did not know God and indulged their covetous sexual appetite’ to their hurt.​—1 Thess. 4:5.

For instance, during that first century, life for many had become meaningless. They had drunk the intoxicating cup of pleasure to the dregs​—exhausting every avenue of enjoyment. No charm, no delicacy, was left​—and also no satisfaction. According to the writings of Juvenal, one homosexual, who at an older age was rejected by his lover, pleaded: “What’s my best move now after all these wasted years and disappointed hopes? The bloom of life will wither too soon, our miserable span on earth is running out: While we drink, while we’re calling out for garlands and perfumes and girls, old age creeps up on us, unregarded.” However, no disappointment and misery befell those faithful Christians.

Even though Jesus’ true followers had to struggle daily to keep themselves morally clean, their peace of mind was worth it. Sexual morality was possible.

Do we see similar moral strength today? Yes. Countless young people worldwide will say that sexual morality is possible. These are youths associated with the congregations of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Despite the corrupting moral influences in entertainment and the social life of today’s society​—not one step behind that of ancient Rome—​these young persons, as a group, stand out as shining examples of purity.

Yet some youngsters who are associated with these Christian congregations have difficulties in this regard. Even some raised in Christian homes occasionally lose appreciation for Bible morals. How can Christian youths maintain the same moral purity as that so evident among genuine Christians of the first century​—despite tremendous obstacles? How can their parents help them? Two following articles are designed to provide some practical help.​—See page 8.

Regardless of such findings, however, persons who conscientiously want to do God’s will abide by the Scriptural standard of not having sexual relations until marriage, for his Word states: “Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.”​—Heb. 13:4.

From such facts it is apparent that the fruits of illicit sexual relations are very bad. Hence, note the wisdom of the counsel in God’s Word: “Flee from fornication.” (1 Cor. 6:18) However, in addition to the bad fruitage of immoral sex relations, another consideration is even more important. It is that “no fornicator . . . has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God.”​—Eph. 5:5.

Youth, Is Bible Morality the Best Way?

“I, Jehovah, am your God, the One teaching you to benefit yourself, the One causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk.”​—Isa. 48:17.

1. Why is youth a good time in life, but what attitude do some have?

“THE days of our youth are the days of our glory,” wrote the poet. Many young persons agree, for it is a time of excitement and freedom from the heavy responsibilities of adulthood. But many young persons are eager to grab all the pleasures open to both youths and adults. Their attitude can be summed up as: ‘No waiting; yes, we want every pleasure right away.’

2. (a) What do recent statistics show about youth and morals? (b) Do you feel these trends are affecting youth within the Christian congregation?

² During this “prime of life” the surge for every pleasure has resulted in more young persons engaging in premarital sex relations, called fornication, than at any other period of modern history.a This flood of sexual promiscuity has even affected some youths within the Christian congregation. As a Christian you may wonder, ‘What makes it so difficult for a young person to remain chaste, especially during these “last days”?’​—Eccl. 11:10; 2 Tim. 3:1-5.

THE PRESSURE IS ON!

3, 4. (a) Why is it not easy for a young person to remain chaste? (b) How do peer pressure and a need for understanding create problems?

³ During the teens, there is a ‘blooming’ of sexual desire. This period, called “the bloom of youth” in the Bible, usually brings a strong attraction for the opposite sex. So it is not unusual if you, as a young person, are troubled by sexual desires. However, this normal desire is whipped up by today’s entertainment and advertising media, which glorify sex.​—1 Cor. 7:36.

⁴ The pressure from other youngsters can also be intense, as one young Christian schoolgirl explains, saying: “It’s really hard to be different nowadays. Some of the girls in school asked if I have had sex yet. When I told them no, they all began to laugh. I really felt like crying and saying that I had.” Additionally, young people have a need for love and understanding, and this may not be satisfied at home. They cherish a boyfriend or a girl friend who treats them “special” and who has a sympathetic ear. Such emotional closeness can lead to sexual intimacies. Some youngsters are bewildered by the swarm of all these new emotions. They may wonder, ‘Could something so pleasurable be wrong? Is the Bible’s morality really the best way?’

THE BEST WAY

5. (a) What does Isaiah 48:17 tell us about God? (b) According to 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, what is God’s will for us morally?

⁵ Our heavenly Father reminded his chosen people: “I, Jehovah, am your God, the One teaching you to benefit yourself, the One causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk.” (Isa. 48:17) What is the ‘way in which we should walk’ morally? “This is what God wills [or, requires] . . . that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you should know how to get possession of his own vessel [body] in sanctification and honor, not in covetous sexual appetite . . . For God called us, not with allowance for uncleanness.”​—1 Thess. 4:3-8.

6. (a) What did the apostle Paul command anointed Christians with regard to fornication, and why? (b) Why should this cause young persons to consider their course?

⁶ God’s will regarding morals is clear​—‘get control of your bodies’; abstain from fornication and uncleanness. You young ones who have dedicated your lives to God have formed a close union with him and have become part of a clean organization. How delighted God is by such a course! But for you to engage in premarital sex relations would be the same as if one of the anointed “members of the Christ” who is “joined to the Lord” became “joined [sexually] to a harlot.” “Never may that happen!” exclaimed the apostle Paul. It would be the highest insult to such a precious relationship. No other sin is quite the same, for “he that practices fornication is sinning against his own body.” Certainly, such sin can destroy the spiritual relationship we have with God. No wonder Paul urged “flee from fornication.” Yes, “flee”! Do not wait around to reason or debate on it. Get as far away as you can​—and fast! But what if a person does not “flee” from such conduct?​—1 Cor. 6:15-18.

“WRONGING THEMSELVES”

7-9. (a) What does 2 Peter 2:9-13 say concerning those who engage in immorality? (b) How have some who engaged in uncleanness ‘wronged themselves’?

⁷ The apostle Peter says that those within the congregation who spoke abusively of “glorious ones” and got involved in immorality ended up “wronging themselves as a reward for wrongdoing.” (2 Pet. 2:9-13) These ‘rewards’ for sexual wrongdoing go much deeper than just venereal disease or an illegitimate pregnancy. They destroy love, respect and peace of mind. For instance, some young people who “went too far,” committing fornication, sorrowfully admitted:

“It was a big letdown. There was no feeling of good or warmth of love as it was supposed to be. Rather, the full realization of how bad the act was hit me.”

“I cried all night.”

“I felt as low as a dog. It was an empty sickening feeling. I lost respect for myself and the girl. In fact, I found myself blaming the girl for allowing it to happen.”

⁸ Our heavenly Father tells us to avoid not just fornication but also “uncleanness.” (1 Thess. 4:7) While this term covers a wide range, it refers to conduct that is morally repugnant. For instance, masturbation (sexual self-abuse) is an ‘unclean’ habit that many young persons have engaged in. It certainly whips up the “sexual appetite” and can cause extreme guilt. In some cases where the person did not seriously strive to overcome it, this pattern of thinking created problems after marriage. One young man was shocked to find that after marriage his long pattern of sexual self-gratification made him unable to provide the marriage “due.” Months of misery followed!​—1 Cor. 7:3.

⁹ Some couples have engaged in passionate, sexually stimulating touching of intimate body parts. This is also “uncleanness” and could easily​—and often does—​lead to immoral sexual intercourse. This practice can inflame a person with “sexual appetite” to the point of virtual frenzy. One young man admitted: “You see yourself as an animal with beastly desires, which is emotionally devastating.” Such conduct has resulted in broken engagementsb and often in problems for those who later married. “We did almost everything up to fornication and almost committed it before we were married,” confessed one young couple. “Though we got help from the elders, things were never the same again. It has been hard gaining back the respect for each other we once had.”

10. Why is “uncleanness” harmful to unmarried couples?

¹⁰ When an unmarried person begins engaging in some of the ‘intoxicating’ sexual practices reserved for the marriage bed, he or she can be fooled into marrying someone who does not have the qualities needed for a good husband or a good wife. Sex tends to cover over serious differences that reappear after marriage and cause problems. It is not surprising that a study revealed that out of 265 weddings where the bride was pregnant, after five years only 15 couples were still together! Other research studies show that if a person engages in premarital sex, he or she is twice as likely as others to commit adultery. So you young brothers and sisters, do not be fooled by the “empty words” of persons who say that having sexual relations before marriage results in a happier marriage. (Eph. 5:6) Some even claim that you will get sick if you do not have sex after reaching puberty. This is false. No sickness has ever been linked by doctors to chastity! Sadly, some persons who have settled for lust rather than love, have regretted this the rest of their life!

11, 12. (a) How does Jehovah exact punishment for sexual immorality? (b) What does Job say about those who show stubbornness against God? (c) What question will we now consider?

¹¹ Never forget that “Jehovah is one who exacts punishment for all these things [fornication and uncleanness].” (1 Thess. 4:6) This punishment may be a painful conscience, discipline from congregational elders, or reaping the consequences of what you sow. Of course, if we are repentant, Jehovah freely forgives and completely covers our sins. But some are stubborn and refuse to heed God’s laws. “Who can show stubbornness to [God] and come off uninjured?” asked Job. (Job 9:4) No one! It pains Jehovah to see such “stubbornness.” It hurts concerned elders who have seen many of our young persons suffer the previously mentioned traumas. These overseers realize that no one can violate God’s laws and principles and walk away “uninjured.” As one Christian youth who repented of immorality told her congregational elders: “I wish I could tell every young person in the Truth, ‘Don’t do it!’ Jehovah may forgive your errors but you may never. The bad memories will eat you up. It’s not worth it.” The elders join with Jehovah in pleading: “O if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments!”​—Isa. 48:18.

¹² But how can a Christian youth follow Jehovah’s commandments and avoid the many traps and subtle pitfalls of sexual immorality?

GIVE HEART TO PARENTS

13. How can young persons with godly parents apply Proverbs 23:26, and with what results?

¹³ “My son, do give your heart to me, and may those eyes of yours take pleasure in my own ways.” (Prov. 23:26) This appeal calls for more than just mechanical obedience. A young person must open up and confide. However, as a youth, you may feel your Christian Dad or Mom simply does not understand your feelings. One Christian girl who had a problem with masturbation and needed help felt this way. She worried about talking to her mother. How would she react? Would she understand? “Well, when I talked to her about it, she listened and didn’t reproach me,” said the teenager. “She put her arm around me, told me she loved me and would help me overcome the problem. We talked about it frankly and when we were through she held me in her arms and we prayed together. Ever since then I can talk to her about anything.”

14. How should Christian youths view the laws of their godly parents?

¹⁴ Yes, youngsters have found ready help by confiding in their Christian parents. They come to “take pleasure” in the ways of their godly parents and view their rules and discipline as a precious “necklace” rather than a harsh ‘chain’ holding them back from ‘a good time.’ (Prov. 1:8, 9) Are you really honest with your parents? Or are you like one youngster who admitted: “When I’m around my parents I am what they want me to be, but when I’m not, then I’m what I want to be”? By drawing close to God-fearing parents, you can be helped to avoid much needless anguish. Those who may not have Christian parents can approach mature Christians​—both men and women—​as well as elders in the congregation. Seek out their willing help.​—Titus 2:3, 4; Jas. 5:14, 15.

LEAD BODY AS SLAVE

15. How does the apostle Paul describe his course at 1 Corinthians 9:27, and how can a youth act in a similar way?

¹⁵ The apostle Paul said: “I pummel [‘beat black and blue’c] my body and lead it as a slave [not, ‘it leads me as a slave’], that, after I have preached to others, I myself should not become disapproved somehow.” (1 Cor. 9:27) Paul ‘got tough’ with himself. So, too, rather than let your bodily desires dominate, anticipate situations that will excite sexual feelings and deliberately avoid them. For instance, you know what will happen to your bodily desires if you read books and watch TV programs and movies that glorify sex. Hence, avoid these like the plague! Dating (where socially acceptable) when you are not ready for marriage, certain types of dancing, parties with no chaste direction and where couples can pair off, all work up the “sexual appetite.” So avoid them and “deaden, therefore, your body members . . . as respects fornication, uncleanness, sexual appetite.”​—Col. 3:5.

16. What precautions should a Christian couple take while dating and preparing for marriage?

¹⁶ Especially when a couple is dating and preparing for marriage do they need to watch their circumstances. Being alone in an automobile, apartment (a person perhaps living away from home by himself), or in a secluded spot outdoors may induce couples to become overly intimate. One 17-year-old said frankly: “Anyone can say, ‘we know when to stop.’ True, a person may know when, but how many can do it? It is better to avoid the situation. Have others there.” Yes, a chaperone can give you the extra strength to dominate completely over the sexual desires in your bodies when you are together. Also, “set limits” as to how far your expressions of endearment will go. Stick to these.

17. Is it important to watch our associations? Why?

¹⁷ When the body craves being around those with loose morals, “lead” it away from such association. “Keep your way far off from alongside her [an immoral woman], and do not get near to the entrance of her house,” recommends the Bible. (Prov. 5:8) Of course, while in school, young persons are plunged into association with many immoral persons. But do you socialize with them? One 18-year-old girl echoed the sentiments of many when she said: “Your association has a big influence on your morals. After listening to their conversations about sex, you become curious. You wonder what sex is really like. Is it as good as they say? I know that this is true because I am rearing a child by myself due to these very facts.”​—Prov. 13:20.

18. When mocked because of being chaste, what questions should a young Christian consider?

¹⁸ The Scriptures indicate that some immoral persons would slip into the Christian congregation. Therefore, be on guard. If you believe any may be of this sort, refer them to the elders for spiritual assistance. Thus you will be showing them genuine love as well as perhaps protecting others in the congregation. True, some worldly immoral individuals may mock you for your chaste stand. But, just think! Should you let persons who are “slaves of corruption”​—yes, slaves to their own passions—​make you feel embarrassed? (2 Pet. 2:19) Who has the greater strength​—the loose, immoral woman (or man) who ‘chases after her passionate lovers,’ or the chaste virgin who can say of her moral strength, “I am a wall”? (Song of Sol. 8:10; compare Hosea 2:7.) Which one of you is more likely to lose your self-respect and “give to others your dignity”?​—Prov. 5:9; Jude 4, 8-13.

19. (a) Who ‘led the body as a slave’​—the couple described in the Song of Solomon, or Amnon? (b) What were the results?

¹⁹ By controlling your body, dominating it, you will be able to look back with no regrets. Think of the joy of the young Shulammite girl and her shepherd lover when they eventually were united in wedlock. With the help of others, and by their own efforts, they conquered their bodily desire and remained chaste. Although they had spoken words of endearment, they had not been immoral before entering wedlock, thereby diminishing the pleasure they would enjoy after adjusting to each other in marriage. How different from passionate Amnon who could not wait and whose ‘body led him as a slave’ into immorality!​—Song of Sol. 2:16; 4:16; 5:1; 2 Sam. 13:1, 2, 10-16.

BUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

20. (a) What can happen when one does not have a personal relationship with God? (b) What was lacking in the immoral persons described by Paul in Romans chapter one?

²⁰ “I never built a personal relationship with Jehovah,” confessed a 22-year-old female raised from infancy in a Christian home. “God was not a real person to me. I guess that’s why it didn’t really bother me when I committed immorality.” Her situation was similar to the immoral persons described by Paul. These “knew God”; they ‘knew full well his righteous decree,’ but lacked “accurate knowledge.”d (Rom. 1:21, 28, 32) This “deeper and more intimate knowledge and acquaintance,”e a personal knowledge, that should have been developed, was lacking. Do you, as a young person, have this personal “accurate knowledge”? You need to study God’s Word personally and regularly in order to appreciate the qualities of God. Recall how such “accurate knowledge” strengthened the early Christians. (See page 5.) But more than book learning is necessary.

21, 22. What will build a strong, personal relationship with God?

²¹ Heartfelt prayers build a closeness to God. One young Christian girl, who became ensnared by immorality but later recovered, said:

“The only way to keep that personal relationship is by prayer, not routine ones but those that flow right from the heart. When I just tell Jehovah what I feel inside and have this constant communication, I realize that he is a real Person and is interested in my life. My relationship with him is the most important thing in the world.”

²² Are your prayers that intense? Do you work in harmony with them? Also, by becoming a ‘fellow worker with God,’ engaging in the preaching work, your interests and objectives will become the same as God’s. This will naturally build a closeness to Jehovah. Remember, only you can build this personal relationship with God.​—1 Cor. 3:9.

23. (a) Will the struggle against immorality continue forever? (b) Why should you be willing to put forth any effort to please Jehovah?

²³ True, the pressure is on young ones today. To be faithful is a daily battle. However, once beyond the “bloom of youth,” the fight can become easier. Still, the battle will not continue forever. Soon Satan, the chief instigator behind this wave of immorality, will be destroyed. In God’s new order so near at hand, there will be a righteous environment that will make our course so much easier. Reflect on the blessings of that new order. Surely you agree with the sentiments of one young woman, who said: “I think of everything that Jehovah has done for me and promised me. He hasn’t given up on me. He has blessed me in so many ways. I know he wants only the best for me, and I want to please him. Eternal life is worth any effort in Jehovah’s behalf.”​—Rom. 16:20; 2 Pet. 3:13.

[Footnotes]

Parents, Reach Your Child’s Heart

“My son, if your heart has become wise, my heart will rejoice, even mine.”​—Prov. 23:15.

1, 2. (a) What is the desire of Christian parents, but how did one father feel? (b) In child training, what needs to be reached, and why?

CHRISTIAN parents yearn to protect their children from devastating moral pitfalls. No doubt you, if you are a parent, share the same apprehension as that of a Christian father with four teenagers who wrote: “The morals that our young ones are faced with keep getting worse, and sometimes it is hard to keep up with each new approach the world takes. My constant prayer is to be able to help them. I love them so much.”

² Yet, why is it that at times, even after being taken to religious meetings and being taught Bible morality, a child may still become involved in sexual immorality? Though head learning is important the heart plays a vital role, especially with regard to morals. What can a parent do to reach a child’s heart so that it becomes wise’?​—Prov. 4:23; 23:15.

DRAW UP COUNSEL OUT OF THE HEART

3. What does Proverbs 20:5 mean, and what action does this require of parents?

³ Before you can reach the heart, you have to find out, to some extent, what is in it. “Counsel [one’s real purpose or deeply rooted intentionsa] in the heart of a man is as deep waters, but the man of discernment is one that will draw it up.” (Prov. 20:5) The real feelings in the heart of a child are like waters at the bottom of a deep well. In Bible times, some well openings were over 100 feet (30 m) down, and people had to walk down stairs to “draw up” the waters. It was a real task! To “draw up” your own child’s intentions may be just as difficult. Doing this takes empathy and keen observation. It may require the skillful use of questions, patience​—sometimes your being willing to talk with the child for hours before his real feelings surface. By reminding the child that you went through the same period, and that you too are imperfect, and by creating opportunities so that the child can be alone with you at times, you will make it easier for him to open up.​—Job 33:5-7.

4. According to Proverbs 12:18, what kind of speech can damage communication?

⁴ Yet a ‘thoughtless’ word or statement can be devastating. Some speak thoughtlessly, “as with the stabs of a sword.” Their words hurt and cause separation. So strive to be “cool of spirit” as you really listen. Perhaps you can recall when someone “talked down” to you or made fun of your feelings. Perhaps he said, ‘You know better than that!’ Did you yearn to confide in that person again?​—Prov. 12:18; 17:27.

5. (a) What kind of instruction does a teenager need? (b) Are most parents providing such instructions?

⁵ When a child reaches his teens, his sexual desires become very strong. The youngster needs to talk with someone who can explain what is happening to his body and can answer an endless list of very delicate and personal questions. Yet in a survey taken of 1,400 parents with adolescent children, 92 percent never discussed sexual behavior with their children. The background of the parents, the customs of the land, or the belief that such discussion is not necessary, at times hinders even Christian parents from showing such discerning care. Just how important are such discussions?

6, 7. How important is it that parents discuss sexual behavior with their children?

⁶ Well, after interviewing a number of families, one Christian elder concluded: “It’s interesting how a pattern is followed. For parents who really dealt with sex early and worked hard at keeping in close communication with their children, the results were good. For those who, for whatever reason, did not deal early with the problem, the results usually were bad.”

⁷ The benefits from such discussion are many. First, it can shield the child’s mind from the false, dirty information he will later hear. Second, it can build respect for parents and confidence in them and lay a common ground of communication that will carry over into puberty. And third, it can make it easier for your child to discuss the most intimate matters with you. Still, many parents wonder just how to go about discussing this somewhat embarrassing subject.

INSTRUCT THE HEART

8. How early should discussions about sex begin?

⁸ The value of starting to instruct the child at a young age cannot be overemphasized. A number of 10- and 11-year-olds have even become pregnant. Some researchers urge that communication about sex be firmly established before the child is six. Otherwise it may never be achieved. Often, just frankly and unashamedly answering a young child’s questions in this regard is sufficient.b However, a teenager needs instruction on how to control such desires. To reach the heart, the instruction must come across as friendly help, not as an accusation.

9. What should a parent try to put into a child’s heart, and why?

⁹ Jesus said: “A good man brings forth good out of the good treasure of his heart.” (Luke 6:45) So, to reach your child’s heart requires that you put into that young heart precious things​—things that he or she will respond to emotionally and will cherish. Why? So that “good things” will come out of that heart.​—Matt. 12:34, 35.

10, 11. From the examples in the book of Proverbs, what can be learned about how to reach your child’s heart during a discussion on sexual morality?

¹⁰ The instruction given about this subject in the Proverbs furnishes a good example for parents. It treats sexual behavior frankly and yet with dignity. Notice the balanced approach of Pr chapter five. The instructor or parent realistically discusses the pleasure of sex relations and especially the need to avoid sexual immorality. The prostitute’s lips seem to ‘drip with honey’ as she seeks to entice a man. Ah, but the aftereffects​—“as bitter as wormwood” and “as sharp as a two-edged sword”! (Pr 5 Vss. 3, 4) Then, the Biblical instructor touches a tender spot by showing the young man how he can lose his “dignity” by such conduct. (Pr 5 Vs. 9) Yet this is not an ‘all-sex-is-sin’ discussion. What a beautiful picture he paints of sexual relations within marriage.​—Pr 5 Vss. 15-19.

¹¹ The parent does not accuse or berate the young man. In Proverbs chapter seven, he relates others’ experiences and uses straightforward terms. (Prov. 7:6, 7, 13, 17, 18) The instructor uses vivid illustrations​—a passionate man that is enticed by a harlot is likened to a bull going to the slaughter, and an “arrow cleaves open his liver.” (Prov. 7:22, 23) How could a youth ever forget such imagery! Such a warning example stored in the heart will help the youth to cope with temptation. The parent did not just say that sexual immorality was wrong, but told why, explaining the effects and showing how easily the young person could get involved.

12, 13. (a) What are some occasions when a parent can discuss sexual behavior with his or her child? (b) Have you found other times that are convenient? (c) For a child to be moral, is it enough just to put good instruction into his heart?

¹² Many Christian parents have had similar discussions. They have had them on numerous occasions when the subject could be approached in a natural, informal way. Some of these opportunities were during long walks, when talking about some incident illustrating the value of proper morals, after such material was considered during congregational meetings, or when their own family’s spiritual discussions treated the subject. Many made use of the book Your Youth​—Getting the Best out of Itc to help them. Such discussion was not always easy, but genuine love for the child motivated the parents. As one mother of five admitted: “I forced myself to talk about it until finally I was no longer uncomfortable, nor was the child.” Do not let your child suffer untold heartache because of a lack of “good instruction” in this most delicate area.​—Prov. 4:2.

¹³ Yet, despite all the good instruction that can be put into a child’s heart, foolishness is also deeply ingrained there because of inherited sinfulness.​—Ps. 51:5.

DISCIPLINE REFINES THE HEART

14. What is discipline, and why is it so important?

¹⁴ What can drive foolishness out of the young heart? “The rod of discipline,” according to Proverbs 22:15. Discipline is training that molds or corrects. It is firmness with understanding; so it does not smother or ‘irritate’ a child with unreasonable restrictions. (Eph. 6:4) Discipline is vital when your child forms an interest in the opposite sex. To allow a couple to keep company when either is too young to marry is to invite disaster.

15. (a) What situation is perplexing to many parents? (b) What did the brothers of the Shulammite maiden do when she and her boyfriend wanted to be together alone?

¹⁵ But many parents ask, ‘What can you do when they want to be together?’ Apparently under the direction or with the approval of their parents, when the brothers of the Shulammite maiden discovered that the shepherd boy wanted to take their sister alone on a walk in a secluded mountain spot, they put a stop to it! They gave her work to occupy her time and to keep the couple separated. Though they trusted her, they knew the power of temptation. Did this ruin the girl’s life? To the contrary, it helped the couple remain chaste till they later married.​—Song of Sol. 1:6; 2:8-15.

16. What have some parents done to protect the hearts of their children?

¹⁶ Similar firmness, along with the providing of activities to keep the child’s mind occupied, is needed today. In this regard, parents must use genuine discernment and godly wisdom. (Prov. 24:3) It is extremely difficult for parents to restrain a child’s feelings once it becomes emotionally involved. Before allowing their child to date (where this is socially acceptable), Christian parents would have to consider the child’s age, degree of emotional maturity and spiritual progress, who it is the child wishes to date and what their activities will be. One mother whose 19-year-old daughter was disfellowshiped for immorality was asked what she felt she would have done differently in rearing her child. She replied: “I would never have let her become involved with the opposite sex in a romantic relationship while she was in her early teens. I would not have assumed she was so strong that she could deal with her problem.”

17, 18. (a) Should a couple who are pursuing marriage be resentful when a parent or someone under that one’s direction acts as a chaperone? (b) What did one young man learn the hard way?

¹⁷ Some parents have sat down with the young couple and explained why they cannot approve of their dating. By discussing the matter with the parents of the other child, additional support may be gained. One Christian parent with four children said: “A number of parents think that young boy-girl relationships are ‘cute’ and encourage them, as well as letting groups of teenagers go out with no adult supervision. What we see is ‘pairing off,’ immorality and early marriages. We encourage our children to develop hobbies and other physical activities such as skating and bicycling that they can do alone, with the family, or with others of the same sex.”

¹⁸ Even when the couple is old enough to court, help them by arranging a chaperone. An engaged Christian couple who were soon to be married let their guard down and engaged in “uncleanness.” (Gal. 5:19) Looking back, the young man admitted: “Most of the time we had a chaperone. But those few times we didn’t hurt us.” Other youngsters later thanked their parents for being strict and carefully monitoring their entertainment, for they remained chaste and entered marriage with no regrets or bad memories. If your child’s intentions are honorable, he should not resent your godly discipline, for it is “the way of life.”​—Prov. 6:23.

HELP CHILD BUILD RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

19. (a) What is your child’s greatest protection against immorality, and what will help it to develop that? (b) What questions can parents ask about their own example?

¹⁹ The greatest protection against immorality is for your child to develop a personal intimate relationship with Jehovah. Even though this is what the child itself must do, a parent can help. First of all, your own example of devotion will give a living pattern to be imitated. Those who became Christians in first-century Thessalonica saw “what sort of men” Paul and his companions were and “became imitators,” developing similar “strong conviction.” (1 Thess. 1:4-6) What ‘sort of person’ do your children see in you? Do they see your “strong conviction,” noting that you are building your entire life around your devotion to God and are making sacrifices for his worship? Do they see your strong dislike of immorality by your not being entertained by what is morally corrupt? Do they see an example of love in the way you treat your mate or deal with others? Do they hear you talk about Jehovah in a way that clearly shows he is real to you? Such an example will be an incentive for the child to make sacrifices to keep Jehovah’s law. Your child will see that doing so is important.

20. What can destroy the effect of your good training?

²⁰ Also, by closely guarding your children’s association and selecting for them associates showing spiritual “strong conviction,” you will enhance your efforts. Nothing can destroy your work faster than bad associates for them​—even if these are found within the Christian congregation. Such bad associates can ruin your child’s spirituality and cause a generation gap.​—Prov. 13:20; Jude 3, 4, 12, 16, 19.

21. (a) According to 1 John 2:14, what gives spiritual strength and what responsibility does this place on parents? (b) What suggestions do you have to keep such studies regular and interesting?

²¹ As a parent, you must be convinced of the power of God’s Word, the Bible. The apostle John said that the spiritually strong “young men” in the congregation to which he wrote had “conquered the wicked one” because ‘the word of God remained in them.’ (1 John 2:14) Hence in addition to promoting a close family spirit and setting a good example, godly parents should arrange for the Word of God to be studied regularly by the family so that its message sinks deeply into a youngster’s heart. One couple painfully watched two of their three children turn bad during teenage years. The father, who had reared them in a Christian home from infancy, admitted: “If I had the chance to do it over again, there would be more regular family Bible study. Ours was always ‘hit and miss.’ I know a regular study would have pulled us together more as a family and strengthened them much more spiritually.” By good preparation on the parents’ part, avoiding a mechanical, stiff, overly formal procedure, and tailoring the study to fit the needs of the children, the discussion will be anticipated and will draw the family together spiritually. Granted, with all the demands on parents’ time this is not easy, but more important than the length of such discussions is the quality of the time spent together. Additionally, children need to be taught good personal study habits of their own.​—Deut. 6:4-9.

22. How can you teach your child to offer meaningful prayers?

²² As can be seen from the experience on page 13, intimate, heartfelt prayer builds a close relationship with God. Help your child to learn of the need for prayer and how to ‘pour out his heart’ to Jehovah. (Ps. 62:8) Let your child hear your heartfelt prayers. Discuss what can be included in his prayers. By telling him how Jehovah has answered your prayers and by encouraging the child to look for answers to his own, the child will realize that prayer has power.

23, 24. (a) Why should a child be taught the fear of Jehovah? (b) With whom should parents regularly work in the field ministry, and why?

²³ “The intimacy with Jehovah belongs to those fearful of him,” wrote King David. (Ps. 25:14) For your child really to develop an intimate relationship with God, he must have a wholesome fear of the awesome consequences of displeasing “the living God.” (Heb. 10:31; Prov. 8:13) True, the child must love Jehovah and deeply appreciate His loving-kindness and goodness, but he must also have a solemn respect for Jehovah’s ability to punish or to allow a person to ‘reap what he has sown.’ (Gal. 6:7) If this healthy “fear” is instilled from early age, the child will develop a good conscience. Rather than thinking, ‘It’s okay, as long as I don’t get caught,’ he will feel as did Joseph, who resisted enticement to immorality and said: “How could I commit this great badness and actually sin against God?”​—Gen. 39:7-9.

²⁴ By working together in the Christian ministry, you will help your child to cultivate the same tender interest in people that Jehovah has. As the child grows in appreciation, its heart will see how it can ‘make many rich’ by teaching them the “good news” that can produce beneficial changes in their lives. This ministry is also a fine aid in developing a close relationship with God.​—2 Cor. 6:10.

NEED HELP BEYOND WHAT IS NORMAL

25, 26. (a) Why is help ‘beyond what is normal’ needed by parents? (b) From where does such help come? (c) What did one father do when he thought he was ‘losing’ his child, and what did he later realize?

²⁵ “It is not easy being the parent of teenagers,” said one Christian father who mentioned his perplexity over his withdrawn 16-year-old daughter who is the object of much pressure from boys in school. “I pray by myself and with her often​—but I’m still worried.” Indeed, he saw the need for divine help that would give him and his daughter “power beyond what is normal.”​—2 Cor. 4:7.

²⁶ At times parents can feel helpless when it appears that all their efforts are not succeeding. But do not give up! Because of his boy’s wayward tendencies, one Christian father admitted that at a certain point he felt he had “lost” his son, whom he had reared in Christian teaching from infancy. “I got down on my knees and prayed till the tears rolled down my face, and I begged Jehovah to help me,” stated this father. “Jehovah answered those prayers and the boy gradually changed for the better. I surely became closer to Jehovah when I saw his hand at work in my family.” Yes, look to Jehovah for help; rely on him. Pray with your children and for them. See Jehovah’s hand at work in your family.​—1 Thess. 5:17.

27. (a) Who has to write God’s law on the child’s heart? (b) How do you parents feel when your child shows that its heart has “become wise”?

²⁷ Realize that the child ultimately has to write Jehovah’s laws on its own heart. (Compare Proverbs 3:1-4.) But do all you can as a parent to reach your child’s heart. What a reward to see that child remain loyal to the truth! How great a reason for ‘your heart to rejoice’ if your children show that their hearts have “become wise”! (Prov. 23:15) You will be like the apostle John who could say of his spiritual children: “No greater cause for thankfulness do I have than these things, that I should be hearing that my children go on walking in the truth.”​—3 John 4.

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