Consider the Bible account of Abigail. She acted wisely but contrary to the wishes of her wealthy husband, Nabal. Despite kindness shown Nabal by the followers of David, who was God’s choice to be king of Israel, Nabal had “screamed rebukes at them.” David, outraged at Nabal’s ingratitude, was out for blood. Abigail realized that her whole household was in danger. She got David to relent. How?—1 Samuel 25:2-35.

Abigail admitted to David that Nabal was a “good-for-nothing man” and gave David the provisions that Nabal had withheld. Normally, it is wrong for a husband or a wife to publicize the faults of a mate. Was Abigail a rebel in speaking and acting in this way? No. She was trying to save the lives of Nabal and his household. There is no hint that she made a practice of being disrespectful or independent. Nor had the hard-to-please Nabal expressed any dissatisfaction with the way she helped manage his large estate. But in this crisis situation, wisdom dictated that she follow her own initiative. Moreover, the Bible speaks approvingly of what Abigail did.—1 Samuel 25:3, 25, 32, 33.

It would not be a good thing, then, for a wife to feel pressured to do what she knows is very unwise or in violation of godly principles, in the name of subjection. Nor should she be made to feel guilty for taking initiative in some essential matter, as did Abigail and Sarah.

Wifely subjection does not mean that a wife must always comply with everything a husband wishes. What makes the difference? When right principles are at stake, she may have to disagree with her husband. Even so, she should still display the overall spirit of godly subjection.

Of course, a wife should be careful not to bypass her husband’s wishes out of willfulness, spite, or other wrong motives. She must be discerning, “good in discretion,” as was Abigail.—1 Samuel 25:3.