In view of such anguish, one might ask, ‘Must adultery end a marriage?’ Not necessarily. Jesus’ statement regarding adultery shows that the faithful mate has the Scriptural option to divorce but is not obligated to do so. Some couples decide to rebuild and strengthen what was crushed, by making needed changes—although nothing excuses adultery.

Of course, it is better to make necessary changes in a marital relationship when both partners are faithful to each other. However, even when infidelity has occurred, some innocent mates choose to preserve the marriage. Rather than base such a decision on wishful thinking, the innocent mate should weigh the consequences. She will likely give thought to the needs of her children as well as to her own spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial needs.b She will be wise also to consider whether her marriage is salvageable.

Is the Marriage Salvageable?

Before attempting to rebuild a house wrecked by a hurricane, a builder must determine whether it can be restored. Likewise, before endeavoring to rebuild a relationship that has been shattered by infidelity, a couple—especially the faithful mate—will want to make a realistic assessment of the potential for restored intimacy and trust in the marriage.

One factor to be considered is whether the guilty mate shows sincere repentance or is, instead, still committing adultery “in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27, 28) Although he promises to change, is he hesitant to abruptly end his immoral relationship? (Exodus 20:14; Leviticus 20:10; Deuteronomy 5:18) Does he still have a roving eye? Does he blame his wife for his adultery? If so, efforts to restore trust to the marriage are unlikely to succeed. On the other hand, if he ends the illicit affair, accepts responsibility for his wrongdoing, and shows that he is wholly committed to rebuilding the marriage, his wife might see a basis for hoping that genuine trust can one day be restored.—Matthew 5:29.

Also, can the faithful mate bring herself to forgive? This does not mean that she is not to voice her feelings of deep hurt regarding what happened or that she is to pretend that nothing has changed. It does mean that she will endeavor, in due time, not to continue holding deep resentment. Such forgiveness takes time but can help to establish a solid basis on which to rebuild the marriage.