This man’s sister adds: “I don’t remember either of my parents ever hugging us, kissing us, or saying anything like ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m proud of you.’ And to a child, never hearing ‘I love you’ feels the same as hearing ‘I hate you’—every day of his life.”

Consider the 1990 follow-up to a 1951 study that examined the parenting practices used on a group of five-year-old children. Researchers managed to track down many of these children, now in mid-life, to gain insight into the long-term effects of their upbringing. The new study concluded that the children who ended up having the hardest time in life, who lacked emotional well-being, and who had a hard time in marriage, friendships, and even at work, were not necessarily the children of poor parents nor of rich parents nor even of obviously troubled parents. They were children whose parents were distant and cold and showed little or no affection.

According to the book Growing Up Sad, it was not long ago that doctors thought there was no such thing as childhood depression. But time and experience have proved otherwise. Today, the authors assert, childhood depression is recognized and not at all uncommon. Among its causes are rejection and mistreatment by parents. The authors explain: “In some cases the parent has subjected the child to a constant barrage of criticism and humiliation. In other cases there is simply a void in the parent-child relationship: the parent’s love for the child is never expressed. . . . The result is particularly tragic for the children of such parents because to a child—or to a grown-up, for that matter—love is like sunshine and water to a plant.”

Through parental love, if expressed clearly and openly, children learn an important truth: They are lovable; they have worth. Many mistake this concept for a form of arrogance, a love of self over others. But in this context, that is not what is meant. One author says in her book on the subject: “Your child’s judgment of himself influences the kinds of friends he chooses, how he gets along with others, the kind of person he marries, and how productive he will be.” The Bible acknowledges how important it is to have a balanced, unegotistical view of self when it lists as the second greatest of the commandments: “You must love your neighbor as yourself.”—Matthew 22:38, 39.