Bullying​—A Global Problem

“If you come to school tomorrow, we’ll kill you.”​—A Canadian student named Kristen received that telephone threat from an unidentified female caller.a

“I am not an emotional person, but I got to the point of not wanting to go to school. My stomach hurt, and every morning after breakfast, I threw up.”​—Hiromi, a teenage student in Japan, recalls her experience with bullying.

HAVE you ever had to deal with a bully? Most of us have at one time or another. It may have been at school or in the workplace, or it may even have occurred right at home​—where such abuse of power is played out with alarming frequency these days. A British source, for instance, estimates that 53 percent of adults are verbally bullied by a spouse or a live-in partner. Bullies and their victims may be of either gender and from any walk of life in any part of the world.b

What exactly constitutes bullying? It is not quite the same as harassment or assault. It tends to involve many small incidents that accumulate over time rather than a single incident or a few of them. Psychologist Dan Olweus, a pioneer in the systematic study of bullying, identifies common elements of this behavior, such as deliberate aggressiveness and a marked inequality in terms of power.

Perhaps no single definition covers all aspects of bullying, but it has been called “a wilful, conscious desire to hurt another and put him/her under stress.” The stress is created not only by what actually happens but also by fear of what might happen. Tactics may include harsh teasing, constant criticism, insults, gossip, and unreasonable demands.​—See the box on page 4.

Kristen, the teenager mentioned at the outset, was singled out by bullies during most of her school years. In elementary school, bullies put gum in her hair, teased her about her appearance, and threatened to beat her up. In high school, things got even worse​—to the point that she received death threats over the telephone. Now 18, she laments: “School is a place where you’re supposed to learn, not get death threats and get thrown around.”

One mental-health professional comments: “It’s a sad but common aspect of human dynamics. Some people feel better diminishing someone else.” When such behavior escalates, it may lead to violent retaliation and even tragedy. For example, a transit employee who had a speech impediment was teased and bullied so much that he finally killed four of his coworkers and then shot himself.

Bullying Is Global

Bullying among school-age children occurs worldwide. A survey published in Pediatrics in Review reveals that in Norway, 14 percent of children are either bullies or victims. In Japan, 15 percent of primary school pupils say that they are bullied, while in Australia and Spain, the problem prevails among 17 percent of students. In Britain one expert figures that 1.3 million children are involved in bullying.

Professor Amos Rolider of Emek Yizre’el College surveyed 2,972 pupils in 21 schools. According to The Jerusalem Post, the professor found that “65% complained of being smacked, kicked, pushed or molested by fellow pupils.”

A new and insidious development is digital bullying​—the sending of menacing text messages via cell phones and computers. Youths also create hate-filled Web pages about a victim, including personal information. According to Dr. Wendy Craig of Queen’s University in Canada, this form of bullying is “extraordinarily damaging to the child who is being victimized by it.”

The Workplace

Bullying in the workplace is one of the fastest-growing causes for complaints involving workplace violence. In fact, some countries report that it is more common than racial discrimination or sexual harassment. Each year, about 1 person in 5 in the U.S. work force faces bullying.

In Britain a report released in 2000 by the University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology said that out of 5,300 employees in 70 organizations, 47 percent reported that they had witnessed incidents of bullying in the last five years. A 1996 European Union survey based on 15,800 interviews in its 15 member states showed that 8 percent​—some 12 million workers—​had been subjected to intimidation or bullying.

Whether in the school yard or workplace, all bullying seems to have a common trait​—the use of power to hurt or humiliate another. Why, though, do some people bully others? What are the effects? And what can be done about it?

[Footnotes]

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Types of Bullies

◼ Physical Bullies: These are the easiest to identify. They act out their anger by hitting, shoving, or kicking their chosen target​—or by damaging their victim’s property.

◼ Verbal Bullies: They use words to hurt and humiliate their target, through either name-calling, insults, or persistent, harsh teasing.

◼ Relationship Bullies: They spread nasty rumors about their target. This behavior is predominantly adopted by female bullies.

◼ Reactive Victims: These are victims of bullying who turn into bullies themselves. Of course, their having been victims of bullying does not excuse their conduct; it only helps to explain it.

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Source: Take Action Against Bullying, by Gesele Lajoie, Alyson McLellan, and Cindi Seddon

Bullying​—Some Causes and Effects

WHAT causes a child to begin bullying others? If you have ever been victimized by a bully, you may be tempted to say, “I don’t care! There’s no excuse for that kind of behavior.” And you are probably right. But there is a big difference between a reason and an excuse. The reasons why a child becomes a bully do not excuse the wrong behavior, but they might help us understand it. And such insight can have real value. How so?

An ancient proverb says: “The insight of a man certainly slows down his anger.” (Proverbs 19:11) Anger at the bully’s conduct can blind us, filling us with frustration and even hatred. But insight into his behavior may help cool our anger. That, in turn, may allow us to see more clearly as we search for solutions. So let’s consider some factors that give rise to this unacceptable behavior.

What Gives Rise to Bullying?

In many cases the bully’s formative years are marred by poor parental example or by outright neglect. Many bullies come from homes where the parents are cold or uninvolved or have, in effect, taught their children to use rage and violence to handle problems. Children raised in such an environment may not see their own verbal attacks and physical aggression as bullying; they may even think that their behavior is normal and acceptable.

One 16-year-old girl who had been bullied at home by her stepfather and at school by fellow students says that she became a bully herself when in the seventh grade. She admits: “Basically it was a lot of anger building up inside of me; I just picked on anybody and everybody. Feeling pain is a big thing. Once you feel the pain, you want to dish it out.” While such physical aggression may not be typical of girl bullies, the anger behind it is.a

Many schools bring together large numbers of students from different backgrounds, who have been reared in widely varying ways. Sadly, some children are aggressive because they have been taught at home that intimidating others and verbally abusing them are the best means of getting their own way.

Unfortunately, such methods often seem to work. Shelley Hymel, associate education dean at the University of British Columbia, Canada, has been studying child behavior for two decades. She says: “We’ve got kids who are figuring out how to play the game and unfortunately, bullying works. They get what they want​—they get power, status and attention.”

Another factor that helps bullying to thrive is a lack of supervision. Many victims feel that they have no place to turn​—and the tragedy is that in most cases they are right. Debra Pepler, director of the LaMarsh Centre for Research on Violence and Conflict Resolution at Toronto’s York University, studied students in a school-yard situation and found that teachers detect and stop only about 4 percent of bullying incidents.

Yet, Dr. Pepler believes that intervention is crucial. She says: “Children are incapable of solving the problem because it’s about power, and each time a bully picks on someone, the bully’s power is enforced.”

So why aren’t more cases of bullying reported? Because victims of bullying are convinced that if they report the problem, it will only get worse. Thus, to some extent, many young people spend their school years in a permanent state of anxiety and insecurity. What are the effects of living that way?

Physical and Emotional Effects

A report from the National Association of School Psychologists in the United States says that every day more than 160,000 children miss school because they fear being bullied. Targets of bullying may stop talking about school or about a particular class or activity at school. They may try to go to school late each day or miss classes or even make excuses to miss school entirely.

How might children who are being bullied be identified? Well, they may become moody, irritable, frustrated, or act tired and withdrawn. They may become aggressive with those at home or with peers and friends. Innocent bystanders who observe acts of bullying also suffer consequences. The situation induces considerable fear in them, which detracts from their ability to learn.

However, the journal Pediatrics in Review says: “The most extreme consequence of bullying for victims and society is violence, including suicide and murder. The sense of powerlessness experienced by children who are victimized can be so profound that some react with self-destructive acts or lethal retaliation.”

Dr. Ed Adlaf, a research scientist and professor of public health sciences at the University of Toronto, expresses concern that “those who are involved in bullying are much more likely to experience emotional difficulties now and in the future.” During the 2001 school year, more than 225,000 Ontario students were surveyed, and between one fourth and one third of them were involved in some form of bullying, either as a target or as a perpetrator. In the same group, 1 in 10 had seriously contemplated suicide.

Persistent bullying may erode a victim’s self-confidence, induce serious health problems, and even ruin a career. Bullied individuals may experience headaches, sleeplessness, anxiety, and depression. Some develop post-traumatic stress disorder. Whereas physical attacks may bring on an outpouring of sympathetic support for the victim, emotional attacks may not elicit the same response. The damage is far less apparent. So instead of sympathizing, friends and family may tire of hearing the victim’s complaints.

Bullying also has bad effects on the bullies themselves. If not stopped in childhood, they will likely grow up to bully others in the workplace. In fact, some studies reveal that those who had been bullies as children developed behavior patterns that endured into adult life. They were also more likely to have a criminal record than those who were not bullies.

The Impact on the Family

Workplace bullying affects domestic stability and tranquillity. It can trigger an inexplicable urge for the target, or victim, to hurt loved ones at home. Furthermore, it can lead a spouse or family member to fight the bully in a misguided show of support for the victim. On the other hand, a spouse may blame his or her victimized mate for bringing on the trouble. When such cases of bullying drag on unresolved, even spouses who are otherwise supportive have been known to run out of patience. As years pass, the family may be more likely to disintegrate.

In some instances bullying results in a loss of career and livelihood, in separation and divorce, or even in suicide. Between one half and two thirds of Australian victims of workplace bullying reported bad effects on their close relationships, such as those with their partner, spouse, or family.

Bullying Is Costly

Workplace bullying is also costly for employers. A workplace bully could be an acid-tongued boss or a scheming coworker and is as likely to be a woman as a man. Such ones overcontrol, micromanage, and put others down with negative remarks and constant criticism, often humiliating their target in front of others. Bullies rarely recognize their impoliteness or apologize for their behavior. They often victimize workers who are capable, loyal, and well liked by fellow employees.

Workers who experience bullying tend to work less efficiently. The productivity of coworkers who witness bullying is also affected. Bullying can lead workers to feel less loyal to their employer and less committed to their work. One report claims that bullies cost industry in the United Kingdom an estimated three billion dollars each year. And it is said that such behavior is responsible for more than 30 percent of stress-related illnesses.

Clearly, bullying has an impact on society worldwide. The question is, Can anything be done to curb the problem and eliminate it?

[Footnote]

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Victims of constant bullying can become dejected and lonely

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Bullying in the workplace is all too common

Breaking Free From Bullying

‘Bullying is learned behavior, and anything learned can be unlearned.’​—Dr. C. Sally Murphy.

THE bully and the victim of bullying both need help. The bully needs to learn to relate to others without abusing power. And the victim of bullying needs some practical tools to cope with the problem.

Often, the bully does not know how to relate to others and fails to understand the feelings of those he intimidates. He needs to be monitored and taught to communicate properly. The book Take Action Against Bullying says: “Unless new behaviors are learned and adopted, bullies continue to bully throughout their lifetime. They bully their mates, their children, and possibly their underlings in their place of business.”

Help Not to Bully

Training children early in life to be empathetic can help to prevent them from turning into bullies. Educators in some lands are working with a new style of education called empathy training. The objective is to teach students as young as five years old to understand the feelings of others and to treat people with kindness. While there is yet little statistical data on the long-term impact, early results suggest that those who have gone through the training are less aggressive than those who have not.

As a parent, you should not leave such training entirely to some school program. If you do not want your child to become a bully, you need to teach him by word and by example how to treat others with respect and dignity. What can assist you? Likely, you have readily available an excellent but underappreciated source of training in this regard​—God’s Word, the Bible. How can it help?

For one thing, it teaches clearly how God feels about bullying. He despises it! The Bible says of God: “Anyone loving violence His soul certainly hates.” (Psalm 11:5) Furthermore, God is not blind to what is going on. The Bible records his feelings of regret, or sorrow, in connection with the Israelites when they suffered “because of their oppressors and those who were shoving them around.” (Judges 2:18) On many occasions God punished those who abused their power and bullied the weak and defenseless.​—Exodus 22:22-24.

The Bible also contains what may be the most famous instruction ever given regarding how to show empathy. Jesus stated: “All things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, you also must likewise do to them.” (Matthew 7:12) Teaching children to embrace that Golden Rule​—to love it and live by it—​is not easy; it takes a good example, persistence, and hard work, particularly since young children are naturally self-centered. But all such effort is worthwhile. If your children learn to be kind and empathetic, they will find the very thought of bullying repulsive.

Help for the Victims

Victims of bullying, particularly the young, face a difficult challenge​—that of maintaining balance under pressure. When someone bullies you, he is probably eager to throw you off balance emotionally. He is hoping that you will resort to extremes of anger or show terror. If you fly into a fit of rage or burst into tears and express hurt or fear, the bully is getting what he wants. So he may try to provoke the same reaction again and again.

What can you do? Consider the following suggestions. They are written primarily with the young in mind, but the principles may also apply to adults dealing with bullies.

◼ Keep cool. Don’t give in to rage. The Bible wisely advises: “Let anger alone and leave rage.” (Psalm 37:8) When your temper is out of control, you give the bully power over you, and you are likely to do things you will only regret.​—Proverbs 25:28.

◼ Try to put thoughts of revenge out of your mind. Vengeance often backfires. At any rate, revenge is not really satisfying. One girl, who was beaten up by five youths when she was 16 years old, recalls: “I decided in my heart, ‘I will get even with them.’ So I got some help from my friends and took revenge on two of my attackers.” The result? “I was left with an empty feeling,” she says. And her own conduct worsened afterward. Remember the Bible’s wise words: “Return evil for evil to no one.”​—Romans 12:17.

◼ When things appear to be getting heated, get away quickly. The Bible says: “Before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave.” (Proverbs 17:14) In general, try to steer clear of those who tend to bully. Says Proverbs 22:3: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty.”

◼ If bullying persists, you may need to speak up for yourself. Choose a moment when you are calm, look the bully in the eye, and speak in a firm, level voice. Tell him that you don’t like what he is doing​—that it is not funny and that it hurts. Do not resort to insults or challenges.​—Proverbs 15:1.

◼ Talk to a responsible, caring adult about the bullying. Be specific about the problem, and ask for help in handling it. Do the same in your prayers to God, and this can be a wonderful source of help and comfort.​—1 Thessalonians 5:17.

◼ Remember that you have value as a person. The bully might want you to think that you don’t matter, that you deserve to be treated badly. But he is not your judge. God is, and he looks for the good in each of us. It is the bully who becomes less worthwhile by resorting to such conduct.

Parents​—Protect Your Children

Parents too can start early in preparing their children to deal wisely with bullies. They can, for example, use role-playing games with their children to demonstrate how to project a sense of confidence.

Even physical posture​—standing up straight—​can send a subtle message that dissuades some bullies. Making eye contact, keeping hands and arms relaxed, and speaking in a firm, steady voice may help too. Parents are urged to teach their child to walk away, to avoid bullies, and to ask a trustworthy adult for help, such as a schoolteacher.

Eliminating bullying behavior starts with educating the family. Parents who make themselves available to their children, listening patiently and empathetically to their concerns, instill in them a feeling that they are wanted, supported, and loved. Many professionals in the field of parenting and peer problems urge parents to provide their children with a positive view of themselves. Such a healthy outlook reduces their appeal as targets in the eyes of bullies.

But more is involved than simply talking. Each member of the family needs to learn to treat others with respect and dignity and to cultivate empathy. So do not tolerate any bullying behavior in your household. Make your home a safe haven, where respect and love prevail.

The End of Bullying

“Man has dominated man to his injury.” (Ecclesiastes 8:9) That is how the Bible summarizes human history. Indeed, bullying has plagued mankind for thousands of years. A Bible writer said: “I myself returned that I might see all the acts of oppression that are being done under the sun, and, look! the tears of those being oppressed, but they had no comforter; and on the side of their oppressors there was power, so that they had no comforter.”​—Ecclesiastes 4:1.

However, God surely sees all the bullying that is going on in the world, and he feels for those who are being oppressed. But will he ever do anything about it? Yes, he will! Note his promise found at Micah 4:4: “They will actually sit, each one under his vine and under his fig tree, and there will be no one making them tremble; for the very mouth of Jehovah of armies has spoken it.”

Think what the world will be like when that promise is fulfilled. No one to make others tremble in fear​—no bullies! Does that not sound appealing? But God has done more than promise such a future. Right now a highly effective Bible education program is under way globally. It is reaping positive results. Those sharing in it are taught to alter their more aggressive personality traits, to remain at peace with one another, and to treat others with respect and dignity. (Ephesians 4:22-24) Very soon the effects of this superlative instruction will permeate the earth, and the problem of bullying will no longer exist. God’s promises recorded in the Bible will be a reality. Everyone then living will enjoy a world without bullies!

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There is no shame in walking away from a bully

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In a healthy family atmosphere, children are taught to cope with all kinds of bullying

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Teach your children to speak up for themselves in a firm yet tactful manner