A Challenge to Parents

The world is a far less moral place than it used to be. There is a glut of sex-​related advertising. Magazines that present women as casual playthings are sold at the grocery store. A rock song endorses date rape. Indeed, as evidenced by what is seen and heard every day, this is an immoral world!

PROFESSOR of family studies Greer Litton Fox observed that of “the 40 or so” acts of intercourse or implied intercourse “that one can be exposed to on television from 1:30 to 11 p.m. daily, less than 5 percent involve married couples.” With the media pushing sex, it is not surprising also to read of the “staggering rates and devastating consequences of teen pregnancy.”

Surely, for parents who want the best for their children, it is a challenge to rear them in this immoral world. Yet, this does not mean that all young people are engaging in sex relations. Surveys reveal that half of America’s 15-​to-19-​year-​old girls are sexually experienced, thereby confirming that half are not! Moreover, even many of those who have become involved sexually wish that they hadn’t. One wrote to newspaper columnist Ann Landers:

“Sex with Joe (my first crush) was disappointing, so I tried again with Mike, then Neal, then George. I don’t know what I was looking for. Whatever it was, I didn’t find it. I had gotten a lot of foolish ideas from magazines, soaps and movies. Real life wasn’t like that.

“If I could talk to the young girls who read your column, I would tell them that teenage sex doesn’t solve problems, it creates more. It doesn’t make a girl feel loved, it makes her feel cheap. I’d let them know that it doesn’t make a girl ‘more of a woman,’ it can make her less of one.

“If I could talk to parents, I’d urge them to emphasize self-​respect and high standards.”

Actually, young people who are close to their parents and who feel secure in their families and good about themselves are much less prone to fall victim to immorality than are those who are not. And there is an organization of well over four million persons earth wide in which the young people are helped to hold to a far higher standard than is generally followed today.

How, in view of these facts, can you help your children to protect themselves from the increasing immorality in today’s world? How can you help them live happier, better, and more moral lives? That is the subject of the next two articles.

Provide the Guidance They Need

HOW can your children learn to protect themselves from the world’s increasing immorality? Not from television, which one group of youths listed as their fourth most important source of information about sexuality. Not from the schools, where what teachers teach reflects the changing values and standards of this immoral world. And certainly not from the stories related by schoolmates of your children.

If education in morals and family life is to be successful, it has to begin at home. As one concerned high-​school teacher said: “Someone has to have the courage to say: ‘Look, kids, it won’t hurt you to wait!’”

Have you taught your children that? In view of the barrage of sexual material that surrounds us, do you sometimes wonder if you even know how to teach them?

The Effect of Example

Just as your parents influenced your life by the way they lived, so your example powerfully affects the lives of your children. It reveals a great deal about how much you love them and about the kind of people you want them to be.

If you were a virgin when you married, you can let your children know how happy that made you. A grandfather remembers the day, nearly 60 years ago, when his own father told him what a delight it had been to marry, knowing that he had not engaged in any immoral conduct that could ever be brought up to taint his marriage. That conversation strongly influenced the way this grandfather lived his life, and he believes his own example has powerfully affected the lives of his children.

If, however, your children know that your early life was not exemplary, you should be sure that they know why you changed. It is not just that you are older but that you have found a higher set of standards by which to live.

Quality Listening

Successful parents often comment on how much time they spend listening to their children. They know what is going on in their children’s lives. Karen made a point of working in the kitchen in the afternoons. In this way, when her daughters came home, they could talk with her about what had happened in school during the day.

Erline used to wait for her daughters when they came home at night and listen to them relate all they had done. “If something needed correcting,” she said, “I could take care of that later. But I would never have known about it if I hadn’t listened.” She kept this communication open through her daughters’ school years and through their courtships. Such time spent with your children can save many heartaches later on.

But what if your children are not very talkative? If they aren’t, you might ask yourself, ‘Are they merely quiet by nature, or are they afraid to reveal matters to me because of the way I reacted in the past? Can I rebuild their confidence by making special efforts now to show my interest in them? Can I make it easier for them to bring up small things now and perhaps more serious ones later?’

Important Warnings

Your children need to be warned about the consequences of immorality. They should know, for example, that despite all they hear to the contrary, no method of contraception is foolproof. Unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases often result even when contraceptives are used. According to the organization Planned Parenthood, condoms fail to prevent pregnancy 12 percent of the time, and their failure may even be greater in preventing the transmission of the AIDS virus.

Many young people seem convinced that catastrophies will never happen to them. However, sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, can be communicated by people who as yet have no symptoms and who do not know that they are infecting others. Many such diseases that are plaguing young people today can cause infertility, birth defects, cancer, and even death.

As an example, 40 million Americans are now believed to have just one of these diseases, genital herpes, for which there is no known cure. Infected mothers can pass it on to their babies. These innocent children may then become mentally retarded, suffer permanent damage to their central nervous system, or die of severe infections of their internal organs. What a horrible price to pay for a few brief moments of hoped-​for pleasure!

The illicit sex that transmitted this disease may not even have been fun. A researcher who questioned many youths said that “for females, twice as many teen-​year [sexual] experiences were negative as positive.” Parents need to emphasize to their children that sex​—the marvelous means by which our Creator purposed that our beautiful earth be populated—​should not be furtively commenced outside the bounds of marriage.

Instruction They Particularly Need

Your children need to know that the only sure way to avoid the problems that come with sex before marriage is to follow the time-​proved principles that God established. What principles? No sex till marriage, then permanent and lifelong fidelity to that one beloved person who, in the ideal situation, also has had no other sex partner.

However, the basic reason for fleeing immorality is not that it causes problems but that our Creator says it is wrong. The Bible urges: “Abstain from fornication.” “Flee from fornication.” Why? Because, those who continue to practice such things “will not inherit God’s kingdom.”​—1 Thessalonians 4:3; 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10, 18.

Following godly principles leads to happier, more contented lives. It protects us from sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancies, the problems of single-​parent families, and the heartbreak of being abandoned by people who used us for their own selfish purposes.

For more than 2,500 years, the words recorded by the ancient prophet of God have proved true: “I, Jehovah, am your God, the One teaching you to benefit yourself, the One causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk. O if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments! Then your peace would become just like a river, and your righteousness like the waves of the sea.”​—Isaiah 48:17, 18.

But how can these moral principles fit in with the modern practice of dating? That question is discussed next.

Teach Them From an Early Age

Parents need to instill positive Christian qualities in their children and help them to develop these. And they also need to help them to identify these qualities in a prospective mate. When your child brings up the subject of dating, explain that this is not properly viewed as a social pastime for preteeners or even for those in their early teens. Rather, make clear to them that dating is for people who are old enough to be looking seriously for someone to marry.

Children are inexperienced in evaluating character, as they should readily acknowledge. An Indian girl once explained to a marriage counselor: “Our parents are older and wiser, and they aren’t as easily deceived as we would be. . . . It’s so important that the man I marry should be the right one. I could so easily make a mistake if I had to find him for myself.” Youths can certainly benefit from the help of older ones!

Young people often rate prospective marriage mates according to standards that have little to do with whether they will make good husbands or wives. Boys may be charmed by a pretty face and an attractive figure​—but what about later? Bodies and faces change, and later the boy will no doubt want the qualities of a mature woman, including intelligence and ability to shoulder responsibilities. Girls often give priority to a boy’s being handsome, a smart dresser, and quick-​witted rather than to the more important qualities of his being kind and having love for God and fellow humans.

So, what can you do? Why not call to the attention of your children people whom they know and who have good marriages. You might point out that some of these people chose, not necessarily the prettiest or the most handsome person in town, but someone who had fine qualities and who also had the same tastes, interests, and goals that they did.

Why not discuss these matters with your children? When Ann was 13, her mother asked what qualities she wanted in a husband. They discussed this, and she made a list of qualities that she would hold out for. This was not an unrealistic list. It included that he should be someone she could look up to, and his tastes and interests should parallel hers. Now a happy grandmother, Ann still recommends that others follow this example.

For a Christian, the Biblical command to marry “only in the Lord” is a vital consideration. (1 Corinthians 7:39) A person who is “in the Lord” is one who is a dedicated, baptized Christian and who is devoted to sharing in the same activity that Jesus performed. Those who ignore this command to marry only in the Lord often experience tragic consequences. So be sure to show your youngsters the importance of considering as a prospective mate only someone who follows the same moral and spiritual principles that they do and who thus will be able to help them pass these on to any children they might have.

Prepare Them to Handle Problems

When you have determined that your children are old enough to date, impress on them the wisdom of getting acquainted with their companion in public places, sharing in activities, such as going to restaurants, museums, zoos, or art galleries, that allow them to talk and get to know each other without being isolated from other people. Help them to understand why this is so much wiser than spending time in the privacy of a parked car or in any other place where no one else is around. It is important, too, to teach them that when they come home from a date, it is proper to say good-​night at the door and not let the person inside unless, of course, you are up and present.

Warn your children of what could happen. A news report, for instance, tells of a student who invited her date to her room after dinner to dance and talk. Even though he made suggestive advances, she didn’t insist that he leave. Rather, when she protested, he would apologize for his actions, but then he would try again to seduce her. The report says: “He finally forced the issue near dawn” by raping her. How tragic!

So see to it that your children know how to act decisively if anyone should even suggest immoral acts. They should flee the situation the way young Joseph fled Potiphar’s insistent wife. (Genesis 39:7-12) They should know that the time-​worn plea, “If you love me you will,” is so often the line of a deceiver. Anyone who uses it probably does so regularly, then abandons his victim and moves on to a new conquest. Your son or daughter should know that a firm, positive no is the best answer to an immoral suggestion.

Be sure to teach your daughter to avoid situations in which she might be raped. Emphasize the need really to know well any young man that she may date and for you, her parent, to be well acquainted with such a person too. If your children no longer live in an area near you, then make sure that they ask a Christian overseer regarding their potential mate. Remember, there are deceitful ones who claim to be Christians and who slip into the congregation, even as there were in the first century.​—2 Peter 2:13-15, 17, 18.

In addition, you need to teach your sons that real men do not knowingly hurt other people. They shield and protect them. Real men are masters of, not slaves to, their impulses. They should properly treat ones of the opposite sex as they would their own mothers or sisters, with honor and respect.​—1 Timothy 5:1, 2.

Never let your children forget the basic Biblical principle: “Bad company ruins good morals.” (1 Corinthians 15:33, Revised Standard Version) Thus, your children should realize the need to stay out of the company of anyone who does not live a morally clean life. From their infancy, you should make it clear to them that while others may not see what they are doing, God always does, and he will render to each one of us according to our activity.​—Romans 2:6.

Living Morally in an Immoral World

Although worldly authorities have lamented that they “know very little about how to discourage unmarried teenagers from initiating intercourse,” Christian parents know that it can be done. By inculcating love for God and genuine respect for his laws in their young ones, parents equip their offspring to resist the temptations of this immoral world and to live upright, moral lives. A large society of millions of Jehovah’s Witnesses are remarkable in their adherence to the high moral standards of God’s Word. Even the New Catholic Encyclopedia says that this group’s “conjugal and sexual morality is quite rigid.”​—Volume 7, page 864.