Tomiko says that it was communication that helped her to mend her relationship with her daughter-​in-​law, Fujiko. “There is a frustrating of plans where there is no confidential talk,” counsels the Bible.​—Proverbs 15:22.

Communication does not mean blurting out everything on your mind without regard for the feelings of others. Here is where wisdom comes into play. “A wise person will listen” to what others have to say. Sometimes your in-​laws may have something to say, but they hesitate to express themselves. Be discerning, and ‘draw their thoughts up.’ Then ‘meditate’ before you speak.​—Proverbs 1:5; 15:28; 20:5.

Timing is very important. “As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it,” says a Bible proverb. (Proverbs 25:11) Tokiko and her daughter-​in-​law say that they wait till the right time before they express opinions that may rub the other the wrong way. “I try to think before talking when I want to point out something to my daughter-​in-​law,” says Tokiko. “I keep the points in my mind and speak when she is in a good mood and is not hungry. You see, it is easy to get irritated when you are hungry.”

A wise woman will refrain from speaking ill of her in-​laws. “Whether we are mothers-​in-​law or daughters-​in-​law, we should be aware that whatever ill we speak of the other party, it will eventually be known to them,” says Sumie Tanaka, a Japanese writer who lived with her mother-​in-​law for 30 years. Rather, she advocates speaking well of in-​laws directly and indirectly.

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Have hearing ears and communicate