1. What form might counsel take, and why do we all need it?

ALL of us need counsel from time to time. In some cases, we may take the initiative to ask someone we respect for advice. In other cases, a concerned brother may approach us and point out that we are about to take “a false step”​—one that we will regret. (Gal. 6:1) Finally, counsel may come to us in the form of correction after we have made a serious mistake. Whatever form it takes, we should listen to counsel. Doing so is good for us and could save our life!​—Prov. 6:23.

2. In harmony with Proverbs 12:15 and footnote, why should we listen to counsel?

² Our theme text encourages us to “listen to the words of the wise.” (Prov. 22:17) No human knows everything; there is always someone who has greater knowledge or experience than we do. (Read Proverbs 12:15 and footnote.) So listening to counsel is a sign of humility. It indicates that we are aware of our limitations; we realize that we need help to reach our goals. Wise King Solomon wrote under inspiration: “There is accomplishment through many advisers [or “counselors,” ftn.].”​—Prov. 15:22.

3. In what ways may we receive counsel?

³ We may receive indirect or direct counsel. What do we mean by indirect counsel? We may read something in the Bible or in one of our publications that makes us stop and think about the course we are taking and moves us to adjust our course. (Heb. 4:12) We could call that indirect counsel. What do we mean by direct counsel? An elder or another qualified brother might point out something that we need to work on. That could be called direct counsel. If someone loves us enough to share Bible-based counsel with us, we should show our appreciation by listening to what he has to say and taking the counsel to heart.

4. According to Ecclesiastes 7:9, what reaction should we avoid when we receive counsel?

⁴ Realistically, we may find it especially difficult to accept direct counsel. We might even become offended. Why? Although we readily admit that we are imperfect, we might find it challenging to accept counsel when someone points out a specific flaw in us. (Read Ecclesiastes 7:9.) We might justify ourselves. We might question the counselor’s motives or take offense at the way he gave the counsel. We might even find fault with the counselor himself, reasoning: ‘What right does he have to counsel me? He has his own flaws!’ Ultimately, if the counsel we receive does not suit us, we might ignore it or look elsewhere for counsel that is more to our liking.

5. What will we consider in this article?

⁵ In this article, we will discuss Scriptural examples of those who rejected counsel and those who accepted it. We will also consider what will help us to accept counsel and benefit from it.

THEY REJECTED COUNSEL

6. What do we learn from the way King Rehoboam reacted to counsel he received?

⁶ Consider the example of Rehoboam. When he became king of Israel, his subjects came to him with a request. They asked him to lighten the load that his father, Solomon, had laid upon them. Commendably, Rehoboam consulted with the older men of Israel to see how he should reply to the people. The older men advised the king that if he did what the people asked, they would always support him. (1 Ki. 12:3-7) Apparently, Rehoboam was not satisfied with that advice, so he consulted the men who had grown up with him. Those men were likely in their 40’s, so they must have had some experience in life. (2 Chron. 12:13) But on this occasion, they gave Rehoboam bad advice. They counseled him to add to the burdens of the people. (1 Ki. 12:8-11) Faced with two different viewpoints, Rehoboam could have approached Jehovah in prayer and asked Him which advice he should follow. Instead, he decided to accept the advice that appealed to him and listened to the younger men. The consequences were disastrous for Rehoboam and for the people of Israel. In our case, the advice we receive may not always be what we want to hear. Still, if it is based on God’s Word, we should accept it.

7. What does King Uzziah’s example teach us?

⁷ King Uzziah rejected counsel. He entered a section of Jehovah’s temple where only the priests were allowed to be, and he attempted to offer incense. The priests of Jehovah said to him: “It is not proper for you, Uzziah, to burn incense to Jehovah! It is only the priests who should burn incense.” How did Uzziah react? If he had humbly accepted the counsel and left the temple immediately, Jehovah might have forgiven him. Instead, “Uzziah . . . became enraged.” Why did he reject the counsel? He evidently felt that as king, he had the right to do whatever he wanted. But Jehovah did not see it that way. As a result of his presumptuous act, Uzziah was struck with leprosy and “remained a leper until the day of his death.” (2 Chron. 26:16-21) Uzziah’s example teaches us that, no matter who we are, if we reject Bible-based counsel, we will lose Jehovah’s approval.

THEY ACCEPTED COUNSEL

8. How did Job react to counsel?

⁸ In contrast to the warning examples just discussed, the Bible provides good examples of those who were blessed because they accepted counsel. Consider Job. Although he was God-fearing, he was not perfect. Under intense pressure, he expressed some wrong viewpoints. As a result, he received straightforward counsel, both from Elihu and from Jehovah. How did Job react? He humbly accepted the counsel. He said: “I spoke, but without understanding . . . I take back what I said, and I repent in dust and ashes.” Jehovah blessed Job for his humble reaction.​—Job 42:3-6, 12-17.

9. How did Moses set a good example when it comes to accepting counsel?

⁹ Moses is a good example of someone who accepted correction after he had made a serious mistake. On one occasion, he lost his temper and did not honor Jehovah. Because of this, Moses lost out on the privilege of entering the Promised Land. (Num. 20:1-13) When Moses expressed his disappointment over this decision, Jehovah told him: “Never speak to me again about this matter.” (Deut. 3:23-27) Moses did not become bitter. Rather, he accepted Jehovah’s decision, and Jehovah continued to use him to lead Israel. (Deut. 4:1) Both Job and Moses are good examples for us to imitate when it comes to accepting counsel. Job adjusted his viewpoint; he did not make excuses. Moses proved that he accepted Jehovah’s counsel by remaining faithful even after he lost a privilege that was precious to him.

10. (a) What does Proverbs 4:10-13 indicate about the benefits of accepting counsel? (b) What fine attitude toward counsel have some displayed?

¹⁰ We benefit when we imitate the example set by such faithful men as Job and Moses. (Read Proverbs 4:10-13.) Many of our brothers and sisters have done just that. Note what a brother named Emmanuel, who lives in Congo, says about a warning he received: “Mature brothers in my congregation saw that I was about to suffer spiritual shipwreck, and they came to my rescue. I applied their counsel, and it helped me avoid a lot of problems.”b A pioneer in Canada named Megan says regarding counsel: “It hasn’t always been what I wanted to hear, but it has been what I needed to hear.” And a brother from Croatia named Marko says: “I lost a privilege, but when I look back, I realize that the counsel I received helped me regain my spiritual balance.”

11. What did Brother Karl Klein observe about accepting counsel?

¹¹ Another example of someone who benefited from accepting counsel was Brother Karl Klein, who served as a member of the Governing Body. In his life story, Brother Klein related a time when he received strong counsel from Joseph F. Rutherford, with whom he had a close friendship. Brother Klein admitted that at first he did not react well to the counsel. He said: “The next time [Brother Rutherford] saw me, he cheerily said, ‘Hello Karl!’ But because of still feeling hurt, I just muttered a greeting. He countered, ‘Karl, watch out! The Devil’s after you!’ Embarrassed, I replied, ‘Oh, there’s nothing, Brother Rutherford.’ But he knew better, and so repeated his warning, ‘That’s all right. Just watch out. The Devil’s after you.’ How right he was! When we harbor resentment against a brother, especially for saying something he has a right to say . . . , we leave ourselves open to the Devil’s snares.”c (Eph. 4:25-27) Brother Klein accepted Brother Rutherford’s counsel, and their warm relationship remained intact.

WHAT CAN HELP US TO ACCEPT COUNSEL?

12. How can humility help us to accept counsel? (Psalm 141:5)

¹² What can help us to accept counsel? We need to be humble by remembering just how imperfect we really are and how foolish we can be at times. As discussed earlier, Job had the wrong viewpoint. But he later adjusted his thinking, and Jehovah blessed him for it. Why? Because Job was humble. He proved his humility by accepting the counsel that Elihu gave him, even though Elihu was much younger than he was. (Job 32:6, 7) Humility will likewise help us apply counsel, even when we feel that we do not deserve it or when the one giving it is younger than we are. An elder in Canada says, “Since we do not see ourselves as others see us, how can we progress if no one counsels us?” Who among us does not need to make progress in cultivating the fruitage of the spirit and in carrying out the Christian ministry?​—Read Psalm 141:5.

13. How should we view the counsel we receive?

¹³ View counsel as an expression of God’s love. Jehovah wants what is best for us. (Prov. 4:20-22) When he counsels us by means of his Word, a Bible-based publication, or a mature fellow believer, he is expressing his love for us. “He does so for our benefit,” says Hebrews 12:9, 10.

14. What should we focus on when counseled?

¹⁴ Focus on the content, not the delivery. At times, we may feel that the counsel we received was not given in the best manner. Of course, anyone giving counsel should try to make it as easy as possible to accept.d (Gal. 6:1) But if we are the one being counseled, we do well to focus on the message​—even if we feel that it could have been delivered in a better way. We might ask ourselves: ‘Even if I do not appreciate the manner in which the counsel was given, is there some truth to what was said? Can I look past the imperfections of the messenger and benefit from the message itself?’ It would be wise on our part to find a way to benefit from any counsel we receive.​—Prov. 15:31.

ASK FOR COUNSEL AND REAP BENEFITS

15. Why should we ask for counsel?

¹⁵ The Bible urges us to ask for counsel. Proverbs 13:10 says: “Wisdom belongs to those who seek advice.” How true that is! Those who ask for counsel rather than wait for someone to approach them will often make greater spiritual progress than those who do not seek advice. So take the initiative by asking for counsel.

16. In what situations might we ask for counsel?

¹⁶ When might we ask for counsel from fellow believers? Consider some situations. (1) A sister asks an experienced publisher to join her on a study and later asks for advice on how she can improve her teaching methods. (2) A single sister would like to purchase a pair of slacks, so she asks a mature sister for her honest opinion about the selection. (3) A brother is assigned to give his first public talk. He asks an experienced speaker to listen carefully to his talk and offer him some constructive counsel on how he can improve. Even a brother who has given talks for many years does well to ask for such feedback from experienced speakers and then to apply the counsel he receives.

17. How can we benefit from counsel?

¹⁷ In the coming weeks or months, all of us will receive counsel​—either direct counsel or indirect counsel. When that happens, recall the points we have just discussed. Remain humble. Focus on the content, not on the delivery. And apply the counsel you receive. None of us are born wise. But when we “listen to counsel and accept discipline,” God’s Word promises that we will “become wise.”​—Prov. 19:20.

1-2. What did one brother learn about offering counsel?

MANY years ago, two elders visited a sister who had been missing meetings for some time. The elder who took the lead in the conversation shared a number of scriptures about meeting attendance. He thought that the visit had gone well, but as he and his companion were leaving, the sister said, “You brothers do not have a clue about what I am going through.” The brothers had offered their counsel without asking the sister about her problems and circumstances. As a result, she did not feel that their counsel was helpful.

² Looking back, the elder who took the lead in the discussion says: “At the time, I thought the sister was being disrespectful. But as I thought about it, I came to see that I had shown up with all the appropriate scriptures instead of showing up with all the appropriate questions, such as ‘What has been happening in your life?’ ‘How can I help?’” The elder learned a valuable lesson from that experience. Today he is an empathetic and helpful shepherd.

3. Who in the congregation may give counsel?

³ As shepherds, elders are responsible for giving counsel when it is needed. However, there are times when others in the congregation may need to give counsel. For example, a brother or a sister may give Bible-based advice to a friend. (Ps. 141:5; Prov. 25:12) Or an older sister may “advise the younger women” in such matters as those mentioned at Titus 2:3-5. And, of course, parents often need to give counsel and correction to their children. So while this article is directed to congregation elders in particular, all of us can benefit by reviewing ways in which we can give counsel that is both practical and motivating and that will “make the heart rejoice.”​—Prov. 27:9.

4. What will we discuss in this article?

⁴ In this article, we will discuss four questions about giving counsel: (1) What is the right motive? (2) Is the counsel really necessary? (3) Who should give the counsel? (4) How can you give effective counsel?

WHAT IS THE RIGHT MOTIVE?

5. How can having the right motive help an elder to frame his counsel in an appealing way? (1 Corinthians 13:4, 7)

⁵ Elders love their brothers and sisters. At times, they show that love by counseling someone who is heading down a wrong path. (Gal. 6:1) Before speaking to the person, though, an elder might consider some of the facets of love that the apostle Paul mentioned. “Love is patient and kind. . . . It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (Read 1 Corinthians 13:4, 7.) Meditating on those Bible verses will help the elder to examine his motives for giving the counsel and to approach his brother with the proper attitude. If the one receiving the counsel can sense that the elder cares about him, he will be more likely to accept the counsel.​—Rom. 12:10.

6. What good example did the apostle Paul set?

⁶ The apostle Paul set a good example as an elder. For instance, when the brothers in Thessalonica needed counsel, Paul did not hesitate to give it. However, in his letters to them, Paul first took note of their faithful work, their loving labor, and their endurance. He also considered their circumstances, kindly acknowledging that their life was not easy and that they were bearing up under persecution. (1 Thess. 1:3; 2 Thess. 1:4) He even told those brothers that they were an example to other Christians. (1 Thess. 1:8, 9) How happy they must have been to receive Paul’s warm commendation! There could be no doubt that Paul loved his brothers very much. That is why he was able to give effective counsel in both of his letters to the Thessalonians.​—1 Thess. 4:1, 3-5, 11; 2 Thess. 3:11, 12.

7. Why might someone react negatively to counsel?

⁷ What could happen if we did not give counsel in the right manner? An experienced elder observed, “Some react negatively to counsel, not because there is something wrong with the advice, but because it was not given in a loving way.” What can we learn from this? Counsel is much easier to accept when it is given out of love, not out of irritation.

IS THE COUNSEL REALLY NECESSARY?

8. What should an elder ask himself when deciding whether to counsel someone?

⁸ Elders should not be hasty about giving counsel. Before offering it, an elder should ask himself: ‘Do I really need to say something? Am I certain that what the other person is doing is wrong? Has a Bible command been violated? Or is it simply a difference of opinion?’ Elders wisely avoid being “hasty with [their] words.” (Prov. 29:20) If the elder is not sure that he needs to counsel someone, he might approach another elder to discuss whether there is a Scriptural issue that has to be addressed.​—2 Tim. 3:16, 17.

9. What do we learn from Paul about how to give counsel on dress and grooming? (1 Timothy 2:9, 10)

⁹ Consider an example. Suppose an elder is concerned about a fellow believer’s choices in dress or grooming. The elder could ask himself, ‘Is there a Scriptural reason to say something?’ Conscious of the need to be objective, he might ask another elder or mature publisher for his thoughts. Together they might review Paul’s counsel on dress and grooming. (Read 1 Timothy 2:9, 10.) Paul outlined certain broad principles, observing that a Christian’s dress should be appropriate, modest, and sensible. But Paul did not make a list of dos and don’ts. He recognized that Christians have a right to express their individual taste within Scriptural limits. So in determining whether counsel is needed, the elders should consider if the person’s choices reflect modesty and good sense.

10. What must we keep in mind with regard to personal choices?

¹⁰ We do well to realize that two mature Christians may make different choices, both of which are acceptable. We should not impose our own standards of right and wrong on fellow believers.​—Rom. 14:10.

WHO SHOULD GIVE THE COUNSEL?

11-12. If counsel is necessary, what questions should an elder ask himself, and why?

¹¹ If it is clear that some counsel is necessary, the next question is, Who should give it? Before counseling a married sister or a minor, an elder would consult with the family head, who might prefer to care for the matter himself.b Or the family head might ask to be present when the elder gives the counsel. And, as mentioned in paragraph 3, there may be times when it is preferable for an older sister to counsel a younger sister.

¹² There is another factor to consider. An elder might ask himself, ‘Am I the best person to give the counsel, or would it be better received if it came from someone else?’ For example, a person who struggles with feelings of low self-worth may respond better to counsel from an elder who has dealt with this challenge rather than one who has not. The elder who experienced similar feelings is likely to have greater empathy, and what he says may be more readily accepted. However, all elders have the responsibility to encourage and motivate their brothers and sisters to make any adjustments that the Scriptures require. So when admonition is needed, what matters most is that the counsel is given.

HOW CAN YOU GIVE EFFECTIVE COUNSEL?

13-14. Why is it important for an elder to listen?

¹³ Be ready to listen. When an elder is preparing to offer counsel, he should ask himself: ‘What do I know about my brother’s circumstances? What is happening in his life? Could he be facing challenges that I am unaware of? What does he need most right now?’

¹⁴ The principle recorded at James 1:19 certainly applies to those who give counsel. James wrote: “Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” An elder may assume that he has all the facts, but does he really? Proverbs 18:13 reminds us: “When anyone replies to a matter before he hears the facts, it is foolish and humiliating.” It is best to get the facts directly from the person himself. That involves listening before speaking. Remember the lesson learned by the elder quoted in the introduction of this article. He realized that instead of beginning the visit with material he had prepared, he should have asked the sister such questions as: “What has been happening in your life?” “How can I help?” If elders take the time to get the facts, they are more likely to help and encourage their brothers and sisters.

15. How can elders apply the principle found at Proverbs 27:23?

¹⁵ Get to know the flock. As mentioned at the outset, giving effective counsel involves more than simply reading a few scriptures or offering a suggestion or two. Our brothers and sisters need to sense that we care for them, that we understand them, and that we want to help them. (Read Proverbs 27:23.) Elders should do their best to develop close friendships with their brothers and sisters.

16. What will help elders to give effective counsel?

¹⁶ Elders would certainly want to avoid giving the impression that they are all business, as it were, and that they approach their brothers only when something needs to be handled. Instead, they regularly talk with their brothers and sisters, showing personal concern for them as they face challenges. “If you do that,” observes one experienced elder, “you will build a good relationship. Then when you need to give counsel, you will find it much easier to do so.” And the one receiving the counsel will find it much easier to accept.

17. When especially does an elder need to be patient and kind?

¹⁷ Be patient and kind. Patience and kindness are especially needed when someone initially resists Bible-based counsel. An elder must guard against the tendency to get irritated if his counsel is not immediately accepted or acted on. Regarding Jesus, it was prophesied: “No bruised reed will he crush, and no smoldering wick will he extinguish.” (Matt. 12:20) So in his private prayers, the elder may ask Jehovah to bless the one needing counsel and to help him understand the reason for the counsel and apply it. The brother being counseled may need time to think about what was said. If the elder is patient and kind, the one he is trying to help will not be distracted by the way the counsel is given, but he will be able to focus on the message. Of course, the counsel should always be based on God’s Word.

18. (a) Where giving counsel is concerned, what should we keep in mind? (b) As shown in the picture with the box, what are the parents discussing?

¹⁸ Learn from your mistakes. As long as we are imperfect, we will not be able to apply the suggestions in this article perfectly. (Jas. 3:2) We will make mistakes, but when we do, we should try to learn from them. If our brothers and sisters can perceive that we love them, they will likely find it easier to forgive us when we offend them by something we say or do.​—See also the box “A Note to Parents.”

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?

19. How can we make the heart of our brothers and sisters rejoice?

¹⁹ As we have seen, it is not easy to give effective counsel. We are imperfect, and so are those whom we counsel. Keep in mind the principles we have considered in this article. Make sure that the counsel is given with the right motive. Also, be sure that the counsel is really needed and that you are the right person to give it. Before offering counsel, ask questions and listen carefully so that you can understand what the person is facing. Try to see things from his perspective. Be gentle, cultivating a warm friendship with your brothers and sisters. Remember the goal: We want our counsel not only to be effective but also to “make the heart rejoice.”​—Prov. 27:9.