Speaking Truth

Even when someone’s reputation seems to be good and the interest is mutual, it is still premature to start planning your wedding. A closer examination of this person may well reveal serious personality flaws or spiritual weaknesses. How, then, can you get to know what this one is really like? While there is nothing wrong with engaging in recreational activities together, courtship serves its purpose best when it also includes some serious confidential talk.​—Compare Proverbs 15:22.

What are your goals? Your interests? Your views on having children? Budgeting money? It is most important that you ‘speak truth with one another,’ not bending the truth because you fear losing this person. (Ephesians 4:25) Sooner or later the real you will come out anyway. And you are better off letting the other person know just who you are and what you want out of life than to begin a relationship that is likely to terminate in disappointment​—or a miserable marriage.

But what if the other person resorts to pretense to keep the relationship alive? Warns the Bible: “Anyone inexperienced puts faith in every word, but the shrewd one considers his steps.” (Proverbs 14:15) Not that you should be overly suspicious, but it is only reasonable to try personally to determine if this person’s actions speak as loud as his or her words.

Learning where he or she stands on key issues is something that should be done at the outset​—not later on when both are too emotionally involved. Steve, for example, was looking for a marriage mate that shared his devotion to the Christian ministry. Soon he became interested in a girl who was very attractive to him. He recalls: “But then I started to realize she didn’t have any goals, and she wasn’t very active as a Christian.” Steve wisely called off the relationship.

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Get to know someone well before getting romantically involved