Negative Emotions​—Can You Overcome Them?

“OF COURSE NOT! Negative emotions are too powerful. I have no choice but to endure them until they pass.”

That is how many respond to the idea of overcoming emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, guilt, self-​pity, and depression. But those emotions can be overcome. Rather than surrender to them whenever they arise, you can learn to lessen their intensity, perhaps even eliminate them.

Of course, there is a significant difference between the normal negative emotions that are experienced by everyone and severe depression. The latter may require professional treatment. The former do not, and these are the emotions we can learn to cope with.

Actually, not all negative emotions are harmful. For example, when you make a serious mistake, you may express remorse in proportion to the mistake. If this moves you to correct it and avoid repeating it in the future, then the emotion has had a positive long-​term effect. Or the normal concern you may have about a problem may move you to tackle it with vigor and seek a reasonable solution. That too is a healthy response.

However, what if after you do what you reasonably can to correct a mistake, your feelings of guilt or worthlessness still cling to you, perhaps persisting for a long time afterward? Or what if after you resolve a problem to the extent possible, your feelings of worry remain and even intensify? Then your emotional responses may make you miserable. How, then, can you overcome those emotional responses? The key may be found in controlling our thinking.

We Can Control Our Thinking

Many who work in the field of mental health maintain that our feelings are caused by our thoughts. For example, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer points out: “You cannot have a feeling (emotion) without first having experienced a thought.” Dr. David D. Burns further states: “Every bad feeling you have is the result of your distorted negative thinking.”

Interestingly, the Bible likewise attributes much of what we feel to our choice of thoughts, so it emphasizes the need to control our thinking. Note the following verses:

“All the days of the afflicted one are bad; but the one that is good at heart has a feast constantly.”​—Proverbs 15:15.

“Quit being fashioned after this system of things, but be transformed by making your mind over, that you may prove to yourselves the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”​—Romans 12:2.

“We are bringing every thought into captivity to make it obedient to the Christ.”​—2 Corinthians 10:5.

“You should put away the old personality which conforms to your former course of conduct . . . ; you should be made new in the force actuating your mind, and should put on the new personality which was created according to God’s will in true righteousness and loyalty.”​—Ephesians 4:22-24.

“Whatever things are true, whatever things are of serious concern, whatever things are righteous, whatever things are chaste, whatever things are lovable, whatever things are well spoken of, whatever virtue there is and whatever praiseworthy thing there is, continue considering these things.”​—Philippians 4:8.

“Keep your minds fixed on the things above, not on the things upon the earth.”​—Colossians 3:2.

Since your feelings are chiefly a product of your thinking, the key to overcoming your negative emotions is to control the thoughts that support them. With sufficient effort and time, you can learn to bring your thoughts under greater control. It therefore follows that you can do the same to your feelings.

True, it is easy to say that we can overcome our negative emotions. But it is something else actually to do it. How, then, can we proceed to cope with these emotions that may cause us so much difficulty?

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Not all negative emotions are harmful

Negative Emotions​—How Can They Be Overcome?

THE first step toward controlling negative emotions is: Identify the negative thoughts.

Second: Work on correcting the negative thoughts. If, for instance, you were thinking, ‘I never do anything right,’ substitute this with, ‘I’m just like everyone else; I do many things right, but I make my share of mistakes too.’

Do not expect to feel better immediately after making this correction (although you may), and do not get stuck mentally debating the matter. Just make the affirmation and move on to the next step.

The third step is to work at dismissing the troublesome thought from your mind. Try to push it out as forcefully and confidently as you would the thought of committing a serious crime. While you may be able to do this with strong mental effort, of immense help in doing so is the fourth step: Get absorbed in something else, something upbuilding.

This is vital because your negative thoughts will repeatedly try to force their way back into your mind. But you have this advantage: You can only concentrate fully on one thing at a time. You can prove this to yourself by trying to concentrate totally on two subjects at the same time. If your mind is already fully occupied with something else, it will be difficult for your negative thoughts to return.

The way negative thoughts can be replaced by positive ones is illustrated by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, who states: “When your phonograph is playing music you don’t like, you do not try to force it to do better. . . . You merely change the record being played and the music takes care of itself. Use the same technique on the ‘music’ that comes out of your own internal machine.”

Yes, negative thoughts are often too strong to be simply dismissed. They must be forced out by replacement. Put a different “record” on, a positive one. Switch to a different, upbuilding “channel,” a different “station,” and get absorbed in it.

It Will Be Difficult

The above four steps are easily explained, but how hard they can be to follow! Therefore, do not be surprised if overcoming negative thoughts and emotions is difficult for you at first. Expect it to be difficult, but know that in time it will get easier.

Take the example of Cindy, a teacher who was raised by an alcoholic mother. For years Cindy suffered with feelings of guilt and insecurity. Then she decided to come to grips with the problem. What did she do?

Cindy explains: “First I worked to identify the specific thoughts that caused my negative feelings. Whenever these thoughts would surface, I would rethink them, rationally and objectively. Then I would work on making positive thoughts flow. I forced my mind to dwell on my students and how I could help them. Gradually, it became easier, and I felt more in control of my feelings.”

Yet, you may wonder . . .

Why Is It So Hard?

Are bad habits, such as overeating or smoking, easily broken? By no means! They are overcome only by conscious, determined effort over a period of time. For many, negative thinking is a habit, and like other bad habits, it is a hard one to break.

If negative thinking is a habit with you, overcoming it will likely take the same determination that it takes a person who goes on a diet or one who decides to quit smoking.

The point is, do not give up and decide to remain depressed because it is easier to do so. Stick with your fight against negative thinking, even if it means many months of trial and error and perhaps relapse. Stay with it as if you were training for an athletic contest. Look to long-​term results rather than immediate satisfaction.

Can They Be Completely Eliminated?

Can negative emotions be completely eliminated? Well, if you expect to achieve perfect happiness now, you will meet with frustration and disappointment. Happiness is at this time relative and incomplete. But that is still much better than being locked into a life of persistent and debilitating negative emotions.

Does this mean that negative emotions will never be overcome? By no means. The Bible realistically explains that this imperfect condition will be with us for a while yet, but that there is an appointed time for it to be eliminated forever. That will take place soon when God’s Kingdom, his heavenly government in the hands of Jesus Christ, completely takes over all affairs of this earth and begins the process of lifting mankind up to human perfection. Jesus called the process “the re-​creation [or, “regeneration,” footnote].”​—Matthew 19:28; see also Psalm 37:29; Matthew 6:9, 10; Revelation 21:3-5.

For now, however, accepting the limitations placed upon us by human imperfection will make you happier. Instead of going to extremes in search of perfect mental health, you will be free to pursue other matters of life. And you will find much greater peace of mind and happiness in knowing that the ultimate solution to negative emotions lies in the capable hands of Almighty God.

Are the suggestions here merely hypothetical? Do they really work? Yes they do, as the following true life experiences show.

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You can replace negative thoughts with positive ones

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Do not give up and decide to remain depressed because it is easier to do so

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Like losing weight, learning to control our emotions takes time and persistence

How Some Have Learned to Overcome Negative Emotions

AT TIMES everyone has negative emotions. Because of severe problems, such as serious illness, advanced age, or the death of loved ones, some may have deeply rooted negative emotions that can adversely affect their lives.

However, even among the latter, there are those who have learned to bring these emotions under control so that they can get on successfully with their daily activities. The following are examples of such ones, as interviewed by Awake! magazine.

Janis receives medical treatment for an illness that affects her emotions. However, she states: “I found that the most effective way to cope with the problem is to take charge of my thoughts. I do this by doing things for others, like baking and sewing. I also make it a point to dwell on pleasant memories and future events that I look forward to. Because of my illness, none of this is easy. Sometimes it would be easier to give in and feel bad. But the good results are worth the effort.”

After 45 years of marriage, Ethel’s husband died. Though she did not bypass the grieving process, Ethel does manage to control her emotions. She explains: “I keep myself busy doing things for others. For example, I enjoy teaching others about God’s purposes as found in the Bible. One young lady was so happy about the good things she was learning that her appreciation helped me to be more joyful. As I concentrate on the positive things in the Bible in order to teach others, it helps to force out negative thoughts in my mind. Too, younger women will come to me for help with various problems, and talking about the positive things they can do in their lives also helps me to overcome negative emotions.”

Arthur had for many years led a busy, active life. Then, because of a serious illness, he had to discontinue secular work and restrict all activity outside the home. For many months Arthur felt useless and depressed. How did he handle these feelings? “I stopped dwelling on what I could no longer do. Instead, I focused on what I could do to help other people improve themselves and to encourage them when they were depressed. Being restricted to my home, I use the telephone a lot. As I became busy helping and encouraging others, I had little time to feel sorry for myself.”

Following a series of crises, including the death of her husband, Nita understandably experienced severe sadness and depression. In time she learned to control those feelings: “When a feeling of sadness comes over me, I seek a constructive outlet. I force myself to take a walk, call a kind friend, listen to music, or do anything that I know from experience will ease the depression. I try to treat myself compassionately just as I would a good friend.”

Mary has had severe medical problems for 32 years. Confined to a wheelchair, she leaves home only for doctor appointments. How does Mary keep from being overwhelmed with discouragement? She explains: “My husband has been most supportive. Also, I frequently read upbuilding material. I call my friends regularly, and often take the initiative to invite them to my home. I enjoy their visits and do not use those occasions to complain or indulge in self-​pity. I do not spend time dwelling on the negative things in my life because I have so many positive things going for me.”

Margaret is by nature a realistic thinker. “When negative feelings surface,” she says, “I seek out the company of a positive thinker​—not an idealist—​but someone who knows me well and will remind me of my successes and encourage me.”

Rose Marie has had five major operations over the years, and she and her husband have had seven deaths in their families in a recent period of a year and a half. Certainly, the weight of this caused negative emotions. However, they do not dwell on those things. Being Jehovah’s Witnesses, they are sustained by the positive and comforting hope that the Bible gives of a righteous new world near at hand where God “will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.” Even the dead will be resurrected, for as Jesus said, “the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear [the voice of God’s Son] and come out.”​—Revelation 21:4; John 5:28, 29.

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Janis controls her emotions by doing things for others, dwelling on pleasant memories, and looking forward to future events