Awake! asked Doug what had sustained him and Anne through their grief.

“I remember that the funeral talk was helpful. What comforted us most of all that day was our Christian hope in the resurrection. Her loss was felt deeply, but the hurt was softened by God’s promise through Christ of seeing her again here on earth. From the Bible, we saw that the effects of death are reversible. The speaker showed from the Bible that Rachel was not in heaven ‘as a little angel’ nor in Limbo awaiting release to heaven. She was simply asleep in the common grave of mankind.”​—See John 5:28, 29; 11:11-14; Ecclesiastes 9:5.

[Box on page 12]

Suggestions for Helping Bereaved Parents

What You Can Do

1. Be available. Make meals. Clean house. Run errands. Care for the other children.

2. Express your genuine fellow feeling and sorrow at their loss.

3. Let them express their feelings and grief as they see fit.

4. Encourage them to be patient with themselves and not to demand too much from themselves.

5. Allow them to talk about the lost child as much as they wish, and you talk about the endearing qualities of the child.

6. Give special attention to the child’s brothers and sisters for whatever length of time it is necessary.

7. Relieve them of guilt feelings. Reassure them that they did all they could. Highlight whatever else you know to be true and positive about the care they gave.

What to Avoid

1. Don’t avoid them because you are uncomfortable. Just a sympathetic hug is better than absence.

2. Don’t say you know how they feel​—unless you have lost a child too.

3. Don’t be judgmental or tell them what they should feel or do.

4. Don’t become silent when they mention their dead child. And don’t be afraid to mention the child​—they want to hear good things about him/​her.

5. Don’t draw sham conclusions or lessons to be learned from the loss of the child. In their grief, there is no silver lining to this cloud.

6. Don’t remind them that at least they have other children or can have more. No other child is a substitute or replacement.

7. Don’t add to their guilt feelings by looking for faults in the home or hospital care.

8. Don’t use religious platitudes that put the blame on God.

(Based in part on a list prepared by Lee Schmidt, Parent Bereavement Outreach, Santa Monica, California.)