[Box on page 23]

Characteristics of Healthy Families

Several years ago an educator and family specialist conducted an extensive survey in which more than 500 professionals who work with families were asked to comment on the traits they observed in “healthy” families. Interestingly, among the most common traits listed were things long ago recommended by the Bible.

Good communication practices topped the list, including effective methods of reconciling differences. A common policy found in healthy families is that “nobody goes to bed angry at another,” noted the author of the survey.⁶ Yet, over 1,900 years ago, the Bible advised: “Be wrathful, and yet do not sin; let the sun not set with you in a provoked state.” (Ephesians 4:26) In Bible times the days were reckoned from sundown to sundown. So, long before modern experts studied families, the Bible wisely advised: Settle divisive matters quickly—before the day ends and another begins.

Healthy families “don’t bring up potentially explosive subjects right before they go out or before bedtime,” the author found. “Over and over I heard the phrase ‘the right time.’”⁷ Such families unwittingly echoed the Bible proverb recorded over 2,700 years ago: “As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.” (Proverbs 15:23; 25:11) This simile may allude to golden ornaments in the shape of apples placed on engraved silver trays—prized and beautiful possessions in Bible times. It conveys the beauty and value of words uttered at the appropriate time. In stressful circumstances, the right words said at the right time are priceless.—Proverbs 10:19.

Practical Guidance for Marriage

The family, says the UN Chronicle, “is the oldest and most basic unit of human organization; the most crucial link between generations.” This “crucial link,” however, is coming apart at an alarming rate. “In today’s world,” notes the Chronicle, “many families face daunting challenges that threaten their ability to function and, indeed, to survive.”² What advice does the Bible offer to help the family unit survive?

To begin with, the Bible has much to say about how husbands and wives should treat each other. Concerning husbands, for example, it says: “Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it.” (Ephesians 5:28, 29) A wife was advised to “have deep respect for her husband.”—Ephesians 5:33.

Consider the implications of applying such Bible counsel. A husband who loves his wife ‘as his own body’ is not hateful or brutal toward her. He does not strike her physically, nor does he abuse her verbally or emotionally. Instead, he accords her the same esteem and consideration he shows himself. (1 Peter 3:7) His wife thus feels loved and secure in her marriage. He thereby provides his children with a good example of how women should be treated. On the other hand, a wife who has “deep respect” for her husband does not strip him of his dignity by constantly criticizing him or belittling him. Because she respects him, he feels trusted, accepted, and appreciated.

Is such advice practical in this modern world? It is interesting that those who make a career of studying families today have come to similar conclusions. An administrator of a family counseling program noted: “The healthiest families I know are ones in which the mother and father have a strong, loving relationship between themselves. . . . This strong primary relationship seems to breed security in the children.”³

Over the years, the Bible’s counsel on marriage has proved far more reliable than the advice of countless well-intentioned family counselors. After all, it was not too long ago that many experts were advocating divorce as a quick and easy solution to an unpleasant marriage. Today, many of them urge people to make their marriage last if at all possible. But this change has come only after much damage was done.

In contrast, the Bible gives reliable, balanced counsel on the subject of marriage. It acknowledges that some extreme circumstances make divorce permissible. (Matthew 19:9) At the same time, it condemns frivolous divorce. (Malachi 2:14-16) It also condemns marital infidelity. (Hebrews 13:4) Marriage, it says, involves commitment: “That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.”a—Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5, 6.

The Bible’s advice on marriage is as relevant today as it was when the Bible was written. When husband and wife treat each other with love and respect and view marriage as an exclusive relationship, the marriage is more likely to survive—and with it the family.

Practical Guidance for Parents

Several decades ago many parents—spurred on by “innovative ideas” on child training—thought it was “forbidden to forbid.”⁸ Setting limits for children, they feared, would cause trauma and frustration. Well-meaning counselors on child rearing were insisting that parents refrain from anything more than the mildest correction of their children. But many such experts are now reconsidering the role of discipline, and concerned parents are searching for some clarity on the subject.

All along, however, the Bible has offered clear, reasonable counsel on child rearing. Nearly 2,000 years ago, it said: “Fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Ephesians 6:4) The Greek noun translated “discipline” means “upbringing, training, instruction.”⁹ The Bible says that such discipline, or instruction, is evidence of parental love. (Proverbs 13:24) Children thrive with clear-cut moral guidelines and a developed sense of right and wrong. Discipline tells them that their parents care about them and about the kind of person they are becoming.

But parental authority—“the rod of discipline”—should never be abusive.b (Proverbs 22:15; 29:15) The Bible cautions parents: “Don’t over-correct your children, or you will take all the heart out of them.” (Colossians 3:21, Phillips) It also acknowledges that physical punishment is usually not the most effective teaching method. Proverbs 17:10 says: “A rebuke works deeper in one having understanding than striking a stupid one a hundred times.” Besides, the Bible recommends preventive discipline. At Deuteronomy 11:19 parents are urged to take advantage of casual moments to instill moral values in their children.—See also Deuteronomy 6:6, 7.

The Bible’s timeless advice to parents is clear. Children need consistent and loving discipline. Practical experience shows that such counsel really works.c