THESE are just some of the expressions Awake! received from dozens of single parents who responded to an international survey. Many of the single parents, mostly mothers, expressed a desire for the support that only a loving mate could provide.a Nevertheless, their frank expressions also reveal that they have adapted well to their situation.

What has helped these single parents both to adapt and to succeed in their difficult role? In the following articles, we will consider many of their practical and honest expressions, as well as some of the key principles that have helped them along the way. If you are a single parent, we hope that these articles will help you not only to succeed in your demanding role but also to do so with joy and contentment. To be sure, that can be a big challenge in today’s rapidly changing and uncertain world.b

The articles will focus on six areas. How single parents can

1. Get more support

2. Communicate more effectively with their children

3. Set sound priorities

4. Set clear boundaries of behavior

5. Establish wholesome values

6. Give God a place in their family

The challenge.

“My greatest challenges,” says Alina, who has two young boys, “are tiredness and a constant lack of time.” Alina’s situation is the norm for single moms. That is why many single parents build a support network​—a group of people on whom they can call for help without embarrassment.

Suggestions.

Look for support from trusted relatives and friends. Why not make a list of people whom you can call on for help, whether for child care, transportation, home maintenance, or emotional support? And keep the list current. Also see what assistance is available through governmental and nongovernmental agencies.

Renata, who is one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, has received much help from fellow Christians. “They are always there to help me,” she says. “When my two nine-year-old girls and I came down with the flu, I could not prepare meals. As soon as the congregation heard about this, someone came every day with food.” Such kindnesses call to mind the words found in the Bible at 1 John 3:18: “Little children, let us love, neither in word nor with the tongue, but in deed and truth.”

Can the noncustodial parent help? If the other parent, usually the father, has legal access to the children and is responsible and willing to help, why not share some of the load with him? After all, children need to spend time with their dad.a

Train your children to help. When you give your children tasks appropriate to their age, you help both yourself and them. Work teaches children to be responsible, and a good work ethic will be invaluable later in life.

The challenge.

“My challenge,” says Cristina, “is not just being with my daughter but being present mentally and emotionally despite all my other responsibilities and my tiredness.”

Suggestions.

Create an environment of open communication. “I try to set the example,” says Elizabeth, a mother of five, “and my children open up to me. I also encourage them to communicate with one another and never to go to bed angry with a sibling. What is more, they know that I do not tolerate ‘the silent treatment’​—their refusing to talk to one another.”

Do not tune your children out. “When my son was small,” writes Lyanne, “he was such a chatterbox that I tuned him out a lot. Then, when he became a teenager, he stopped communicating, and I realized that I had made a huge mistake. I worked really hard​—too hard, in fact—​to break down the wall. I spoke about this with an elder in my congregation. He advised me to relax and to ease gently into conversations with my son. I took his advice, and slowly things began to improve.”

Be patient. There is “a time to keep quiet and a time to speak,” says Ecclesiastes 3:7. “When my children didn’t feel like talking,” says Dulce, a mother of three, “I made sure that they knew I was available when they were ready to talk.” Yes, instead of forcing communication, warmly and patiently invite it. This is the course the Bible recommends. “A person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well, but someone with insight can draw them out.”​—Proverbs 20:5, Good News Translation.

Be “swift about hearing, slow about speaking.” (James 1:19) Lizaan, quoted in the preceding article, says: “I had to learn to bite my tongue when my children came with a problem. I also had to learn not to be too quick to offer advice but to speak calmly when dealing with upsetting issues.” Leasa, a mother of two boys, writes: “I have not always been a model listener. At times, my sons’ issues seemed trivial to me, so I had to learn to be more understanding.”

“Let your utterance be always with graciousness.” (Colossians 4:6) “In order not to hinder our communication,” says Lyanne, “I have had to make a conscious effort to stay as calm and relaxed as possible, even when serious matters come up.”

If you fail to make a conscious effort to stay calm, you may lose your temper and shout, which can be harmful in more ways than one! (Ephesians 4:31) For example, shouting at a child may stifle communication and foster problem behavior. “A child is like a seashell,” says Heidi, who has a teenage daughter. “If you speak kindly and lovingly, the child will open up. If you shout and belittle him or her, the ‘shell’ closes and communication stops. To remind me of this fact, I have a picture of an open seashell on our refrigerator.”

Know your children. “My two sons are quite different,” says Yasmin, quoted earlier. “One is talkative; the other is reserved. With the quiet one, I learned that it’s best not to confront him directly. Instead, I talk to him while we are engaged in something else, such as a board game, or while he is talking about a topic that interests him. In that setting, I tactfully ask how he feels about a matter.”

What if a boy feels awkward talking to his mother about certain personal things, as did Misao’s adolescent son. “You just don’t understand me,” he said. She sought help from a mature, trustworthy male in her congregation. “He has become my son’s mentor, and now my son has a calm heart,” says Misao.

Do not confuse the role of parent with that of friend. “I made my teenage daughter my confidant,” says Iwona, a mother of two. “Although I knew it was not right, I fell into that trap and had to correct my mistake.” Although you want to have a warm relationship with your child, remember that you are the parent, the authority figure. When you maintain your dignity and show your maturity and stability, you make it easier for your children to honor you and to heed the Bible’s command: “Children, be obedient to your parents.”​—Ephesians 6:1, 2.

“Love [your] children.” (Titus 2:4) Children need love as much as they need food and drink! So regularly reassure them of your love​—in word and deed! They, in turn, will feel not only more secure but also more willing to talk with you and obey you.

The challenge.

“The greatest challenge,” says Miranda, a mother of two boys, “is to be a working mother who is responsible for providing everything​—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—​without the help of a marriage mate.”

Suggestions.

Decide what is truly important to you and your children, and make these things your priorities.

Stick to your priorities, and learn to manage your time and finances accordingly. To illustrate: Your children’s health is important, so use your hard-earned money to buy nutritious food. That’s better than spending your resources on medical bills. Before you shop, prepare a shopping list. This will protect you from wasteful impulse buying. “I like to cook,” says Roberto, who lives in the United States with his four children. He adds: “I learned to focus on needs​—not wants—​and not on needs in general, but on what we really needed each day.”

Dispose of things you never use​—books, clothes, gadgets. As one single mom wrote: “Stuff equals stress. The more stuff you have, the more you have to clean, repair, and maintain. The key to simplifying your life is to simplify your stuff.”

Train your children to tidy up every night. Don’t let your home get out of control. Such domestic discipline teaches your children to take responsibility for their room and even for the home. Of course, your good example will add weight to your words.

Although you may be very busy, you must spend time with your children​—not just brief periods of so-called quality time but as much time as you can give them. Your children need your time and attention.​—Deuteronomy 6:7.

Have at least one meal together each day, and make mealtime a pleasant occasion. Says Colette, a mother of three: “We decided that the evening meal, when everyone was at home, would be a time of emotional and spiritual exchange. That meal has been and still is a special occasion in our family life.”

The challenge.

The Bible foretold that in “the last days,” children in general would be “disobedient to parents.”​—2 Timothy 3:1, 2.

Suggestions.

Recognize that “children need structure and schedules to thrive.” (The Single Parent Resource, by Brook Noel) Child and family psychologist Barry G. Ginsberg states: “Relationships are better and less stressful when boundaries are clear.” He added: “The more explicit our boundaries, and the more clearly they are expressed, the easier relationships become.” How can you set clear boundaries?

Be firm, and be true to your word. (Matthew 5:37) An Australian study revealed that children often misbehave when parents are unable to say no and when they constantly give in to their children. As the Bible says: “A boy [or girl] let on the loose will be causing his mother shame.”​—Proverbs 29:15.

Do not let feelings of guilt over your situation as a single parent cause you to be a permissive parent. “At times, my first reaction is to feel sorry for my two sons because they are being raised in a home without both parents,” says Yasmin, quoted earlier. But as we shall see, she did not let her feelings, which were by no means bad, override her good judgment.

Be consistent. “Predictability and consistency in the application of discipline may be important for the prevention of behavioral and emotional difficulties in children,” says the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry. Yasmin states: “I sat down with my boys, and we discussed discipline. When they do wrong, I try to be consistent. That said, I have learned to listen first and then explain in a calm manner how their action has affected the family. Only then do I carry out the previously determined discipline.”

Be reasonable; do not discipline in anger. While you need to be firm for what is right, you also need to be flexible when the situation warrants it. “The wisdom from above”​—that is, from God—​is “reasonable,” says James 3:17. Reasonable people do not act rashly or in the heat of anger. Nor do they always go coldly ‘by the book.’ Instead, they think first, perhaps even praying about a matter, and then they are able to act more calmly and appropriately.

Consistency, firmness, and reasonableness​—along with your good example—​will enable you to set boundaries that will make your home a true refuge for your children.

The challenge.

Peer pressure at school and the waning morality in the world exert a powerful influence on families. To resist this negative influence, children need wholesome values. Otherwise, it is unlikely that they will become responsible, principled, well-mannered adults.

Suggestions.

Many single parents, including those quoted in this series of articles, look to the Bible for guidance, recognizing that it contains the unsurpassed wisdom of God. Consider, for example, what the Bible says about the most important principle of all​—showing genuine love.

“Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, . . . hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”​—1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

When parents display that kind of love, their children thrive. Colette, mentioned earlier, who lives in France, wrote: “I often told my children that I loved them. I also told them that they are gifts from God and that as such they needed good care. They, in turn, had to be polite and respectful toward me and their [noncustodial] father. These principles helped to establish a climate of trust and respect in our home.”​—Psalm 127:3.

Anna, who lives in Poland, wrote: “When my children have disagreements, I remind them of Jesus’ words that what we want others to do to us, we should do to them.”(Matthew 7:12) Roberto, mentioned earlier, faces an issue common to many single parents. He comments: “The children are confronted with two sets of values​—yours and those of the other parent. In upholding Bible values, I know I won’t be the favorite parent that day or week.” Moreover, he says: “The other parent may give gifts to the children in hopes that they develop a preference for that one. Such pressures are hard to resist, but good communication with the children helps.”

It is not always easy to live by Bible standards, but the results are well worth the effort! Says Sarah, a single parent in South Africa: “I am glad that my children have been raised with Jehovah’s guidance. Yes, we’ve had our challenges, but God has always been there for us.”

IN TODAY’S increasingly secular world, people in general give little thought to God. Yet, our Creator is interested in us and wants us to succeed in life. His feelings are well expressed at Isaiah 41:10: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. . . . I will really help you.”

In the preceding article, we considered how God helps us by means of the wholesome values found in the Bible. (2 Timothy 3:16) But the Bible is much more than a guide. It reveals God’s wonderful personality and his love for us. Hence, as many Christian parents​—single and married—​have discovered, when we apply Bible teachings, we actually experience God’s goodness.

Robert, Austria: “Jehovah God is a better father or mother than any one of us. He knows what our children need, and he knows how to protect them. So I often pray to him with my daughter.”

Ayusa, Japan: “It brings me joy to see my son show his confidence in Jehovah’s support when he says, ‘Jehovah is with us, so everything will be all right.’”

Cristina, Italy: “When a problem seems beyond my ability to solve, I pray to Jehovah, leaving it in his hands. Instantly, I feel an inner peace, knowing that the problem will get sorted out in the best way.”

Laurentine, France: “I can confirm that Jehovah has blessed me as a single parent. He really does come to the rescue of the afflicted and the fatherless or motherless.”

Keiko, Japan: “God is impartial. He wants to show his tender care to all families, whether they have two parents or just one.”​—Acts 10:34.

Reflecting God’s compassion and concern for us, Jesus Christ said: “Come to me, all you who are toiling and loaded down, and I will refresh you . . . , for I am mild-tempered and lowly in heart, and you will find refreshment for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-30) To be sure, Jesus and his heavenly Father, Jehovah God, want us to feel secure under their loving care. At Psalm 34:8, we read: “Taste and see that Jehovah is good.” Yes, God wants you to see for yourself that his advice works, that he has your best interests at heart. Will you accept his fatherly invitation?