How It Can Affect the Father

Among these African people, the payment used to be a symbolic gesture demonstrating the man’s ability to maintain a family. Members of his family would visit the girl’s parents for token bargaining over the bride-price. In many areas this is no longer the case, as fathers now actually bargain for the highest price they can possibly get. Amounts ranging from about $12, which is set by law in some areas of Nigeria, to $1,400 or more are demanded. Money or gifts may even be expected before the initial visit of the suitor’s parents. Then, as in Zaire, more may have to be paid to “unlock the father’s mouth,” that is, to induce him to negotiate the price for his daughter. Even after a certain sum is paid, other payments and gifts can be demanded.

Such practices can encourage greed for money. Yet, the Bible says: “The love of money is a root of all sorts of injurious things.” (1 Timothy 6:10) Because of greed, people can become extortioners, and this brings God’s disfavor. The Bible tells us that no “greedy person​—which means being an idolater—​has any inheritance in the kingdom of the Christ and of God.”​—Ephesians 5:5; compare Proverbs 20:21; 1 Corinthians 5:11; 6:10.

Yet, there is nothing improper in giving a bride-price to the father as a token compensation for the loss of a daughter he reared and educated. A prospective son-in-law could properly view this payment as a symbol of his appreciation for the training given his fiancée. However, some parents try to recover all that they spent, feeling that their married daughters will not help in educating the younger children. Such parents look for the highest bride-price possible, as if their daughters were mere commodities for sale. But they owe their children a good upbringing. Their pride should be in fulfilling this obligation, not in seeing how much they can get back in terms of money or prestige through an exorbitant bride-price. Instead of leading parents to think of material advantages that children can bring, the Bible says: “Children ought not to lay up for their parents, but the parents for their children.”​—2 Corinthians 12:14.

Demands made by some professed Christian fathers disregard the financial means of young Christian suitors. Why, there are cases in which such fathers have refused reasonable offers made by Christian brothers because worldly men offered more! Some even leave negotiations to worldly relatives, who then demand an exorbitant price. While this bargaining goes on, the situation could push the young people into fornication. This is what takes place among worldly people. It often happens that a frustrated young couple will use pregnancy as the easiest means of forcing the girl’s family to accept what the suitor can afford to pay.

Christians should not act in this way. God’s Word forbids fornication, and those committing it may be expelled from the congregation. (1 Corinthians 6:9; Hebrews 13:4) A father cannot absolve himself of blame if his extortionate demands contribute to his daughter’s falling into immorality. Such blame could seriously affect his standing in the congregation. Likewise, accepting bride money in any amount from a worldly person in order to marry a dedicated Christian daughter to him is untheocratic. Doing this disqualifies a brother at least for certain special privileges in the congregation. Christian parents should want their young people to remain strong in the Christian congregation and should help them to maintain chaste conduct. They should desire their daughters to be happily married “only in the Lord,” to husbands who also love Jehovah and have deep respect for his laws and principles.​—1 Corinthians 7:39.

It is unchristian to treat the bride-price as a means of making money off one’s own child, extortionately charging more than what is right. A Christian father must guard against greed and selfishness, as this could seriously affect his spirituality and the privileges he enjoys in the congregation.​—1 Corinthians 6:9, 10.

Happily, many Christian fathers have shown consideration in what they have requested as a bride-price, and this reveals a fine attitude. Some have even chosen not to require a bride-price at all, in order to guard against abusing the custom and causing spiritual troubles.

How It Can Affect the Bride and Groom

A girl’s greed has, in a number of cases, influenced the amount the parents set as a bride-price. There are those who ask for a very costly and showy wedding, even nagging their parents constantly for this. Others demand that their parents buy costly utensils for use in the new household. In order to take care of such demands, a father may feel it necessary to increase the bride-price.

This, in turn, forces the bridegroom to begin his married life under a burden of debts incurred for a costly wedding and expensive furniture. God’s Word says that “the wisdom from above is . . . reasonable.” Young couples should let their “reasonableness become known to all men” by planning a wedding that does not put a heavy financial burden on anyone.​—James 3:17; Philippians 4:5.

Also, for various reasons, fathers have returned the bride-price and compelled their daughters to leave their husbands.