Support Provided by True Friends

Those bereaved of a child often need time to mourn in private and sort out their feelings. However, for them to avoid the company of others for an extended period of time would not be a wise course to follow. According to Proverbs 18:1, “one isolating himself” may come to harm. Therefore, those who are grieving should be careful not to fall into the trap of isolation.

God-fearing friends can render important assistance to those who are distressed. Proverbs 17:17 states: “A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress.” Lucy, also mentioned in the preceding article, experienced the comfort given by true companions after the loss of her son. Commenting about her friends in the congregation, she noted: “Their visits helped a lot, although at times they said very little. One friend visited me on days when I was alone. She knew that I would be home crying, and she often came by and cried with me. Another called me every day to encourage me. Still others invited us to their homes for meals, and they continue to do so.”

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‘I Want to Help, but I Do Not Know How’

While the parents and siblings of a deceased child feel great sorrow, their friends may feel apprehension. They want to support the family but fear that saying or doing the wrong thing will make the painful circumstance worse. Here are some suggestions for those who may think, ‘I want to help, but I do not know how.’

❖ Do not avoid the bereaved because you are not sure what to say or do. Your very presence is strengthening to them. Are you at a loss for words? An embrace and a sincere “I am so sorry” lets them know that you care for them. Are you afraid that if you start to cry, you will contribute to their sadness? The Bible says: “Weep with people who weep.” (Romans 12:15) Your tears show that you share their grief, and that is comforting.

❖ Take the initiative. Can you prepare a light meal for the family? Can you wash the dirty dishes that have accumulated? Can you run errands for them? Do not say, “Let me know if you need anything.” Even when said sincerely, those words tell many bereaved parents that you are too busy to help them. Rather, ask, “What can I do to help you now?” and then carry out their request. But avoid intruding in the private areas of their home or in their lives.

❖ Avoid saying, “I know how you feel.” Each human reacts differently to the death of a loved one. Even if you too have lost a child, you do not know exactly how they feel.

❖ Much time will pass before a semblance of normalcy returns to the home. Continue helping as much as you can. Initially, there is often a flurry of attention given to a bereaved family, but they need more. Be attentive to their needs in the weeks and months to come.a

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