3. What factors can contribute to a husband’s abusive behavior?

³ What can cause some husbands to be abusive? They may have been raised by a violent father, so they think that abusive behavior is normal. Others are influenced by the culture around them, which may promote the wrong idea that “a real man” must use force to show his wife who is the boss. Other men were not taught to control their emotions, including their anger. Some men have developed a warped view of women and sex because of regularly viewing pornography. Additionally, reports indicate that the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic has intensified these problems. Of course, none of these factors justify a husband’s abusive behavior.

6. How does Jehovah feel about men who physically abuse their wife? (Colossians 3:19)

⁶ Being physically abusive. Jehovah hates anyone who is violent. (Ps. 11:5) He specifically condemns husbands who abuse their wife. (Mal. 2:16; read Colossians 3:19.) According to our theme scripture, 1 Peter 3:7, if a husband does not treat his wife well, his relationship with God will be affected. Jehovah may not even listen to his prayers.

7. According to Ephesians 4:31, 32, what type of speech must husbands avoid? (See also “Expression Explained.”)

⁷ Being verbally abusive. Some husbands abuse their wife with angry words and hurtful speech. But Jehovah hates “anger, wrath, screaming, and abusive speech.”c (Read Ephesians 4:31, 32.) He hears everything. The way a husband speaks to his wife, even in the privacy of their home, matters to Jehovah. A husband who speaks harshly to his wife damages not only his marriage but also his friendship with God.​—Jas. 1:26.

HOW TO OVERCOME DISHONORABLE CONDUCT

10. How can husbands benefit from Jesus’ example?

¹⁰ What can help a husband to overcome abusive and demeaning behavior? He can strive to imitate Jesus. Although Jesus never married, the way he treated his disciples is a model for how a husband should treat his wife. (Eph. 5:25) For example, consider what husbands can learn from the way Jesus treated his apostles and from the way he spoke to them.

11. How did Jesus treat his apostles?

¹¹ Jesus treated his apostles in a kind and dignified way. He was never harsh or domineering. Although he was their Lord and Master, Jesus did not feel the need to prove his authority over them through displays of power. Instead, he humbly served them. (John 13:12-17) He told his disciples: “Learn from me, for I am mild-tempered and lowly in heart, and you will find refreshment for yourselves.” (Matt. 11:28-30) Note that Jesus was mild-tempered. A mild person is not weak. Rather, he has the inner strength to show restraint. When provoked, he remains calm and in control of his emotions.

12. How did Jesus speak to others?

¹² Jesus used his words to comfort and refresh others. He did not speak harshly to his followers. (Luke 8:47, 48) Even when opposers insulted him and tried to provoke him, “he did not insult in return.” (1 Pet. 2:21-23) At times, Jesus even chose to remain silent rather than reply harshly. (Matt. 27:12-14) What an excellent example for Christian husbands!

13. As stated at Matthew 19:4-6, how can a husband “stick to his wife”? (See also picture.)

¹³ Jesus instructed husbands to remain loyal to their wife. He quoted his Father, who said that a husband should “stick to his wife.” (Read Matthew 19:4-6.) The Greek verb used in that passage for “stick to” literally means “to glue.” Therefore, the marital bond between a husband and a wife should be so strong that it is as if they were glued together. Their bond cannot be broken without damaging both of them. A husband who develops such a bond with his wife will reject all forms of pornography. He will immediately turn away from “looking at what is worthless.” (Ps. 119:37) In effect, he makes a contract with his eyes not to look passionately at any woman other than his wife.​—Job 31:1.

14. What steps should an abusive husband take to repair his relationship with Jehovah and with his wife?

¹⁴ A husband who physically or verbally abuses his wife needs to take additional steps to repair his relationship with Jehovah and with his wife. What are these steps? First, he recognizes that he has a serious problem. Nothing is hidden from Jehovah’s sight. (Ps. 44:21; Eccl. 12:14; Heb. 4:13) Second, he stops abusing his wife and changes his behavior. (Prov. 28:13) Third, he apologizes to his wife and to Jehovah and seeks their forgiveness. (Acts 3:19) He should also beg Jehovah for both the desire to change and the help to control his thoughts, speech, and actions. (Ps. 51:10-12; 2 Cor. 10:5; Phil. 2:13) Fourth, he acts in harmony with his prayers by learning to hate all forms of violence and abusive speech. (Ps. 97:10) Fifth, he seeks immediate help from loving shepherds in the congregation. (Jas. 5:14-16) Sixth, he develops a plan that will help him to avoid all such behavior in the future. A husband who views pornography should follow these same steps. Jehovah will bless his efforts to change his behavior. (Ps. 37:5)