Among these African people, the payment used to be a symbolic gesture demonstrating the man’s ability to maintain a family. Members of his family would visit the girl’s parents for token bargaining over the bride-price.

Yet, there is nothing improper in giving a bride-price to the father as a token compensation for the loss of a daughter he reared and educated. A prospective son-in-law could properly view this payment as a symbol of his appreciation for the training given his fiancée.

How It Can Affect the Bride and Groom

A girl’s greed has, in a number of cases, influenced the amount the parents set as a bride-price. There are those who ask for a very costly and showy wedding, even nagging their parents constantly for this. Others demand that their parents buy costly utensils for use in the new household. In order to take care of such demands, a father may feel it necessary to increase the bride-price.

This, in turn, forces the bridegroom to begin his married life under a burden of debts incurred for a costly wedding and expensive furniture. God’s Word says that “the wisdom from above is . . . reasonable.” Young couples should let their “reasonableness become known to all men” by planning a wedding that does not put a heavy financial burden on anyone.​—James 3:17; Philippians 4:5.

After the wedding, a wife could begin to measure her husband’s love for her by the amount he paid as the bride-price. She may feel insecure if he made a small payment. She could reason that if he should get tired of her and wish to send her away, he would readily do so, being willing to forfeit the small amount he paid. It is true that some husbands have sent their wives back to their parents for various reasons, such as not being able to produce children or showing a rebellious spirit. This is unwittingly encouraged by those who say to a young man who has just paid the bride-price: “You have bought a wife.” If he had paid a high price, he could be tempted to view his wife as a purchased servant instead of his most intimate friend. Also, for various reasons, fathers have returned the bride-price and compelled their daughters to leave their husbands.

There are those who argue that a high bride-price helps to discourage this because of the difficulty of recovering or refunding a large amount of money. They also feel that a high price cuts down on early marriages, since it takes longer for a man to save toward getting married. These considerations, they feel, result in mature and responsible husbands and more stable marriages.

True as this may be in some cases, the stability of a Christian marriage should not be based on such materialistic considerations. A Christian husband’s faithfulness should not depend on what he may lose materially if the marriage breaks up. Rather, he should be governed by the Scriptural principle: “What God has yoked together let no man put apart.” (Matthew 19:6) Instead of viewing wives as purchased property, husbands are commanded to ‘assign them honor.’ (1 Peter 3:7) Jesus said that a man and a woman become “one flesh” when they marry. (Matthew 19:5; Genesis 2:24) The Bible counsels husbands to love their wives, to cherish them and care for them, just as they do their own bodies. (Ephesians 5:28, 29) Furthermore, the real measure of a man’s love should be the way he treats his wife during the years after the wedding. Whether a husband has paid any bride-price or not, if he takes good care of his wife and is loyal in his love, could anyone doubt that he loves her?

The bride-price can also affect the way a husband views his wife’s parents. Having paid a high bride-price, he could conclude that he no longer owes them anything, even if they fall into need. Yet, the Bible says: “If any widow has children or grandchildren, let these learn first to practice godly devotion in their own household and to keep paying a due compensation to their parents and grandparents, for this is acceptable in God’s sight.” (1 Timothy 5:4) Christians follow this counsel, but a problem can develop if a husband allows the fact that he paid a bride-price to distort his sense of responsibility.

Maintain a Balanced View

Certain practices connected with the bride-price could create special problems for a young man who is going to marry a spiritual sister whose parents are not Christians. They could require him to participate in rites based on ancestor worship and belief in the immortality of the soul. (Ecclesiastes 9:5, 10; Ezekiel 18:4) But could he do this without losing God’s favor and the blessing Jehovah reserves for those who have ‘purified their souls by their obedience to the truth’? (1 Peter 1:22; Revelation 18:4) Facing such demands, a dedicated Christian must always be determined to “obey God as ruler rather than men.”​—Acts 5:29.