“Let Marriage Be Honorable Among All”

“Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement.”​—HEBREWS 13:4.

1. What have many people learned about successful marriage?

MILLIONS of people, even in this age of easy divorce, enjoy enduring marriages. They have found a formula for success, despite differences of personality and background. Such marriages are found among Jehovah’s Witnesses. In most cases these couples will admit that they have had their ups and downs, even some causes for complaint against each other. Yet, they have learned to ride through minor storms and keep their ship of marriage on course. What are some of the factors that have kept them going?​—Colossians 3:13.

2. (a) What are some positive factors that sustain a marriage? (b) What are some factors that can subvert a marriage? (See box on page 14.)

² Comments made by some whose Christian marriages have been happy and lasting are quite revealing. One husband of 16 years said: “Any time a problem has come up, we’ve really made an effort to listen to each other’s point of view.” This highlights one of the solidifying factors in many marriages​—open, frank communication. A wife, married for 31 years, stated: “Holding hands and doing fun things to keep the romance between us has always been a priority.” And that is an additional aspect of communication. Another couple, married for nearly 40 years, emphasized the importance of retaining a sense of humor, of being able to laugh at themselves and each other. They also said that it helped to be able to see the best and the worst in each other and yet show loyal love. The husband mentioned willingness to acknowledge mistakes and then apologize. Where there is a yielding spirit, the marriage will bend to adjust rather than snap.​—Philippians 2:1-4; 4:5, Kingdom Interlinear.

A Changing Climate

3, 4. What changes in attitude have taken place regarding fidelity in marriage? Can you give examples?

³ Over the last few decades, all over the world, perceptions have changed with regard to fidelity in marriage. Some married people believe that there is nothing wrong with an affair, a modern euphemism for adultery, especially if the other partner knows of and accepts it.

⁴ One Christian overseer commented about the situation: “The world has virtually abandoned any serious attempt to live by a moral code. Chaste conduct has come to be viewed as old-fashioned.” Prominent political, sports, and entertainment personalities openly violate the Bible’s standards of moral conduct, and such people continue to be lionized. There is virtually no stigma attached to any type of moral wrongdoing or perversion. Chastity and integrity have seldom been valued in so-called high society. Then, on the principle of ‘what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander,’ the masses follow that example and condone what God condemns. It is as Paul expressed it: “Having come to be past all moral sense, they gave themselves over to loose conduct to work uncleanness of every sort with greediness.”​—Ephesians 4:19; Proverbs 17:15; Romans 1:24-28; 1 Corinthians 5:11.

5. (a) What is God’s position on adultery? (b) What is covered by the Bible’s use of the word “fornication”?

⁵ God’s standards have not changed. It is his position that cohabiting without the benefit of marriage is living in fornication. Infidelity in marriage is still adultery.a The apostle Paul stated clearly: “What! Do you not know that unrighteous persons will not inherit God’s kingdom? Do not be misled. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men . . . will inherit God’s kingdom. And yet that is what some of you were. But you have been washed clean, but you have been sanctified, but you have been declared righteous in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and with the spirit of our God.”​—1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

6. What encouragement can we find in Paul’s words at 1 Corinthians 6:9-11?

⁶ An encouraging point in that text is Paul’s expression, “Yet that is what some of you were. But you have been washed clean.” Yes, many who in the past ran in the world’s loose “low sink of debauchery” have come to their senses, accepted Christ and his sacrifice, and been washed clean. They have chosen to please God by leading moral lives and are happier as a result.​—1 Peter 4:3, 4.

7. What conflict exists in the understanding of “immorality,” and what is the Bible’s viewpoint?

⁷ On the other hand, the modern world’s definition of immorality is so diluted that it does not match God’s view. A dictionary defines “immoral” as “contrary to established morality.” Today’s “established morality,” which condones premarital and extramarital sex as well as homosexuality, is what the Bible condemns as immorality. Yes, from the Biblical viewpoint, immorality is gross infringement of God’s moral code.​—Exodus 20:14, 17; 1 Corinthians 6:18.

Christian Congregation Affected

8. How can immorality affect those in the Christian congregation?

⁸ Immorality today is so prevalent that it can even exert pressure on those in the Christian congregation. It can influence them through all-pervasive, degrading TV programs, videos, and pornographic reading material. Although only a small proportion of Christians are affected, it has to be recognized that the majority of cases of disfellowshipping from the ranks of Jehovah’s Witnesses for unrepentant conduct unbecoming a Christian are related to some form of sexual immorality. On the positive side, a large proportion of those disfellowshipped eventually recognize their errors, resume a clean way of life, and in time are reinstated in the congregation.​—Compare Luke 15:11-32.

9. How does Satan manipulate the unwary?

⁹ There is no question that Satan is going about like a roaring lion, ready to devour the unwary. His machinations, or “crafty acts,” are ensnaring unwary Christians every year. The ever-present spirit of his world is selfish, hedonistic, and wanton. It panders to the flesh. It rejects self-control.​—Ephesians 2:1, 2; 6:11, 12, footnote; 1 Peter 5:8.

10. Who are subject to temptation, and why?

¹⁰ Who in the congregation can be exposed to the temptations of immorality? Most Christians, whether they be elders in a local congregation, traveling overseers, Bethelites, pioneers preaching many hours each month, busy parents raising a family, or young people facing peer pressure. Fleshly temptation is common to all. Sexual chemistry can be triggered when it is least expected. Thus Paul could write: “Let him that thinks he is standing beware that he does not fall. No temptation has taken you except what is common to men [and women].” It is regrettable, but some Christians in positions of responsibility have succumbed to this lure of immorality.​—1 Corinthians 10:12, 13.

Drawn Out and Enticed

11-13. What are some situations that have led to immorality?

¹¹ What are the temptations and situations that have led some to the foolish course of adultery and fornication? They are many and complex and may vary from one country or culture to another. However, there are certain basic situations that surface in many countries. For example, it is reported that some have organized parties where alcoholic drinks were freely available. Others have loved worldly suggestive music and provocative dancing. In some areas of Africa, there are wealthy men​—unbelievers—​who have concubines; some women have been tempted to seek economic security in such a situation even though it involves immorality. In other areas Christian husbands have left their families to earn a living in the mines or elsewhere. Then their loyalty and fidelity are tested to a degree or in ways that would not have been experienced back home.

¹² In developed countries some have fallen into Satan’s trap by often being with a member of the opposite sex and without a third person present​—such as regularly being in the confined intimacy of a car for driving lessons.b Elders doing shepherding calls also need to exercise caution so as not to be alone with a sister when counseling her. Conversations can become emotionally charged and result in an embarrassing situation for both parties.​—Compare Mark 6:7; Acts 15:40.

¹³ The aforementioned circumstances have led some Christians to lower their guard and commit immoral acts. Even as happened in the first century, they have allowed themselves to be ‘tried and drawn out by their own fleshly desires,’ which has led to sin.​—James 1:14, 15; 1 Corinthians 5:1; Galatians 5:19-21.

14. Why is selfishness an underlying factor in cases of adultery?

¹⁴ A careful consideration of disfellowshippings shows that immoral acts have certain underlying factors in common. In such cases there is some form of selfishness. Why do we say that? Because in cases of adultery, some innocent person or persons are going to get hurt. It may be the legal spouse. It will certainly be the children, if there are any, for if adultery results in divorce, the children, who desire the security of a united family, may pay the highest price. The adulterer is primarily thinking of his or her own pleasure and advantage. That is selfishness.​—Philippians 2:1-4.

15. What may have been some causes leading to adultery?

¹⁵ Usually adultery is not a sudden act of weakness. There has been a gradual, even imperceptible, deterioration in the marriage itself. Perhaps communication has become routine or sterile. There may have been little mutual encouragement. Each may have taken the other for granted. The spouses may not have been satisfying each other sexually for some time. Certainly when adultery occurs, there has also been a diminishing relationship with God. Jehovah is no longer clearly perceived as a living God who is conscious of all our thoughts and deeds. It may even be that in the mind of the adulterer, “God” becomes a mere word, an abstract entity who is not part of daily life. Then it becomes easier to sin against God.​—Psalm 51:3, 4; 1 Corinthians 7:3-5; Hebrews 4:13; 11:27.

The Key to Resistance

16. How can a Christian resist the temptation to be unfaithful?

¹⁶ If any Christian should find himself or herself being tempted into the pathway of unfaithfulness, what factors should be taken into account? First of all, thought should be given to the meaning of Christian love, solidly based on Bible principles. Never should physical or erotic love be allowed to take over and precipitate a fall into selfishness, bringing suffering to others. Rather, the situation should be regarded from Jehovah’s viewpoint. It should be viewed in the greater context of the congregation and the dishonor that bad conduct would bring on it and on Jehovah’s name. (Psalm 101:3) Disaster may be avoided by getting the mind of Christ on the matter and then acting accordingly. Remember, unselfish Christlike love never fails.​—Proverbs 6:32, 33; Matthew 22:37-40; 1 Corinthians 13:5, 8.

17. What upbuilding examples of faithfulness do we have?

¹⁷ A key to resistance is to fortify one’s faith and vision of the hope ahead. This means keeping uppermost in the heart outstanding examples of integrity that faithful men and women of old, and Jesus himself, have left. Paul wrote: “So, then, because we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also put off every weight and the sin that easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, as we look intently at the Chief Agent and Perfecter of our faith, Jesus. For the joy that was set before him he endured a torture stake, despising shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Indeed, consider closely the one who has endured such contrary talk by sinners against their own interests, that you may not get tired and give out in your souls.” (Hebrews 12:1-3) Rather than scuttle the ship of marriage, the wise person will think of ways to repair any damage in order to recover it, thus avoiding the pitfall of treachery and duplicity.​—Job 24:15.

18. (a) Why is treachery not too strong a word to describe adultery? (b) How does God view the paying of vows?

¹⁸ Is treachery, which is treason, too strong a word regarding immorality? Treason is the betrayal of a trust or a confidence. Surely the marriage vow involves trust and a promise to love and cherish, through thick and thin, through good times and bad. It involves something that many consider outdated for the times in which we live​—one’s word of honor expressed in the marriage vow. To betray that trust is to commit a form of treason against one’s spouse. God’s view of vows is clearly stated in the Bible: “Whenever you vow a vow to God, do not hesitate to pay it, for there is no delight in the stupid ones. What you vow, pay.”​—Ecclesiastes 5:4.

19. In contrast with what does Satan rejoice when a Witness fails?

¹⁹ Let there be no doubt about it. Just as there is great rejoicing in heaven over the salvation of one sinner, so there is great rejoicing on earth among Satan’s hordes, visible and invisible, when one of Jehovah’s Witnesses fails to keep his or her integrity.​—Luke 15:7; Revelation 12:12.

Temptations Common to All

20. How can we resist temptation? (2 Peter 2:9, 10)

²⁰ Is immorality inevitable in some cases? Are the flesh and Satan so strong that Christians cannot resist and keep their integrity? Paul gives encouragement in these words: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but along with the temptation he will also make the way out in order for you to be able to endure it.” In today’s world we may not avoid temptation altogether, but by turning to God in prayer, we can certainly endure and overcome any temptation.​—1 Corinthians 10:13.

21. What questions will be answered in our next study?

²¹ What does God offer us to help us to endure temptations and come out victorious? What do we individually need in order to protect our marriages, our families, as well as the reputation of Jehovah’s name and that of the congregation? Our next article will treat those questions.

[Footnotes]

Cultivating the New Personality in Marriage

“You should be made new in the force actuating your mind, and should put on the new personality.”​—EPHESIANS 4:23, 24.

1. Why is marriage not to be taken lightly?

MARRIAGE is one of the most serious steps that one takes in life, so it should never be taken lightly. Why is that? Because it requires a lifelong commitment to another person. It means a sharing of one’s entire life with that person. Mature judgment is needed if that commitment is to be sound. It also demands a positive influence ‘actuating the mind and so shaping the new personality.’​—Ephesians 4:23, 24; compare Genesis 24:10-58; Matthew 19:5, 6.

2, 3. (a) What is needed to choose a marriage partner wisely? (b) What is involved in a marriage?

² There is good reason not to rush into marriage, swept along by the powerful desire of the flesh. Time is needed for the adult personality and character to develop. With time also comes experience and knowledge that can serve as a foundation for sound judgment. Then, choosing a compatible life partner may have a greater degree of success. A Spanish proverb states it plainly: “Better to walk single than be badly married.”​—Proverbs 21:9; Ecclesiastes 5:2.

³ Choosing the right partner is obviously fundamental to a successful marriage. For that the Christian must bring Biblical guidelines to bear, not being guided just by physical attraction and undue emotional and romantic pressures. Marriage is much more than the joining together of two bodies. It is the joining together of two personalities, two family and educational backgrounds, possibly two cultures and languages. The uniting of two persons in marriage certainly calls for proper use of the tongue; with the power of speech, we either tear down or build up. From all of this, we also see the wisdom of Paul’s counsel to ‘marry only in the Lord,’ that is, a fellow believer.​—1 Corinthians 7:39; Genesis 24:1-4; Proverbs 12:18; 16:24.

Facing the Stresses of Marriage

4. Why do friction and tension sometimes arise in marriage?

⁴ Even with a good foundation, there will be times of friction, pressure, and tension. These are normal for any person, whether married or not. Economic and health problems can cause stress in any relationship. Changes of mood can lead to personality clashes in the best of marriages. Another factor is that no one has perfect control of the tongue, as James stated: “We all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, this one is a perfect man, able to bridle also his whole body. . . . The tongue is a little member and yet makes great brags. Look! How little a fire it takes to set so great a woodland on fire!”​—James 3:2, 5.

5, 6. (a) What is needed when misunderstandings arise? (b) What action may need to be taken to heal a breach?

⁵ When pressures arise in marriage, how can we control the situation? How can we prevent a misunderstanding from developing into a quarrel and a quarrel into a ruptured relationship? This is where the force actuating the mind comes into play. This motivating spirit can be either positive or negative, upbuilding and spiritually inclined or degrading, ruled by fleshly inclinations. If it is upbuilding, the individual will act to heal the breach, to keep his or her marriage on course. Arguments and disagreements should not end a marriage. The air can be cleared and mutual respect and understanding restored by applying Bible counsel.​—Romans 14:19; Ephesians 4:23, 26, 27.

⁶ Under these circumstances Paul’s words are very appropriate: “Accordingly, as God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering. Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Even as Jehovah freely forgave you, so do you also. But, besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union.”​—Colossians 3:12-14.

7. What problem may some have in their marriage?

⁷ That text is easy to read, but under the pressure of modern life, it is not always so easy to apply. What may be a basic problem? Sometimes, without realizing it, a Christian may live by a double standard. At the Kingdom Hall, he is among brothers, and he acts with kindness and consideration. Then, back home, in the domestic routine, he might tend to forget his spiritual relationship. There it is just man and wife, “him” and “her.” And under stress he (or she) might end up saying unkind things that would never be uttered in a Kingdom Hall. What has happened? Momentarily, Christianity has evaporated. A servant of God has forgotten that he (or she) is still a Christian brother (or sister) at home. The force actuating the mind has become negative instead of positive.​—James 1:22-25.

8. What can result when the force actuating the mind is negative?

⁸ What is the result? The husband may cease to ‘dwell with his wife according to knowledge, assigning her honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one.’ The wife may no longer respect her husband; her “quiet and mild spirit” is lost. The force actuating the mind has become physical instead of spiritual. A “fleshly frame of mind” has taken over. So, what can be done to keep that motivating force spiritual and positive? We must fortify our spirituality.​—1 Peter 3:1-4, 7; Colossians 2:18.

Strengthen the Force

9. What choices do we have to make in daily life?

⁹ The motivating force is the mental inclination that comes into play when we have to make decisions and choices. Life presents a constant series of options​—good or bad, selfish or unselfish, moral or immoral. What will help us to make right decisions? The force actuating the mind if it is centered on doing Jehovah’s will. The psalmist prayed: “Instruct me, O Jehovah, in the way of your regulations, that I may observe it down to the last.”​—Psalm 119:33; Ezekiel 18:31; Romans 12:2.

10. How can we strengthen in a positive way the force actuating the mind?

¹⁰ A strong relationship with Jehovah will help us to please him and turn away from what is bad, including infidelity in marriage. Israel was encouraged to “do what is good and right in the eyes of Jehovah [their] God.” But God also counseled: “O you lovers of Jehovah, hate what is bad.” In view of the seventh of the Ten Commandments: “You must not commit adultery,” Israelites had to hate adultery. That commandment showed God’s strict view of faithfulness in marriage.​—Deuteronomy 12:28; Psalm 97:10; Exodus 20:14; Leviticus 20:10.

11. How can we further fortify the force actuating our minds?

¹¹ How can we further strengthen the force that actuates the mind? By appreciating spiritual activities and values. That means we must fulfill the need to study God’s Word regularly and learn to delight in discussing together Jehovah’s thoughts and counsel. Our heartfelt sentiments should be like those of the psalmist: “With my whole heart I have searched for you. Do not cause me to go astray from your commandments. In my heart I have treasured up your saying, in order that I may not sin against you. Instruct me, O Jehovah, in the way of your regulations, that I may observe it down to the last. Make me understand, that I may observe your law and that I may keep it with the whole heart.”​—Psalm 119:10, 11, 33, 34.

12. What things can unite us in reflecting the mind of Christ?

¹² This kind of appreciation for Jehovah’s righteous principles is maintained not only by studying the Bible but also by sharing regularly in Christian meetings and by engaging in the Christian ministry together. These two powerful influences can constantly strengthen the force actuating our minds so that our unselfish way of life will always reflect the mind of Christ.​—Romans 15:5; 1 Corinthians 2:16.

13. (a) Why is prayer a valuable factor in strengthening the force actuating the mind? (b) What example did Jesus set in this respect?

¹³ Another factor is what Paul highlights in his letter to the Ephesians: “With every form of prayer and supplication . . . carry on prayer on every occasion in spirit.” (Ephesians 6:18) Husbands and wives need to pray together. Often those prayers open the heart and lead to frank conversations that repair any breach. In times of test and temptation, we need to turn to God in prayer, asking for help, for spiritual strength to do what is in agreement with the mind of Christ. Even the perfect Jesus turned to his Father in prayer on many occasions, asking for strength. His prayers were heartfelt and intense. Likewise today, in times of temptation, we can find strength to make the right decision by calling upon Jehovah to help us to resist the desire to give in to the flesh and betray a marriage vow.​—Psalm 119:101, 102.

Contrasting Examples of Conduct

14, 15. (a) How did Joseph react to temptation? (b) What helped Joseph to resist temptation?

¹⁴ How can we face temptation? In this respect we have a clear distinction between the courses taken by Joseph and by David. When Potiphar’s wife persistently tried to seduce handsome Joseph, who evidently was single at the time, he finally answered her by saying: “There is no one greater in this house than I am, and [your husband] has not withheld from me anything at all except you, because you are his wife. So how could I commit this great badness and actually sin against God?”​—Genesis 39:6-9.

¹⁵ What helped Joseph to take the right course when it would have been so easy to succumb? He had a powerful force actuating his mind. He was very conscious of his relationship with Jehovah. He knew that committing fornication with this infatuated woman would actually be a sin not only against her husband but, more important, against God.​—Genesis 39:12.

16. How did David react to a temptation?

¹⁶ In contrast, what happened to David? He was a married man, with several wives as permitted by the Law. One evening he observed from his palace a woman bathing. It was the beautiful Bath-sheba, wife of Uriah. David clearly had a choice of action​—to continue watching while lust rose in his heart or to turn away and reject the temptation. What did he choose to do? He had her brought to his palace, and he committed adultery with her. Even worse, he went on to cause her husband’s death.​—2 Samuel 11:2-4, 12-27.

17. What can we deduce about David’s spiritual state?

¹⁷ What was David’s problem? From his later contrite confession in Psalm 51, we can deduce some facts. He said: “Create in me even a pure heart, O God, and put within me a new spirit, a steadfast one.” It is evident that on the occasion of his temptation, he did not have a pure and steadfast spirit. Perhaps he had neglected his reading of Jehovah’s Law, and as a result, his spirituality weakened. Or he may have allowed his position and power as king to corrupt his thinking so that he fell prey to lustful desire. Certainly, the force actuating his mind at that time was selfish and sinful. Thus, he came to recognize his need for “a new spirit, a steadfast one.”​—Psalm 51:10; Deuteronomy 17:18-20.

18. What counsel did Jesus give about adultery?

¹⁸ Some Christian marriages have been ruined because one or both of the partners allowed themselves to fall into a state of spiritual weakness similar to King David’s. His example should warn us against continually looking at another woman, or man, with passion, for adultery may finally ensue. Jesus showed that he understood human emotions in this regard, for he said: “You heard that it was said, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” In such a case, the force actuating the mind is selfish and carnal, not spiritual. What, then, can Christians do to avoid adultery and keep their marriages happy and satisfying?​—Matthew 5:27, 28.

Strengthen the Marriage Bond

19. How can a marriage be strengthened?

¹⁹ King Solomon wrote: “If somebody could overpower one alone, two together could make a stand against him. And a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two.” Certainly, two in a harmonious marriage can stand together in adversity better than one. But if their bond is like a threefold cord by having God in it, the marriage will be solid. And how can God be in a marriage? By the couple’s applying his principles and counsel for marriage.​—Ecclesiastes 4:12.

20. What Bible counsel can help a husband?

²⁰ Surely, if a husband applies the counsel of the following texts, his marriage will have a better basis for success:

“You husbands, continue dwelling in like manner with them according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one, since you are also heirs with them of the undeserved favor of life, in order for your prayers not to be hindered.”​—1 Peter 3:7.

“Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it. In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”​—Ephesians 5:25, 28.

“Her [husband] rises up, and he praises her. There are many daughters that have shown capableness, but you​—you have ascended above them all.”​—Proverbs 31:28, 29.

“Can a man walk upon the coals and his feet themselves not be scorched? Likewise with anyone having relations with the wife of his fellowman, no one touching her will remain unpunishable. Anyone committing adultery . . . is bringing his own soul to ruin.”​—Proverbs 6:28, 29, 32.

21. What Bible counsel can help a wife?

²¹ If a wife pays attention to the following Bible tenets, it will contribute to the permanence of her marriage:

“You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect [and of your] quiet and mild spirit.”​—1 Peter 3:1-4.

“Let the husband render to his wife her [sexual] due; but let the wife also do likewise to her husband. . . . Do not be depriving each other of it, except by mutual consent for an appointed time.”​—1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

22. (a) What other factors can affect a marriage for good? (b) How does Jehovah view divorce?

²² The Bible also shows that love, kindness, compassion, patience, understanding, encouragement, and praise are other essential facets of the jewel of marriage. A marriage without them is like a plant without sunshine and water​—it seldom blooms. So let the force actuating our minds impel us to encourage and refresh each other in our marriage. Remember that Jehovah ‘hates a divorcing.’ If Christian love is being practiced, there should be no room for adultery and collapse of the marriage. Why? “Because love never fails.”​—Malachi 2:16; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; Ephesians 5:3-5.