We should concentrate on listening until we feel ready to talk at any length.” (Compare James 1:19.) This positive approach has helped many, like shy Irene. “I listen carefully to other people’s conversations,” she explains, “to learn from them. Then I do research and study to get more information. If the subject comes up again, I am able to talk about it.”

The Need for Empathy

How, though, can you begin? “The most productive form of communication,” states Larry L. Barker in his book Communication, “is interaction with empathy. Empathy means deep understanding of other people, identifying with their thoughts, feeling their pain, sharing their joy.” An outstanding example in showing this quality is Jesus Christ. Once he started a conversation with two of his disciples who were mourning over his death. Concealing his true identity, the resurrected Jesus asked: “What are these matters that you are debating between yourselves as you walk along?”​—Luke 24:17.

The two expressed surprise that this “stranger” had not heard of the tragic developments that had just taken place in Jerusalem. “What things?” Jesus again asked. A lively conversation followed and afterward one of the disciples remarked: “Were not our hearts burning as he was speaking to us on the road, as he was fully opening up the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:13-32) Yes, Jesus enjoyed many fine conversations because he listened to others and showed empathy.​—John 4:7-26.

You should also pay attention to how you listen. (Compare Luke 8:18.) If you allow your mind and eyes to wander, probably the one answering will doubt that you are really interested in what he has to say.