Why So Many Lonely People?

IN TODAY’S society, many experience loneliness. It affects people of all ages and of all races, social strata, and creeds. Have you ever been lonely? Are you lonely now? Actually, all of us at one time or another have felt the need for companionship​—for someone to lend us an ear, to offer us reassurance or possibly to echo our deep feelings or inner thoughts, and to understand us as a person. We have a need for someone who is sensitive to our emotions.

Being alone, though, does not necessarily mean that we are lonely. A person can be alone for a long period of time, enjoying the things he or she does, without feeling at all lonely. In contrast, there are those who cannot stand to be alone. The American Heritage Dictionary states: “Alone emphasizes being apart from others but does not necessarily imply unhappiness. . . . Lonely often connotes painful awareness of being alone . . . Lonesome emphasizes a plaintive desire for companionship,” that is, a condition of grief, woe, or melancholy. The person’s heart needs to be comforted with sincere and loving fellowship for it to be cheerful once again. Finally, solitary is defined as a condition that “often shares the connotations of lonely and lonesome . . . Frequently, however, it stresses physical isolation that is self-imposed.”

Loneliness is a powerful feeling, and it can be very painful. It is a feeling of emptiness. There is a sensation of isolation, a feeling of being cut off from other humans. We can become vulnerable and frightened. Have you ever felt this way? What causes loneliness?

Problems, situations, and conditions have diverse effects on people. Perhaps you feel rejected by your peers because of your physical appearance, race, or religion. Changes of environment​—such as attending a new school, initiating a new job, or moving to a new neighborhood, city, or country—​can bring a sense of loneliness because you have to leave old friends behind. Experiencing the loss of a parent or a marriage partner can result in loneliness, possibly for many years. Also, as we get older, our circle of friends and acquaintances changes, decreases, or disappears.

Marriage does not always ensure freedom from loneliness. Mutual misunderstanding or lack of compatibility may cause stress that can produce uncertainty and may even result in isolation for spouses and children. But apart from loneliness caused by the death of a loved one, divorce, or physical or emotional isolation, there is another kind of loneliness that can affect us very deeply. This occurs when our relationship with God suffers and we feel separated from him.

Have you experienced any of the situations mentioned above? Is it possible to cope with loneliness?

Coping With Loneliness

COPING with loneliness is not easy. Powerful emotions are involved. How can a person deal with loneliness? What have some done to overcome this powerful feeling?

Facing Loneliness

Helena likes to be alone when making some decisions, but she feels that loneliness can be dangerous. When she was a child, communication with her parents was lacking. Not knowing how to get their attention, she shut herself up in her room. She relates: “I began to have eating disorders. I was trapped in depression. I would say to myself, ‘Why should I worry about my parents’ problems when they don’t worry about mine?’ Then I thought that marriage could fill the vacuum of my loneliness. I sought marriage as an escape. But I soon reasoned: ‘Why should I ruin the life of another person? First, I need to put my own thinking in order!’ I sought Jehovah’s help in prayer, pouring out my anguish.

“In the Bible, I found very comforting words, such as those of Isaiah 41:10: ‘Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not gaze about, for I am your God. I will fortify you. I will really help you. I will really keep fast hold of you with my right hand of righteousness.’ These words helped me a lot because I felt as if I had no father. Today I read the Bible regularly and pray to my heavenly Father. I have learned to overcome my loneliness.”

Losing a loved one in death causes sadness, which can lead to loneliness. Luisa, who is 16 years old, expresses her anguish: “My father was killed when I was five years old. I turned to my grandmother for comfort, but I never felt that she loved me. I did not receive much affection during my childhood, when I needed it most. Between the ages of eight and nine, I tried to commit suicide three times. I thought that it would be the best thing for my family because my mother was struggling to bring home food for my three sisters and me. Then we began to associate with Jehovah’s Witnesses. A young married couple took a genuine interest in me. They would tell me, ‘We appreciate you and need you.’ The words ‘We need you’ gave me a lot of strength. Sometimes I cannot express my feelings to someone else, but when I read articles published in The Watchtower or Awake! I give thanks to Jehovah, for through these publications I have felt his love. I have made many changes. Today I can smile, and I am able to express feelings of sadness and joy to my mother. Sometimes memories of the past come back to me but not like before when I tried to commit suicide or when I stopped talking to my loved ones. I always remember what the psalmist David said: ‘For the sake of my brothers and my companions I will now speak: “May there be peace within you.”’”​—Psalm 122:8.

Martha has been divorced for 22 years, during which time she raised a child. “Feelings of worthlessness and loneliness tend to surface when I think that I have failed at something,” she says. How does she cope with these feelings? She explains: “I have found that the best way to deal with them is immediately to talk to Jehovah God about them. When I pray, I know I am not alone. Jehovah understands me better than I understand myself. I also try to find ways of taking personal interest in others. My full-time ministry is an especially powerful weapon against negative feelings. When you talk to others about the blessings of God’s Kingdom and realize that your listeners have absolutely no hope and that they see their problems as permanent, you find that you have strong reasons to want to live and keep fighting.”

Elba, who is 93 years old and whose only child serves as a missionary in another country, tells us about how she copes with loneliness: “When my daughter and her husband received the invitation to attend the Watchtower Bible School of Gilead, I saw their faces radiant with joy, and I rejoiced with them. Later on, when they received an assignment to serve in a foreign country, I began to feel a little selfish. I knew I wasn’t going to have them close anymore, and I felt a certain sadness. The situation seemed to me like that of Jephthah and his only daughter, described in Judges chapter 11. I had to pray to Jehovah with tears, asking for his forgiveness. My children stay in touch with me. I know they are very busy, but wherever they serve, they make time to keep me posted, sharing the experiences they have had in the field ministry. I read their letters over and over. It is as if they have talked with me every week, and I am so thankful for that. Also the Christian elders in my congregation give appropriate attention to us elderly and infirm ones, following up to make sure we have transportation to the congregation meetings and providing other needs. I consider my spiritual brothers and sisters a blessing from Jehovah.”

You Too Can Cope With Loneliness

Whether you are young or older, single or married, a child with parents or an orphan and whether you have lost loved ones or are experiencing some other type of loneliness, there are ways to cope with your feelings. Jocabed, an 18-year-old girl whose father abandoned his family of six to go to another country, says: “Speak up! It is important that we express ourselves. If we do not, no one is going to understand us.” She recommends: “Stop thinking so much about yourself. Seek help from mature ones, not from youths who may be worse off than you are.” Luisa, previously mentioned, says, “Heartfelt prayer to Jehovah gives us the help we need to get out of what you might call a dead-end street.” Jorge, who lost his wife in death, comments on how he copes with loneliness: “Persistence is needed. Showing interest in others helps me a lot. ‘Showing fellow feeling’ when conversing with others can make our conversations meaningful and can help us to discover the beauty in other people.”​—1 Peter 3:8.

Many things can be done to combat loneliness. But will the day ever come when loneliness is a thing of the past? If so, how will this come about? The following article will answer these questions.

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“Heartfelt prayer to Jehovah gives us the help we need to get out of a dead-end street.”​—Luisa

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What You Can Do About Loneliness

◼ Keep in mind that your situation can be changed, that it is not a permanent situation but a common experience shared by others.

◼ Do not be unreasonably demanding of yourself.

◼ Feel content about yourself in general.

◼ Develop good habits in eating and exercise, and get adequate sleep.

◼ Use the time you spend alone doing creative things and learning new skills.

◼ Be careful not to judge people you meet on the basis of your past experiences.

◼ Value your friends and their unique qualities. Work toward developing a good circle of friends. Ask for ideas from older, experienced ones.

◼ Do something for others​—give them a smile, express a kind word, share a thought from the Bible with them. Feeling needed by others is an antidote to loneliness.

◼ Avoid fantasizing about movie or TV stars or Internet or literature characters, imagining a relationship with them.

◼ If you are married, do not expect your mate to meet all your emotional needs. Learn to give and take, to help and support each other.

◼ Learn to talk to others and to be a good listener. Focus on other people and their interests. Show empathy.

◼ Acknowledge that you feel lonely, and talk to a mature friend, someone you trust. Don’t suffer in silence.

◼ Avoid drinking too much, or do not drink at all. Alcohol does not drown your problems​—with time they float to the surface again.

◼ Avoid pride. Forgive those who hurt you, and make amends. Be willing to let down your defenses.

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How can a person deal with loneliness?

When No One Will Ever Feel Lonely Again

THE record at Genesis 2:18 states that when the first human was created, “Jehovah God went on to say: ‘It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.’” Humans were created to be with others and to depend on them.

The best Friend we can have is Jehovah God. The apostle Paul acknowledges Jehovah as “the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation.” (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4) Jehovah himself expresses sorrow at the suffering of any of his servants. He is a God of empathy. “He himself well knows the formation of us, remembering that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:14) Do you not feel attracted to Jehovah God and grateful for his loving, kind, and understanding attention?

Jehovah Supports the Lonely Ones

In the past many of God’s servants experienced circumstances in which they felt lonely. To them, Jehovah was a source of support and comfort. Take, for example, Jeremiah, who was called to be a prophet when a young man. Among the 40 writers of the Scriptures, Jeremiah was perhaps the one who expressed the most about his personal feelings. He felt timid and inadequate when he received his first assignment from God. (Jeremiah 1:6) To carry it out, he had to rely fully on Jehovah. Truly, Jehovah was with him “like a terrible mighty one.”​—Jeremiah 1:18, 19; 20:11.

Some 300 years before Jeremiah, when Queen Jezebel heard of the death of her Baal prophets, she vowed to have Elijah put to death. Elijah fled some 285 miles [450 km] to Horeb in the Sinai Peninsula. There he entered a cave to spend the night, and Jehovah God put this question to him: “What is your business here, Elijah?” Elijah explained that he felt he was the sole worshiper of Jehovah in all Israel, the only prophet left who was zealous for God’s service. Jehovah assured him that he was not alone. Jehovah was with him, and 7,000 of Elijah’s fellow Israelites were also with him, although unknown to him. Jehovah comforted and soothed Elijah and built up his faith. He touched Elijah’s heart, encouraging the prophet not to give up in his assignment. (1 Kings 19:4, 9-12, 15-18) If, like Elijah, we ever feel lonely or worthless, we too can pray to Jehovah for strength. Also, by using discernment, Christian elders can speak consolingly to faithful ones, helping them to see their role in the outworking of God’s purpose.​—1 Thessalonians 5:14.

From these and other examples, we can appreciate Jehovah’s willingness to give support and loving comfort to those who feel lonely. Yes, “Jehovah will become a secure height for anyone crushed, a secure height in times of distress.”​—Psalm 9:9; 46:1; Nahum 1:7.

A Man With Deep Feelings and Sympathy

Jesus Christ is an example of someone to be admired for his perfectly balanced emotions in imitation of Jehovah. Luke describes Jesus’ reaction when encountering a funeral procession in the city of Nain: “There was a dead man being carried out, the only-begotten son of his mother. . . . When the Lord caught sight of her, he was moved with pity for her, and he said to her: ‘Stop weeping.’ With that he approached and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still, and he said: ‘Young man, I say to you, Get up!’ And the dead man sat up and started to speak, and he gave him to his mother.” (Luke 7:12-15) Jesus’ emotions were stirred. He was a compassionate man. Imagine the happiness Jesus brought to the lonely widow when he restored her son to her! No longer was she lonely.

We can experience the reassurance of having in Jesus one who can “sympathize with our weaknesses.” He certainly sympathizes with upright ones who are lonely. Indeed, through him “we may obtain mercy and find undeserved kindness for help at the right time.” (Hebrews 4:15, 16) By imitating Jesus, we can develop sympathy for those who experience grief, affliction, and loneliness. By helping others, we are less likely to be lonely. But there is yet another way in which we can gain help in overcoming the negative feelings of loneliness.

Jehovah’s Word Can Help Us Overcome Loneliness

Many have found that “through the comfort from the Scriptures we . . . have hope.” God’s Word is full of practical counsel that can help us to overcome loneliness. (Romans 15:4; Psalm 32:8) For example, God’s Word exhorts us ‘not to think more of ourselves than it is necessary to think.’ (Romans 12:3) To apply this advice, we may need to make an adjustment in our thinking. Humility and modesty​—having a realistic view of our limitations—​will certainly help us develop balanced and reasonable expectations. God’s Word also counsels us to develop genuine personal interest in others. (Philippians 2:4) This is a two-way street. As you give of yourself, you will receive from others. This good fellowship helps to relieve feelings of emptiness and gives meaning to our lives.

The Bible encourages us as Christians ‘not to forsake the gathering of ourselves together.’ (Hebrews 10:24, 25) So engage in positive activities, such as attending meetings of Jehovah’s Witnesses regularly. Undoubtedly, Christian meetings can contribute to our spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. Speaking to others about the good news of God’s Kingdom is an enjoyable way to fill our lives with wholesome activity. It keeps our mind focused in the right direction, fortifies our faith, and protects our hope.​—Ephesians 6:14-17.

Draw close to Jehovah in prayer. David exhorted: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) By studying God’s Word, you will feel happy. (Psalm 1:1-3) If feelings of loneliness seize you, meditate on Jehovah’s loving care as revealed through his Word. The psalmist wrote: “My soul has been cleaving to the very dust. Preserve me alive according to your word.”​—Psalm 119:25.

When No One Will Say, “I Am Lonely”

Jehovah God has promised us a new world free from anxieties, frustrations, and negative feelings. The Bible states: “He will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4) Yes, among those former things that will pass away are the physical, mental, and emotional pains that we experience today.

The earth will be full of friendly people, who will enrich our lives. Jehovah through his heavenly Kingdom in the hands of Jesus Christ will cure us forever of our loneliness. He will give us new and wonderful things to do in an earthly paradise. The day will soon come when we will never again say, “I feel lonely.”