Listening: “Really listening is one of the greatest compliments you can pay to another person and is crucial in building and maintaining an intimate relationship,” says a marriage handbook. “The ear of wise ones seeks to find knowledge,” states the Proverb. (Proverbs 18:15) Since open ears are not visible like open eyes or an open mouth, how can you show your mate you are truly listening? One way is by mirroring, or active listening.​—See box on page 11.

[Box on page 11]

“Pay Attention to How You Listen.”​—Luke 8:18

Active listening is a method of ensuring that speaker and listener truly understand each other. It is sometimes called mirroring, since the listener attempts to reflect the words he hears and the meaning he perceives. These are the basic steps:

1. Pay careful attention; listen for important messages.

2. Listen for feelings underlying the words.

3. Repeat to the speaker what you hear. Don’t judge, criticize, or dispute. Just let the person know you have correctly received the message. Acknowledge the feelings.

4. The speaker will probably either confirm or correct what you say and may perhaps expand on the subject further.

5. If your understanding is inaccurate, try again.

Active listening is especially effective in reducing the sting of criticism. Accept the fact that criticism is often based on some truth. It might be delivered in a painful way, but instead of defensively heaving the pain back on the critic, why not use active listening to defuse the situation? Acknowledge that you understand whatever upset feelings you may be held responsible for, and see how the matter can be rectified.