The Challenges Mothers Face

“It is the tasks connected with the home that are the fundamental tasks of humanity. . . . If the mother does not do her duty, there will either be no next generation, or a next generation that is worse than none at all.”​—Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president of the United States.

CLEARLY, a mother is essential to human life, but her role involves far more than just bearing children. Regarding the role of mothers in most parts of the world today, one writer observed: “She is the primary protector for each child’s health, education, intellect, personality, character, and emotional stability.”

One of a mother’s many functions is that of educator of her children. A child’s first words and its pattern of speech are usually learned from its mother. Thus, a person’s first language is often referred to as his mother tongue. The mother generally spends more time with the children each day than her mate, so she may be their chief teacher as well as principal disciplinarian. Thus, the Mexican proverb “Education is breast-fed” honors the important role of mothers.

Our Creator, Jehovah God, also honors mothers. In fact, one of the Ten Commandments, written on tablets of stone by “God’s finger,” urges children: “Honor your father and your mother.” (Exodus 20:12; 31:18; Deuteronomy 9:10) Moreover, a Bible proverb refers to “the law of your mother.” (Proverbs 1:8) The importance of teaching children during the first three years of life​—when most are largely under their mother’s care—​is now widely acknowledged.

What Are Some Challenges?

For many mothers a challenge to teaching their children during the crucial formative years is the pressure to work secularly to help support the family. Statistics gathered by the United Nations show that in many developed countries, more than half of mothers with children under the age of three are employed.

Additionally, mothers often bear the burden of bringing up their children by themselves because their husbands have left home to find work in another city or country. For example, it is reported that in some regions of Armenia, almost one third of the men have gone abroad in search of work. Other mothers are left alone to raise their children because their husbands have abandoned them or have died.

In some countries another challenge for many mothers is that they lack an education. The UN Department of Economic and Social Affairs estimates that two thirds of the world’s 876 million illiterates are women. In fact, in Africa, the Arab states, and East and South Asia, according to UNESCO, over 60 percent of the women are illiterate. Furthermore, large numbers of men believe that educating women is unnecessary and even makes them unfit for their childbearing role.

The magazine Outlook says that in one district of the state of Kerala in India where girls are commonly mothers by age 15, no one wants an educated bride. In neighboring Pakistan, sons are given priority. Their upbringing prepares them to find better-paying jobs so they can support their parents in their old age. On the other hand, according to the book Women’s Education in Developing Countries, “parents fail to invest in their daughters because they do not expect them to be able to make an economic contribution to the family.”

Then there is the challenge of dealing with local customs. For instance, in some countries a mother is expected to support such customs as the sale of young daughters in marriage and female genital mutilation. There is also a taboo on mothers’ teaching and disciplining their sons. Is a mother obliged to follow such customs and leave the teaching of her sons to others?

In the following articles, we shall see how some mothers are meeting such challenges. We will also try to come to a greater appreciation of mothers and motherhood and obtain a balanced view of the mother’s role as an educator of her children.

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“When it comes to stimulating a child’s intelligence and curiosity, as well as developing his/her creativity, a mother’s role is vital.”​—Regional Summit on Children’s Rights, Burkina Faso, 1997.

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Mothers have a great deal to do with each child’s health, education, personality, and emotional stability

Mothers Meeting the Challenges

A MAJOR challenge for many mothers today is working secularly to help provide financially for their family. Moreover, for one reason or another, some also have to rear their children without another’s help.

Margarita is a single mother in Mexico rearing two children by herself. “It has been difficult to train them morally and spiritually,” she observes. “In the past my adolescent son came home from a party half drunk. I warned him that if it happened again, I wouldn’t let him in the house. So the next time it happened, with much pain of heart, I locked him out. Thankfully, he didn’t do it again.”

Soon afterward, Margarita began studying the Bible, which helped her to instill moral values in her children. Now both of them are full-time ministers of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

When Husbands Go Abroad

Many husbands in less-developed countries move to more prosperous lands for employment, leaving their wives to raise the children. Laxmi, a mother in Nepal, says: “My husband has been abroad for seven years. The children are less obedient to me than to their father. If he were here on a regular basis to take the lead, it would be easier.”

Despite the difficulties, Laxmi is meeting the challenge. Because her education is limited, she has arranged for tutors to help her older children with their schoolwork. However, she pays particular attention to their spiritual education by conducting a weekly Bible study with them. She holds a daily discussion of a Bible text and regularly takes them to Christian meetings.

Mothers With Limited Education

In some countries another challenge is a relatively high rate of illiteracy among women. Illustrating the disadvantage of being an uneducated mother, Aurelia, in Mexico, a mother of six, explains: “My mother always said that women were not meant to study. So I never learned to read and couldn’t help my children with their homework. That hurt. But since I didn’t want them to suffer as I had, I worked hard to get them an education.”

With even a limited education, a mother can make a difference. The saying is true: “Educate women and you educate the teachers of men.” Bishnu, in Nepal, a mother of three sons, used to be illiterate, but her desire to learn Bible truths and teach them to her children caused her to make a real effort to learn to read and write. She saw to it that her children did their homework, and she regularly went to their schools to discuss their work with their teachers.

As to their spiritual and moral education, Bishnu’s son Silash explains: “The thing I liked most about her efforts to teach us was that if we made mistakes, she would give us Bible examples to correct us. This method of teaching was effective and helped me to accept the counsel.” Bishnu has been a successful educator of her sons, all three of whom are God-fearing young men.

Antonia, in Mexico, a mother who is raising two children, says: “I only went to primary school. We lived in an isolated village, and the nearest secondary school was a long way off. But I wanted my children to have more education than I did, so I devoted a lot of time to them. I taught them their ABC’s and numbers. My daughter could spell her name and write all the letters of the alphabet before she went to school. My son could read well by the time he went to kindergarten.”

When asked what she did to give them a spiritual and moral education, Antonia explains: “I taught them Bible stories. Before my daughter could speak, she could communicate Bible stories by using gestures. My son gave his first public Bible reading at our Christian meetings at the age of four.” Many mothers with limited education are meeting the challenge as educators.

Combating Harmful Customs

A custom among the Tzotzil of Mexico is to sell their daughters into marriage at the age of 12 or 13. Often girls are sold to a much older man who wants a second or third wife. If the man is dissatisfied with the girl, he can return her and get his money back. Petrona was faced with this custom as a child herself. Her mother had been sold as a wife, had borne a child, and had been divorced​—all by the time she was 13! That first child died, and Petrona’s mother was sold two more times afterward. Altogether, she bore eight children.

Petrona wanted to avoid such a life and explains how she was able to do it: “When I finished primary school, I told Mother that I didn’t want to marry but wanted to continue my schooling. Mother told me that she couldn’t do anything about it and that I should talk to my father.”

“I am going to marry you off,” Father told me. “You know how to speak Spanish. You know how to read. What more do you want? If you want to study, you’ll have to pay for your schooling yourself.”

“So that is what I did,” Petrona explains. “I embroidered cloth to get the money for my expenses.” That was how she escaped being sold. After Petrona grew up, her mother began to study the Bible, and this gave her the courage to inculcate Bible-based values in Petrona’s younger sisters. From the mother’s own experience, she was able to teach them the sad consequences that result from the custom of selling young girls in marriage.

Another custom among many is for only the fathers to discipline sons in the family. Explains Petrona: “Tzotzil women are taught that they are inferior to the males. The men are very domineering. Little boys copy their fathers, and they say to their mothers: ‘You can’t tell me what to do. If my father doesn’t tell me, I won’t obey.’ So mothers cannot educate their sons. But now that my mother has studied the Bible, she has had success in instructing my brothers. They have learned Ephesians 6:1, 2 by heart: ‘Children, be obedient to your parents. . . . Honor your father and your mother.’”

Mary, a mother in Nigeria, also comments: “Where I grew up, the culture of the people does not allow a mother to teach or discipline boys. But following the Biblical example of Lois and Eunice​—Timothy’s grandmother and mother—​I was determined not to allow local customs to deter me from teaching my children.”​—2 Timothy 1:5.

Yet another custom commonly practiced in some countries is what some term “female circumcision,” now generally called female genital mutilation (FGM). The operation removes part or most of a girl’s genitalia. The custom was publicized by Waris Dirie, a well-known fashion model and special ambassador for the United Nations Population Fund. In accord with local Somalian custom, as a child she was subjected to FGM by her mother. According to one report, between eight and ten million women and girls in the Middle East and Africa are at risk of undergoing FGM. Even in the United States, an estimated 10,000 girls are at risk.

What beliefs underlie this practice? Some think that the female genitals are evil and that they make a girl unclean and therefore unmarriageable. In addition, cutting off, or removing, the genitals is looked upon as insurance of the child’s virginity and faithfulness. Failure by the mother to perpetuate this custom may incur the wrath of her husband and the local community.

Many mothers, however, have come to realize that there is no legitimate reason​—religious, medical, or hygienic—​to support this painful practice. The Nigerian documentary Repudiating Repugnant Customs reveals that many mothers have courageously refused to subject their daughters to it.

Indeed, mothers all over the world are successfully protecting and educating their children in spite of many challenges. Are their efforts truly appreciated?

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“Study after study has shown that there is no effective development strategy in which women do not play a central role. When women are fully involved, the benefits can be seen immediately: families are healthier and better fed; their income, savings and reinvestment go up. And what is true of families is also true of communities and, in the long run, of whole countries.”​—UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan, March 8, 2003.

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UN/DPI photo by Milton Grant

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She Made Sacrifices for Us

A young Brazilian man, Juliano, says: “When I was five years old, my mother had a promising career. With the birth of my sister, however, she decided to leave her job in order to care for us. Counselors at work tried to dissuade her from leaving. They said that after her children married and left home, everything she had done for them would be lost​—that she was investing in something that would bring no return. But I can say that they were wrong; I will never forget her demonstration of love.”

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Juliano’s mother with her children; at left: Juliano when he was five

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Bishnu learned to read and write and then helped her sons to get a fine education

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Antonia’s young son gives Bible readings at Christian meetings

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Petrona is a volunteer at the Mexico branch of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Her mother, who eventually became a Witness, is teaching Petrona’s younger siblings

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Waris Dirie is a well-known spokeswoman against female genital mutilation

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Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images

A Mother’s Honored Role

A MOTHER’S role has often been unappreciated and even belittled. A few decades ago, some people began to demean the role of caring for children. Their view was that it was less important than a career and was even a form of oppression. While most would find that attitude extreme, mothers are commonly made to feel that being a homemaker and caring for children is a second-class occupation. Some even feel that a woman needs a career outside the home in order to realize her full potential.

Yet, many husbands and children have come to appreciate the mother’s role in the family. Carlo, who serves at the branch office of Jehovah’s Witnesses in the Philippines, explains: “I am here today because of the training my mother gave me. My father was a disciplinarian and carried out punishment quickly, but Mother helped us by explaining and reasoning things out. I really appreciate her way of teaching.”

Peter, in South Africa, is one of six children who were raised by a mother with a limited education. His father had abandoned the family. Peter reflects: “As a maid and a janitor, Mother did not earn much. It was difficult for her to pay school fees for all of us. Often we went to bed hungry. It was a challenge for her just to keep a roof over our heads. In spite of all these difficulties, Mother never gave up. She taught us never to compare ourselves with others. Were it not for her courageous commitment, we would never have made it through life the way we did.”

A Nigerian husband, Ahmed, expresses how he feels about his wife’s assistance in raising their children: “I appreciate my wife’s role. When I am not at home, I have confidence that the children are well cared for. Instead of feeling challenged by my wife, I thank her and let the children know that they must respect her just as they respect me.”

A Palestinian man readily praises his wife’s success as a mother: “Lina has accomplished a lot with our daughter and contributes much to the spirituality of our family. From what I can see, her success is due to her religious beliefs.” Lina is one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and follows Bible principles in educating her daughter.

What are some of these principles? What can be said about the Bible’s view of mothers? How were mothers in early times accorded a position of dignity and respect as educators of their children?

A Balanced View of Mothers

At creation the woman was assigned an honorable role in the family arrangement. The opening book of the Bible says: “Jehovah God went on to say: ‘It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.’” (Genesis 2:18) The first woman, Eve, was thus provided as Adam’s complement, or counterpart. She was fitted just perfectly to be a helper for him. She was to be a part of God’s purpose for them to produce children and care for them as well as to take care of the earth and its animals. She would provide the intellectual stimulus and support of a true companion. How happy Adam was for receiving this beautiful gift from the Creator!​—Genesis 1:26-28; 2:23.

Later, God established guidelines as to how women were to be treated. For example, Israelite mothers were to be shown honor and not to be treated with contempt. If a son ‘called down evil upon his father and his mother,’ he would be subject to the death penalty. Christian youths were urged to be “obedient to [their] parents.”​—Leviticus 19:3; 20:9; Ephesians 6:1; Deuteronomy 5:16; 27:16; Proverbs 30:17.

Under the husband’s direction, the mother was to be the educator of both daughters and sons. A son was commanded ‘not to forsake the law of his mother.’ (Proverbs 6:20) Also, Proverbs chapter 31 provides “the weighty message that [King Lemuel’s] mother gave to him in correction.” She wisely directed her son to avoid improper use of alcoholic beverages, saying: “It is not for kings to drink wine or for high officials to say: ‘Where is intoxicating liquor?’ that one may not drink and forget what is decreed and pervert the cause of any of the sons of affliction.”​—Proverbs 31:1, 4, 5.

Further, every young man contemplating marriage would be wise to consider the description of “a capable wife” that was given by King Lemuel’s mother, who said: “Her value is far more than that of corals.” Then, after describing the important contribution that such a wife makes to a household, the king’s mother said: “Charm may be false, and prettiness may be vain; but the woman that fears Jehovah is the one that procures praise for herself.” (Proverbs 31:10-31) Clearly, our Creator made women to occupy a position of honor and responsibility in the family.

In the Christian congregation, wives and mothers are also honored and appreciated. Ephesians 5:25 says: “Husbands, continue loving your wives.” To the young man Timothy, whose mother and grandmother raised him to respect “the holy writings,” this inspired counsel was given: “Entreat . . . older women as mothers.” (2 Timothy 3:15; 1 Timothy 5:1, 2) Thus, a man should have respect for an older woman as if she were his mother. Truly, God values women and accords them a dignified place.

Express Your Appreciation

A man raised in a culture in which women were viewed as inferior relates: “I received an education centered on the man, and I have observed the mistreatment of and lack of respect for women. So I have had to struggle to view women as the Creator views them​—as a complement, or helpmate, in the home and as part of a team in the education of children. Although it is difficult for me to express words of praise to my wife, I recognize that what is good in my children is due to her labor.”

Indeed, mothers who assume their responsibility as educators can feel proud of their role. It is a worthwhile career. They rightfully deserve commendation and heartfelt expressions of appreciation. We learn so much from mothers​—habits that stand us in good stead throughout life, good manners so essential for good relationships, and in many cases a moral and spiritual upbringing that keeps youths on course. Have you recently expressed your appreciation to your mother for what she has done for you?

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Peter’s mother taught him not to give up

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Ahmed greatly appreciates his wife’s help in raising their children

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Lina’s husband attributes their daughter’s fine behavior to his wife’s religious beliefs