The Many Tasks of Mothers

4:50 a.m. Alex, the baby, crying and half-asleep, climbs to the side of Helen, his mother. Two other children​—Penny (5) and Joanna (12)—​and husband, Nick, are sleeping. Helen hoists Alex up into bed and nurses him. She is unable to go back to sleep.

5:45 a.m. Helen tiptoes to the kitchen, makes coffee, and reads.

6:15–7:20 a.m. Nick gets up. Helen wakes Penny and Joanna, makes breakfast, does some housework. At 7:15, Nick leaves for work and drops Joanna off at school. Helen’s mother arrives to baby-sit Alex.

7:30 a.m. Helen drops Penny off at her kindergarten. The commute to work gives Helen time to reflect on the reality of motherhood. “It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had,” she says.

8:10 a.m. Helen faces a desk overflowing with tasks. She is concerned that another pregnancy might mean the loss of her job. The family needs the extra paycheck.

10:43 a.m. After Helen hangs up the phone​—a call about her children—​her coworker Nancy consoles her: “You’re doing such a good job with them.” Tears roll down Helen’s cheeks.

12:05 p.m. Helen grabs a sandwich and reflects on the time before her first daughter was born. Back then she had projects planned for her “spare” time. ‘What a joke!’ she concludes.

3:10 p.m. After several phone calls from home about Alex’s antics, Helen mentions the special bond she has with her little ones: “It’s like no other love I’ve had for any other person.” This depth of feeling helped her overcome the initial, unexpected difficulties.

5:10 p.m. After picking up Joanna, Helen runs errands. She calls Nick and reminds him that it is his turn to pick up Penny.

6:00–7:30 p.m. Back home, Helen releases Grandma from ‘Alex duty,’ does housework, prepares dinner. Asked about the demands of a baby, Helen sighs: “A baby craves nothing less than the whole of its mother: her arms, body, and milk and takes the sleep from her eyes.”

8:30–10:00 p.m. Helen helps Joanna with homework and breast-feeds Alex. While Nick reads to Penny for half an hour, Helen does more housework.

11:15 p.m. After Penny and Joanna have gone to bed, Alex is still awake in his mother’s arms, but then he finally falls asleep. “I think he’s ready for bed,” Helen tells Nick, who is half-asleep.

The Hurdle Race of Motherhood

Motherhood is a complicated and marvelous adventure. Mothers enjoy precious moments that they would not trade for the world. Yet, some at times feel they are on the verge of a breakdown. Helen compares her life as a mother to a hurdle race. And it seems that as time goes by, there are more and higher hurdles.

Mothers may sacrifice free time and much of their social life to make sure that their children are well cared for. “I’m always on call,” says Esther, a mother of five. “I have traded relaxing baths for quick showers, and romantic dinners for microwavable food. For me there are travels untraveled, places unseen, things undone. But the laundry is done, and it’s folded!”

Of course, most mothers would also speak of the unique moments of joy that they experience as they raise their children. Esther says: “The occasional smile you get, the sweet ‘Thank you, Mommy,’ and the warm hugs​—these are the fuel that keeps you going.”a

Mother Joins the Work Force

A major hurdle that has complicated motherhood is that many are meeting traditional family responsibilities while taking on the demands of a job to help support the family financially. Many of these mothers work on the outside, not out of choice, but out of necessity. They know that if they stayed at home, their families, and especially their children, would go without many things. Their salaries​—often lower than those of men doing comparable work—​are of great importance.

For example, in São Paulo, Brazil, 42 percent of the work force are women. A newspaper there called mothers who raise children full-time an “endangered species.” In the rurals of Africa, a mother with a bundle of firewood on her head and a child strapped on her back is a common sight.

The Demanding Workplace

Adding to the hurdles, the job market may require that mothers put in long hours at work. And the demands may not stop there. When Maria, who lives in Greece, was hired, her employer asked her to sign a document in which she promised that she would not get pregnant for three years. If she did get pregnant, she would have to pay compensation. Maria signed the document. But about a year and a half later, she got pregnant. Her employer then showed the paper to Maria, who went to court to challenge her company’s policy and now waits for the outcome.

In less extreme cases, employers may pressure mothers to return to work as soon as possible after giving birth. Usually, no reductions in hours are granted after they do return. Thus there is no accommodation for the fact that they now have responsibilities toward a very young child. They are not able to take much time off without financial hardship. Mothers may also have to cope with poor child-care facilities and inadequate state benefits.

On the other hand, some mothers work, not for financial needs, but for self-fulfillment. Sandra decided to return to work after the birth of each of her two children. She recalls that on finding herself suddenly alone at home with a baby, she would “sometimes stand and stare out of the window and wonder what the rest of the world was doing.” And some mothers seek to escape the stress of family life by going to work. Britain’s Daily Telegraph reported: “Some parents seek extra hours in the relative calm of work. This creates a vicious circle, diminishing further the time they spend with increasingly apathetic, aggressive and deviant children.”

A Juggling Act

Balancing work and home is not easy. Echoing the feelings of many, a mother from the Netherlands said: “Tired, tired, tired. I even wake up tired. When I come home from work, I am overcome with tiredness. The children are already saying, ‘Mom is always tired,’ and that makes me feel guilty. I do not want to miss work, but I also want to be that sociable mother who makes everything possible. But I am not the mirror of perfection I want to be.”

She is one of millions of working mothers who embraced the idea that ‘quality time’ with the children could partly make up for frequent absences​—and who have found the idea wanting. Many mothers today say that juggling the stresses of work with the responsibilities of home leaves them overworked, overstrained, and underpaid.

When women spend long hours away from their children, the children do not get what they need most​—the time and attention of their mother. Fernanda A. Lima, a child psychologist from Brazil, says that no one can fulfill a mother’s role as well as a mother can. “The first two years in a child’s life are the most critical,” she says. “The child is still too young to understand why the mother is not there.” A substitute figure can alleviate a child’s need for its mother but cannot take her place. “The baby senses that it is not getting its mother’s loving care,” says Lima.

Kathy, a full-time working mother with a little daughter, said: ‘I felt so terribly guilty, as though I was deserting her [at the nursery]. It’s hard knowing you are missing out on seeing your child grow and develop, and it’s very strange thinking that she is more attached to the nursery than to you.’ An airline stewardess in Mexico admitted: “After some time, your child does not recognize you, he does not respect you simply because you are not rearing him. They know that you are their mother, but suddenly, they prefer to be with the woman that takes care of them.”

On the other hand, full-time mothers who stay at home to look after their children say that they have to endure being patronized and downgraded by a society geared to glorifying paid work. In some societies being a housewife is no longer considered an honorable position, so women are pressured to have their own career, even if the extra income is not necessary.

Left to Struggle Alone

Adding to the hurdles of motherhood is this fact: Tired from a full day’s work, a mother comes home, not to rest, but to continue with the regular household chores. Mothers, whether they work secularly or not, are often still seen as the main ones responsible for caring for the house and the children.

While a growing number of mothers work longer hours, fathers do not always compensate. The Sunday Times of London wrote: “Britain is a nation of absent fathers, according to new research showing that men spend as little as 15 minutes a day with their children. . . . Many men do not take much pleasure in spending time with their families. . . . By comparison, the British professional mother will spend 90 minutes a day with her children.”

Some husbands complain that their wife finds it difficult to delegate tasks because she insists that everything be done exactly the way she is used to doing it. “Otherwise, you do it wrong,” the husbands say. Obviously, in order to benefit from the cooperation of her husband, a tired housewife may have to be willing to make some concessions as to the way certain household tasks are done. On the other hand, the husband should not use that argument as an excuse to do nothing.

Adding Hurdles

Deeply rooted traditions may also add hurdles. In Japan mothers are expected to raise children who are similar to those in their age group. If other children are taking piano or painting lessons, a mother feels compelled to have her children do the same. Schools pressure parents to have their children join in the same extracurricular activities as the other children. Being different can lead to harassment from children, teachers, other parents, and relatives. The same is true in other lands.

Advertising and consumerism can make children demanding. In developed countries mothers may feel that they should provide what their children want because they see other mothers providing those things. If they cannot, they may feel that they have failed.

This discussion of modern motherhood should not obscure the feat of millions of hardworking, self-sacrificing mothers who do their best to fulfill one of the noblest causes​—that of raising the future generations of the human family. This is a privilege. The Bible says: “Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD.” (Psalm 127:3, Contemporary English Version) Miriam, a mother of two, well represents such mothers when she says: “Despite the challenges, motherhood has its unrivaled joys. It gives us mothers a sense of satisfaction when we see our children respond to the training and discipline given and become responsible members of society.”

What can help mothers to enjoy their gift more? The next article will provide some practical suggestions.

[Footnote]

[Box on page 6]

“Mother’s Day”

Dire poverty, a lack of education, irresponsible male partners, a pattern of abuse, and the AIDS epidemic plague mothers in southern Africa. On a recent Mother’s Day, a South African newspaper, The Citizen, reported: “Thousands of women will be abused by their partners and some will lose their lives on Mother’s Day.” Such problems lead thousands of South African mothers to abandon their babies each year. In a recent two-year period, there was a 25 percent increase in abandoned babies. Even more desperate are the growing number of women who commit suicide. Recently, a woman from a poverty-stricken area held her three children to her breast as she stood before an advancing train. All were killed. In order to make ends meet, some mothers turn to prostitution and sell illegal drugs or encourage their daughters to do so.

From Hong Kong it is reported that “some young mothers kill their baby when they give birth or throw the baby away in a garbage can, as they cannot deal with the pressures.” The South China Morning Post mentioned that some younger married women in Hong Kong “are now under such great stress [that] their mental health can deteriorate to a level where they kill themselves.”

[Box on page 7]

Motherhood in Various Lands

So little time

❖ A survey in Hong Kong revealed that 60 percent of working mothers do not devote what they consider to be enough time to their children. And during the workweek 20 percent of children up to age three of working parents live away from their home, usually with grandparents.

❖ Women in Mexico spend about 13 years of their life caring for at least one child younger than five years old.

Mothers and work

❖ In Ireland 60 percent of women stay home to take care of children. In Greece, Italy, and Spain, about 40 percent of the women do the same.

Helping around the home

❖ In Japan 80 percent of housewives said that they wished a family member would help them with household chores, especially when they are sick.

❖ In the Netherlands men spend about 2 hours a day with the children and 0.7 hours doing household chores. Women spend about 3 hours with the children and 1.7 hours doing chores.

Stressed mothers

❖ In Germany over 70 percent of mothers feel stressed. About 51 percent have complaints involving the spine and intervertebral disks. Over a third are constantly tired and despondent. Almost 30 percent suffer from headaches or migraines.

Abused mothers

❖ In Hong Kong 4 percent of women surveyed said that they had been abused during pregnancy.

❖ A survey by Focus magazine in Germany showed that almost 1 mother in 6 admitted to having been attacked physically by her child at least once.

[Pictures on page 7]

Being a mother can be very stressful, as many women have to juggle work and family life

Meeting the Challenge of Motherhood

Since children represent the future generation, then the women who mold them, their mothers, certainly deserve respect, honor, and support. Although the modern world sends mixed messages about motherhood, the Bible affirms that children are a blessing from God and can be a source of happiness for parents. (Psalm 127:3-5) Yet, the Scriptures are not blind to the realities of motherhood. The Bible records many of its challenges.

The decisions parents make about parenting and motherhood have a deep and lasting influence on the life and character of their children. These decisions can bring large changes in the parents’ life-style, so they need to be made carefully. They include such questions as: Should a mother work outside the home? If yes, how much? Who is to care for the children while the mother is away working? In the end, parents must do what they believe is best for their children and also what is right before God.

However, mothers need not feel alone in the struggle to make wise decisions. They can take great comfort in the words of Isaiah 40:11, which indicates that God takes special interest in the needs of mothers with young babies, whom he “will conduct with care.” God manifests such keen interest by providing in the Bible a number of guidelines that can make motherhood enjoyable and successful.

❖ Be reasonable: Christians should be known for their reasonableness. (Philippians 4:5) Janet Penley, a writer and mother, learned the value of this principle. “I began motherhood with the highest of expectations,” she says. “I was going to do mothering better than it had ever been done before. I read all the books and listened to all the experts. But instead of feeling successful and competent, I ended up feeling inadequate and stressed-out.” She observes that “tuning into others’ expectations and trying to fit yourself into some ‘ideal’ mold weakens the spirit and creates worry and guilt.”

❖ Simplify: “What families risk losing in this insane frenzy,” wrote Newsweek magazine, “is the soul of childhood and the joy of family life.” That is why many mothers long for a simpler life. How can you achieve this? First, establish priorities, giving attention to “the more important things,” including the time and personal care your children need. (Philippians 1:10, 11) Second, analyze your life-style. You may have to put aside activities and possessions that are not really necessary.

What is most important in your life? Is it having everything at once, or can some goals be postponed while you pursue others? Carolyn, a mother of limited means, tells how she copes: “I keep things simple and cut down on expenses.” Gloria, a mother of three, recalls: “We didn’t have any money for designer clothes, but I made clothes for the children, and I told them that these were special because no one else had them.”

God’s Word says that the person who “is guarding discernment is going to find good.” (Proverbs 19:8) Discernment is needed to sort through the unending range of leisure activities, gadgets, and trends that overwhelm mothers and children. Judith, a mother from South Africa, exclaims: “We are constantly being bombarded with new products, better technology, and more services!” Here is how Angela, a mother of four from Germany, copes with that challenge: “You have to determine what is essential and useful to you, and help your children to do the same thing.”

❖ Make the changes that are possible: “Use common sense and sound judgment,” admonishes the Bible. (Proverbs 3:21, Contemporary English Version) If you are currently working outside the home, can your family live on just your husband’s income? To help answer this question, determine how much your actual take-home pay is after subtracting taxes, child care, commuting costs, wardrobe, meals out, and extras. Also, your husband’s income may be taxed at a higher rate if your combined income puts you in a higher income bracket. You may be surprised how little is left over.

Some work fewer hours or closer to home, which may mean less money but more time with the children. If you decide to stop working and if your job has been important to you for your self-worth and sense of accomplishment, think about how you can maintain these important elements while staying home.

❖ Get help: God’s Word repeatedly shows that a “cry for help” can bring results. (Exodus 2:23, 24; Psalm 34:15) A mother’s cry for help should elicit the help of the husband. With his cooperation you may be able to establish a system of sharing the housework so that you have the time to fulfill the goals that you have set together​—such as being available for your children. If possible, a mother should also establish a support network of people, including family and trusted friends, who share her interests and goals.

Many mothers find valuable support from the local Christian congregation of fellow believers. María, a mother of three, realized that “getting close to the congregation” is one of the ways that “God shows us love and compassion and shows us that he is concerned about us.”

❖ Make time for relaxation: Even Jesus, a perfect man with abundant stamina, invited his disciples to go “privately into a lonely place and rest up a bit.” (Mark 6:30-32) Success as a mother depends on your ability to stay balanced throughout demanding times. It is true that your children need you, but they also need you to be happy and content. You need reasonable relaxation.

Angela, mentioned earlier, has a plan for relaxation: “I set aside quiet time in the morning. I take at least half an hour for myself. And my husband and I have one or two evenings a week when our children are expected to go elsewhere in the house and do something quiet there. Thus we can have an hour to ourselves.”

❖ Give priority to spirituality: It has been observed that the challenges of motherhood are aggravated by a loss of focus and a lack of priorities. Christian families experience happiness when they work together to put God’s will first in their lives. The apostle Paul wrote: “Godly devotion is beneficial for all things, as it holds promise of the life now and that which is to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8) A family that lives with godly devotion and that follows God’s guidance as contained in the Bible will find happiness. Even if only one member of a family applies Bible principles, things are better than if no one does.

Adele, a Christian mother who works full-time, has seen the benefits of being spiritually-minded. She says: “We have a tremendous amount of guidance and information in the Bible-based publications that educate us as to what our children are facing and how we can help them. Seeing your children responding to what you feed them spiritually makes it all worthwhile. When you see small, positive things in their behavior and way of reasoning, you realize that they are taking it in and that your efforts are paying off.”a

Yes, it is possible to run the hurdle race of motherhood successfully. God himself provides the comforting reassurance that the efforts of diligent and self-sacrificing mothers who trust in him will not be in vain. Mothers who cultivate a personal relationship with him can take solace in his promise to ‘give to the tired one power.’​—Isaiah 40:29.

[Footnote]

[Box on page 10]

A Mother’s Influence

As a mother, you may sometimes wonder how much of an impact you are having on your child’s life. At times, the influence of peers, teachers, entertainment, video games, and music may seem to outweigh yours.

Consider the example of Jochebed, the mother of Moses. She lived in extremely hard times and had limited say over what would happen to her son. Yet, she used the opportunities she had to mold his development. First, she exercised courageous faith by refusing to allow Moses to be put to death. God rewarded her faith not only by preserving the baby’s life but also by arranging circumstances that allowed Jochebed to serve as his nurse​—and mother.​—Exodus 1:15, 16; 2:1-10.

It is evident that Jochebed helped to shape her son’s personality. The fact that the adult Moses identified with the Hebrews and their God despite his royal connections in Egypt testifies to the influence of his parents during his formative years.​—Hebrews 11:24-26.

As a mother, you probably have more opportunities than Jochebed to influence your child. Are you taking advantage of the few short years of your young one’s childhood to provide lasting, godly instruction? Or are you allowing the prevailing culture to have the dominant impact on your child’s development?

[Pictures on page 10]

Involve others in housework, reserve private time, and give priority to spirituality