When a woman in Nepal marries, she moves in with her husband’s parents. If the son moves out, this is looked down upon. He is expected to stay at home and continue to support the family arrangements. Thus, a future daughter-in-law is scrutinized carefully as to how she will harmonize with their son and with them. In this way years of experience are brought to bear in the choosing of a wife and a husband.

In 1971 I went home to Nepal for a brief visit. Imagine my surprise when my mother told me that she knew of a nice girl from a good family. Would I be interested in marrying her? I thought, ‘Well, yes, when I have finished my studies in the United States in about a year’s time.’ As it turned out, we were married within four weeks. We had a traditional Nepalese wedding that lasted two days. Since we are both from the Chitrakar caste, many of our relatives were present.

Now you may wonder how we could expect to have a successful marriage built on our parents’ choice and with such a flimsy knowledge of each other? The answer is that we trusted their judgment​—and time has proved them right. So rather than follow the Western approach of dating and courting, we followed our traditional method of having our parents match our qualities, values, and character.