Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Resist the Urge to Curse?

“IN A wildly frustrating situation,” says popular psychologist Joyce Brothers, “there’s something healthy about the defiant outpouring of gutter language.”

Today’s widespread use of profanity indicates that many agree with these sentiments. Nevertheless, the use of profanity, far from being healthy, is offensive, destructive, and degrading.a The Bible writer James stated: “A fountain does not cause the sweet and the bitter to bubble out of the same opening, does it?” How inconsistent, then, to “bless Jehovah, even the Father, and yet with [the same tongue to] curse [or call down evil upon] men who have come into existence ‘in the likeness of God.’” Concluded James: “It is not proper, my brothers, for these things to go on occurring this way.”​—James 3:9-11.

The problem is that the use of foul language often becomes a deeply ingrained habit. As a youth named Ron put it: “These curse words become so embedded in your mind [that when provoked] you feel like saying one.” How, then, can a person gain control of his speech, especially when under pressure?

Safeguarding Your Heart

First, work to cut off foul speech at its source. Jesus Christ said that “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34) What comes out of your mouth thus reflects what you have been feeding your mind and heart.

For example, do the books and magazines that you read prominently feature filthy language? Then some changes in reading habits are essential. (Philippians 4:8) Do you have posters, buttons, or T-shirts that bear off-color or even obscene slogans? Such slogans may seem funny, but would not laughing at things that God condemns​—not to mention publicizing such things by wearing them—​undermine your efforts to remain clean in his eyes? The Bible condemns “obscene jesting” of any sort as “not becoming” for a Christian.​—Ephesians 5:4.

The Effects of Music

To what kind of music do you listen? “You can learn anything by listening to songs” was the frank observation of a youth named Jim. By this he referred to the many popular songs that have blatantly immoral or obscene lyrics. Writer Tipper Gore reports: ‘Many popular music idols of the young now sing about rape, masturbation, incest, violence, and intercourse.’

Youths often seem so caught up in the melody and beat of a song that they seem oblivious to the lyrics. Yet, have you ever had a hard time ridding your mind of a lyric that you heard only casually? Imagine how deeply embedded those words can become if you hear them over and over again! A steady diet of music with obscene or profane lyrics can only fill your mind with filthy thoughts​—which can easily spill over into your speech.

The lesson? Be selective in what you listen to! “Does not the ear itself test out words as the palate tastes food?” asked Job in the Bible. (Job 12:11) Just as your tongue develops a preference for certain types of food, your ear can be trained to be equally discriminating when it comes to what you listen to.

Another factor to consider is the kind of movies and TV shows that you watch. These have become increasingly bold in their use of obscene speech and explicit portrayals of immoral conduct. Videocassettes have given youths easy access to filthy films. According to Time magazine, “every day, all across the country [U.S.], children under the age of 17 walk into their neighborhood video stores and rent movies that they would not be able to see in a theater.”

The key lies in being selective. This may mean giving a wide berth to movies and shows that are quite popular among your peers. Jesus said: “If, now, that right eye of yours is making you stumble, tear it out and throw it away from you. For it is more beneficial to you for one of your members to be lost to you than for your whole body to be pitched into [destruction].”​—Matthew 5:29.

What do these striking words mean? That Christians must be willing to rid themselves of anything that could pose a spiritual stumbling block to them​—even things as precious as a “right eye.” Surely, ‘tearing out’ a bit of entertainment in order to safeguard clean speech would be but a small sacrifice, would it not?

Watch Your Associations!

In his book on profanity, writer Burges Johnson called profanity “contagious.” How close would you want to get to someone carrying a dangerous, highly contagious disease? Yet, how close have you got to schoolmates who freely use obscene speech?

Profanity is alarmingly common among youths (and adults). Some apparently feel that using it makes them more grown-up. And in some areas, teenage youths even make a contest out of obscenity. Spurred on by an audience of peers, they try to outdo one another in a vicious game of insult-hurling and name-calling. Parents, family​—even God himself—​are all fair game in this battle of filthy mouths.

Proverbs 13:20 says: “He that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.” In other words, hang around those who talk filth, and do not be surprised if filth starts coming out of your mouth! Monique, one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, has therefore made it known that she does not want to hear filthy talk. She will even go so far as to say, ‘Watch your mouth!’ if a peer says something objectionable. Taking such a stand is not easy. But as another youth named Steve observes: “If you don’t say something, they’ll think it’s all right to talk that way around you.”

What, though, if a fellow Christian lapses in his or her speech? Out of fear of losing a friend, some might be inclined to pass off what was said as something small. However, real friends look out for one another, even if it means ‘wounding’ a friend’s feelings by telling the truth. (Proverbs 27:6) A kindly reminder​—not a lecture—​may be all that is necessary to correct matters. Of course, if a friend has a serious problem with his speech, it is probably best to help him or her obtain the assistance of a spiritually qualified adult.b​—Compare Galatians 6:1.

Keeping on Guard

The psalmist cited yet another principle that can help one control one’s speech when he asked the question: “How will a young man cleanse his path?” The answer? “By keeping on guard according to your word.” (Psalm 119:9) One way to do this is to get into the habit of using good, wholesome speech on a regular basis. Avoid resorting to profanity even when there is no one there to hear you. You will be far less prone to do so when the pressure is on.

Keeping on guard also means being “slow about speaking, slow about wrath.” (James 1:19) Before reacting emotionally and saying something you’ll regret, try to get the mastery over your feelings. (Compare Genesis 4:7.) Think about what you want to say. Will it cause further hurt and pain? Will it give others the wrong impression of you? Does it manifest your love for God and concern for others? (Matthew 22:37-39) If the temptation to utter vile words is still strong, pray to God for assistance, as did the psalmist who prayed: “Do set a guard, O Jehovah, for my mouth; do set a watch over the door of my lips.”​—Psalm 141:3.

At times you may still slip and say the wrong thing. (James 3:2) But keep putting forth effort to resist using foul language. Doing so will not make you the most popular youth in school. Admits a youth named Kinney: “Many times in school, I walk alone​—literally.” But his determination to watch his associations has proved to be a protection. Furthermore, as Kinney says, “People respect you. They think it’s courageous.” So does Jehovah God. (Proverbs 27:11) And he will take note of your efforts to resist the urge to curse.

[Footnotes]

[Picture on page 21]

Avoid association with people who curse