SECTION 2

Life Changes

Are you unhappy with the way your body is developing?

□ Yes □ No

Have the changes of puberty left you feeling alone, confused, or afraid?

□ Yes □ No

Do thoughts about the opposite sex tend to consume your waking hours?

□ Yes □ No

If you checked “yes” in response to any of the above questions, relax​—it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you! The fact is, the physical and emotional changes of adolescence can leave you feeling ecstatic and depressed and every emotion in between. Sure, you always wanted to be an adult, but now that the process has begun, it can be scary! Chapters 6-8 will help you deal with life changes.

[Full-page picture on page 56, 57]

CHAPTER 6

What’s Happening to My Body?

“I got tall really fast. It was painful. Even though it was exciting to grow, I would get cramps in my legs and feet. I hated it!”​—Paul.

“You know your body is changing, and you hope no one notices. But then someone with all good intentions tells you that you have ‘child-bearing hips’​—and you feel like crawling under a rock and never coming out again!”​—Chanelle.

HAVE you ever moved with your family to a new neighborhood? The transition was challenging, wasn’t it? Really, you were leaving behind everything that was familiar to you​—your house, your school, and your friends. It likely took some time for you to adapt to your new surroundings.

At the onset of puberty​—the stage of life in which you become physically mature—​you enter one of life’s greatest transitions. In a sense, you’re moving to a whole new “neighborhood.” Exciting? Absolutely! But the move to adulthood can elicit mixed feelings, and it may not be easy for you to adapt. What happens during this thrilling yet turbulent time in your life?

Just for Girls

Adolescence is a time of dramatic transition. Some of the changes you’ll experience will be quite visible. For example, hormones trigger the growth of hair in your genital area. Also, you’ll notice growth of your breasts, hips, thighs, and buttocks. Your body is slowly leaving behind the silhouette of a child and adopting the feminine curves of an adult. This is nothing to be alarmed about​—it’s perfectly normal. And it’s evidence that your body is preparing itself for the time when you’ll be able to pass on life through childbirth!

Some time after puberty begins, you’ll experience the beginning of the menstrual cycle. Without adequate preparation, this milestone in your life could be frightening. “I was totally caught off guard when I started getting my period,” recalls Samantha. “I felt dirty. I would scrub myself down in the shower and think ‘I’m so gross.’ The thought of getting a period every month for years to come terrified me!”

Remember, though, that the menstrual cycle is evidence that your reproductive powers are developing. Even though it will be years before you’re ready to be a parent, here you stand poised on the brink of womanhood. Still, the onset of menstruation can be unsettling. “The worst thing I had to deal with was the emotional mood swings,” says Kelli. “It was so frustrating not knowing how I could be so happy all day but then be crying my eyes out that same night.”

If that’s the way you feel right now, be patient. In time you’ll adjust. Says 20-year-old Annette: “I remember when I came to the point of accepting that this was what was going to make me a woman and that Jehovah gave me the gift to bear life. That takes a while to accept, and it’s really hard for some girls; but in time you learn to accept the changes.”

Have you started to experience some of the physical changes discussed above? On the following lines, write down any questions you have about the changes you are experiencing.

․․․․․

Just for Boys

If you’re a boy, puberty will have a profound effect upon your appearance. For example, your skin might frequently become oily, resulting in pimples and blackheads.a “It’s just irritating and frustrating to have all these pimples come out,” says 18-year-old Matt. “It’s a full-fledged war​—you have to fight against them. You don’t know if they’ll ever go away or if they’ll leave scars or if people will think less of you because you have them.”

On the plus side, though, you may notice that you are becoming bigger and stronger and that your shoulders are starting to broaden. Also during puberty, hair may grow on your legs, chest, and face, as well as under your arms. By the way, the amount of body hair you have has nothing to do with how manly you are; it’s simply a matter of heredity.

Since not all parts of your body grow at the same rate, you may experience a degree of clumsiness at this stage. “I was as graceful as a giraffe on roller skates,” recalls Dwayne. “It seemed as if my brain would send out a command, and my limbs would receive it a week later!”

During the mid-teens your voice deepens, but the process is gradual. For a time, rich, deep tones may be suddenly interrupted by humiliating cracks and squeaks. Don’t worry, though. Eventually, your voice will smooth out. In the meantime, learning to laugh at yourself will help minimize the embarrassment.

As your reproductive system matures, your sexual organs will enlarge and hair will grow around them. They will also begin to manufacture semen. This fluid contains millions of microscopic sperm, which are released during sexual intercourse. A sperm is capable of fertilizing a female egg and producing a baby.

Semen builds up in your body. Some is absorbed, but from time to time, some may be released at night while you sleep. This is commonly called a wet dream. Such emissions are normal. Even the Bible makes mention of them. (Leviticus 15:16, 17) They indicate that your reproductive system is functioning and that you’re on your way to manhood.

Have you started to experience some of the physical changes discussed above? On the following lines, write down any questions you have about the changes you are experiencing.

․․․․․

Coping With New Feelings

As the reproductive system matures, both boys and girls become aware of the opposite sex as never before. “When I hit puberty, I suddenly realized how many pretty girls there were,” says Matt. “That was really frustrating, because I also realized that I couldn’t do anything about it until I was much older.” Chapter 29 of this book will discuss in greater detail this aspect of growing up. For now, though, you should realize that it’s important that you learn to control your sexual urges. (Colossians 3:5) As difficult as it may seem, you can choose not to act on them!

There are other feelings that you may have to cope with during puberty. For example, it’s easy to feel bad about yourself. Loneliness is common among young people, and so are bouts of the blues. At such times, it’s good to talk to a parent or other trustworthy adult. Write the name of an adult you could talk to about your feelings.

․․․․․

The Most Important Growth

Your most important growth involves, not your height, shape, or facial features, but your development as a person​—mentally, emotionally and, above all, spiritually. Said the apostle Paul: “When I was a babe, I used to speak as a babe, to think as a babe, to reason as a babe; but now that I have become a man, I have done away with the traits of a babe.” (1 Corinthians 13:11) The lesson is clear. It’s not enough to look like an adult. You must learn to act, speak, and think like an adult. Don’t become so concerned about what’s happening to your body that you neglect to take care of the inner person!

Remember, too, that God “sees what the heart is.” (1 Samuel 16:7) The Bible says that King Saul was tall and handsome, but he was a failure both as a king and as a man. (1 Samuel 9:2) In contrast, Zacchaeus was “small in size,” yet he had the inner strength to turn his life around and become a disciple of Jesus. (Luke 19:2-10) Clearly, what’s on the inside is what counts most.

One thing is sure: There’s no safe way either to speed up or to delay the process of physically growing up. So instead of greeting the changes with hostility and fear, accept them graciously​—and with a sense of humor. Puberty isn’t a disease, nor are you the first one to go through it. And rest assured, you will survive. When the storm of puberty is over, you will emerge as a full-grown adult!

[Footnote]

KEY SCRIPTURE

“I shall laud you because in a fear-inspiring way I am wonderfully made.”​—Psalm 139:14.

TIP

As your body begins to develop, take care to avoid styles of clothing that are provocative. Always dress “with modesty and soundness of mind.”​—1 Timothy 2:9.

DID YOU KNOW . . . ?

Puberty can begin as early as age eight or as late as the mid-teens. There’s a wide range as to what’s normal.

ACTION PLAN!

As I progress toward adulthood, the trait I need to work on most is ․․․․․

To take care of my spiritual growth, I will ․․․․․

What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is ․․․․․

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

● Why are the physical and emotional changes of puberty so difficult to deal with?

● What do you find most challenging about this transition?

● Why might your love for God tend to diminish during puberty, but how can you prevent that from happening?

[Blurb on page 61]

“There are many insecurities that come with adolescence, and you’re never really sure where your body is going to go next. But as you grow, you learn to accept the changes and even embrace them.”​—Annette

[Box on page 63, 64]

How Can I Talk to Dad or Mom About Sex?

“If I had a question about sex, I wouldn’t ask my parents.”​—Beth.

“I wouldn’t have the guts to bring it up.”​—Dennis.

If you’re like Beth or Dennis, you’re in a dilemma. You want to know about sex, but the people who have the answers may be the ones you’re least inclined to ask​—your parents! You worry about many things:

What will they think of me?

“I wouldn’t want them to be suspicious of me because I’m asking.”​—Jessica.

“They want you to stay young and innocent forever, and the day you start talking to them about sex, you lose that to a degree.”​—Beth.

How will they react?

“I’d be afraid that my parents would jump to conclusions before I finished speaking and launch into a long lecture.”​—Gloria.

“My parents aren’t very good at hiding their feelings, so I’d be afraid of seeing a facial expression of disappointment. In fact, my dad would probably be thinking up a lecture while I was speaking.”​—Pam.

Will they misinterpret my reason for asking?

“They might overreact and start asking questions like, ‘Have you been tempted to have sex?’ or ‘Are your peers pressuring you?’ But maybe you’re just curious.”​—Lisa.

“My dad always gets this worried expression when I mention a guy. Then he goes right into the sex talk. I’m thinking, ‘Dad, I just said he was cute. I didn’t say anything about marriage or sex!’”​—Stacey.

If it’s any comfort, your parents may feel as awkward talking to you about sex as you would feel talking to them! Perhaps that explains the findings of one survey in which 65 percent of parents reported talking to their children about sex, but only 41 percent of the children could recall having such a discussion.

The fact is, your parents may be hesitant to talk about sex. In many cases their parents simply didn’t talk about it to them! Whatever the reason, cut your parents a little slack. Maybe​—in a bold move that will benefit both you and them—​you can bring it up. How?

Broaching the Subject

Your parents have a wealth of wisdom and advice on the matter of sex. You just need a key to open a discussion. Try the following:

1 State your fear outright, thus getting it out in the open. “I’m a little hesitant to bring this up because I’m afraid that you might think . . .”

2 Then tell your parent why you’ve come to him or her. “But I have a question, and I’d rather have you answer it than anyone else.”

3 Then just state the issue. “My question is . . .”

4 At the end of the discussion, make sure the door is open to talk again in the future. “If anything else comes to my mind, can I talk to you about this again?”

Even if you know the answer will be yes, hearing your parent say it will keep the door open and make you feel more comfortable the next time you need to talk. So try it out! You may end up agreeing with Trina. Now 24, she says: “At the time my mom and I were talking, I remember wishing that we weren’t having the discussion at all. But now I’m glad my mom was so frank and open. It’s been a real protection!”

[Picture on page 59]

Saying good-bye to your childhood can be like moving away from home​—but you can adjust

CHAPTER 7

What if I Hate the Way I Look?

Are you often disappointed with the way you look?

□ Yes □ No

Have you ever considered resorting to cosmetic surgery or an extreme diet to correct a physical flaw?

□ Yes □ No

What physical feature(s) would you change about yourself if you could? (Circle those that apply.)

Height

Weight

Body shape

Hair

Complexion

Voice

IF YOU answered yes to the first two questions and circled three or more features in the third, consider the bright side of the situation: There’s a good chance that others don’t see you as negatively as you see yourself. It’s easy to go overboard and worry about your appearance too much. In fact, one poll revealed that young women are often more afraid of putting on pounds than they are of nuclear war, of cancer, or even of losing their parents!

There’s no doubt that how you look can affect how you view yourself​—and how you’re treated by others. “Growing up, my two older sisters were completely gorgeous, and I was the chubby one,” says 19-year-old Maritza. “I received plenty of ridicule in school. On top of that, my aunt nicknamed me Chubs, which was the name of her small and overweight dog!” Julie, 16, had a similar experience. “A girl at school teased me and said I had ‘bunny teeth.’ Even though it wasn’t a big deal, it still made me feel bad, and even now I’m uncomfortable with my teeth!”

Concern or Obsession​—Which?

It’s not wrong for you to be concerned about how you look. In fact, the Bible comments favorably on the physical appearance of a number of women and men, including Sarah, Rachel, Joseph, David, and Abigail. The Bible says that a woman named Abishag was “beautiful in the extreme.”​—1 Kings 1:4.

However, many youths are obsessed with their appearance. Some girls, for example, believe that being attractive means being thin, and those superslim models in the slick magazine ads certainly seem to support that belief. Never mind that those stunning photos were airbrushed to perfection or enhanced on a computer and that those lithe specimens have to keep themselves in a state of near starvation to maintain their figure! Still, comparing yourself with what you see in magazines might leave you distraught. What if you’re genuinely unhappy about your appearance? First, you need to take a realistic look at yourself.

A Distorted Image?

Have you ever looked at yourself in a distorted mirror? The reflection might make you look bigger or smaller than you actually are. Either way, the view is inaccurate.

Similarly, many youths have a distorted self-image. Consider this: In one study, 58 percent of girls claimed to be overweight, when, in fact, only 17 percent were. In another study, 45 percent of women who were actually underweight thought that they were too heavy!

Some researchers say that most girls who are worried about their weight have no reason to be. That fact may provide little comfort, of course, if you truly have a stocky frame. If that’s so in your case, what could be the cause?

Genes could play a role. Some people are thin and angular by nature. But if your genes have designated you to have a rounder figure and more body fat, you were simply not programmed to be thin. Even at your medically ideal weight, you’ll probably look heavier than you prefer. Exercise and diet can help, yet for the most part, you’re stuck with your inherited body shape.

Another factor could be the normal changes of adolescence. At puberty a girl goes from having about 8 percent body fat to about 22 percent body fat. Often, such a situation changes over time, and a plump 11- or 12-year-old girl will emerge from puberty as a shapely teenager. On the other hand, what if your physique is the result of poor nutrition or a lack of exercise? What if you really need to lose weight for legitimate health reasons?

A Balanced Approach

The Bible speaks highly of being “moderate in habits.” (1 Timothy 3:11) So avoid skipping meals or going to extremes in dieting. Perhaps the best way to shed pounds is to adopt a plan of healthful eating and get a reasonable amount of exercise.

There’s no need to resort to a fad diet. For example, diet pills may curb your appetite for a while; but the body quickly adjusts to them, and your appetite returns. Or your metabolism slows down, and you gain weight anyway​—not to mention the side effects some experience, such as dizziness, high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, and perhaps even addiction. Much the same can be said for pills that eliminate water or that speed up your metabolism.

In contrast, a reasonable eating program, balanced with moderate but regular exercise, will help you look and feel your best. Moderate aerobics several times a week will work wonders for your health. Something as simple as a brisk walk or stair climbing may suffice.

Beware of the Anorexia Trap!

In their quest to lose weight, some youths have fallen victim to anorexia​—a life-threatening eating disorder that really amounts to self-starvation. Says Masami, after some four months of getting help for her anorexia: “When people tell me ‘you look well,’ I say to myself, ‘It must be because I’m getting fat.’ At times like that, I cry to myself and I think, ‘If only I could go back to my previous weight​—the weight I was four months ago!”

Anorexia can develop innocently. A young girl might embark on a seemingly harmless diet, perhaps to lose just a few pounds. When she reaches her goal, however, she isn’t content. “I’m still too fat!” she declares as she stares disapprovingly at herself in the mirror. So she decides to lose just a few more pounds. Then just a few more. And a few more. The pattern is set, and the seeds of anorexia are sown.

If you have symptoms of anorexia or any other eating disorder, you need to get help. Confide in a parent or another trusted adult. A Bible proverb states: “A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress.”​—Proverbs 17:17.

Defining True Beauty

On the whole, the Bible places very little emphasis on one’s physical appearance or bodily shape. Rather, it’s the inner person that truly makes one either attractive or not in the eyes of God.​—Proverbs 11:20, 22.

Consider King David’s son Absalom. The Bible says: “There proved to be no man so beautiful in all Israel as to be praised so much. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there proved to be no defect in him.” (2 Samuel 14:25) Yet, this young man was treacherous. Pride and ambition impelled him to try to usurp the throne of Jehovah’s appointed king. The Bible, therefore, doesn’t paint a pretty picture of Absalom but, rather, portrays him as a man of shameless disloyalty and murderous hatred.

The bottom line is that “Jehovah is making an estimate of hearts”​—not the size of a girl’s waistline or a boy’s biceps. (Proverbs 21:2) So while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good, far more important than your appearance is your personality. In the long run, spiritual qualities will make you more attractive to others than chiseled muscles or a flat stomach!

READ MORE ABOUT THIS TOPIC IN VOLUME 1, CHAPTER 10

KEY SCRIPTURE

“Man sees what appears to the eyes; but as for Jehovah, he sees what the heart is.”​—1 Samuel 16:7.

TIP

When you’re trying to lose weight . . .

● Don’t skip breakfast. If you do, the resulting hunger may actually cause you to eat more than you would otherwise.

● Drink a large glass of water before each meal. It will curb your appetite and help you control how much you eat.

DID YOU KNOW . . . ?

Some experts warn that if you starve yourself to shed pounds, your body may shift into “crisis mode,” slow down your metabolism, and quickly cause you to regain any weight you’ve lost!

ACTION PLAN!

I can take better care of my health by ․․․․․

For me, a reasonable program of exercise would include ․․․․․

What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is ․․․․․

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

● How do you feel about the way you look?

● What are some reasonable steps you can take to improve your appearance?

● What would you say to a friend who has developed an eating disorder?

● How would you help a younger sibling acquire a balanced view of his or her appearance?

[Blurb on page 69]

“For a long time, I was teased about how big my eyes are. I learned to laugh but also to be confident in my personality and other strengths. I’ve come to terms with my appearance. I accept myself as I am.”​—Amber

[Picture on page 68]

Your perception of yourself can be just like the reflection in a distorted mirror