Coping With Guilt

Annette still struggles with guilt over what occurred. “I’m my own worst enemy,” she says. “I keep playing that night over and over again in my head. I feel as though I should have tried harder to fight him off. The fact is, after being stabbed, I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t do anything more, but I feel that I should have.”

Natalie also struggles with guilt. “I shouldn’t have been so trusting,” she says. “My parents had a rule that my sister and I had to stay together when we played outside, but I didn’t listen. So I feel I gave my neighbor the opportunity to hurt me. What happened affected my family, and I feel responsible for causing them so much pain. I struggle with that the most.”

If your feelings are similar to those of Annette or Natalie, how can you cope with guilt? First, try to keep foremost in mind that if you were raped, you were not a willing participant. Some people trivialize the issue, using the excuse that “boys will be boys” and that victims of rape were asking for it. But no one deserves to be raped. If you were the victim of such a heinous act, you are not to blame!

Of course, reading the statement “you are not to blame” is easy; believing it may be much more difficult. Some keep what happened bottled up inside and are racked with guilt and other negative emotions. However, who is best served by silence​—you or the abuser? You owe it to yourself to consider another option.

Telling Your Story

The Bible tells us that in the height of his personal turmoil, the righteous man Job said: “I will give vent to my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” (Job 10:1) You will benefit from doing the same. Talking to a trusted confidant about what happened can in time help you to come to terms with the rape and gain relief from your distressing emotions.

In fact, if you are a Christian, it is important that you speak to a congregation elder about what happened. The comforting words of a loving shepherd can assure you that as a victim of rape, you have not been defiled by someone else’s sin. That’s what Annette found. She says: “I talked to a close friend, and she urged me to speak with a couple of Christian elders in my congregation. I’m glad I did. They sat down with me on several occasions and told me exactly what I needed to hear​—that what happened was not my fault. None of it was my fault.”

Talking about what happened and expressing your feelings can keep you from becoming consumed with anger and resentment. (Psalm 37:8) It may also help you to gain relief, perhaps for the first time in years. After she told her parents about the abuse, Natalie found that to be true. “They supported me,” she says. “They encouraged me to talk about it, and that helped me not to be so sad and angry inside.” Natalie also found comfort in prayer. “Talking to God helped me,” she says, “especially at those times when I felt that I couldn’t open up to another human. When I pray, I can speak freely. It gives me a real sense of peace and calm.”e

You too can find that there is “a time to heal.” (Ecclesiastes 3:3) Rely on supportive friends who are like the elders described as being similar to “a hiding place from the wind and a place of concealment from the rainstorm.” (Isaiah 32:2) Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Get needed rest. And most of all, rely on the God of all comfort, Jehovah, who will soon bring about a new world in which “evildoers themselves will be cut off, but those hoping in Jehovah are the ones that will possess the earth.”​—Psalm 37:9.