“You Are My Friends”

“You are my friends if you do what I am commanding you.”​—JOHN 15:14.

1, 2. (a) Jesus’ friends came from what different backgrounds? (b) Why is it vital that we be friends of Jesus?

THE men sitting in the upper room with Jesus came from a variety of backgrounds. The brothers Peter and Andrew had been fishermen. Matthew was formerly a tax collector​—a member of a profession that was despised by the Jews. Some, such as James and John, had likely known Jesus from boyhood. Others, such as Nathanael, may have known him for only a few years. (John 1:43-50) Yet, all present on that momentous Passover night in Jerusalem were convinced that Jesus was the promised Messiah, the Son of the living God. (John 6:68, 69) It must surely have warmed their hearts to hear him say to them: “I have called you friends, because all the things I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”​—John 15:15.

² Those words of Jesus to his faithful apostles apply in principle to all anointed Christians today and, by extension, to their “other sheep” companions. (John 10:16) No matter what our background, we can have the privilege of being friends of Jesus. Our friendship with him is of utmost importance because being his friends makes us friends of Jehovah too. In fact, it is impossible to draw close to Jehovah without first drawing close to Christ. (Read John 14:6, 21.) What, then, must we do to become and remain friends of Jesus? Before discussing that important subject, let us examine Jesus’ own example of being a good friend and see what we can learn from the way his disciples responded to him.

Jesus’ Example of Being a Good Friend

3. For what was Jesus known?

³ “Many are the friends of the rich person,” wrote wise King Solomon. (Prov. 14:20) That observation sums up the tendency of imperfect humans to form friendships based on what they can receive rather than on what they can give. Jesus displayed no such weakness. He was not swayed by a person’s financial or social status. True, Jesus felt love for a rich young ruler and invited him to be his follower. However, Jesus directed that man to sell what he had and give to the poor. (Mark 10:17-22; Luke 18:18, 23) Jesus was known, not for his connections to the wealthy and prominent, but for befriending the lowly and despised.​—Matt. 11:19.

4. Why can it be said that Jesus’ friends were flawed?

⁴ Certainly, Jesus’ friends were flawed individuals. Peter on occasion failed to view matters from a spiritual perspective. (Matt. 16:21-23) James and John showed an ambitious spirit when they asked that Jesus give them prominent positions in the Kingdom. Their action incensed the other apostles, and the issue of prominence was an ongoing cause of contention. Jesus, however, patiently tried to correct the thinking of his friends and did not easily become exasperated with them.​—Matt. 20:20-28.

5, 6. (a) Why did Jesus remain friends with most of the apostles? (b) Why did Jesus end his friendship with Judas?

⁵ Jesus did not remain friends with these imperfect men because he was overly indulgent or blind to their imperfections. Rather, he chose to focus on their good intentions and positive qualities. For example, Peter, James, and John fell asleep instead of supporting Jesus through his most trying hour. Jesus was understandably disappointed in them. Even so, he saw that their motives were good, saying: “The spirit, of course, is eager, but the flesh is weak.”​—Matt. 26:41.

⁶ In contrast, Jesus ended his friendship with Judas Iscariot. Even though Judas maintained the outward appearance of friendship, Jesus detected that this former close companion had allowed his heart to be corrupted. Because Judas had become a friend of the world, he had made himself an enemy of God. (Jas. 4:4) Therefore, Jesus had already dismissed Judas when He declared His friendship with the remaining 11 faithful apostles.​—John 13:21-35.

7, 8. How did Jesus express his love for his friends?

⁷ Jesus looked past the faults of his loyal friends and acted in their best interests. For instance, he prayed for his Father to protect them during their trials. (Read John 17:11.) Jesus showed consideration for their physical limitations. (Mark 6:30-32) And he was interested not just in telling them what he thought but also in hearing and understanding what they thought and felt.​—Matt. 16:13-16; 17:24-26.

⁸ Jesus both lived and died for his friends. True, he knew that he must offer his life as a legal requirement to satisfy his Father’s standard of justice. (Matt. 26:27, 28; Heb. 9:22, 28) But Jesus gave his life as an expression of love. “No one has love greater than this,” said Jesus, “that someone should surrender his soul in behalf of his friends.”​—John 15:13.

How Did the Disciples Respond to Jesus’ Friendship?

9, 10. How did people react to Jesus’ generosity?

⁹ Jesus was generous in giving of his time, affection, and resources. As a result, people were drawn to him and were happy to give to him in return. (Luke 8:1-3) From personal experience, Jesus could say: “Practice giving, and people will give to you. They will pour into your laps a fine measure, pressed down, shaken together and overflowing. For with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you in return.”​—Luke 6:38.

¹⁰ Of course, some did try to associate with Jesus purely for what they could get out of him. These false friends abandoned Jesus when they misunderstood something he said. Rather than give Jesus the benefit of the doubt, they jumped to a wrong conclusion and turned their backs on him. In contrast, the apostles were loyal. Their friendship with Christ was often tested, but they did their best to support him during good times and bad. (Read John 6:26, 56, 60, 66-68.) On his final night as a human on earth, Jesus expressed his appreciation to his friends, saying: “You are the ones that have stuck with me in my trials.”​—Luke 22:28.

11, 12. How did Jesus reassure the disciples, and how did they respond?

¹¹ Soon after Jesus commended his disciples for their loyalty, these same men abandoned him. Briefly, they allowed fear of man to overwhelm their love for Christ. Again, Jesus forgave them. After his death and resurrection, he appeared to them and reassured them of his friendship. Moreover, he entrusted them with a sacred commission​—to make disciples “of people of all the nations” and to be witnesses of him “to the most distant part of the earth.” (Matt. 28:19; Acts 1:8) How did the disciples respond?

¹² The disciples poured their hearts and souls into spreading the Kingdom message. With the backing of Jehovah’s holy spirit, they soon filled Jerusalem with their teaching. (Acts 5:27-29) Not even the threat of death could dissuade them from obeying Jesus’ command to make disciples. Within just a few decades of their receiving Jesus’ command, the apostle Paul could write that the good news had been preached “in all creation that is under heaven.” (Col. 1:23) Certainly, these disciples proved that they appreciated the bond of friendship they shared with Jesus!

13. Jesus’ disciples allowed his teachings to affect them in what ways?

¹³ Those who became disciples also allowed Jesus’ teachings to affect their personal life. For many, this meant making big changes in their conduct and personality. Some new disciples were formerly homosexuals, adulterers, drunkards, or thieves. (1 Cor. 6:9-11) Others had to change their attitude toward those of another race. (Acts 10:25-28) Still, they obeyed Jesus. They put away their old personality and put on the new. (Eph. 4:20-24) They became familiar with “the mind of Christ,” understanding and imitating his way of thinking and acting.​—1 Cor. 2:16.

Friendship With Christ Today

14. What did Jesus promise to do during “the conclusion of the system of things”?

¹⁴ Many of those first-century Christians had known Jesus personally or had seen him after his resurrection. Obviously, we have not had that privilege. How, then, can we be friends of Christ? One way is to obey the direction provided by the faithful and discreet slave class, which consists of Jesus’ spirit-anointed brothers still alive on earth. Jesus promised that during “the conclusion of the system of things,” he would appoint this slave “over all his belongings.” (Matt. 24:3, 45-47) Today, the vast majority of those who seek to be friends of Christ are not members of this slave class. How does their response to the direction they receive from the faithful slave class influence their friendship with Christ?

15. What determines whether a person will be classed as a sheep or a goat?

¹⁵ Read Matthew 25:31-40. Jesus called those who would make up the faithful slave class his brothers. In the illustration about the separating of the sheep from the goats, Jesus clearly states that he takes personally the way we treat his brothers. In fact, he said that the determining factor that would distinguish a sheep from a goat would be the way an individual treated even “the least of these [his] brothers.” Therefore, the primary way that those with the earthly hope demonstrate their desire to be friends with Christ is by supporting the faithful slave class.

16, 17. How can we express our friendship toward Christ’s brothers?

¹⁶ If you hope to live on earth under God’s Kingdom, how can you express your friendship toward Christ’s brothers? Let us consider just three ways. First, by wholeheartedly sharing in the preaching work. Christ commanded his brothers to preach the good news worldwide. (Matt. 24:14) However, the remaining ones of Christ’s brothers on earth today would be hard-pressed to shoulder that responsibility without the assistance of their other sheep companions. Really, each time members of the other sheep class engage in the preaching work, they help Christ’s brothers to fulfill their sacred commission. The faithful and discreet slave class deeply appreciates this act of friendship, as does Christ.

¹⁷ A second way that those of the other sheep class can help Christ’s brothers is by financially supporting the preaching work. Jesus encouraged his followers to make friends for themselves by means of “the unrighteous riches.” (Luke 16:9) Not that we can buy friendship with Jesus or Jehovah. Rather, by using our material assets to further Kingdom interests, we prove our friendship and love, not just in word, but “in deed and truth.” (1 John 3:16-18) We provide such financial support when we engage in the preaching work, when we donate money toward the construction and maintenance of our meeting facilities, and when we contribute funds toward the worldwide preaching work. Whether the amount we contribute is small or great, both Jehovah and Jesus certainly appreciate our cheerful giving.​—2 Cor. 9:7.

18. Why should we obey the Bible-based direction provided by congregation elders?

¹⁸ A third way that all of us prove that we are friends of Christ is by cooperating with the direction provided by congregation elders. These men are appointed by holy spirit under Christ’s direction. (Eph. 5:23) “Be obedient to those who are taking the lead among you and be submissive,” wrote the apostle Paul. (Heb. 13:17) At times, we may find it a challenge to obey the Bible-based direction given to us by the local elders. We are likely aware of their imperfections, and this may distort our view of their counsel. Still, Christ, the Head of the congregation, is pleased to use these imperfect men. Therefore, the way we react to their authority directly influences our friendship with Christ. When we overlook the faults of the elders and joyfully follow their direction, we prove our love for Christ.

Where We Can Find Good Friends

19, 20. What can we find within the congregation, and what will we next consider?

¹⁹ Jesus continues to care for us not only through the oversight of loving shepherds but also by providing us with spiritual mothers and brothers and sisters within the congregation. (Read Mark 10:29, 30.) When you first began associating with Jehovah’s organization, how did your relatives react? Hopefully, they supported your efforts to draw close to God and Christ. But Jesus warned that sometimes “a man’s enemies will be persons of his own household.” (Matt. 10:36) How comforting to know that within the congregation, we can find those who will stick closer to us than a literal brother!​—Prov. 18:24.

²⁰ As indicated by Paul’s personal greetings at the conclusion of his letter to the congregation in Rome, he forged many close friendships. (Rom. 16:8-16) The apostle John concluded his third letter with the words: “Give my greetings to the friends by name.” (3 John 14) Obviously, he too developed many enduring friendships. How can we imitate the example of Jesus and the early disciples by building and maintaining healthy friendships with our spiritual brothers and sisters? Our next article will consider the answer to this question.

Maintaining Friendships in a Loveless World

“These things I command you, that you love one another.”​—JOHN 15:17.

1. Why did first-century Christians need to remain close friends?

DURING his final night on earth, Jesus encouraged his loyal disciples to remain friends with one another. Earlier in the evening, he said that the love they displayed for one another would identify them as his followers. (John 13:35) The apostles needed to remain close friends if they were to endure the trials that lay ahead and to accomplish the work that Jesus would soon assign them. Indeed, first-century Christians became known for their unbreakable devotion to God and to one another.

2. (a) What are we determined to do, and why? (b) What questions will we consider?

² Today, what a pleasure it is to be associated with a worldwide organization whose members follow the pattern set by those first-century Christians! We are determined to obey Jesus’ command to display genuine love for one another. However, during these last days, people in general are disloyal and fail to show natural affection. (2 Tim. 3:1-3) The friendships they do form are often shallow and self-serving. To keep our identity as true Christians, we must rise above such attitudes. Let us, then, consider the following: What is the foundation of good friendships? How can we make good friends? When might we need to end a friendship? And how can we maintain upbuilding friendships?

What Is the Basis of Good Friendships?

3, 4. What is the basis of the strongest friendships, and why?

³ The strongest friendships are founded on a love for Jehovah. King Solomon wrote: “If somebody could overpower one alone, two together could make a stand against him. And a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two.” (Eccl. 4:12) When Jehovah is the third cord in a friendship, that friendship will endure.

⁴ True, those who do not love Jehovah can also form rewarding friendships. But when individuals are drawn together by a mutual love for God, their friendship will be unshakable. If misunderstandings arise, true friends will treat each other in a way that pleases Jehovah. If opposers of God try to cause divisions, these enemies discover that friendships among true Christians are unbreakable. Throughout history, servants of Jehovah have proved their willingness to face death rather than betray one another.​—Read 1 John 3:16.

5. Why was the friendship between Ruth and Naomi so enduring?

⁵ Without a doubt, the most satisfying friendships we can enjoy are with those who love Jehovah. Consider the example of Ruth and Naomi. These women formed a friendship that is among the most admirable recorded in the Bible. Why was their friendship so enduring? Ruth revealed the reason when she said to Naomi: “Your people will be my people, and your God my God. . . . May Jehovah do so to me and add to it if anything but death should make a separation between me and you.” (Ruth 1:16, 17) Obviously, Ruth and Naomi shared a deep love for God, and they allowed this love to influence the way they treated each other. As a result, both women were blessed by Jehovah.

How to Make Good Friends

6-8. (a) Enduring friendships are a product of what? (b) How can you take the initiative in making friends?

⁶ The example of Ruth and Naomi demonstrates that good friendships are not formed by accident. A mutual love for Jehovah is the foundation. But enduring friendships are a product of hard work and self-sacrifice. Even siblings who worship Jehovah within Christian families need to work at forming a close friendship. How, then, can you make good friends?

⁷ Take the initiative. The apostle Paul encouraged his friends in the congregation in Rome to “follow the course of hospitality.” (Rom. 12:13) Following a literal course involves taking a series of steps, one after the other. Likewise, being hospitable involves taking a series of small, regular actions. Nobody else can walk the path of hospitality for you. (Read Proverbs 3:27.) One way you can be hospitable is by inviting different ones in the congregation to share a simple meal with you. Can you make it a regular part of your routine to show hospitality to members of your congregation?

⁸ Another way you can take the initiative in making friends is by inviting different ones to share with you in the preaching work. When you stand at a stranger’s door and hear your companion speak from the heart about his or her love for Jehovah, you cannot help but be drawn closer to that individual.

9, 10. What example did Paul set, and how may we imitate him?

⁹ Widen out in your affections. (Read 2 Corinthians 6:12, 13.) Have you ever felt that there is just no one in your congregation whom you can befriend? If so, could it be that you are restricting your view of who can be a friend? The apostle Paul set a good example in widening out in his affections. At one time, he would never have thought of forming close friendships with non-Jews. However, he became “an apostle to the nations.”​—Rom. 11:13.

¹⁰ In addition, Paul did not restrict his friendships to those of his own age group. For instance, he and Timothy became close friends despite a difference in age and background. Today, many young ones treasure the friendships they have formed with older members of the congregation. “I have a very dear friend who is in her 50’s,” says Vanessa, who is in her early 20’s. “I can tell her anything that I can tell friends my age. And she cares about me so much.” How are such friendships formed? Vanessa says: “I had to seek this friendship out and not just wait for it to come to me.” Are you willing to build friendships with those outside your age bracket? Jehovah will certainly reward you for your efforts.

11. What can we learn from the example of Jonathan and David?

¹¹ Be loyal. “A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress,” wrote Solomon. (Prov. 17:17) When composing those words, Solomon may have had in mind the friendship that his father, David, enjoyed with Jonathan. (1 Sam. 18:1) King Saul wanted his son Jonathan to inherit the throne of Israel. But Jonathan accepted the fact that Jehovah had chosen David for this privilege. Unlike Saul, Jonathan did not become envious of David. He did not resent the praise David received, nor did he swallow the slander that Saul spread about David. (1 Sam. 20:24-34) Are we like Jonathan? When our friends receive privileges, are we happy for them? When they suffer hardships, do we comfort and support them? If we hear harmful gossip about a friend, are we quick to believe it? Or, like Jonathan, do we loyally defend our friend?

When Friendships Need to End

12-14. What challenge do some Bible students face, and how can we assist them?

¹² When a Bible student begins to make changes in his lifestyle, he may face a real challenge regarding friendships. He may have companions whose company he enjoys but who do not live by the Bible’s moral code. In the past, he may regularly have spent time socializing with them. Now, though, he sees that their activities could have a bad influence on him, and he feels the need to limit his contact with such companions. (1 Cor. 15:33) Even so, he may feel that if he does not associate with them, he is being disloyal.

¹³ If you are a Bible student who faces this challenge, remember that a true friend will be happy that you are trying to improve your life. He or she may even want to join with you in learning about Jehovah. On the other hand, false friends will “go on speaking abusively of you” because you do not run with them to “the same low sink of debauchery.” (1 Pet. 4:3, 4) Really, it is these friends who are being disloyal to you, not the reverse.

¹⁴ When Bible students are abandoned by former friends who have no love for God, members of the congregation can fill the void. (Gal. 6:10) Do you personally know those attending your meetings who are studying the Bible? Are you on occasion able to provide them with some upbuilding association?

15, 16. (a) How should we react if a friend stops serving Jehovah? (b) How can we prove our love for God?

¹⁵ What, though, if a friend inside the congregation decides to turn his or her back on Jehovah, perhaps needing to be disfellowshipped? Such a circumstance can be very distressing. Describing her reaction when a close friend stopped serving Jehovah, one sister said: “I felt as if something inside of me died. I thought my friend was firmly grounded in the truth, but she was not. I wondered if she had been serving Jehovah just to please her family. I then began to reassess my own motives. Was I serving Jehovah for the right reasons?” How did this sister cope? “I threw my burden on Jehovah,” she says. “I am determined to show Jehovah that I love him for who he is, not just because he provides me with friends inside his organization.”

¹⁶ We cannot expect to remain a friend of God if we side with those who choose to be friends of the world. The disciple James wrote: “Do you not know that the friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever, therefore, wants to be a friend of the world is constituting himself an enemy of God.” (Jas. 4:4) We can prove our love for God by trusting that He will help us cope with the loss of a friend if we are loyal to Him. (Read Psalm 18:25.) The sister quoted earlier sums up the matter: “I learned that we cannot make someone love Jehovah or love us. Ultimately, it is a personal choice.” What, though, can we do to maintain upbuilding friendships with those who remain inside the congregation?

Maintaining Good Friendships

17. How do good friends speak to each other?

¹⁷ Good communication breathes life into a friendship. As you read the Bible accounts involving Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan, and Paul and Timothy, you will notice that good friends speak freely but respectfully to each other. Regarding the way we should communicate with others, Paul wrote: “Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt.” Paul was specifically referring to the way we should talk to those “on the outside,” that is, those who are not our Christian brothers. (Col. 4:5, 6) Surely, if nonbelievers deserve respect when we speak to them, how much more so do our friends inside the congregation!

18, 19. How should we view any counsel that we receive from a Christian friend, and what example did the elders in Ephesus set for us?

¹⁸ Good friends value each other’s opinion, so communication between them needs to be both gracious and forthright. Wise King Solomon wrote: “Oil and incense are what make the heart rejoice, also the sweetness of one’s companion due to the counsel of the soul.” (Prov. 27:9) Is that how you view any counsel you receive from a friend? (Read Psalm 141:5.) If a friend expresses concern about some course of action that you are taking, how do you react? Do you view the comments as an act of loving-kindness, or do you take offense?

¹⁹ The apostle Paul enjoyed a close relationship with the elders of the congregation in Ephesus. He likely knew some of those men when they first became believers. During his final meeting with them, though, he gave them some frank counsel. How did they react? Paul’s friends were not offended. Instead, they appreciated his interest in them, and they even wept at the thought of not being able to see him again.​—Acts 20:17, 29, 30, 36-38.

20. What will a loving friend do?

²⁰ Good friends not only accept wise counsel but also give it. Of course, we need to discern when “to mind [our] own business.” (1 Thess. 4:11) And we must also recognize that each of us “will render an account for himself to God.” (Rom. 14:12) But when necessary, a loving friend will kindly remind a companion about Jehovah’s standards. (1 Cor. 7:39) For example, what would you do if you noticed that an unmarried friend was becoming emotionally attached to an unbeliever? Out of fear of harming your friendship, would you hold back from voicing your concerns? Or if your friend ignored your counsel, what would you do? A good friend would seek the help of loving shepherds in assisting a companion who has taken a false step. Such a course requires courage. Yet, no lasting damage will come to a friendship based on love for Jehovah.

21. What will all of us do at times, but why is it vital that we maintain strong friendships in the congregation?

²¹ Read Colossians 3:13, 14. At times, we will give our friends “cause for complaint” against us, and they too will do or say things that irritate us. “We all stumble many times,” wrote James. (Jas. 3:2) However, the measure of a friendship is not how often we sin against each other but how completely we forgive those grievances. How vital it is that we build strong friendships by communicating openly and forgiving one another freely! If we display such love, it will become “a perfect bond of union.”