What Babies Need and Want

FROM the time of his birth, the newborn needs tender care, including gentle strokes and skin-to-skin contact. Some physicians believe that the first 12 hours after birth are crucial. They say that what mother and child require and want most right after the delivery is “not sleep or food, but to stroke and snuggle and to look at and listen to each other.”a

Instinctively, parents reach out, cuddle, stroke, and snuggle their baby. The baby, in turn, becomes securely attached to his parents and responds to their attention. The power of this bond is so strong that parents will make sacrifices to care for the infant without letup.

On the other hand, without a loving parental bond, an infant may literally wilt and die. Therefore, some doctors believe it is important that a baby be given to his mother immediately after the delivery. They suggest that at least 30 to 60 minutes of early contact between parent and infant should be provided.

Despite the emphasis some put on bonding, early contact may be difficult, if not impossible, in some hospitals. Often, newborns are separated from the mother because of the danger of transmission of infection to the child. Some evidence indicates, though, that the rate of fatal infections may actually drop when newborns stay with the mothers. So more and more hospitals are open to early extended contact between the mother and the newborn.

Concern About Bonding

Some mothers do not become emotionally attached to their baby the first time they see him. So they wonder, ‘Will I have trouble bonding?’ Admittedly, not all mothers fall in love with their baby at first sight. Yet, there is no need to be anxious.

Even when maternal affection for the baby is delayed, it can develop fully later. “There’s no one birth circumstance that makes or breaks your relationship with your child,” observes an experienced mother. Still, if you are expecting a baby and have concerns, it may be wise to have a discussion with your obstetrician in advance. Be clear about your wishes on when and how long you want to interact with your newborn.

“Look at Me!”

It has been established that during the first year or so, the infant forms an emotional attachment to an adult caregiver, generally his mother. When securely bonded, the baby relates better to others than do babies who do not enjoy the security of the parental bond. Such bonding with his mother, it is believed, needs to be in place by the time the child is three.

What may happen if an infant is neglected during this critical period when his mind is highly susceptible to outside influence? Martha Farrell Erickson, who tracked 267 mothers and their children for over 20 years, expresses this opinion: “Neglect just slowly and persistently eats away at the child’s spirit until [the child] has little will to connect with others or explore the world.”