Communication That Works

Whether you want more freedom or just less frustration with the level of freedom you now have, the key is good communication. ‘But I’ve tried talking to my parents, and it just doesn’t work!’ some might say. If that’s how you feel, ask yourself, ‘Could I improve my communication skills?’ Communication is a vital tool that can help you either to (1) get what you want or (2) understand better why what you want is being refused. Really, if you want to receive grown-up privileges, it is only reasonable that you develop mature communication skills.

Learn to control your emotions. The Bible states: “All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out, but he that is wise keeps it calm to the last.” (Proverbs 29:11) Good communication does not consist merely of complaining. This may only get you another lecture! So avoid whining, sulking, and childish tantrums. No matter how much you feel like slamming the door or stomping around the house when your parents restrict you, such behavior will probably lead to more rules​—not to more freedom.

Try to see your parents’ point of view. Tracy, a Christian youth in a single-parent family, has found this to be helpful. She says: “I ask myself, ‘What is my mother trying to accomplish with her rules?’ She’s trying to help me become a better person.” (Proverbs 3:1, 2) Such empathy may help you to share your perspective with your parents. For example, suppose they are reluctant to let you attend a certain gathering. Instead of arguing, you could ask, “What if a mature, trustworthy friend came along with me?” Your parents may not always grant your requests; but if you understand their concerns, you have a better chance of suggesting an acceptable option.

Build your parents’ confidence in you. Earning your parents’ trust is like accumulating money in a bank account. You can withdraw only what you have previously deposited. Overdrafts result in a fine, and multiple overdrafts can shut down your account altogether. Getting an additional privilege is like making a withdrawal; it will be approved only if you have built up a record of responsible behavior.

Be realistic in your expectations. Parents are responsible to exercise reasonable control over your actions. Thus, the Bible speaks of “the commandment of your father” and “the law of your mother.” (Proverbs 6:20) Nevertheless, you need not feel that house rules will ruin your life. On the contrary, if you submit to your parents’ authority, Jehovah promises that, in the long run, it will “go well with you”!​—Ephesians 6:1-3.